Chapter Nine - Alone
I am lying in his bed alone, I think, completely frustrated. I knew he didn't want to go. I heard him insist that Dr. Stevens could handle the delivery, and the look in his eyes told me he wanted to stay with me.
This is part of dating a doctor; I reminded myself. There would be times he wouldn't be available. Still, tonight was supposed to be the night for us, and now I didn't know when we would actually be together. When would I feel that comfortable again?
My mindset has been so off lately due to my depression. Today, seeing Shane definitely threw me for a loop. He was there to see Negan, not you, Andrea. He is probably in a bad situation again. He mentioned trying to get visitation rights for his daughter. Knowing Shane, he probably got someone's wife pregnant.
Still seeing him brought back old memories and feelings. Our plans to get married, the school dances, watching his football games, and making out at the back of the old Malco movie theater.
I shouldn't have ended the relationship over some stupid comments he made to his friends, but I wasn't ready to be a wife or even a grown-up yet.
That's what Shane wanted. I thought I wanted the same thing but deep down I knew I was scared. If we had been closer in age, maybe it would have worked out. We could have gotten married and had the two kids he wanted.
Don't let your past ruin what you have now. I tell myself. Shane's life sounds complicated, and you're better off staying out of it. You might see him at work, but that's it.
He is in your past, but Philip is here now. He is offering you the life you could only dream about. You knew that you were meant to have a glamorous lifestyle. Maybe this relationship could finally allow you to have everything you want. I do really like him, I said, trying to get Shane's warm brown eyes out of my mind. I get up from bed, going to the bathroom to take a warm bath. I wash my body with strawberry bath soap. I get out quickly, dry off, and brush my teeth. I put on the target mickey mouse pajamas that were laid out for me, then hop back into bed. I turn on Sabrina, the Audrey Hepburn version, and try to stay awake for Philip to get home.
Unable to stay awake, I find myself falling asleep. When I wake up in the morning, Philip is there beside me.