We will get though the night.

Warning: PTSD

( Blank ) Mai's thoughts

Mai was walking to catch the train for school as she usually does, Not a cloud in the sky. Although it felt silly to even think about, her favorite part of the day was meeting yuuko on her walk to school. Especially now that Yuuko was now her girlfriend. She saw her up ahead and walked faster to her, but still gave her usual monotone "Good morning, Yuuko."

"Hi Mai-Chan! Selamat Pagi!" She said with her usual dumb smile that Mai couldn't get enough of. They walked a while talking before Yuuko had something to say.

On the walk Yuuko was talking about how amazing the morning was and talked about all the food she wanted to try. Mai really liked just listening to her.

"Hey! Wanna know why today is gonna be amazing?" She asked enthusiastically.

"Hm, why?"

"Because I'm breaking up with you!" Yuuko cheered

Mai froze, not knowing how to respond, this was a joke right? Or did I just mishear it? "Can you say that again, I di-"

"Im breaking up with you Mai." She said more serious, losing the smile she had. Both of them were standing still, looking at each other.

(What is this? We just got together, she was the first to confess, Wha-)

"Did you honestly think I ever loved you, or that I even like you at all." She said emotionlessly with a blank face, taking a step forwards her. Mai wanted to step back but she couldn't, she couldn't move, she couldn't even move her eyes away from her. She felt her body trembling.

"I... I'm..."

"I'm what? I'm sorry for all the stupid pranks I pull on you everyday? I'm sorry that I always waste your time?" Yuuko took another step towards her, tilting her head.

(Why can't I move? Why can't I say anything? W-What is this?)

She couldn't do anything, she felt like her heart was going 100 miles per hour. She was breathing heavily, she felt like she was gonna throw up.

"Say something." Yuuko said emotionlessly

(But I can't, w-why are you breaking up w-with, why am I, W-Wh-)

"Say something."

(Wait, wait, wait, please, wait, wh *gags* wh-)

She felt herself throw up. She hunched over trying to cover her mouth, taking a step back and seeing that it got all over hers and yuuko's school clothes. "Im sorry," She said while gaging "I... I..."

She felt Yuuko push her viscously, making her slide down the wall behind her. the wall and floor that touched her felt like needles digging into her skin. It felt like it wrapped around wherever it touched. Yuuko kneeled down to get to eye level with her. Mai was shaking out of fear.

(I-I'm having a panic attack, I-I have to breath, I need to focus on s-something.)

"How about you focus on how horrible you are, how you ruin every single thing. I think my life would be way more amazing it you had never existed." She said in a blank tone. She lifted her head up to make Mai look at her.

"I will never love you, I hated every moment we had together."

(WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS, YOU ALWAYS TAKE ME SOMEWHERE SAFE WHEN IM LIKE THIS, YOU NEVER D-)

Before she could even comprehend it, She saw Yuuko build up a punch and hit her square in the eye.

"NOOOOOO!' thats what made Yuuko wake up, She felt her girlfriend tossing and turning all night but still fell asleep. But hearing her scream woke her up instantly. She turned to see Mai, but she stumbled out of bed while trying to speak. "wait, no no no, please wait" Mai had tears in her eyes, trying to cover her face

Mai crawled away and curled up into a ball. Yuuko realized that her girlfriend was having an panic attack, so she immediately got a weighted blanket next to her and calmy went up to her. "Mai-Chan, are you good?" She asked with a caring voice

All Mai said was no over and over again with sorrys here and there. "Do you want a weighted blanket?" Mai had one of her hands covering her head but used the other to put her hand out, make a fist and shake it up and down. Yuuko knew that was sign language for yes.

Yuuko put the blanket around Mai, backed up a little to give her space and reminded Mai to breath in and breath out. Slowly but surely, Mai came back to reality, and when she did, she went to her girlfriend and cried in her arms.

Yuuko got deja vu when she hugged her back. It reminded her of the night she woke up from her girlfriend calling her, hearing her in destress and saying she got kicked out and needed a place to stay while hearing a man yell in the background.

It reminded her how she stayed up, worrying about her while her mom was trying to contact Mai's parents to see what the hell happened.

It reminded her how when she opened the door she saw Mai with luggage, books, lopsided glasses, and a black eye.

And it reminded her how the first thing that Mai did was to run up to her and cry in her arms.

"It's gonna be ok Mai, don't worry, It's gonna be ok."
After a long while, they went to the kitchen. Yuuko thought it would be best if they had some tea to calm her down, was still a bit tense. They put on the kettle and Mai told her girlfriend about the nightmare she had. It was really painful to hear it all.
"And the last thing I remember is you punching me in the face. And to be honest, I can get why." She said with her monotone voice. Yuuko was baffled to hear this.

"Wh- Why would I want to do that?"

"Because what you said in the dream was true, I am a horrible girlfriend. I forced you to let me live here, I always play pranks on you, I'm honestly surprised you forced yourself to endure me for so long..." Mai looked away, hating herself for saying that.

"You hate me... don't you." Mai-Chan said couldn't believe what she was saying, it was like she was under control to say it.

"If you want to break up with me, I unders-" She got cut off by Yuuko forcing her to look at her.

"M-Mai..." She said in a disheartened voice. Yuuko was looking down, but when she looked up at Mai it was obvious she was about to cry.

(I made my girlfriend cry, I really am horrible, maybe I should have said nothing about the nightmare, maybe I should have never had called her when I got kicked out and just rotted away, maybe I should have never even talked to her in middle school. I-)

"M-Mai-Chan... Please.. Please don't say that about yourself... Please, I love you too much to allow it... No matter what happens I will always love you. You didn't force me to let you live here, I wanted you to live here. Your pranks always make me laugh on the inside even if Im annoyed on the outside. Hearing you say this... i-it's just..." Yuuko broke into tears after holdback for so long "I DON'T WANT YOU TO SAY THOSE UNTRUE THINGS, SO WHAT IF YOUR GRANDPARENTS THINKS IT"S WEIRD, WE'RE WEIRD, OUR ENTIRE FRIEND GROUP IS WEIRD, I LOVE YOU TO MUCH FOR YOU TO SAY WHAT HE SAYS, YOUR AMAZING, AND I, LOVE, YOUUUU!"

Mai felt her girlfriend hug her tightly, and she hugged her back. They just sat there hugging each other. They didn't care that the kettle was whistling, they didn't care that it was one in the morning, all that mattered to them in this moment was each other. "I'm sorry for saying all that, I-"

"Don't be sorry Mai, I love you." Yuuko was gonna go for a kiss but they both heard a light switch flick behind. It was Yuuko's mom, tapping her foot impatiently. "do you have, ANY IDEA WHAT TIME IT IS?"

"Mai had a panic attack from a nightmare, Im just reassuring her that's its ok.." She said while signaling to her mother to lower her voice.

"Oh, sorry for yel- wait, if thas the case why are you also yelling at her?"

Yuuko tried to think on how to explain it without talking about what she was going though. "Well uh, I mean uhh, I-" Mai interrupted while taking the kettle off the stove. "I was talking about how I thought I was unlovable and how I thought you guys didn't even want to take me in. Yuuko just really wanted to reassure me that she did really love me."

"Ok, your doing better now, right Mai?" Mai nodded at her question.

"Well it's a school night so I want you two to get some sleep, but if you have to you can stay up longer. But please be a bit more quiet."

Yuuko and Mai gave a thumbs up to her as she went back to her room. Yuuko poured herself and her girlfriend some tea and relaxed in the living room.

They decided that they would be sleeping there while watching Sailor Moon on low volume. Yuuko brought over a blanket but saw Mai while she watched. They enjoyed their tea while watching the first episodes
"I remember I used to be a really big fan of sailor moon when I was younger, I had a really big crush on Usagi." Mai said near the end of one of the episode.

"I always thought of her as really cute and brave. Kind of like you Yuuko." Yuuko looked to her "Awwwwww, thanks Mai!"

"She also struggling in school too." Yuuko was gonna add comeback before Mai started to speak again. "It's funny, I always knew that I was lesbian, I didn't even know that other girls didn't feel this way until I was 7. I always dreamed about me and her hanging out and dating. And it feels like now... I live that dream with you Yuuko."

They both were quiet for a while. "I was just joking about that." Mai sad while shyly looking away. "Aw you know that trick doesn't work anymore Mai!" Yuuko gave her a kiss on her cheek.

Mai pulled her into a hug and kissed her on her soft lips. Right as she did that the ending music started to play. They both kissed each other with giggles in between. As the music came to an end they pulled back and looked at each other.

"Your amazing Mai." She said in a soft voice.

"And you are magical." She said while booping her nose

They both fell asleep, happy to have the other in their arms.

(Author's note, Hi guys, gals, and everything inbetween! This is a more serious fic I've made and I really like how it came out. I wanted to write it because the idea came from a nightmare and because I wanted to write how it felt having a panic attack because I have them sometimes, like today I just had a really bad one. Also Im better now just in case you were worried! Also I didn't write this in one day it took a lot longer. Anyways hope everyone who is reading and their loved ones have a fantastic day!)