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Chapter 31

Renée

Renée

Like every evening, I went upstairs to the study with a cup of coffee in my hand. Even though I knew that my daughter had once again not written me an e-mail, I didn't give up hope that maybe there was one today after all. Bella had written me briefly after the honeymoon that they were back home, and everything was very nice. She had promised me to get back to me in the next few days with a longer e-mail.

Which had not happened until today.

Well, I couldn't stay mad at her. As a newly married woman, you just didn't have time to send messages to your mom.

Thank God Phil wasn't home again tonight, which I wasn't that unhappy about. Lately we both often went separate ways. So on the other hand I had time for myself and could look at the photo albums from the past.

Since we were in Forks for Bella's wedding, I thought about the old days a lot. Again and again I drifted off with my thoughts.

I turned on the computer and started Outlook. After a few seconds I saw what I already knew.

No new news, what a surprise, I thought sarcastically.

Nevertheless, I made myself comfortable at my work desk and drank my coffee with relish.

After a few minutes of just sitting around, I couldn't resist the urge to pick up my old wedding photo album. When I opened the first page, tears came to my eyes.

Why?, I suddenly asked myself.

My heart was totally torn.

I didn't know what to do.

With my right hand, I stroked the wedding photo of Charlie and me.

He always looked good, but when he walked Bella down the aisle, my heart jumped up and down. Something had happened to both of us that day. Only what?

Flashback: Wedding Bella and Edward

Charlie and I were on our way up to Bella's so we could give her our gift. He had the great idea to have the earrings he gave me as a wedding gift back in the day refurbished and given to Bella. It was the greatest idea he ever had. He had finally put some thought into something. In the past, he never would have thought of such a nice gesture.

Since Bella wasn't quite ready, Charlie wanted to wait in the hallway.

Before I went into the bathroom, he held me by the arm.

Slowly he pulled me to him, then whispered in my ear that I was still as beautiful as I was on our wedding day.

This compliment from him was awesome, but at that moment I didn't really give it any meaning. I was just thinking about my baby, who was about to get married and hopefully be happy forever with Edward.

When I saw my little girl, who was definitely not one anymore, an incredible feeling enveloped me. She was now a grown-up beautiful woman in a stunning white dress.

I was so proud of Bella.

"Wow," I heard Esmé say, and I could only agree with her.

"Bella, my darling, I am at a loss for words. You look so beautiful. This dress is more than perfect. Alice, you have really outdone yourself with this."

I took Bella in my arms and kissed her on the forehead.

"You look gorgeous. Edward will be as speechless as we are," Esmé interrupted us, and she too kissed Bella on the forehead.

"Honey! Charlie and I have a surprise for you."

"Mom, you didn't have to do that," Bella said.

"Oh yes, and we would love for you to wear it today."

"Okay, let's see then!"

I love when Bella starts fidgeting when she opens a surprise. She would never change in that way. She hated surprises even as a little kid.

Carefully, I took the jewelry box out of my purse and handed it to Bella.

When she saw what was in the box, she looked at me with wide eyes.

"They're beautiful, thanks Mom."

"We had new stones put in. Can I put them on you?"

"Gladly."

"They match your eyes perfectly," Esmé said.

"They look really strong. They look very good on you," Rose said.

"Thank you all. All that's missing now is something blue and something borrowed."

"I've got just the thing for you," Alice grinned "I want that back, though."

Alice held out a blue garter to Bella and she cheekily asked, "May I put it on you?"

"Yes please, I'm having a little trouble doing that with this dress."

At this sentence, my baby had such a happy smile on her lips. I didn't know why, but at that moment the words that Charlie had whispered in my ear earlier came back to my mind. Again and again they went through my mind, they really captured me.

'You are still as beautiful as you were on our wedding day.'

"Do we have everything now?", Esmé brought me out of my thoughts.

I shook my head, a little confused.

Why had he said that?

"We have something new, the dress. Something borrowed and blue, the garter and something old, the earrings. Thus, we have everything," said Alice.

"Perfect, then we can start right away. I'll go down and sit at the piano," Rose said, and as quickly as she said it, she was gone.

"I'm going to go down there already, too," I said, and asked Esmé, "Are you coming right now?"

"Yes, we should take our seats. Let's go."

"See you in a bit, sweetheart. You look gorgeous," I said.

Then I gave my baby another kiss on the forehead and went with Esmé to the stairs.

Charlie was still standing in the hallway, and he looked a little nervous. When our eyes met, he smiled lovingly at me. As we passed, our hands unintentionally touched.

It was an indescribable feeling, as if little electric shocks were running through my hand. Again I shook my head and tried not to pay attention to it.

Renée, I said to myself, you're imagining all this.

I went to my seat and sat down next to Phil. He took my hand in his and smiled lovingly at me as well.

As Charlie came down the stairs with Bella, I suddenly let go of his hand. For whatever reason, I felt it was wrong to hold his hand here and now. Fortunately, Phil didn't worry about it.

It wasn't until Jacob Black wanted to blow up the wedding that he became a little suspicious.

Which I could not blame him for.

Charlie was about to lunge at Jacob, and I held him tightly. It took me a while to realize that I was holding Charlie tightly so he wouldn't do anything stupid.

If Phil's look hadn't made me feel guilty, I would have thought it was good. It felt so right, yet I detached myself from my ex-husband as quickly as possible.

After the ceremony, Charlie and I went together to congratulate Bella and Edward.

Strangely enough, I didn't think about Phil again. I didn't care if he was by my side or not. Something went hugely wrong that day. I felt better around my ex than my husband. I didn't miss Phil by my side for a second, I always sought closeness with Charlie.

Again I tried to convince myself that I was imagining all of this.

Unfortunately, this attempt did not last long.

At the latest when I danced with Charlie and felt the small electric shocks again, I thought about everything.

Flashback end

Lately I've been thinking an incredible amount, again and again my thoughts were with Charlie. I just flipped through the wedding album again and the longing rose tremendously.

Since the wedding celebration I could not get him out of my head. His smile, his words, and those little electric shocks when we touched, it was all so beautiful and ... Why? Oh, I don't know. What's wrong with me?

My computer brought me back to the here and now with the words, "You have mail."

With a sigh, I clicked 'Open'.

It was actually an email from Bella ... with an attachment. It contained the most amazing news a mom could ask for. My baby was having a baby of her own. When I saw the ultrasound photo, I started to cry.

Strangely enough, I didn't feel happy at all, but sad. I realized that although I was happy for my daughter's happiness, I myself was totally unhappy.

After wiping away my tears, I went into myself and thought about my life. After an hour, I had made a decision.

I picked up my cell phone and pressed speed dial.

"Hello, Renée. To what do I owe the honor of your call?", I was greeted.

"Hello, Esmé! Bella just sent me the photo; I can't really believe it yet. I would love to come to Forks for a few days. Can I stay in your guest room?"

Esmé explained to me that Victor, a good friend of the family, was in Forks and therefore I could not stay with them. However, she would take care of a place for me to stay.

When she asked me why I sounded so unhappy despite the great news, I told her everything.

She had promised me that she would try to persuade Charlie to let me stay in Bella's room for a few days.

After I had also made her promise not to tell Bella about my visit, we said goodbye cordially.

I felt as if our telephone conversation had lasted forever. It was good to talk to Esmé. I felt free afterwards.

I booked a flight immediately afterwards. Fortunately for me, I got one tonight. So I couldn't lose any time, I had to pack everything. When I was done with that, I put my two suitcases in the anteroom. A glance at my watch told me that Phil would be home from work any minute.

I decided to still tell him about my decision in person, so I waited on the couch for him to arrive.