Jaws Theme Swimming

(Part One)

When the moment Richard would meet the infamous Lizzie Bennet had finally arrived, it bore little resemblance to the scenario that had played through Darcy's mind: Lizzie greeting them impeccably dressed and armed with a killer smile and dazzling quick wit that would instantly charm the pants off of his cuz (she would also have expert conversation skills and an affinity for vacuuming in pearls and high heels).

Yes, for reasons unknown, Darcy's brain fancied Lizzie a 1950's housewife.

Instead of a redheaded and infinitely sexier version of June Clever, what greeted he and Richard at the door was a frazzled, mess of a girl clothed in droopy sweats, a coffee stain down the front of her v-neck t-shirt, with a fire burning in her dark eyes and a broom cocked and ready in her hand.

Darcy blinked and stared at his shoes; as strange as it was, Lizzie's less than pristine appearance had somehow made her even more beautiful.

"I thought I told you blood sucking bastards to take your pathetic act to the house of someone who's actually famous!" Lizzie roared before recognition dawned on her and she blushed furiously as she attempted to prop the broom next to the door.

Richard, whose hands were in the air as if he were being held at gun point, was grinning from ear-to-ear.

"Sorry," Lizzie began sheepishly, "I thought…we've had paparazzi camping out in front of the place…" She gave herself a quick once over and if it were possible turned even redder. "Oh, crap…"

"You, look…" Darcy stumbled daring to meet her eyes and Lizzie cut him off with a self-deprecating snort.

"Like utter shit," she chuckled. "Yeah, I know."

"I'm sure he was going to say 'lovely', but that would be a lie and we were taught never to lie," Richard cut in, putting his hand in hers. "Richard Fitzwilliam; I'm Darcy's most beloved, most favorite cousin in the whole, wide world, but of course you know that cause I'm sure he's told you loads about me."

Richard's comment breaking the sudden shyness that had gripped him, Darcy quickly replied, "I haven't said one word about you."

Lizzie smiled, bemused. "Lizzie Bennet; it's nice to meet you."

"Basically," Richard started with a pointed look in Darcy's direction, "we've come to kidnap you…"

"That is, if you're not busy," Darcy hastily added.

"Actually, I was just about to go out to lunch with Britney Spears," she told them dryly as she moved aside to let the men into the apartment.

Richard wasted no time flopping down on the couch as if he were at home. "Well, you are dressed perfectly for a Cheetos run."

Laughing as she closed the door, Lizzie turned around and came face-to-face with Darcy who suddenly looked more sour than usual. She raised an eyebrow. "What? You've got something against Cheetos?" She paused, "Or, perhaps Britney Spears?"

"Both, actually," with a mere two steps Darcy had closed the gap between them and without another word, grabbed the bottom of Lizzie's ratty T-shirt, fanning it out.

Bottom lip captured quite nervously between her teeth, Lizzie's gaze traveled from Darcy's hands to his eyes, which were the sort of stormy blue that had the power to liquefy a girl's insides – and her insides were responding accordingly – the little Judas's.

She swallowed. Hard. "We've already established the fact I'm the height of hobo fashion right now; there's no need to rub it in."

Darcy frowned. "You've been drinking coffee."

"Oh," she sighed, brown eyes rolling heavenward, "is that all?"

"Is that all?!" he scoffed. "You've gotta stop, you know. It's not good for the…"

"Kidneys!" Lizzie cut him off with a harried look at a beaming Richard. "Yeah, I know…I'm working on the addiction…"

"Baby," Darcy finished. "It's okay, he knows."

Lizzie cut her eyes, "You couldn't have told me this before I made an ass of myself," and got a grin in response. "Besides, I didn't actually get to drink it – Jane caught me red handed before I could even take one sip and snatched the mug out of my hands, hence the stain." She sighed forlornly, "The entire apartment has been stripped of Folgers and their friends, so you can cancel the lecture."

"Really, cause you would've loved it. I've been reading Pregnancy for Dummies – it was going to be a very well-informed chewing out," he said good-naturedly before realizing he still had her by the shirt tail; overcome with schoolboy embarrassment, Darcy promptly let her go.

"So, Tequila Sunrise, huh?" Richard spoke up, ending the awkward silence that had settled itself in the room. "I make a mean Tequila Sunrise; it's a damn shame I didn't meet you first…"

Darcy eyed him derisively over his shoulder. "I'm sure Mags feels the same way,"

"Drown in a pool," Richard grunted and suddenly took great interest in the ring on his left hand.

Lizzie smiled. "Wow, you two really are the worst kidnappers ever."

"If you're busy, we understand…Richard wanted to meet you…this is all his idea," Darcy babbled to his feet.

"Darce, she's not busy. Lizzie, is your schedule so full that you can't fit in some time with your handsome fiancé and his way handsomer cousin?"

Lizzie snickered. "Britney will be disappointed, but I've got a few hours to kill before work."

"Sweet!' Richard exclaimed, reaching for the TV remote on the coffee table. "That's exactly the answer I longed to hear; now, go change into something a little less gross, Darcy and I will entertain ourselves."

Darcy stood very still, hands shoved deep into the depths of his jeans; he silently prayed that if he merely pretended Richard was far away – on the moon, far away – that his smug, bastard of a relative would disappear and Darcy would no longer have to contend with his shit-eating grin. It didn't work, and said grin was just as wide as ever now that Lizzie had left the room; Darcy finally admitted defeat and spared a glance in Richard's direction.

"What?" he practically growled.

Richard was suddenly the picture of innocence. "I didn't say anything."

"No," Darcy shook his head with a sigh, "but you're clearly thinking and that's never good."

"Lizzie's nice, I like her."

"Uh-huh."

"No, I mean it. She's…um, what's the word…spunky? Yeah, she's funny, too and cute as all hell – you lucked out big time considering your captain was piloting with beer goggles."

Darcy continued to eye him suspiciously. "I thank you; anything else?"

Hesitating, Richard waited for the distinct sound of a running shower before he said, "And, you are so far gone it's hilarious."

Darcy huffed indignantly and began to pace back and forth. "I am not 'far gone'! I don't even know what the hell that's supposed to mean!"

"Oh, sure you don't," Richard rolled his eyes, "Darcy, you're completely spun on this girl! The last time I saw you this socially awkward around a female we were playing Magic: The Gathering after fifth period and whining about chem homework."

At this point, Darcy was in danger of wearing a hole in the carpet. "Lizzie and I, it's just business…"

A snort, "Don't be an ass, just admit it and deal with it."

"Okay, let's say I did like Lizzie – hypothetically…"

"Leave it to you to throw caution to the wind like that," Richard sniggered.

Darcy glared. "It wouldn't matter anyway because she barely tolerates me! The two of us are operating on a pretty shaky truce at the moment; just a week ago, she wouldn't even speak to me."

"She's pregnant and hormonal." Richard paused with a shrug. "Besides, you probably said something douchey and deserved it."

"That's beside the point; no matter what I may or may not feel for Lizzie, she certainly doesn't return the warm fuzzies so why should I put myself out there like a jerk?"

"I dunno, your personal happiness, maybe?" A beat, "Dude, could you stop with the pacing you're giving me a headache." Darcy's feet skidded to a halt and Richard continued, "Look, I know it's scary, especially after Eva – don't scrunch your face up like that, hear me out – Lizzie's the first woman since that disaster you've been genuinely interested in and everything involving your relationship has been done woefully backasswards, but it's okay, Darce. No one ever said you had to stick to tradition; you'd be the biggest idiot in the world if you didn't at least try, so you suck it the fuck up, marry that girl and make her fall in love with you."

Darcy gave him a sideways glance. "You meant all of that hypothetically, right?"

Cutting his eyes and pinching the bridge of his nose in exasperation, Richard mumbled, "I'm going to put my fist through your face."

A sigh, "I'm really that transparent?"

"Like a Hogwarts ghost."

With a shake of his head, Darcy was able to stop his futile attempt at wearing a hole in the ground and flopped down next to Richard, a heavy sigh escaping his lips. "That is possibly the dorkiest sentence ever uttered," he said with a crooked smile.

"Of course you conveniently forget what you said when I told you Maggie and I were getting married." Richard turned his nose up smugly.

"Please forgive me; I usually keep every word I use in each and every conversation we have catalogued for moments such as this." Darcy rolled his eyes.

Snickering and in the haughtiest voice he could muster, Richard said, " 'Maggie agreed to marry, you? You must've cast a Level 7 Love Charm'."

While his cousin roared with laughter, Darcy frowned. "Hey, eighteen was still an awkward age for me."

"You were twenty-two."

"Go ahead and laugh," Darcy told him while Richard wiped the tears from his eyes, "I know where you keep your action figures stashed."

The laughter immediately died. "I bet Lizzie would love to hear just how many times you saw the Lord of the Rings trilogy in the theater." A beat, "Tell me, Gandalf, how many miles is it to Mordor?"

"I don't know, Malfoy; why don't you Apparaite?"

xx

Now, it was painfully obvious to even the most casual of observers that Darcy loved Richard a great deal. He considered Richard to be more like a brother than anything else, but there were times, and he would never admit it out loud, that Darcy couldn't stand Fitzwilliam.

Unsurprisingly, these periods of intense dislike only occurred when there was an outsider in their midst; and this dislike rapidly crossed over into hatred if said outsider happened to have girl parts. Richard had the good fortune to be blessed with the sort of easy manners that made his dealings with the opposite sex seem almost effortless, whereas Darcy was busy fighting against a strong current in a sea of social retardation. Fitzwilliam would flash that smile, ruffle his ginger-blonde hair, say something astoundingly witty, and suddenly everyone was in love, and Darcy, poor Darcy, was nothing more than an insignificant spec caught in his cousin's orbit (because being good-looking meant absolutely nothing if every chick in the room thought you were a morose type of fucker). Although the days of competing for a woman's attention had long since passed, every now and again, Darcy would find himself in desperate need to quell a strong desire to put his foot in Richard's ass.

As the trio walked through the crowd on the Third Street Promenade, Richard was busy laying it on thick and Lizzie was lapping up his every word; she laughed loudly at his jokes and threw him adoring glances (a little, too adoring) – the two of them were positively beaming, all the while Darcy remained sallow and silently plotting a way to get him alone and snap his neck.

Perhaps sensing blood in the water, Richard casually wandered into the graphic novel section of Barnes & Noble, leaving Darcy and Lizzie completely alone in self-help.

"Richard's hilarious," Lizzie said absently glancing over the book titles.

"He's married, you know; with kids. Two kids," Darcy blurted and instantly regretted it. Good god, he had developed situational Tourettes.

"Yeah…" she nodded slowly, her expression unmistakably one of 'humor the mental patient', "he told me. Jesse and Daisy sound adorable."

"They are," he smiled warmly. "Completely spoiled, but adorable nonetheless." He held up the shopping bag dangling at his side. "Daisy scammed this out of me yesterday – that kid would sell government secrets for a Bratz doll."

"Oh, those are for Daisy…"

He gave her a look. "Of course; what else would you think?"

She shrugged. "That you're a creepy man who plays with dolls."

"I prefer Barbie – I'm old fashioned that way."

Lizzie laughed, turning back to the stack of books. "That's good to know, Christmas is coming up." She ran her finger along the spines coming to a stop on a pristine copy of Pregnancy for Dummies she pulled it from the shelf. "Did you honestly buy this?" she asked him while flipping through the pages.

"Yeah," Darcy chuckled self-deprecatingly, "everyone at Amazon is probably getting a fat bonus this year courtesy of me with all the money I spent."

She hesitated, "We haven't really talked about this, and I dunno, maybe I've been avoiding it because it becomes real the moment we do." Taking a deep breath she met his gaze. "There's this little, human being growing inside me and it's going to expect me to be responsible and prepared, and know all of the answers to the universe and I'm scared. I've never been so goddamn scared of anything in my life. Are you scared?"

"I'm terrified," Darcy breathed.

"But, you're already getting into the mode, right? You're buying the books, you're probably looking at nursery designs and Baby Gap booties, and I haven't done any of that. I'm still stuck in this state of denial; the other day, I actually tried to convince myself that my favorite pair of jeans wasn't fitting because I'd eaten an extra bag of Ruffles." Audibly sighing she stuck the book back in its slot on the shelf. "I had all of these plans; I was gonna be this incredible actress and ride this wave of selfishness well into my mid-thirties," she smirked, "where I would make up for it by adopting a Cambodian child or something."

"Instead, I serve potato skins for a living and…" Lizzie looked down at her stomach, "well, you know."

He regarded her for a moment, his features abnormally soft. "I was going to be a world class chef and when my selfish years wrapped up, I would land a deal with the Food Network, travel the world, and be a much younger and better looking version of Anthony Bourdain. Instead, I'm the head of a company I don't want and…"

Lizzie frowned. "I know."

Darcy shrugged. "I've got the whole of Amazon's parenting section at my fingertips and I'm just as lost and ill prepared as you are, Lizzie." His hand, of its own volition, reached out and grabbed hers. "It's okay whatever we screw up, we'll do it together."

A blush settling in her cheeks, Lizzie gently slid her hand out of his grasp with a tepid smile and a muttered, "Thanks", and returned her fingers to the spines of books.

Author's Note: This is my last week of school (whoo!), so the wait for the second half of this chapter shouldn't be too long. Originally, it wasn't going to be two-parts, but I felt like updating and leaving you guys with a bit of a 'moment' sans Wickham. But, don't worry, he'll crush your dreams in the next part; I won't let you down.