Chapter 17

That night is torture without Peeta in the compartment with me. I would have stayed in the room with Peeta like I used too, but he told me to go and relief Haymitch of his babysitting duties. The bed is cold and the air is still except for the small snoozing sounds of Willow beside me. I didn't want her to sleep in the crib tonight. I knew it was going to be hard to sleep without Peeta anyways, but having her next to me makes it a little easier. She's precious as she sleeps beside me. I put her in one of the onesies which Peeta loves, a soft fluffy pink and purple which makes Willow look so snuggly inside. I don't know where it came from and now isn't the best time to try and remember as I'm exhausted. I just stare into the innocent beautiful face of our daughter and before I realise, I have tears dripping onto my cheeks.

Today was intense. Hearing about Peeta thinking Willow was dead while in the Capitol grips, then Johanna telling me about her life and about the life her and Peeta shared together. And then Peeta going mutt again after weeks without one, it's been taxing on my emotions. In six days I will be saying goodbye to my family, unknowing if I will ever see them again. I don't know what will happen out there, but my mission is simple, kill Snow and then rebuild Twelve with Peeta and Willow. All I want is to be able to wake up and hear the birds, feel the breeze from an open window as I groggily wake, show Willow the meadow, maybe even show Peeta the lake. There's many things which I want to be able to do when we get back to Twelve. I don't know if we will live in my house or Peeta's, we should talk about that at some stage. I don't know what Prim and my mother will want to do, they may want to go travel or live in another District now there's an option too. Prim is being trained to be a doctor, maybe she can continue those studies somewhere else if she wanted too. I don't know what plans they will want after this war is over.

Exhaustion takes over and drift off sitting up. I wake to Willow crying and my neck pains from my sitting up position, I check her over and know she needs a change and a feed which I do promptly, then she continues to cry. I walk around the compartment rocking her and hoping she will tire out soon. An hour passes and she is still screaming and I'm on the verge of having a meltdown. I've done everything she needs, I checked her again, I tried to feed her more and still nothing would soothe her.

"Come on baby girl, please settle." I beg of her. I'm rewarded with an even louder pitch.

A few more minutes pass and I can't take it anymore.

Walking into the hospital with a crying baby, everyone thinks I'm here for something wrong with her. I just rush past and go to my destination. I see a guard and a doctor outside of Peeta's room. The room is dim, but I can see Peeta asleep inside. Both the doctor and the guard look towards me as I approach with the crying baby.

"Miss Everdeen, what are you doing here?" The doctor asks, craning away from the ear-piercing cry of the child in my arms.

"I need to go inside."

"Sorry, I can't allow that, Mr Mellark is sleeping."

"I'm going inside, you can't stop me." I tell them defiantly.

I walk past them, rocking Willow in my arms still and then the guard grabs my arm. I whip around and give him the deadliest look.

"I need to see Peeta. He can get her asleep. I don't care what you say, his daughter needs him."

I wriggle my arm from his grasp and go to the door which buzzes open.

Peeta is woken by Willow's cries, he's still tied down and looks tiredly towards me.

"Katniss?" I rush towards the bed and can't help it when I finally break.

"I can't stop her crying. I've done everything. She won't stop. She wants her Daddy." I burst into tears and want to fall into a heap on the floor.

"Pass her here."

I adjust Willow and pass her over to Peeta, placing Willow on his chest and holding her back so she doesn't roll off. I can see Peeta's body relax even though he's strapped down to a bed and in an observation room at the feel of his baby girl.

"Hey baby girl, it's Daddy."

Willow seems to calm straight away, still whimpering but not as violent sounding.

"Did you miss me? I missed you more than you know." He presses his head to hers and gives her a kiss, myself still a blubbering meltdown mess. "You're okay, it's okay." She's even more quiet now, just a little grizzle is coming from her.

"Mummy is doing amazing with you, my darling Willow. She is doing everything by herself right now, give her a little bit of slack okay? I'm right here, baby girl. I'm always going to be right here." Willow silences and I rub my hand down her back to calm her completely to help coerce her to sleep. A few more murmurs and then she's down.

I press my lips together and hold back from making any sobbing noises. With my spare hand, I cover my face and hide it from view from Peeta. I silently sob behind my hand for a few minutes and then Peeta speaks ever so softly.

"She's asleep."

I peer out from behind my hand and see Peeta is right, she's fallen straight off to sleep on her Daddy's chest. She already has a favourite, like she did when Peeta first touched my belly. She chose him straight away and I wish I could hate him for it.

"I'm…"

"It's okay. I missed you both anyways, I couldn't get to sleep."

"Neither could I." I admit.

I let myself take a few hiccupping deep breaths before I settle down and can breathe. It's quiet in here except for the sounds of Willow sleeping on Peeta's chest. Growing exhausted, my legs start to feel heavy.

"Can I sit?" I gesture to the bed he's on.

"Of course."

A small bit inside me yells about being stupid and unsafe, but I don't care. I can't sleep without Peeta and he can't without me and Willow can't without him around either. I sit alongside him and my eyelids grow tired.

"Katniss?"

I hum in answer.

"Please don't leave…"

I turn to face him at his words and see he has glistening eyes, shining a brighter blue with no dark fog insight.

"Oh Peeta." I reach up and cup his cheek in my small hand and his tears fall to my fingers.

"I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to mutt out. Johanna, she just knew what to say. I don't even know what she said but—"

"I know, Peeta. You couldn't help it." I wipe away his tears and bring my face to his, resting my fore head against his.

"I came back almost straight away though, the doctor said that was an improvement."

"It is."

"They think maybe the longer time that passes, the easier it will be for me to try and hold it back and ride through it without turning completely."

I hope so. When we get back to Twelve, we won't have a team of doctors or even one to help us if something happens. That is something else we will have to think about for the future.

"I hope so." Is all I can add.

I lay down next to him and adjust Willow so she is in the middle of Peeta's chest and I curl myself around him, making sure my arm is around Willow encase she moves in the night.

"I see you put her in my favourite onesie." Peeta tells me when I'm comfy with my head on his shoulder.

I smile.

"I did. I needed some piece of you with me when I was in that compartment by myself."

Peeta lifts his head and kisses my hair. It's a small gesture, but it feels great.

"I love you, Katniss."

Hearing those words after the horrible day we have both had makes my heart feel full. Nothing will get in between Peeta and I. Not Snow, not his hijacking, no one. What we have is for life.

"I love you."

Even without Peeta's arms around me, I feel him encase me with his comfort and I fall straight asleep.

:-:

"Well, well." A rough voice says waking me from my slumber.

I lift my head up and through the grogginess of my eyes, I can see Haymitch's figure. I groan and put my head back on Peeta's shoulder.

"I could see that coming from a mile away."

"Go away, Haymitch." I grunt, closing my eyes and wishing for more sleep.

"That's not gonna happen. Wake up, sweetheart."

"Fuck off, old man." I bark at him.

I feel Peeta's chest rise rapidly with laughter and I look up to see Peeta looking wide awake.

"Morning you." Peeta smiles down at me.

"Hey."

Now I know Peeta is awake, I rise up and rub my hands over my eyes. That's when it clicks. I look at Peeta's chest and don't see Willow. Instant panic takes over me and I start freaking out wondering where she is. Then I turn and see her in Haymitch's arms asleep. I let out a sigh of relief.

"Katniss, you have to go to training. Coin knows you missed this morning's and she's pissed that you aren't taking it seriously." Haymitch tells me.

"Does she know that Peeta is here?" I ask, surely she isn't just being a bitch for the sake of it.

"She does, but Gale and Finnick turned up and thinks it's not excuse compared to saving the country."

I growl angrily and get up from the bed.

"That fucking woman!"

I clench my teeth together and try to take a deep breath to calm down. I'm sure having a raging Katniss in here as well as an unstable Peeta isn't the best idea.

"Can you, my mother or Prim look after Willow while I'm at training?" I ask Haymitch.

"I've gotta stay here and look after your boy here, but I think your sister is free."

"Okay, can you organise that while I go?"

He nods his head yes.

"Thank you."

I turn around and look down to Peeta, he's looking good besides the bruises and dark bags under his eyes even with sleep under his belt. I know yesterday would have taken a lot out of him.

"I'll be here when you come back." He informs me with a smile.

"Funny." I say sarcastically.

I lean over and press my lips to his, a soft kiss which makes me crave more, but know it's not an option anymore.

"Maybe ask for a notebook again so you can preoccupy your time?" I suggest to him, brushing his golden curls from his face.

"Good idea. I'll try and be good so I can have these off when you come back." He shakes the handcuffs attached to the bed eliciting a metal clanking noise. The sound brings back memories from months ago and it hurts me.

I smile down to him and press a kiss to his fore head.

"I'll be back as soon as I'm done, I promise."

"I'm going to hold you to that." He tells me and I smirk before turning and saying goodbye to Willow before I take off to Special Weaponry.

:-:

"Wow, you look like shit." Gale tells me when I arrive into the second round of training today.

Haymitch didn't do Gale's damage justice. He looks terrible, his lip is puffy, already scabbing and bruised all across his cheek, chin and upper lip.

"Same goes to you."

He shrugs it off and continues lifting weights.

"I'm sorry about Peeta, it was rough. I know it wasn't him, so I forgive him. And Jo, what a bitch. She got what she deserved getting the water thrown on her. I wanted to punch her out." Gale says as I step onto the treadmill next to him and start jogging on it.

"It hasn't been the best time, but Johanna is going through a lot of shit too. She found me yesterday and apologised to me."

Gale scoffs and huffs as he reaches his last few reps. He slams the metal bar back into its holder and leans up sweating.

"She's a piece of work that's for sure. I don't see how you could have forgiven her for that. Did he really think something had happened to Willow?"

The running starts and I try and keep my heartrate steady as I talk to Gale.

"It's a long story, I don't even think Peeta will tell me what happened with it. Long story short, they convinced him I lost her. Johanna saw our propos and knew I was still pregnant, she kept the baby alive in his mind even when he didn't know what was happening." I end up puffing the last few words out, reaching my quota of sentences in that one breath.

Gale jumps onto the treadmill next to me and matches my pace. For a few minutes we are just running together in silence, training I like. But my head is just filled with everything that's happened in the last few days and I can't help wondering how Peeta is going right now. I hope he got a new notepad or something to keep him occupied.

In between our target practice with our guns, Gale and I continue our conversation.

"Willow wouldn't stop crying for Peeta last night, I ended up caving and going to his room and sleeping there. I just couldn't be away from him and neither could Willow. She hates me, I swear…"

I unload a clip onto the moving target, then out the safety on the gun before I turn back to Gale.

"She doesn't hate you, Catnip. She's just been spending more time with him than you, only because of the mission that's all. When this is all over, you'll have all the time in the world."

Gale also unloads his clip before I speak again.

"But what if I've already spent so much time away from her that she will never really know who I am? I spent nine months with her and I feel like I can't take care of her without Peeta to help me."

We then take apart the guns as instructed which Gale can do without even looking at the gun. I need to watch as I do though, I'm not as efficient as he is with it.

"Catnip, you're her mother, she loves you. I promise."

"Yeah but my mother is also my mother and she abandoned Prim and I for years, I've never forgiven her for that, especially now I'm a mother. I don't know how she did it, I would never willingly leave Willow."

Gale raises his hand to get the instructor to okay his work before assembling it again.

He looks me dead in the eyes and doesn't stumble on his words.

"You have fought so much for that little girl of yours, don't start overthinking it all. I promise it's all in your head, she loves you and you love her."

With Gale's weapon deconstruction okayed, I raise my own hand as I finish mine. Both okayed we put the guns back together.

"Besides, a child needs both parents. It's a team effort."

It's at this moment, Gale and I are both thinking about our fathers. And I allow myself a second to miss him and wish he could have met Willow, he would be thrilled. I don't know if he would have been thrilled about me having a baby at such a young age, but he would have accepted it and loved her so much.

:-:

I shower in Special Weaponry before I head back up to the hospital. When I step into the observation room a few of the doctors are back.

"Miss Everdeen."

"Hi." I say timidly, I wonder what is going on. Has Peeta had another flashback? Has he gone mutt again? Did I spend too much time at training and he got confused waiting for me? Now I'm filled with terror at why they are all here.

"Peeta is recovering in record time, I don't think any of us expected him to return to his normal self so quickly. We have never seen him this self-aware and normal before." One of the doctors informs me. Instant relief floods me and I sigh out loud, so grateful to hear this.

"We haven't needed to sedate or medicate him at all since your first visit last night. He is now unrestrained and just drawing as normal. None of his drawings so far have been anything like they used to be, no muttations have been drawn. We are all very impressed with his progress. I think one more night here and he's free to go back home. Still under some supervision as a baby is in your life now, but we don't see any reason to keep him here any longer. And if you would like to stay with him again tonight, we can get some supplies for your daughter so you don't have to worry about carrying anything here."

I can't believe this, this is incredible news! I can't believe he was admitted last night and he's already on track to be released back to normal society again. This is the best news we could have expected.

"Has he spoken about Johanna at all?" I question.

I wonder about how he would cope seeing Johanna again after all that has occurred. I know she was pushing buttons for the sake of doing it, but I wonder how he would deal with seeing her again.

"No, no mention of her at all."

"Should we organise a meeting with her before you give him the okay? I want to make sure nothing will set him off again so quickly after getting back out again." I state, don't want Peeta back in here as soon as I leave, that would be hard for him to get back from without me to help him.

"Yes, good idea. I will get in contact with her and arrange a meeting as soon as possible. In the meantime, go in and be with Peeta."

I nod my head and thank them for their help.

Buzzed in, I step away from the door and approach Peeta. He has a smile all over his face at seeing me again and he rises from the bed to meet me in the middle. He gathers me in his arms and holds me tight.
"I'm so happy to see you." He breathes into my hair.

"Me too." I clasp onto his shoulders and breathe in his cinnamon dill scent. We hold onto each other for a couple of minutes, just relishing in each other's body's and how they feel against the other.

"How was training?"

"Good, got to see your handy work on Gale."

I step back from him so I can see his reaction to my words. No cloudy darkness takes over his eyes, he just looks ashamed.

"Oh." Is all he responds with.

"Gale knows it wasn't you. He's fine. Haymitch thinks it could have been heated by some unspoken feelings against Gale."

Most likely true. The love triangle we seemed to be in before the Quell made things very awkward and confusing for all parties involved. I know Gale wanted nothing to do with Peeta the whole time we were playing our hand with the Capitol. I'm sure Peeta was jealous about the real connection Gale and I had before that night which changed it all.

"Maybe, I don't even remember it. I think I remember punching someone, but I can't see their face." His face contorts in confusion and I reach a hand up and work out the creases between his eyebrows.

"You also went to hit Haymitch too, but Finnick stepped in. That one I understand." I laugh softly. Peeta and I both know that at least one time in the past two years we have wanted to punch Haymitch out. We just never understood the bigger game he had planned, definitely was some leftover anger towards him that I understand completely.

"He forgives you for not destroying his perfect face."

He lets out a hearty chuckle and I smile, cupping his face in my hands and bringing his lips down on mine. Our lips move together like they have a thousand times before and it feels like home. I bring my fingers around his face and to entangle in his locks. Peeta's hands grip onto my waist and bring me closer to him. Suddenly there's a heat there, one we haven't had in a while. It takes over me as our lips part and our tongues start dancing together as one. My arms drape over Peeta's neck and pull him closer to me, our bodies now flush against each other. Peeta's hands trail down from my waist and he hoists me up, pulling me into his tight arms as he carries me against him. I feel something hard against my back and realise Peeta has backed us up into the wall and his hand pushes against the wall by my head, pushing us so close to each other. I feel that hardness rubbing against me and I gasp, lips breaking for just a second to catch my breath before hungrily attaching themselves again.

"You feel so good." Peeta moans against my lips, his lips now trailing from mine and down my jawline to my ear, it makes me groan at the contact.

"Peeta."

"I could cum right now, you feel incredible."

I gasp at his whispered words. He hasn't talked like this in a while and it's making me wild. He sucks my earlobe into his mouth and it sends tingles all down my side and to my core. My head pushes against his in an effort not to completely become undone right here.

"I want you." I moan to him.

"Oh god, Katniss."

He pushes his cock against my warm core and I groan. His hand from the wall comes up and tangles in my hair, pulling softly eliciting another gasp from me. His lips come back to mine and he laps my tongue with his, a warm and wet invitation for more like this to come. I reach down and pull at his shirt when all of a sudden, a buzzer sounds.

We aren't at home, we aren't in our compartment, and we aren't in private. We are in an observation box with people standing on the other side of that mirror. Peeta becomes startled and places me back on the ground, adjusting himself against the wall so his very hard, very strained cock isn't so obvious to the crowd. I feel like I'm back in the Games, being watched by people and not having any private moments to ourselves. I push my hair back from my face and adjust my clothing to not be so obvious when I do have to leave here again, whenever that is. I feel myself turn a shade of red and can't help myself when I giggle.

"I'm sorry, Katniss. I lost control." Peeta tells me, looking down at the floor unable to reach my eyes, his cheeks also flushed with embarrassment. He still is wanting me to decide when we do sleep together again, and I would have fucked Peeta against that wall if that buzzer didn't sound. I didn't realise how horny I was until this exact moment. I wonder if the horny side of me will ever go?

I lean up to him and press the softest kiss against his lips, leaning towards his ear.

"I want you more than you even know. That's a control I need you to lose."

He groans and pushes me back up against the wall and kisses me hard again. We stay kissing for another few minutes before we step back from each other and then sit on the bed.

"So, any news?" Peeta asks, diverting the attention from our previous attempt at giving Thirteen a sex show.

"Yes." I start, clearing my throat and crossing my legs hoping it dulls the ache that resides there.

"They are very impressed with how well you are dealing such a short time after your episode. They are thinking you have to stay here just one more night for observation and then you can come back home."

"Wow." He breathes, thankful at the new news.

"There's just one last thing they want to do before you do go." I admit.

"I'll do anything."

I take a deep breath and look into his blue eyes and say,

"You have to meet with Johanna."