Alfred had finished his work ages ago and was now scrolling the internet to entertain himself in the cozy booth he occupied at Francis' restaurant. It was just him in the dimly lit dining area, listening to music coming from a fancy radio on the counter behind him as he waited for his 𝓫𝓸𝔂𝓯𝓻𝓲𝓮𝓷𝓭, who was finishing closing the store out the back.

So Alfred was entertaining himself by scrolling through his buddy Gilbert's Instagram. Gilbert and Antonio, unable to commit to what they wanted in life, had just forged their own path by just making stupid content online for clout. Respect.

Well, 'forged' implied they intended to do so which wasn't the case but that didn't really matter. It was funny as fuck and Alfred was hardly surprised when they took off and took everyone with them. They weren't famous famous but well known in the right circles of hell that was the internet. And it wasn't just them, Alfred and Francis would make guest appearances in whatever epically stupid idea those two had planned and it always made for a good time.

So Alfred had been looking for any opportunity to turn his friend's success into bigger success and make them properly famous. Curse his business mindset.

But if Alfred had to be honest, he figured after a lot of reflection it was partially because he hoped then maybe hopefully Matthew would see it. Then Alfred could make an appearance and leave hints for his brother and maybe, just maybe it would change things?

Again with that fantasy... he wasn't so delusional anymore...

Alfred leaned back into the booth with a sigh. It was hopeful thinking and he knew it. It made him feel guilty for piggybacking his friend's success but Alfred knew Gilbert wouldn't mind. Not when Gilbert made it obvious sometimes that he still hadn't gotten over his crush and guilt and Alfred had a feeling that Gilbert was thinking the same thing. That their fame might reach Matthew, wherever in the world he is. And maybe it won't... and that's okay.

Antonio wouldn't care either when he'd been nothing but supportive and understanding. Maybe Alfred should just talk to Gilbert and they could scheme? He knew he shouldn't get too invested and drag Gilbert into it too, but this was just one wound that could never heal. At best, he could dress the wound and live with it. As long as it wasn't open and gaping that was all he could ask for. Most days he could function having completely forgotten about the wound and other days it mildly itched. And on the worst of days, the wound wept uncontrollably and the pain was unbearable.

But enough with the metaphors.

Gilbert and Antonio's fame was very likely to only go up. From a business standpoint who knew being albino would make a good marketing signature? It certainly helped him retain popularity along with his personality and stand out in the most memorable way. Gilbert was distinct, in every way possible and he was synonymous with the word. Alfred was proud on their behalf that his friends were able to stand out so well. He had just recently suggested that they also work the social media advertising for Francis' restaurant, something they were all too happy to do and just like he expected they turned the advertisement into a giant meme making parodies of trends. (All according to plan.)

It wasn't his intention, but Alfred still hoped that if Matthew ever came across any of the videos they made, he'd know what everyone was up to and maybe satiate any curiosity that his long-lost brother had. He wasn't going to get his hopes up but Alfred just liked to imagine it and that wasn't something that could be taken from him. Even if he had come to terms with never seeing Matthew again it was always crossing his mind. Just as a little 'what if?' or 'imagine that'. At least it didn't hurt or make him paranoid like it used to. But sometimes it felt like he was thinking about a fictitious character, someone who only existed in the mind and not reality.

Alfred was interrupted from his analytical business snooping when his work phone beeped and he checked it, expecting to see the charity he'd been talking to back and forth to be replying to him but instead was curious to see a new potential client reaching out. A photographer, apparently. Alfred didn't need to read the message because he already intended to decline them. He had enough on his plate as it was and he was quite content with his balanced life right now, thank you very much. But he was curious what kind of photographer would reach out to him. Obviously, it would be to 'build a brand' or something finance-y marketing business-related, the standard usual sort of request. But still, he found it strange that a random photographer would reach out to him, because he couldn't see the immediate connection through any of his networking.

Unless he was about to have a big break and become very famous... but unfortunately life was not like the movies.

Still set on saying no but bored waiting for Francis, Alfred tapped his shoe to the rhythm on the radio and bit his lip as the song changed to the telling sax of 'Careless Whisper'. He was really tempted to turn the radio up and then go romantically bother (definitely pester) Francis but Alfred distracted himself with checking out this photographer's work. Staring at pretty pictures could be nice and he could do a little mental exercise on what he could potentially do for a photographer anyway. Besides just 'build a brand'. He was always thinking business thoughts, huh?

However, Alfred didn't get far when someone's hands were sneaking around his neck and pulling him into a hug from behind. Of course, he already instinctively knew who it was, but the tickle of hair against his cheek and the sweet smell of cologne only confirmed it. Alfred happily rested into the chest behind him.

"Thanks for waiting so patiently," Francis purred into his ear and Alfred smirked at the romantic challenge. He reached his hands to Francis' head and twirled a finger in the hair framing his face.

"It's a pleasure~" Alfred shamelessly flirted back.

One could mistake the escalating flirting that often happened between the two of them as just playful ironic or mocking banter because it was just so exaggerated. That's how Alfred had previously mistaken it. But the thing was they blatantly meant it and didn't care if anyone thought it was over the top and cringe. To be cringe is to be free, right?

At first, it did make Alfred a little embarrassed but over time he adapted. Now the very things that would've made him beetroot red were falling out of his mouth without being screened for public approval whatsoever and he liked it.

"Non, you're the pleasure~" Francis breathed out a laugh that tickled Alfred's hair. Alfred stifled his own humour as he reached to shove his setup on the table into his backpack, ready to bounce.

"If only I had a uno reverse card right now because uno that you're my biggest pleasure," Alfred's eyes crinkled with humour as he stretched, movements over the top and seductive. "You all done here? Ready to rock and roll?"

"I'm ready," Francis confirmed as he let his hand travel across his 𝓫𝓸𝔂𝓯𝓻𝓲𝓮𝓷𝓭'𝓼 shoulders as he walked around the booth to offer his other hand, like a prince escorting a princess from a carriage. Swinging his backpack over one shoulder, Alfred took that hand and then brought it to his lips as he stood up. It was then that he remembered the radio, so without letting go of that hand he reached to turn up the volume with the other.

Careless Whisper was a really romantic song after all. (Just ignore the meaning of the lyrics)

One thing he and Francis shared was a flair for the dramatic, which was usually egged on when with the other. It was something that drove his older brother mad... meaning that it was a well-practised skill. So when Alfred pulled on Francis to start dancing, Francis followed enthusiastically.

"Should I have a SpongeBob-themed birthday party? I've got a month to plan." As Alfred said, he didn't screen his words. One of his defining traits was just talking about anything that would fall out of his mouth. But he didn't need to screen words when it was Francis. Anything was on the table to talk about.

Even the fact that for the first time in years, he was having a party on his birthday that was actually a birthday party.

"Spongebob?" Francis cocked his head in amusement and his eyes crinkled.

"You know!" Alfred prompted. "'What's funnier than 24? 25!' Just cus I'm nearly a quarter of a century doesn't mean I gotta grow up, you know?"

"You're right, growing up is certainly optional. You will have to help me with the catering though, it would be too much to do all by myself."

"Can do! And thanks, you're the best."

"I know I am," Francis leaned in close. "And I'll plan a private party for the just two of us..."

Liking the sound of that, the deal was sealed with a kiss.

Careless whisper was still playing in the background, slowly building the anticipation. Alfred rested his head on Francis' shoulder and hummed.

"We should play this at our wedding."

"The tune is so provocative..." Francis' smooth voice teased, "Maybe we should save it for the reception..." Francis' warm breath tickled his 𝓫𝓸𝔂𝓯𝓻𝓲𝓮𝓷𝓭'𝓼 ear as he spoke barely above a whisper. "...The private reception~"

"You really like our private parties huh?" Alfred couldn't hold back an affectionate and amused grin.

All the pieces of this hypothetical wedding were in place and the couple discussed it often... but neither had actually proposed. Not because of neither knowing who should propose, gender roles were irrelevant in modern times so if either of them wanted to, it was fair game. If both of them wanted to then it would be a race of who can do it soonest and the grandest, but as it was the situation was... complicated. Alfred wasn't so dense to not realise that his 𝓫𝓸𝔂𝓯𝓻𝓲𝓮𝓷𝓭 really really wanted to... but was holding back. Because they both knew that Alfred wasn't ready, no matter how much Alfred wished he was.

Because for some reason, the idea of just minding his own business and then turning around to see his 𝓫𝓸𝔂𝓯𝓻𝓲𝓮𝓷𝓭 on one knee... it scared him for than what could be considered reasonable. Just the thought made him sweat.

Alfred knew it was his fault. Lots of things were his fault but it was easy to forget about that with Francis. But he knew that the thing between now and this perfect hypothetical wedding was him and his issues that painfully conflicted him. Insert joke about Dad going to get the milk, because Alfred had abandonment issues. He'd say it was Matthew's fault, but then he could back it up further and see it was still his fault for making Matthew leave. They say admitting you have a problem is step 1 but Alfred really wished he knew what was step 2.

On one hand, he wanted nothing more than to marry Francis and tether his lover to him... but on the other hand, hurt and paranoia said the tether of marriage isn't tethering enough. So Alfred felt perpetually terrified and not ready for marriage yet yearning at the same time. So he couldn't get married now, because if they were going to get married then it would be because he wanted to instead of fucked up reasons coming from pain and fear. He needed to want to marry Francis because Francis! No other reason.

And Alfred did want to marry Francis. He imagined it and it was perfect... but when it came to even thinking about buying the ring he just couldn't... think. His mind would go blank and he'd just vacate...

...while something inside him screamed and cried.

Francis felt something inside him squeeze when Alfred's eyes flickered with an ocean of unseen emotions. Francis just gave him a reassuring smile. He knew the years of uncertainty after his twin left had been hard on Alfred and his baggage was heavier on some days than others. Francis thought that talking about the idea of their wedding and doing his best to romanticise it would help Alfred become comfortable with the idea if he could see it coming. Maybe then Alfred would want it without hesitation. For the most part, it worked, but there was always that flicker.

"Do you think you can handle a honeymoon?" Francis said softly to show he wasn't teasing. "You know we can't bring Arthur..."

"Duh, of course I know Arthur can't come. Why would I want him there? To freak him out-?" Alfred scoffed before his eyebrows furrowed. "Wait, what do you mean can I handle it?"

"Well, I know how... attached you are to him."

"I know... I- yeah... but we won't be going too far for too long..."

"France is far," Francis hummed with sad sympathy. They had settled on France as a honeymoon location years ago and yet it felt like Alfred hadn't really adapted to the idea.

"Ugh. Yeah, I know..." There was an edge as Alfred dismissed the topic before brightening up as the music continued. "-Oh! Hold on the good part is coming up-"

"Alfred-"

-cut him off as he grabbed Francis and pulled him into a dance as the sax of Careless Whisper swelled. Caught up in the music Alfred put passion into his voice as he began to sing. Francis was always one to live in the moment and immediately went along with the dance. Even if Alfred was just distracting himself, there would always be time to discuss sensitive things later.

"Tonight the music seems so loud!"

Alfred spun Francis into a dip and held a fist to his chest as he belted out the 'best part' with passion.

"I wish that we could lose this crowd-"

"My love, we're already alone," Francis reassured flirtatiously, calling his boyfriend a pet name in French. Alfred couldn't help but give his best signature grin as he continued to sing.

"Maybe it's better this way-"

Alfred spun into Francis, falling so Francis would dip him, holding eye contact as he brought a hand up to his 𝓫𝓸𝔂𝓯𝓻𝓲𝓮𝓷𝓭'𝓼 cheek and was overcome by the words of the song.

"We'd hurt each other with all the things we want to say-"
"We could have been so good together-"

"We are good together," Francis mused as he led the dance. Alfred shot a hand out as if the song was moving him so.

"We could have lived this dance forever-"

Then Alfred was spinning with Francis and revelling in the momentum.

"Now who's gonna dance with me~?"

"You know the answer to that," Francis said as his nails teased the back of Alfred's hair and they continued to dance until the song was fading and it was just the two of them, shifting from side to side with eyes interlocked and soft breath on each other's faces. Any noise from outside was drowned out in the moment and in the dim room, the streetlights outside illuminated their features so softly. It was quite poetic as the two held each other with strong arms having forgotten their surroundings. As the song wound down so did their movements, until they weren't moving at all.

"I would love to propose right now," Francis whispered. "This truly is a perfect moment."

Alfred's smile twitched as the moment seemed to shatter and a vignette formed around Francis. He couldn't feel his hands, his jaw tensed and his tongue couldn't work. The ocean of emotions was too deep and he was being pulled under.

But he didn't show it. He kept his smile wide.

He was really ready to bolt if Francis got down on one knee.

They had planned the wedding, sure, but they had never really talked about proposing before. Well, they had but to be honest Alfred just kept changing the subject and forgetting about it. Obviously proposing was a necessary step between now and the wedding but it felt like a topic that was just to be avoided. Until now.

"But I know that you've got things you need to work through." Francis sighed longingly and wrapped his arms around tighter. "So I'm just going to tell you that I'll wait. As much as I would love to get on one knee for you and sweep you off your feet, you'll have to be the one to propose."

Alfred's breath hitched and his thoughts raced. He really didn't know why they had to get married. Things were fine as they were!

But still, whenever they talked about it... he found himself romanticising it... he found himself yearning for it...

"I say this because I'm ready and I'll wait as long as it takes for you to be ready too, but because only you know when you'll be ready, you'll have to be the one to ask the question," Francis' eyes met Alfred. "I'm just letting you know now that my answer will be yes. As long as you don't make me wait forever to say it."

Alfred swallowed thickly as his eyes began to sting with the telltale sign of tears. Fuck. Things were fine, this was fine, why the fuck was he going to fucking cry?!

"Just make sure it's up to my romantic standards, alright?" Francis' tone was more upbeat as with a warm smile he wiped away the budding tears. "I trust your planning skills. I want it to be a surprise~"

"Okay..." Alfred breathed out as he nodded and cleared his throat before speaking again. Everything was fine. Nothing to get upset about. Just something else on his todo list. He'll get to it. Fuck, why was he shivering like he was cold? "Yeah, totally, it'll blow you away."

Francis had just forfeited, relinquished his intent to propose. There would be no fighting for it. There would be no paranoia that Alfred would turn around and his 𝓫𝓸𝔂𝓯𝓻𝓲𝓮𝓷𝓭 would be on one knee behind him when he least expected it and instead of it being a happy moment he would ruin it by panicking. Not that Francis would've done that to him anyway, but it was still a situation that just imagining on a bad day gave him full-body embarrassment that had him twitching and pulling his hair out.

But all things had balance so he would 100% admit that of course, he thought about proposing and being proposed to before. He liked to imagine it but it was all strictly imagination... much more simpler than reality. Much more controlled and less permanent you know?

Alfred knew how much Francis would love to be the one to propose because he just knew his 𝓫𝓸𝔂𝓯𝓻𝓲𝓮𝓷𝓭 and yet... he gave it to Alfred.

Man, Alfred was such a simp for his 𝓫𝓸𝔂𝓯𝓻𝓲𝓮𝓷𝓭. And clearly, Francis was a simp for him too.

"Do you think you can propose before I turn 30?" Francis' tone was light and joking now as he reached to turn off the radio. "I'd like to see myself in a white suit and black tie and you in a black suit and white tie before then."

"Yeah, I'm sure it'll happen," Alfred fought to keep his voice level and resisted the urge to sniffle. He just couldn't get over this! Francis just said he could be the one to propose! He didn't know what to think, he didn't know what to feel. But here he was getting teary anyway because whatever it was he was feeling something.

"You make it sound so..." Francis waved his hands in the air as he landed on the right word. "Passive! Make it happen!" Then his tone went serious and he cupped Alfred's face with his hand. "I don't want you to suffer anymore and have it affect your future. Please try and work on yourself so you don't keep holding yourself back. Before you know it you'll be ready..."

Alfred didn't trust his voice so he just nodded into his 𝓫𝓸𝔂𝓯𝓻𝓲𝓮𝓷𝓭'𝓼 hand. Francis on the other hand didn't mean for this to get so overwhelming, gave him a smile and a soft kiss before leading Alfred out of the restaurant.

"How about we go home and cuddle in bed while looking at beautiful rings? No pressure, just for fun." Francis suggested. Maybe it would help Alfred get interested in the idea and feel a bit more prepared. Besides, Francis hoped to wear this ring for a very long time and he wanted a say in the design. Or at least give some pointers, having the ring be a surprise would be exciting too. He couldn't help but get excited for the idea and it hadn't even come to fruition yet. All he could do was speak his desires and hope.

It went unsaid whose place they would be cuddling at, always Alfred's. Francis understood that Alfred couldn't leave Arthur, not even for a night. Any suggestion otherwise was just met with excuses of why he couldn't. Maybe Francis would have to think of a way to entice Alfred into sleeping over at his place for once. He had some ideas...

Yes, some of those involved another 'private party'.

But those schemes could wait. Tonight Francis was going to enjoy his 𝓫𝓸𝔂𝓯𝓻𝓲𝓮𝓷𝓭'𝓼 company as they amused themselves with ring designs for this hypothetical proposal. Hopefully talking in hypotheticals and not absolutes would help Alfred get comfortable. Francis didn't like watching his boyfriend's discomfort eat away at his desires, not if he could help it.