The sun shone brightly over Danville, and like clockwork, Buford's shadow loomed behind Baljeet as he sat in the park trying to enjoy his snack.

"Hey, nerd," Buford growled, snatching the sandwich out of Baljeet's hands and taking an enormous bite.

Baljeet sighed, utterly exhausted. "Buford, this is the fifth time this week! Can't you find someone else to terrorize?"

Buford smirked. "Where's the fun in that? You're my favorite chew toy."

Baljeet's eye twitched. He'd had enough. There had to be a better way—a way out of this toxic bully-victim relationship.

That night, Baljeet sat in front of his computer, scrolling through self-help articles titled How to Stand Up to a Bully or How to Befriend Your Bully. Nothing helped.

Just as he was about to give up, a flashy ad popped up on the screen: "Tired of Your Bully? Want a Fresh Start? Try 'Bully Matchers'!"

Baljeet clicked the link faster than Buford could finish a stolen sandwich.

The next morning, Baljeet stood nervously in the studio of the hit TV show, Bully Matchers, where contestants competed to find the perfect new bully to torment them. The host, a slick, overly cheerful man in a purple tuxedo, strutted on stage.

"Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Bully Matchers! Where nerds and geeks can upgrade their bullies, and bullies can find fresh victims! Now, let's meet our contestant: BALJEET!"

Baljeet waved nervously as the studio audience clapped.

The host threw his arm around Baljeet. "So, Baljeet, why are you looking for a new bully?"

"Well, Mr. Host, I just—well—I'm tired of Buford. He keeps stealing my lunches, shoving me into lockers, and ruining my homework. I—I just can't take it anymore!" Baljeet's voice cracked.

The host gasped dramatically. "Oh, you poor thing! We can definitely find someone who will torment you in new and exciting ways!"

"Wait, what?"

"Now, let's bring out your potential bullies!"

Three bully-shaped silhouettes appeared behind the screen.

The first contestant stepped forward. A massive kid wearing sunglasses and chewing gum.

"I'm Spike," he growled. "I like to give wedgies—atomic ones. I'll hang you from the flagpole so high, you'll need a helicopter to get down."

Baljeet gulped. "Uh, thank you, Spike. Wedgies aren't really my style, though."

The host chimed in. "Well, don't worry, Baljeet! That's why we have more options! Contestant number two, come on down!"

The second bully emerged—a girl with tattoos and a baseball bat slung over her shoulder.

"I'm Trixie. I believe in an equal-opportunity approach. I'll crush you in dodgeball, make fun of your science projects, and mock your fashion sense."

Baljeet winced. "I'm… not very athletic, and my mom picks out my clothes. Uh, next?"

The third contestant strutted out—a tiny, hyperactive kid bouncing up and down.

"Hi! I'm Stanley, but you can call me Stitch! I don't just bully, I prank! From glue on your chair to exploding your locker with slime, I'll make sure your life is an unpredictable nightmare!"

Baljeet cringed at the thought of slime oozing out of his backpack. "No, no, no! This is all wrong! I—I don't want someone worse than Buford! I just want someone who—who…"

"Steals your sandwiches and then gives them back after taking a bite?" a voice growled from offstage.

Baljeet froze.

Buford appeared, glaring at the other contestants. "Hey! What do you think you're doing? Baljeet's my nerd. You can't just waltz in and steal him."

The host beamed. "Well, well! It seems the original bully has arrived to claim his territory! What do you say, Baljeet? Looks like Buford wants to stay in your life. Isn't that sweet?"

Baljeet frowned. "Sweet?! No! I came here to get away from him!"

Buford stomped up to Baljeet, towering over him. "Oh, come on, Baljeet. You know nobody gets your nerdy complaints like I do. Spike'll give you wedgies. Trixie will probably break your kneecaps. And that Stitch kid? You'll be swimming in glue for a week."

Baljeet blinked. Buford had a point, in his weird, twisted way.

"Face it," Buford continued, "we got a good thing going. I bully you just enough, but I never push it too far. I don't give you wedgies, I don't slime your locker. And come on, I always give your sandwich back… eventually."

Baljeet looked at the other contestants, then back at Buford. "Well, when you put it that way…"

The host jumped in, eyes gleaming. "Baljeet, is it safe to say that… Buford is your perfect match?"

Baljeet hesitated, but then sighed in resignation. "I suppose… Buford and I are made for each other."

The crowd cheered as Buford grinned and slapped Baljeet on the back, nearly knocking him over.

Later that day, Baljeet and Buford walked home together.

"So, uh… about your lunch tomorrow," Buford said, smirking. "You're making that peanut butter and jelly again, right?"

Baljeet rolled his eyes but smiled slightly. "Yeah, yeah. Just—don't take more than one bite this time, okay?"

"No promises," Buford chuckled.

As they walked off into the sunset, Baljeet realized something strange. Maybe Buford wasn't the worst bully after all. In some weird way, they were… friends?

Nah. That was just too ridiculous.

But as Buford lightly shoved him in the shoulder, Baljeet couldn't help but smile. Some things, he supposed, were just meant to be.