A/N: Hi! I'm back from vacation, and I hope you're all excited for what's to come - I know I am :)
Jay was hesitant.
He started giving Hailey space whenever she seemed the slightest bit off, and she hated it.
It didn't matter how many tiny touches she'd give him upon coming home or how well she insisted she was fine, Jay still had a wall up between the two of them. Almost like he was practicing "self-preservation" all over again.
She hated it.
He was supposed to trust her and believe her, and, instead, she somehow screwed that all up. All she had wanted to do was take some time to herself and relax during the work day whenever she could. She didn't want Jay to worry about her when there was nothing of concern going on. It was mood swings at the very least, nothing more than that. She could handle it all, especially with her meetings with Robin.
She continued going to therapy each week and hoping for the best. If she could release some of the unknown anger and sadness within her, then maybe she wouldn't take it out on Jay at home. With Robin, she could admit that she was scared of what was going on in her mind. She'd been going to therapy for months now, and asking for help during her hour-long meetings had become much easier than it'd been at the beginning. She could walk away feeling relaxed and a little lighter with a reminder of a few breathing exercises and the thought that alone time was okay.
At home, though, with Jay, she still struggled to tell him anything that could possibly worry him. She was not feeling her best, and, suddenly, skipping out on going to an actual doctor felt like a mistake. She had told Jay for years that he needed to trust medical professionals, and yet, here she was, completely avoiding them.
All she wanted was to be okay.
For the unit.
For Jay.
For herself.
Even for Theo.
The day before Thanksgiving, Hailey woke up nauseous, and it wasn't a great way to start the morning. She had been planning on spending the entire day cooking with Jay, and now she didn't know if she wanted anything to do with preparing a turkey.
After throwing up in the toilet with the shower on in the background, Hailey moved to sit against the wall and take a deep breath. Steam was already starting to fill the room when she tilted her head back and steadied herself enough to stand.
There was more than just a turkey to prepare. She could make the pie and clean the green beans and maybe even look up a recipe or two from her parents to add a special dish for Theo to the meal. He was going to bring his girlfriend, Katie, to their apartment around 3pm, and Will was expected soon after, as soon as his shift ended at the hospital. So maybe she could even fold napkins or make sure all the plates were cleaned for the meal the next day. Anything would beat sticking her hand in a cold, raw turkey.
There was a knock on the door that sent her scrambling up to the counter. By the time she had the sink on and her toothbrush was in her hand, Jay was pushing open the door.
Hailey caught his eye in the mirror and smiled at him. "Morning."
"Hey, good morning."
Jay walked over as she began brushing her teeth. He closed the lid to the toilet and sat atop it to wait until she was done. Like they'd done dozens of times in their relationship, when she spit out her toothpaste, he tossed her the hand towel closest to him and chuckled quietly as she wiped her face.
"Thank you," she said softly.
Jay hummed and nodded toward the shower. "You okay if I join you? It's getting pretty hot in here, figured we might as well share the water."
Hailey let out a soft laugh and nodded. "I'd like that." She took a step closer to him and pushed the underwear from her legs. "It's been a while since we've showered together, don't you think?"
"A little too long," Jay agreed. A smirk began to spread across his face, and he reached over to slip his hands beneath her shirt. "How're you feeling today?"
Tired.
A little gross.
Achey.
"I'm good," she answered softly, "I have the whole day off with you, and we're going to spend it by baking and cooking all this amazing food for our family. What's not to be excited about?"
Jay bought it.
He chuckled and shook his head. "I don't know." He stood as he removed her shirt then moved to take his own off just for her to step forward and grab his wrists.
"I can do it," she breathed. Her fingers brushed over his sides on the way to pull his white t-shirt from his skin before she took another step toward him to push against his boxers. "Two full days of just us."
"Well, not just us," Jay said, his eyes starting to darken as he walked her back toward the shower, "Our brothers are going to be here tomorrow."
"For a meal," Hailey corrected, "We'll have all of today and tomorrow morning on our own. I don't have to go into work or therapy…this is for us."
Jay helped her into the shower and slid the glass door shut behind them. They both closed their eyes for a moment, the hot water washing over them. It soothed the aching in Hailey's back, and she leaned her forehead against Jay's chest to relax further.
"I want to reconnect with you," he whispered in her ear, "We've been off this month, and I want that to change."
Hailey nodded and breathed in slowly. "Me too. I…I'm sorry for everything that's been going on."
"I know. I know, Hailey." Jay cupped some of the water to drag it over her hair then brushed his hand down her back. "I am too. We'll figure it out. We're getting there. Just a…just a speed bump."
She tipped her head up so that the water continued falling over her hair. When Jay slipped his hand against her cheek, she murmured, "Our anniversary is coming up. What should we do?"
It was their second anniversary, but after not having spent the first one together the year before, it was starting to weigh on Hailey that this was a big deal. It could be their chance to really reconnect like they wanted and get back to where they were before she got so sick.
Jay smiled and said, "I was thinking about that the other day. I wasn't sure if you were going to want to do something."
The thought that her own husband wasn't sure she'd want to celebrate their marriage together after how she'd been acting the past few weeks stung, but Hailey felt that it was nothing against her attitude and more about that worry she knew he was feeling despite everything she was doing to avoid that from happening.
"Of course I want to do something," she assured softly, "It's the first one we'll be spending together. It's kind of a big deal."
Jay nodded and slipped his hand through her hair. "Definitely a big deal. I was hoping to make last year up to you."
"Hey, you don't have to make anything up to me," Hailey interrupted, "We have more than moved on from last year. We're not dwelling on the past, remember? We're moving on from it all and putting on happier faces. No thinking about Bolivia on our anniversary, please. I want us to think about everything our future can be."
"What it will be," Jay corrected. He started to smile, and the tension left his shoulders. "Okay," he said quietly, "No worrying about the past, but we're still going to celebrate. I was actually thinking we could head to the cabin? We've been wanting to get back there after Labor Day, so now's our chance. Our anniversary's on Friday, anyway, so we could do a long weekend kind of thing."
"That'd definitely be fun. I like it. Let's do it," Hailey said, "We can finally put that fireplace to good use."
Jay chuckled and shrugged slightly. "I might have to check for animals up in the chimney first before lighting it, but sure."
Hailey raised an eyebrow. "If a raccoon comes running down at me on my anniversary-"
"Not gonna happen," Jay assured, "I will make sure of it." He reached past her to grab her shampoo and said, "But let's table that conversation and get on with what we were meant to do in here."
Letting out a loud laugh, Hailey shook her head as he squirted the shampoo in his hands. Showering was certainly something they could do right now, but getting back in touch with Jay and learning how to relax around him again was probably the most important thing they were meant to do.
The apartment was filled with the warm and sweet smells of pie by the time lunch rolled around. Hailey had a pumpkin pie cooling on the counter as an apple pie finished baking in the oven. She did her best to stay on her half of the kitchen as Jay worked on seasoning the turkey. That smell wasn't getting to her just yet, but she was doing her best to keep her nose in the cinnamon and sugar to avoid getting too grossed out.
As she finished washing off the bowls she had in the sink, she figured she could stick to baking to avoid the meat smell coming from Jay. She glanced over at him and said, "You're good if I make baklava, right?"
He smiled without even looking at her and said, "Babe, I'm always good with baklava."
Hailey laughed and turned off the sink. "It's not too weird being an American holiday?"
"It's a part of you," Jay said, finally looking up from covering the turkey pan in aluminum foil, "And it's our family. We all know turkey, mashed potatoes, and corn weren't actually served on the first Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving should be about our family and our own traditions. Let's have baklava."
Our family.
Our traditions.
Hailey relaxed and let out a long breath. Jay was her family, and what they did to celebrate a holiday about being grateful was up to them. There weren't any rules or expectations that they needed to worry about. All their energy needed to go into spending the time together and enjoying the meal they'd spent so much time making.
She took a step toward him, as far as the off-putting smell of the turkey would allow, and said, "And…what kind of traditions would you like to incorporate into this Thanksgiving?"
Jay chuckled and shook his head. He finished covering the turkey and said, "I don't have any. Just a normal guy, Hail."
"Oh, shut up."
Jay stopped moving at her words, and she almost felt shocked herself, but she knew where she was going with it and needed to get the words out even more than she needed to stay away from the meat.
"You are not just a normal guy, Jay," she said as she walked over to him. Brushing her hands over his waist and around to his back, she tilted her head to the side and smiled. "You're my guy, and you love peanut butter cookies and vanilla milkshakes. You like to drive around and look at Christmas lights in December - to the point that I'm actually hoping we can do it on the motorcycle this year."
He laughed softly and murmured, "We can probably do that before it snows."
Hailey hummed and nodded. "That could be a new tradition we do. As for tomorrow, what about I make some of those cookies for us? Or we can all go out and play soccer in the park like you used to do when you were younger."
Jay raised an eyebrow. "How'd you know we used to do that?"
Absentmindedly, Hailey shrugged, but her heart ached from remembering the phone conversation she'd had with Will the year before.
She'd gotten home from Kim and Adam's close to 8pm, and all she'd wanted to do was lay in bed and cry at everything she missed about Jay. Her clothes littered the floor and dishes were stacked in the sink - she had housekeeping to do, but all of it seemed much too difficult to complete right now.
Just as she was crawling into bed in the last hoodie that still smelt like Jay, her phone had rung and Will's name filled the screen. Half of her considered hanging up on him and ignoring his call like she'd done for the past month, but the one glass of wine she'd had with Kim overrode the pain in her gut, and she picked it up.
"I miss him."
Will's voice had sent a bolt of pain through her immediately, and she hated that she considered right then to end the call.
Instead, she breathed in slowly and whispered, "I do too."
Will had sniffled on the other end of the call and stuttered, "I tried calling him, but nothing. He's busy, and-and I don't know what I'm going to do if anything happens to him."
She'd had all these exact same thoughts herself and had tried her hardest to work through them, but she'd yet to hear someone else voice those exact words. They brought tears to her eyes that she didn't even bother wiping away.
"I'm so sorry," she'd choked out, "I-I'm so-"
"We used to go play soccer on Thanksgiving," Will had interrupted, almost without even realizing she'd been talking at the time, "We weren't huge into football. It's fun and whatever, but Mom never let us be on a team, so we played soccer. Did you know that?"
"Yes," Hailey had said while sitting up, "He's told me that you two were on the high school team."
Will had let out a watery chuckle before continuing, "God, it's so…the game would be on, and we'd sorta watch it while my dad complained; it was a whole thing. So one year, we were…I don't even know…like eight and nine? Maybe nine and ten?"
Hailey had actually found herself smiling at the rambling and rested her head back on the headboard. It partly sounded like Will was drunk, and she'd been there plenty of times in the last month and a half to know that he needed this. He needed to ramble and drink too much and reminisce on the past that could have become a future had his brother still been there.
There was even something comforting in knowing that, for once, she wasn't alone in missing Jay.
"So when we were eight and nine or nine and ten, we asked my dad if we could go outside instead of watch football, and he actually said yes," Will continued, "And he actually said yes. We walked down to the park around the block and kicked a soccer ball and stayed there until we were sure Mom had dinner cooked. That…that was Thanksgiving. Not…not drinking alone in your apartment because your only real family is off in Bolivia."
Hailey hadn't been able to hold back her crying much longer after that, and neither could Will. Together, they spent the next ten minutes quietly crying on the phone before the call somehow ended. Hailey couldn't remember who initiated the end of their sympathy session, but she did remember curling up in bed after to sob herself to sleep.
Even a year later, the pain of that night still felt incredibly fresh. Hailey had partly forgotten the small detail of Jay and Will's upbringing that she'd discovered over that phone call because she'd wanted to forget the sound of her brother-in-law crying.
She took a deep breath and closed the remaining distance between her and Jay to press herself up against his chest. "Will told me last year," she quietly admitted, "He…he was going through some stuff on Thanksgiving and called me. It just came out - then and now."
Jay nodded slightly. He studied her for a moment then nodded again and brought her over to the bar stools. Once he was settled on one with her standing between his legs, he murmured, "Yeah, we used to play soccer on Thanksgiving - kinda went through high school. I haven't really thought about it since I was in the army. It was fun and definitely a tradition. It was also one of the times my dad would be a dad. There weren't any snide comments or remarks about our futures and what we should be doing after school. He…he was fun."
Hailey smiled and set her hand on the side of his face. "It sounds fun," she said gently, "I'm glad you have that memory."
Jay nodded and glanced down at their feet. Breathing in slowly, he opened his mouth as if to say something, but landed on nothing and shook his head.
"What?" Hailey asked, "You can tell me."
Jay waited a beat then sighed and hesitantly looked up at her. "Just sorry. I'm sorry that I didn't appreciate those soccer games anymore than I did, and I'm sorry my relationship with my dad ended so horribly, and I'm sorry that you don't have memories like that."
Hailey's eyes widened, and she couldn't help but feel taken aback as she met his gaze. "You-"
"I know your past isn't anything I need to explain or feel bad for," Jay said, "But I just wish it was happier for you. You are…Hailey, you are so amazing, and the fact that you didn't always feel that way when you were younger is so unfair."
Like whenever Jay would apologize for something he couldn't control or feel any sort of responsibility for, Hailey felt her eyes blur with tears as she tried to smile. Clearing her throat, she brushed her thumb along his jaw and murmured, "Then I guess I'm lucky to be with someone who makes me feel amazing now."
Jay let out a quiet laugh, and he rubbed his hand down her side. "I'm glad to hear that."
"I'm the luckiest girl alive," she continued, "And it's all because of you. Thank you for being everything I could need." She pressed up on her tiptoes to kiss his cheek then whispered, "I love you, Jay Halstead; you are certainly not just a guy."
He laughed again and wrapped his arms around her to hug her close. "I love you too, Mrs. Halstead," he whispered in her ear, "You are my everything. Always."
If having her husband in her arms after having him in the shower and then listening to him whisper sweet things in her ear was going to become a new Thanksgiving tradition in itself, then Hailey would be content for the rest of the forever she whispered back to him.
Hailey woke early on Thanksgiving, but, for once, she didn't feel sick. She hummed quietly as she rolled over and right into Jay's warm skin. Placing her hand on the center of his chest, she let out a soft breath and relaxed against him as she felt his heart beneath her palm.
Before she'd been lulled into a peaceful sleep, they'd spent the night reconnecting in all the ways they'd been missing for the previous few weeks. The shower in the morning was one thing, having the freedom of their bed was something else entirely.
Hailey couldn't remember how she'd gone so long without Jay beside her at night. There was something about his fingers digging into her hips paired with his quiet moans against her ear that felt like a drug. He made her forget what it was like to keep secrets from him and how she'd been struggling silently for so long. He cracked something within her that made her want to reset their relationship.
Their anniversary was coming up, and she truly did want to go to the cabin with him for the weekend. Maybe a holiday wasn't the best time to confess what she'd been keeping from him regarding the migraines and getting lunch on her own, but it had to have been better than saying something on their actual anniversary.
She waited beside him as he slept, watching her hand slowly rise and fall with the movement of his chest. After the year they'd had, there was no point in waking him ever. He deserved a few minutes of peace.
Finally, he shifted beneath her hand and turned his head so that his chin nudged her forehead. He groaned quietly as she let out a quiet laugh and opened his eyes. Peering down at her, he smiled slightly and said, "Morning, beautiful."
Hailey laughed and breathed, "Your eyes are barely open, babe, you don't-"
"I do."
Jay pushed himself against the mattress and rolled right on top of her, earning himself a laugh deep from within her soul that was maybe a bit too loud for the time of day.
"Always the most beautiful in the room," he murmured before trailing kisses down her throat. She gasped out a moan, and he smirked beneath her ear. "Even the sounds you make are beautiful."
"Jay," she moaned as her hands came up to span across his back.
She needed to talk with him. She couldn't let another day go by without him knowing that she'd lied. She'd done this once under much worse circumstances, and it had not been worth it. She could not let something as small as lying about a doctor appointment ruin her anniversary or even her marriage.
"Happy Thanksgiving," he whispered before leaning up enough to press a kiss to her lips.
She closed her eyes and dug her nails into his shoulders. "Happy Thanksgiving," she breathed.
Jay swiped his tongue against her lip then sat up more. "I am so grateful for you," he said softly, a smile starting to spread across his face. He brushed his hand over her hair spread across her pillow and shook his head in disbelief. "You have no idea."
The sweet statement sank like a stone in her stomach.
"Jay," she tried again, "I…I need…"
"And we will," he interrupted, "I promise." He quickly dropped another kiss to her lips then pushed the blankets to the side. "But I really need to get that turkey in the oven. I promise to wash my hands as soon as I'm done, and then I'll be right back here."
Before she could dare to interrupt again, Jay was hurrying off the bed and into the kitchen, leaving her alone on their bed.
Hailey huffed and ran her hands over her face. There was a brief moment where she debated just waiting for him to return, but she'd had enough of the lying, and she needed to do this now.
Pushing off the bed, she threw his t-shirt on, and it brushed against her thighs as she made her way into the kitchen where Jay was already messing with the oven.
He glanced up at the sound of her feet against the hardwood floor and smiled. "What're you doing? I told you I'd come back."
"I know, I…I need to tell you something, though," she said softly. She chewed the inside of her lip and took another step forward to lean against the island. "Can we talk?"
Jay met her eyes, and his whole being sobered up. His back straightened, and his fingers even slipped against the controls of the oven.
"What's going on?"
"We need to talk."
The words felt like cotton in her mouth. Hailey almost wasn't even convinced she was the one saying them.
When Jay found out about Roy's death, he'd dealt with the initial anger and disappointment on his own before they had a chance to talk. He had a whole car ride to come to terms with what he'd learned, and then, they talked about it. He'd still been upset and angry at her, but it was more subdued and lingering in disappointment than anything.
Lying to Jay about her health and seeing a doctor was absolutely nothing compared to what she'd done years before, but Hailey couldn't help but feel a twinge of nerves seep through her at the thought of being at the forefront of Jay learning that he'd been lied to for weeks. She hated the idea of hurting him and realized much too late that she'd hurt him even more by keeping him in the dark.
There were just some things that she hated doing, and subjecting herself to unnecessary doctor's appointments was one of them - even if it was for her, and her husband's, own good.
Jay swallowed a lump in his throat and nodded. He pushed the turkey back on the counter then walked into their bedroom. A moment later, he returned, dressed in his boxers from the night before and a fresh t-shirt.
"Couch?"
Hailey nodded and followed him. Once seated, her fingers shook even faster, and she shoved them beneath her thighs in an attempt to get them to stop.
This was Jay.
No matter how angry or hurt he was, he wouldn't scream at her and he would not hit her. There was no reason to be afraid of him. Even years before, when they'd stayed up all night discussing what had happened with Roy and Voight, he stayed holding her hand the entire time. Anger and disappointment had certainly flashed across his face, but he'd remained quiet and somehow calm throughout the entire conversation.
"All I wish was that you told me," he'd said dozens of times throughout the night, "Even if I couldn't change what you'd done, I could have helped you through it. You didn't have to keep anything from me. It's me, Hailey."
And it was still him sitting across from her right now.
His once peaceful face was now littered with worry lines. His eyes had hardened from their teasing, flirty gaze. His jaw was tense where it had been reflecting the big smile that'd been on it.
This was still Jay, and he still loved her no matter what.
Hiding a secret about going to the doctor was nothing. It was nothing. It was nothing. It was-
"I never actually went to the doctor after that migraine," she blurted.
There was a beat, then Jay sat back on the couch and shook his head.
"I'm sorry," Hailey said quietly, "I…I didn't want to go, and-"
"I know, I know, Hailey."
Jay let out a long sigh and rubbed his hand over his face.
Hailey didn't know what to think. This was one of the few times that she couldn't exactly tell what was going on in his mind right now.
"I want to say I'm surprised," Jay quietly began, "But I don't think I am. I…" He glanced over his shoulder, and Hailey watched as his eyes flickered to the door.
He wanted to leave.
He needed air.
He didn't want to be around her right now.
All possibilities were on the table.
"It's something small, I get it, but it feels like we're repeating the past," he landed on saying, "Because why? Why couldn't you just tell me the truth from the beginning?"
Hailey rubbed her fist under her eye and shrugged. There were a lot of reasons.
"I was scared," she began, "Not just of what the doctor would tell me, but what it'd do to us. You were worried enough as it was; why would I want to add to that?"
"And you didn't realize that hiding something from me would make me worry even more?" Jay countered quickly, "That maybe lying about it all would bother me just a bit more than I'd already felt?"
Hailey nodded and breathed, "Yes, but…I was protecting you."
Jay laughed and pressed the heels of his palms into his eyes. "Hailey! No. You do not have to protect me. I think I can take care of myself. I've been working at it for the past eight months! I go to therapy, I got out of the unit, and I finally feel normal again. You don't have to worry about protecting me anymore - not that you ever needed to anyways."
Shame filled Hailey's gut. Not necessarily because of what Jay was telling her, but because she knew all along that that was the truth. There hadn't been a reason to worry about Jay for months now, certainly not since his first semester as an academy instructor had ended. He's known who he was and was confident in that idea of himself. He'd been able to handle disappointment at work and small arguments with her with ease. Not once since before summer even began did she find herself really worrying about him.
Not since she started lying to him.
Maybe, if she thought about it, she hadn't been protecting Jay from the truth of the matter, but she'd been protecting herself.
Staying away from the doctor and the truth about what had been happening would keep her life as it was, and she liked her life. She enjoyed waking up each day and cuddling beneath the blankets with Jay before going to the job she loved. It was stressful and chaotic, but she was good at it and it was hers. Going to a doctor and finding out the truth could take all of that away from her, and she didn't want to deal with the grief that would come with that.
Maybe protecting herself was really avoiding the pain that could possibly come from something worse, and she didn't think that was a bad thing where she was concerned. It was just bad when it came to how that affected Jay.
"I know," she whispered.
Jay softened next to her and finally met her gaze again. He didn't look angry anymore - it was more of an amused expression mixed with a little disappointment.
And she didn't blame him in the least.
"What's the truth?" he asked, "The honest to God truth, Hailey."
She swallowed a lump in her throat and opened her mouth to reply, but nothing came out. Instead, she shrugged again and whimpered.
"No, no, come on," Jay breathed. He scooted closer to her on the couch and took her hand in his.
The night before, when he'd desperately grabbed her hand as she'd moaned in his ear, his grip had grounded her in the moment. Reminded her of where she was and who she was with. Of why her husband was her favorite person in the entire world.
To her relief, the warmth of his skin gave her that exact same feeling right now.
"I saw a pharmacist," she quietly admitted, "That day I told you I saw a doctor, it wasn't a whole lie; pharmacists are doctors."
Jay's lips tipped up, and he murmured, "Okay."
"I just went in the pharmacy and asked about migraines, and he helped me pick out some things," Hailey continued, "And it's worked. I swear, Jay, it's worked. Those vitamins have been keeping any big migraines at bay. Yeah, I've had some headaches and a little nausea, but-"
"Nausea?" Jay interrupted, "What do you mean you've been nauseous?"
Hailey's mouth shut, and she bit the inside of her lip.
She forgot that Jay wasn't aware of every morning that she'd woken up feeling under the weather just for the feeling to leave her soon after getting sick or having breakfast.
"Sometimes I wake up feeling a little sick," she explained softly, "But it doesn't last long. A lot of it depends on the food we eat for dinner."
Jay slowly nodded and guessed, "Like chicken?"
"Yeah," she breathed, "It's always the chicken."
Jay sighed again and rubbed his face. "Is that it?"
"Like what I've been hiding?"
A wince rippled across Jay's face, and he nodded. "Yeah, what you've been hiding from me."
"I think so."
Hailey tightened her hold on his hand as she thought over the past month and a half. The truth about the pharmacist. How chicken still grossed her out. The occasional nausea. Her husband was now caught up on everything.
"What does Robin know?" Jay asked, "Does she know?"
Hailey breathed in slowly. "She knows some. She knows about the chicken - I told her when you asked me to - and about the migraine I had. She…I couldn't tell her that I was lying to you." She trailed off and looked down at their hands intertwined together.
If she thought hard enough, she could picture what it felt like to grab Jay's fingers as she let go the night before. How they'd kept her sane when her whole body was buzzing with life. How they'd reminded her that Jay was hers and only hers. Forever.
"Jay, I knew it was wrong, but I did it anyways," she whispered, "And maybe that's part of why I've been feeling so off lately. I love you so much, and I haven't been honest with you, and I am so sorry. I really, truly am."
"I know," he said before pulling her into a tight hug. Pressing his lips to her temple, he murmured, "I love you too. Not despite this, but with this. I understand where you were coming from even if I don't agree with it."
It was enough to get Hailey to relax in his arms and let out the breath she'd been holding. "Thank you," she whispered, "I…I don't know what's been going on, but thank you for still…"
Loving me.
At her core, Hailey knew something like this wouldn't stop Jay from loving her, but her mind liked to play tricks on her lately, and anything really was possible. This could have been it for Jay - it really demonstrated her stubbornness anyways. Maybe he would have said she took something small too far - she'd been lying to him for weeks now - or maybe this one lie would have been the last one he tolerated. She risked their relationship to remain comfortable, putting herself before Jay in ways that she should not have done.
None of it was worth it.
"Don't even," Jay murmured as he sat back. He set his hand on the side of her face and tried to smile at her. "This would not have been the end; it's not the end. I promise you."
She actually found herself smiling as it sank in that he knew her better than she knew herself sometimes. At least, he knew her well enough that he always knew what she was thinking.
"Thank you," she repeated under her breath, "So much."
Jay nodded then tugged her back against his chest. Taking a deep breath, he buried his face in her hair and squeezed her tight.
She needed it just as much as he did.
Soon enough, she was losing track of time, certain they should be putting the turkey in the oven and going down to storage to grab their folding table and chairs, but none of that seemed as important as being in Jay's arms right now. She'd done something stupid and nearly paid the price for it. She was allowed as much time as she needed to feel him love her.
And he was allowed to hold her as long as he needed. She took a risk and played with his heart in the process. If he wanted to ignore responsibility and hug her so that she wouldn't let go, then be it. She would stay here as long as he needed.
Finally, though, he did sit up and wipe at his eyes. She hadn't thought he was crying, and the thought that what she'd done had upset him that much poked at her heart that much more.
"I'm assuming you haven't had another migraine since then," he said upon clearing his throat.
"Uh, yeah, I mean, no, no, I haven't," she replied.
Jay nodded at her answer and took a deep breath. "I guess there's no reason in pushing you to go to a doctor, then, if you've been feeling better. I don't want to make something out of nothing. However, if it happens again-"
"I know, I know," Hailey quickly assured, "You can even come with me next time."
"That's not really an option at this point," Jay breathed, but a hint of a smirk touched his lips. He shook his head and brushed his fingers through her hair. "I really did marry myself, huh?"
"We just have common likes and dislikes," Hailey said softly, "It's what a marriage is built upon."
Jay finally let out a quiet laugh as he shook his head again. "You know how to piss me off, Hailey Halstead, but god, I love you."
Hailey laughed with him and wiped at the remaining unshed tears in her eyes. "I love you too."
Jay smiled at her and brushed his thumb over her cheek. Letting out one final sigh, he glanced over at the kitchen and said, "Well, now that we've cleared the air, it might be time to focus back on the task at hand."
Hailey nodded and followed his gaze to the abandoned turkey on the counter. Their brothers would be here in about six hours for an early dinner. There was plenty for them to do until then.
"I should have become a cook after Bolivia. This looks amazing."
Hailey looked up from her conversation with Will and Katie and laughed at Jay's comment. He met her eye and winked while setting the platter of turkey in the middle of their folding table.
Their brothers had been at the apartment for about half an hour, and, so far, it'd been going well. Theo showed up on time for this dinner with his girlfriend in tow, and Hailey loved her instantly.
Katie didn't shy away from anything and hugged both her and Jay seconds upon entering the apartment. She brought a tray of twice baked potatoes and a pan of green beans that looked much better than anything Hailey could remember her parents making when she was younger. When Will got there, she greeted him kindly, as well, and they bonded within minutes over their similar passions as she'd recently started working as a nurse at a nearby senior community. Her wit matched everyone's in the room, and, most importantly, she made Theo happy.
Hailey could see that instantly. Her brother looked at this girl like she'd hung the sun no matter if she was helping set the table or simply sitting on the couch drinking a glass of wine. She could remember him attempting to date while they were younger and struggling to show any of those girls exactly how he felt about them. That boy wasn't here anymore. He didn't even try hiding the smiles he sent toward his girlfriend or the way his hand would trail along her back when they'd pass by each other.
"I see why Theo likes you so much," Katie told Jay as she walked over to the table with her wine glass in hand, "You're humble - just like him."
Jay laughed and shook his head. "I can't help it. I see something great; I have to make a comment on it."
"Oh, okay, little brother," Will chuckled. He followed Hailey to the table and sat in an empty chair. "You don't have to lie to your family now. You just want the compliments."
"Hey, I think Jay's turkey looks great," Theo said. He sat next to Will and added, "As does all this food. Thanks for cooking, everyone."
"You always find a way to show up just as everything's done, don't you?" Hailey teased. She sat across from Will and pushed a chair out for Jay.
"I know my timing," Theo replied with a wink.
Hailey laughed and watched as everyone settled around the table. Something stirred in her gut, and she knew it had nothing to do with the turkey or any of the sickness that she'd been fighting for the last month. For the first time in a long time, she felt like she had a real family, and she wasn't afraid to lose it.
"Anyone have a specific piece they want?" Jay asked, his hands already on the tongs.
"Wait, wait," Katie said quickly. She glanced around at everyone staring at her expectantly and asked, "Don't you all say what you're thankful for?"
Will let out a weak laugh and said, "Uh, I haven't done that in a long time."
Theo nodded. "I gotta say the same."
"Well, it's a family tradition of mine," Katie said softly, "I know…I know things are off with them right now, but I wouldn't mind keeping it going."
Both Theo and Will shifted in their seats, but Hailey took a second to glance around the table at the Greek food mixed in between the traditional Thanksgiving dishes. She could see the plate of peanut butter cookies on the counter and knew there was a soccer ball waiting by the front door. Just the day before, she and Jay had decided the holiday was to be about family and creating new traditions to celebrate. There was no reason she could just ignore that.
And Jay seemed to agree as he cleared his throat and sat up in his seat. "I'm thankful that I'm alive," he said simply. He met Hailey's eyes and softened with a smile. "I'm thankful that my family - AKA, all of you - but especially my wife didn't give up on me this year. I wouldn't even be around this table if it weren't for her."
Hailey slipped her hand beneath the table and met Jay's fingers resting on his thigh. Squeezing them gently, she whispered, "I love you."
"Love you too," he murmured.
Katie's face lit up, and she nodded quickly. "Perfect."
Theo laughed softly and said, "All right, well, uh, I'm thankful for…for my girlfriend-"
"Pretty sure that's the same thing I just said," Jay breathed, smirking at Theo across the table.
Theo rolled his eyes and said, "Shut up."
"No," Jay said simply, picking up his glass of wine to take a sip.
"Now, boys," Will chuckled.
Hailey winked at Katie and sipped her wine. Sitting back in her seat, she said, "Jay, be nice to your brother-in-law."
"Yes, Mom," Jay teased.
Rolling her eyes, Hailey pinched his side then nodded at Theo. "What were you saying?"
Theo laughed and nodded. "I was saying that I'm grateful for my girlfriend, but I'm also thankful to have my sister and her husband back in my life." He shot a teasing, pointed glance at Jay and raised an eyebrow. "You good with that, bro?"
Jay laughed with him and held out his glass to tap it to Theo's. "I'll accept it. Thanks for the clarification."
"You two done having a little fit?" Will asked. When both Theo and Jay nodded at him, he smirked and said, "I'll break the mold-"
"Cause you're single?" Jay asked quietly.
"You really are an ass when you're hungry," Will snapped. His annoyed expression shifted quickly, though, to a smirk as he said, "We can circle back to that, but I was going to say I'm grateful for my job that allows me to help people and for all this food around the table. It's quite a mix, but it looks really good. I'm looking forward to digging in."
"Seeing as you two," Katie said with a pointed glance toward Jay and Theo, "Don't like repeats, I'll skip the job thankfulness and say that I'm thankful for having a place to spend Thanksgiving. I've had a lot of fun getting to know you guys today."
"And we've had a lot of fun getting to know you, too," Hailey replied. Katie smiled at her before sipping her wine, and she took a deep breath. Looking around at everyone staring at her, she said, "I know some people might not be a fan of this, but I really am thankful for everything you guys said. I'm glad to have a job that allows me to help others and I'm thankful for my home and the people within it, but I'm especially thankful that my husband is home and that he's healthy - actually, that we're both healthy and here. I'm thankful for all of that."
Katie clapped softly before anyone could respond and said, "That's a perfect ending, so let's eat."
Hailey smiled at her and passed her the plate of spanakopita.
Jay's hand came up to the back of her head, and he leaned closer to her ear to whisper, "I'm thankful you're healthy too. We'll figure this all out, okay?"
Hailey hummed and squeezed his thigh, turning her head enough to kiss his shoulder. As she straightened up, she caught Will smirking at the two of them and raised an eyebrow. He shook his head and returned to scooping the stuffing onto his plate. Jay seemed to ignore him, though, as he started taking the others' orders for what piece of turkey they wanted.
She let out a breath and started placing all the food on her plate. To her surprise, her stomach grumbled, and she didn't know if she could actually wait before beginning to stuff her face with it all. It all looked delicious, and she was feeling particularly grateful for everyone's contributions to the meal.
Even if she mostly stuck to the side dishes.
The second Hailey closed the door behind Will, Jay scooped her up from behind and carried her to the couch.
She laughed loudly and hit his chest. "What are you doing?"
"I want to hold you," he chuckled, dropping them onto the couch. He let out a low groan and squeezed her tightly. "I'm so thankful for you," he murmured, "Thank you for making today perfect."
Hailey smiled and brushed her fingers along his jaw. "It was kind of a team effort thing," she said, "You don't have to thank me for anything."
"Oh, I don't know about that," Jay said. He rested his head back and tucked her under his chin. "You're the one who really put it all together and came up with the idea of having all the different food. You're also the one who pushed everyone to go out and play soccer after dinner despite us all wanting to die - or at least take a nap."
She laughed softly and rubbed her hand over his heart. "You wanted that, but it might have been a bad idea seeing as Will twisted his ankle."
"He's got two of them," Jay said, dropping a kiss to the top of her head.
Hailey snorted and tightened her hold on him. "His job requires standing."
"He'll be okay," Jay said softly. He let out a breath and rubbed his hand over her back. "And I meant it earlier when I said we would be too. I'm lucky to have you - not just in my life, but as my partner in every sense of the word. You're thoughtful and funny and beautiful. I can't blame you for not wanting to go to a doctor because I really don't like going either. I'm not going to let that get in the way of all the other amazing things you have going on."
Hailey smiled and looked up at him gazing down at her. "Thank you," she whispered.
Jay kissed her forehead then let out a breath. "I'd offer to take you to bed and prove all that to you, but I'm pretty sure the combination of all the turkey and then the running around at the park will put a hindrance on my performance."
Hailey laughed and sat up to situate her knees on either side of his lap. "Oh, really?" she asked, placing her hands on either side of his face.
"Yes," Jay chuckled, "I can't have that. You deserve so much more."
Smiling, Hailey shook her head and closed the distance between them to press a kiss to his lips. As she pulled back, she asked, "Is there something else we can do instead?"
Jay groaned softly and his eyes flickered across her face. "You're impossible."
"Pretty sure you just called me smart, beautiful, and thoughtful," Hailey countered.
"I never said smart," Jay chuckled.
"Are you saying I'm not smart?" Hailey asked, raising an eyebrow and leaning back in his lap.
"No," Jay said slowly, "I'm just saying that one slipped my mind earlier. You are very smart." He brushed his hand through the back of her hair and rubbed his thumb along her neck.
"I know I am," Hailey said with a nod, "It's why you married me."
Jay laughed and shook his head. "Your brain is not the reason I married you, but it's certainly a perk."
Hailey's teasing smile widened, and she knew she could push for him to say more nice things about her, but there was only so much she thought she could handle before her heart absolutely exploded right there on the couch. Instead, she kissed him again and wrapped her arms around his shoulders.
"We don't have to do anything else," she murmured, "We can save it all for the anniversary trip next week."
"That's kind of a long time," Jay said, trailing his lips down her jaw, "Worse than before the vow renewal."
Hailey laughed softly, closing her eyes as she tipped her head back. "Are you afraid of a challenge, Jay Halstead? You don't think you can last a week without sex?"
"And you can?"
Most days, yes. Any of the mornings that resulted in Hailey bent over a toilet, getting sick, she knew she'd be able to hold off even touching Jay for a while. And the days that she didn't get sick, she could simply remember what it'd been like the day before and keep a wall up between her and her husband's wandering hands.
"Positive."
Jay hummed in her ear then sat up properly to look at her. "Official deadline when we're both in the cabin and unpacked?"
Hailey shook her head. "Just in the cabin. Unpacking sucks too much to consider that a part of the challenge."
Laughing, Jay nodded and said, "Okay. I…I'm not happy about it, but I'm sure we can find a loophole or two tomorrow to keep us entertained."
"Tomorrow?" Hailey laughed, "What about right now?"
"Babe, I was serious," Jay chuckled, "I'm really not feeling great right now. Thanksgiving sex is never going to happen."
Hailey blinked before bursting into laughter and leaning into Jay to stifle the happiness flooding from her. He laughed with her, his hands sliding to her back to hold her to him as he pressed a kiss to the top of her head.
She didn't know if this challenge was actually going to last for the coming week or if she really would get sick again upon waking up, but, for the first time in a long time, she felt at peace. Everything had been laid out in front of Jay and she wasn't hiding anything anymore. They really could have the anniversary of their dreams, and she wasn't going to let anything stop that from happening.
A/N: I hope you enjoyed! Let me know what you think? :)