There's a man in her bed.
Not a boy. A man.
There's a man in her bed and she knows exactly how he got there. She knows that he offered her a drink. She knows that they sat on the same bar stools that she once sat on eons ago. She knows that she didn't take him up on the usual tequila she'd take, instead she opted for a glass of red wine. And by the end of the night, he drove her home.
And they spent the night together.
She remembers everything. Every detail. Every moment.
She remembers him.
And his name.
Then again, she wouldn't and couldn't forget that name if she wanted to. Even if years and years had passed on.
Seattle Grace Memorial hasn't changed much. Sure the walls are blue and the furniture has been updated as well as the many machines they now have. But aside from that, the hallways are the same, the faces are familiar, and yet it's nothing like she remembers.
The last time she was here, she had completed her last shift as a resident. Meredith Grey left Seattle, Washington hours after to begin her new life in Boston, Massachusetts.
Back to Boston.
The carousel never stopped moving after all.
She'd completed a surgical fellowship at The Brigham. And after that fellowship she had stayed and had continued extraneous research and groundbreaking medical breakthroughs. She'd fielded offers from Harvard and Hopkins. The Clinic in Minnesota had many tempting offers but she never found them interesting.
Until she was offered one by a former mentor.
Miranda Bailey would be stepping down as chief of surgery at Seattle Grace Memorial and the position would be open. She called wondering if she had any interest.
She's not sure why but she takes it.
And she regrets it the moment she hears the run down of chiefs of department.
"Dr. Altman runs the cardiothoracic department and she keeps a tight ship," Bailey explains as they walk down the infamous catwalk, "Dr. Hunt runs the trauma department- he saved it from getting demoted to level 2, and Dr. Shepherd, you remember him-"
Meredith's head snaps up, "What?"
"Dr. Shepherd," Bailey turns to him, "Derek- oh c'mon now, don't act a fool with me!"
"He left for New York," Meredith hisses, "With Addison Montgomery. He left and didn't look back. Now he's here?"
"He is. And for the record I did not hire him," Bailey points, "Part of the conditions that were placed when the Harper Avery Foundation bought out this place was that they had a say in the management. Dr. Shepherd was their hire and you and I damn know the man is good at his job."
"Wh-wh- why?"
"Ask them. It's your job now."
But she doesn't. Instead, she trudges on. She looks at numbers and data. She meets with board members that don't leave any notable impressions on her except the head of the board. Dr. Avery. He's recently taken over the foundation and is hopeful to make some changes that start with Seattle Grace.
Her first day as chief doesn't go as planned. She wakes up late and rushes out the door of her place. A small condo in a relatively new building The house that once belonged to her mother- and then Meredith- was sold the week she took her boards.
It should've been a sweet relief but it wasn't. On her way to the hospital, she passes by and notices a family of five exiting the house. The mother and father rush out two girls, one about thirteen and the other about eight, and a boy around ten. Meredith shakes her thoughts away.
She never settled. It wasn't in the cards for her. She was meant for something extraordinary and that was surgery.
Anyone can fall in love and be blindly happy but not everyone can pick up a scalpel and save a life!
Those would be some of the final words her mother would say to her. And she was right. Because the first time she fell in love and let herself be blindly happy was when a tall beautiful woman claimed the man as hers. And he chose her. Not Meredith.
She holds a meeting for the department chiefs on her first day. She's nervous and anxious. And her mind races to her mother. She can practically feel her looming in the room as she looks around to the faces sitting at the conference table.
And despite proving herself over and over again, despite marking her own legacy, she can see the shadow of Ellis Grey loom over every department chief in the room.
She notices he's not there. He was on the board so she's certain that his surgery must've taken longer than expected. Still, she can't help but glance at the empty chair. Once. Then twice. And again.
The door bursts open and a tall man. Lithe build but muscled enough that he fills in the navy sweater under his coat. His hair is the same length as when she last remembers but instead of the dark curls, silver streaks are neatly coiffed. He presses his lips into a gentle grin before taking a seat in the chair she'd glanced at over and over again.
She notices how the doctor next to him leans in and mutters something. He restrains a chuckle before shaking his head and mouthing something back. The doctor nods and falls back into her own seat before his attention turns back to Meredith.
And she continues with her speech. She pushes through the tightened feeling in her chest and pushes on.
She has no intention of undoing what Dr. Bailey has accomplished. She has no intention of undoing the legacy that Richard Webber has left behind. She is looking forward to building onto the greatness that this hospital represents and so on and so on and something about her office always being open and something about budget reports.
The doctors shake their hands and make small talk to her before they leave. They're friendly and she can tell that they are a tight knit bunch. She remembers Hunt and Altman. She remembers how Hunt pursued Cristina only to be waved off. They were too similar and too alike. And Meredith remembers Altman, too. She knows she's a hell of a teacher and is still credited as being the best teacher Cristana Yang had once Preston Burke had taken on the mantel of chief.
She just wishes she could call Cristina and gossip about the two. They're married apparently with two kids and a happy life. Supposedly.
Everyone leaves the room slowly to make their way off to the surgical world at Seattle Grace. All except one.
Once the door closes with the last attending out, Derek turns to her from his seat. He's been watching. Quietly and patiently. He's watched how she's projected confidence but he can see how she's slightly nervous because she's been picking at the skin around her thumb inside her lab coat. He saw how she would bit the inside of her bottom lip as some of the attendings asked questions about research and budgets. He's watched how she's answered with grace and without looking at any of her notes. He's watched how she exhales subtly as everyone exits the conference room.
He's been watching.
He finally pushes back the leather chair and stands up.l
"Dr. Grey," He stuffs his hands into the pockets of his slack and smiles.
"Dr. Shepherd," Meredith huffs almost like a sigh.
Time stands still. Time stops. She feels hours pass between them as they stand face to face, silence and awkwardness making their home between them. She feels a tug but brushes it off.
"How are you?" Meredith asks cautiously, her throat tight.
"I'm good," he smiles. It's still the same charming smile she remembers, "It's been a while."
"Yeah," she nods, "A long while."
"Uh," he clears his throat as he takes a step closer, "Congratulations on the job. When Dr. Bailey announced you were interested in taking on the job as chief, I had a good feeling. It's good to have you back in Seattle."
He watches as she flinches-slightly- like she used to when he would try to mend things. Always wanting him close but not close enough to hurt her. And she had been right to do so. He knew he'd broken her heart. It was all his fault and he couldn't blame her.
"Yeah, uh, it's nice to be-" Meredith scratches her head, an uneasy feeling settling in, "How long have you been back? I mean I-I thought you were in D.C.-"
Derek smiles. He wants to believe that she's been keeping tabs on him but the fact is that he had left Seattle to repair his marriage with Addison Montgomery. He could still remember the iced glare from her steel gray eyes as he left Chief Webber's office for the last time. He didn't need to tell her. She already knew. Especially after she'd been waiting in the scrub room with little hope.
Derek Shepherd was leaving.
Derek Shepherd didn't choose her.
He chose Addison Montgomery and they were leaving back to New York.
He had a whole life in the East Coast away from his short lived past in Seattle. He'd moved on and he'd found success throughout his career. He had groundbreaking cases, neurological findings, and various publishings that eventually earned him offers in different institutions.
His tenure at the National Institutes of Health was public knowledge. He'd led a brain mapping research project that garnered the attention of the politicians in D.C. that were funding neurological research. A dream come true, really. It'd been a big deal and he had become a household name in the medical field.
"Less than a year," he nods as he stuffs his hands into the pockets of his pristine white coat, "After I stepped down in the NIH, I went back to teaching at Columbia. I needed to be back in New York."
"Catherine Fox offered me the position when they bought out this place and I said no a few times but," he shrugs, "She's relentless."
"Oh," Meredith swallows a lump in her throat.
"Yeah," he nods, "What about you? You were at the Brigham right?"
Her career has been just as public. She's a Harper Avery winner on track to outdo her mother. She's published multiple times and has done some groundbreaking international research of her own.
He's tried not to, but he's kept tabs. It's almost hard not to.
"Yeah," she nods as her eyes widen with surprise, "I was there for- since finishing my residency here."
Derek smiles. She still slightly rambles and hesitates as she speaks. That's never really left.
"Uh, listen," he clears his throat again, "About being late-"
"I get it, you were in sur-"
"Actually no," he presses his lips into a tight grin, "That's why I'm not in scrubs."
"Oh," she blinks as if the obvious were right in front of her, "Right."
"I had to step into a last minute meeting with my daughter's counselor," he explains, "She's uh, going through some stuff and it was the only time her counselor could see me."
His words hit like a boulder falling off a cliff.
"I rescheduled my surgery and will be scrubbing in soon," he finishes, "I just- listen I'm committed to the job and I do take this seriously- it's a bad impression for your first day, I know, but to be honest, my kid takes priority. I hope-"
"You have kids?" she doesn't let him finish. She's still stuck on the fact that Derek Shepherd had been late to work because he had children. Of course he had kids. Of course they had left Seattle and had settled down with kids. It just made sense.
Derek smiles brightly, as if she's opened a box that let out all of his guilty pleasures out and he was about to indulge. His smile rose from ear to ear as his face glowed with pride "Yeah. Just my daughter, she's fifteen. Here let me show you a picture."
He steps closer as he pulls out his phone and taps away. Meredith watches him as he proudly gloats, "She's so smart. So brilliant. She's so kind and she's just an amazing young woman now."
Meredith swallows a lump caught in her throat. She tries to imagine her. A young teenager with bright blue eyes and long red hair. A perfect mix of Addison and Derek.
But to her surprise, the young girl in his phone is nothing like what she pictured. She's tall but the red hair Meredith had imagined was non-existent. Instead, the young girl in the photograph was waist-length microbraids and warm brown skin, a bright, confident smile that filled the screen. She was beautiful.
"This is Zola," Derek announces proudly. He turns to her and sees the curiosity in her eyes. He's used to it and truly he's learned he owes no explanation to anyone at all. But this was Meredith. There's a shared history between the two and he knows she expected something different.
"I was helping out at Hopkins for a period. One of their newer attendings brought in a program to help orphan children from Africa who needed major surgical procedures and Zola was one of them. She was almost one when I took her in. I carried her in my arms once and she just-"
Meredith turns to him. He's lost in thought and there's a swell of emotion in his eyes.
"She was my daughter," he shrugs, "I don't know what it was but she was my kid."
"She's beautiful," Meredith smiles softly, "You and Addison must be proud."
"Oh," he taps the phone off before stuffing it in his pocket, "Uh, Addison isn't-"
He's nervous. Meredith can see the shift in his stance.
"We divorced," his expression shifts, and his mouth presses into a tight line "We got a divorce not long after we left."
And there it was. The truth that had dropped like a bomb ready to destroy.
Meredith blinks as she processes the news, "Oh."
"Anyways," he clears his throat, "I just wanted to apologize and say I'm looking forward to working with you."
Meredith nods, "Thanks."
He extends his hand and for a second he thinks she won't take it.
But she does.
"Dr. Grey," he grins. It's still the same stupid, kind, boyish grin that haunts her. That plagues her nightly when she thinks about the man that broke her heart and the way her life could've been very different.
She smiles back, "Dr. Shepherd."
An electric bolt courses through his body, and for the first time in many years, he looks forward to something in this godforsaken city.
Meredith watches as he closes the door behind him before sinking back into the leather chair, rethinking every single one of her choices.
It's not Joe's Bar anymore. It's the Emerald City Bar.
Well, it's always been the Emerald City Bar but Joe's presence made it Joe's Bar. But he's no longer here, so it can't be Joe's Bar.
Nothing is the same in Seattle. Twenty years will do that. It'll change a whole city, it's people, the places you once knew. Twenty years is a long time but many of the feelings she tried to buy were still there. Those didn't change.
"Did you take some aspirin with the banana bag? It helps with the hangover."
Reality sunk in. She was expecting more. Different words. Different…
"Oh," she hears her heart shatter into a million pieces, "You're staying with her."
"She's my wife."
And for the first time, she sees cold, steel, eyes staring back at her.
Dr. Bailey's voice calls out from the OR desperately, "Dr. Shepherd! She's crashing!"
Meredith stares at the glass of red wine in front of her. She's willing it to be tequila but an early morning prevents her from that. She's not the intern anymore, she grew up, and now she's the chief.
Her sleeves are tucked up her arms and her hair is up in a loose bun. A stark contrast from her neatly straightened hair and ironed blouse.
It had been a successful day with minor bumps. She met with the newly hired interns and with most of the surgical staff. She'd scrubbed in on one appy before she left. But now, she sits alone, staring into a glass of red wine, wondering if the quiet will always feel this loud.
Things had changed.
"The last time I found you sitting in that exact same spot, you were asking for straight tequila," a voice breaks her thoughts, "Joe warned you that you'd be sorry in the morning and you told him that you started work the next day."
Meredith turned to the voice and leaned back on her stool.
The last time, she'd been broken and battered. She'd been trying to find her place in a world that she wasn't completely sure if she wanted to be a part of for her own or for the fact that she was chasing her mother's footsteps.
"That was a long time ago," she muttered.
Derek walked behind her and made his way to sit next to her. He's in the same spot he once occupied, back when they were nothing more than two strangers
Meredith couldn't help the shiver that traveled up her spine. It was all so different and so similar.
"How was your first day?" He waved towards the bartender, "Single malt scotch, please."
Meredith's lip turned into a slight smile as she watched the man pour scotch into a clean glass.
"This chief thing is not all that it's cut out to be," she rolls her eyes, "I was so busy meeting with the staff and filling out paperwork that I forced a resident out of their first solo surgery just so I could cut."
Derek scoffed as he watched her roll her eyes.
"I know it was wrong and I won't do it again but when I'm in that OR-"
"Mm," he sets his scotch down with a hiss, "It's the high. The rush. The thrill from cutting someone open and saving their life."
"Yes!" Meredith exclaims. Finally someone had summed it up perfectly, "My mother used to say 'any day where no one died is a good day', and I didn't always get that but when I'm in that OR-"
"The noise disappears and there's nothing else except you and your patient," he finishes for her, "It's a high."
Meredith studies him before smiling, "Yeah, I don't know why anybody does drugs."
"Yeah," he smiles, "That feeling never goes away. Saving a life."
"No it doesn't," she sighs before quickly turning back to her glass. She takes a long sip before setting it down.
An awkward silence falls between them. Suddenly she wants to jump off the stool and run out of the bar instead, she turns to him and decides to stay.
"So that's what brought you back?" Meredith asks, "Ferry Boats?"
"Ah, you remember," he beams. He watches as she takes a sip of her red wine, her giggle ringing in his ears, the sweetest sound he'd heard since forever. She's different. There's slight wrinkles under her eyes and a few stray grays in her blonde tresses. Still, he finds her beautiful. He finds the same nefarious glimmer in her eye and the feistiness that she's trying to suppress. She's not the same person he met all those years ago. She's grown in many ways and he wishes he can express just how proud he is without the fear that she'll get up and leave. Because he also wants to say so much more.
So he settles on the small conversation she's offered.
"It, uh, was actually Zo who convinced me," he turns back to the drink in his hand and sips.
"Really?" Meredith raises a brow, "Your daughter? Most fifteen year olds don't want to move from their home. They have friends and boyfriends or girlfriends-"
"They do… if they suffer from an anxiety disorder," he shifts. He watches as Meredith takes in his words.
"Oh," she blinks, "I'm sorry I-"
She was ready to put up a fight and ask him a plethora of questions but this was unexpected.
Her eyes soften, "That must be really hard for someone her age."
"Yeah, she's tough, she tries to hide it," Derek nods, "I didn't want the job. I didn't think I should come back given everything that happened but when Zola overheard Bailey's call she insisted I take it."
Derek runs his thumb across the lip of the glass as he repeats his daughter's words, "'I have a feeling, Dad. I think we need to leave this stupid city and this stupid place. We're both unhappy so why don't we start over?'"
Meredith studies him as he echoes his daughter's words. There's a heaviness in his eyes she's never seen before. Fatherhood.
She's made an active choice not to pursue the same path. Motherhood was something that was in her cards because for all she knew, Meredith would turn out to be the exact same way Ellis Grey had. Cold and distant. And no kid should ever endure that.
Seeing him now, she wonders, fleetingly, what could've been.
Meredith drinks more of her wine before turning to him again, "She sounds like a smart kid."
"She is. And she was right." His fingers drummed lightly on the table as he added, "She's made some friends here. She's more outgoing than she was in New York. My mom's not happy with us moving so far away, but if Zola's happy? That's all that matters."
Meredith nods. She's not surprised that he's the dad he is. He may have hurt her, but underneath it all, Derek was a good person. His issue was his lack of not knowing what he wanted.
To be the good guy or chasing what he selfishly wanted.
And his choices ended up hurting everyone.
"What brought you back? To Seattle?" Derek asks.
Meredith sets her glass down and sighs, "The truth?"
"Mmhm."
"My mother," Meredith shrugs, "For some goddamn reason, I feel that she'd be jealous at the fact that I got offered the job that I just had to take it."
"Why? What do you mean?
She rolls her eyes, "She wanted to stay here. She only left for Boston because she and Richard Webber were having an affair."
Derek blinked, "I'm sorry, what?"
"Yeah," Meredith nods, "It's why he ended up retiring after you left. Because I figured it out. And then Burke took over and then he left for Switzerland with Cristina when we finished our residencies. He offered her a job and she took it."
Derek reaches for the glass and downs the whole drink. He hissed as it stings his throat.
Meredith laughs, "A lot happened after you left."
"I-yeah," he breaks into a hearty laugh, "You can say that again."
Meredith laughs softly as her finger traces the stern of her glass, an easy silence stretches between them. Then, curiosity darkens her gaze.
"What happened between you and Addison?"
Derek turns to her, he exhales heavily. Like someone just placed a heavy bag on his back. All the baggage he's tried to let go has suddenly made its way back.
"It's complicated."
"So uncomplicated it for me," she challenges him with steel weaving in her voice, "You owe me that."
He does. He knows that. He knows he led her on and lied to her. He knows he left without a word and suddenly all they went through and the choices he made were for nothing.
"We tried," he shrugs, "It didn't work out."
Meredith stares at him. Baffled.
"That's it?"
"Mmhm."
"It didn't work out?"
"Yep."
"Derek."
"What?"
"I stood in the scrub room, begging you-begging you!- to pick me! To choose me! To love me! And you didn't!' And now all I get was 'it didn't work out?'"
She clenches her fist tightly as she leans in closer to him. She feels like she's yelling and she can feel the redness in her neck.
Derek set his glass down, his expression shifting. The lightness from earlier was gone, replaced by something darker, deeper. He turned to face her fully, leaning in just slightly, enough that she could see the strain etched around his eyes.
"I deserve more than that!" Meredith demands, "You can't just sit here next to me and-"
"She and Mark had been in a relationship for months before she came out to Seattle," he blurts suddenly.
"What?"
"He came to the brownstone one night to pick up his bike," Derek explains, "I overheard him tell her that it wasn't fair how he was just the chump that had slept with his best friend's wife. That I didn't know the truth."
"But you and I were in a relationship too, Derek-"
"You weren't pregnant," he bites his lip, "She was. It was Mark's. The rest is her story to tell, not mine."
"I deserved that," he leans back, "after putting you through what I put you through, I deserved that."
"You could've-"
"What? Looked for you and tell you 'never mind, Addison screwed me over so I choose you now?'" He scoffed, "C'mon, I may have been an ass but I damn well know that doing that would be worse."
Meredith turns back to her drink. He's right. She would've told him to go to hell and that she moved on. That she was better off without him and she would not forgive and forget.
"I wanted to choose you Meredith," he mutters, "I wanted to choose you-"
"But you didn't!" she hisses.
He turns to her, his tongue presses to the top of his teeth as he processes her words. He didn't and he'd regret it for the rest of his life. But there was more to the story that she didn't know.
"I did come here. That night? The night Bonnie died? The night of the trainwreck," he says quietly, "I came here looking for you but by the time I got here you had been paged back to the hospital."
Meredith listens.
"And then Bonnie said that if love was enough-"
"She'd still be here," Meredith finishes. Those words had been an echo in the back of her mind for years, "She asked you to tell her fiance that if love were enough, she'd still be here."
"Yeah," he says. He reaches for the empty glass and sets it back down, "I had made vows. I made promises. I thought that I needed to follow that through but I knew that what I wanted was-"
Meredith shakes her head. She feels like she's sitting on the stairs of his trailer once again as she listens to his story about finding Mark and Addison together. But just like that time, this is not enough.
"I've regretted that night for twenty years," he finishes, "I've wasted twenty years of my life, burying myself in a job that should make me feel fulfilled but-"
"Derek-"
"But then I think about Zola and suddenly it makes a little sense. And I think about how far you've come. The awards, the accolades, the lives you've saved- it's what you always wanted," Derek turns to Meredith and smiles, "Something good came out of the messes I made."
Meredith studies him. She exhales loudly before she pushes her glass of wine away and reaches for the coat and purse she set on the stool on her left. She stands and notices how he also releases a disappointed exhale, thinkin he knows what will come next. She'll walk out and won't look back.
He turns to her and presses his lips in a tight line.
"Can you take me home?"
Derek blinks in surprise before nodding and following her out of the bar.
He follows her directions to the building where her condo is. And unlike the first time, Meredith doesn't ask him to come in. Neither one of them is drunk and neither one of them is dying to rip the clothes off each other.
Instead, he follows her lead and patiently waits while she stares at the empty road in front of her. Until she pulls the door open and steps out. She doesn't ask him to join her and he doesn't step out. He wants to respect her boundaries and the line he knows she's trying to set.
He sighs and steps out of the car and looks towards her. She stands at the bottom of the steps, both hands holding onto her purse as her eyes meet his.
Clearly things are different. Clearly things have changed. They're standing in this strange moment in time where they can choose what will happen next. Because they don't know what'll happen. They don't know how much tonight will change their lives. They don't know that their lives will be intertwined so much more than they will ever know.
They won't know that tomorrow morning, Derek will be standing by the coffee cart she loves and she'll stop next to him. She'll say 'good morning' and thank him for the ride home. He'll smile back and say it wasn't a problem at all. Then he'll offer her a cup- his treat, he'll insist. She'll say that buying her a cup of coffee will make the rest of the staff think that he's trying to bribe her.
He'll shrug and say, "It's fine. They've said worse."
Meredith will laugh and take him up on his offer. She'll order a mocha latte and he'll laugh at the fact that it's still the same drink she would order all those years ago.
They won't know how that one morning will lead into a daily thing. Sometimes by the time she arrives at the hospital, he'll be standing by the nurses' station with her favorite latte waiting for her.
Still warm, surprisingly.
They won't know any of this.
They don't know that after a week of this morning routine, he'll finally build up the courage to ask her out to dinner.
"What?"
"Dinner," he'll say, "C'mon, I know a lot has changed over the years but you still like a good steak right?"
"What if I told you I'm a vegetarian?" She raises a brow.
"I'll call your bluff and offer to take you to this one little place that has some great vegetarian options," he smirks.
She'll giggle and say she'll think about it only to give in when she runs into him on their way to their respective cars in the lot.
That one dinner will turn into another and then another.
They'll tell each other all about their cases.
She'll tell him how she's scared she'll screw up as chief and he'll tell her how he's sure that his younger sister- a brilliant neurosurgeon in her own right- is far better than him. He just can't admit it out loud yet because it's just the way they are. Complicated.
He'll tell her about the nurse he dated and another doctor he just couldn't commit to. She'll tell him about the intern she dated and the cardiothoracic surgeon she spent some time with. And they won't be jealous of each other. Those people were history and they've decided to live in the now. Surprisingly.
She'll say she gets it and then share that someone by the name of Lexie Grey once reached out to her claiming to be her sister. They've talked a few times but never really formed a tight bond. And that she's heard rumors about another sister- a daughter between Ellis and Richard- but she's never tried to contact the woman. That haunts her too.
He'll tell her how he's scared that he's not enough for Zola. He's screwed up many times before but now that she's older he's even more terrified.
She'll tell him that she's had so much success and yet is terrified that she'll be the one to destroy Seattle Grace.
Derek will tell her about how his father's murder has scarred him.
Meredith will tell him how watching her mother slit her wrist scarred her.
He knows that her mother's legacy haunts her. She knows that he resents the fact that he had to be the grown up in his family.
They'll lean on each other. They'll confess their darkest secrets to each other. They'll be each other's support. A friendship will blossom and slowly they'll let it be more. Just like they should have all those years ago.
They just don't know it yet. Not while they're standing outside Meredith's building. They don't know just how slow they'll take things and just how much they'll mean to each other. Or how different it'll be from the first time they fell deep into each other.
They don't know that he won't kiss her until a few dates later. That he'll take her out to dinner, this time in a small little restaurant that just opened.
It's far from the hospital and far from the patients and the surgeries and they can just be Meredith and Derek. He'll drive her home and she'll tease him over his terrible taste in music. He'll laugh and tease her over her lack of culture- a comment that causes her to reach over and swat him playfully. But he'll anticipate her move and will catch her hand, slowly drawing it to his lips in a gentle kiss.
Like he's done it a million times before.
She won't let go and will keep her fingers threaded in his until they reach her condo where they'll have to let go long enough for them to get off the car until their hands thread together again. And during that car ride back, she'll realize that all she wants is him. All of him. That she's ready to knock down the walls and boundaries she's set and have him. Not just tonight, but every night. And every day.
He'll walk her upstairs and will chat her ear off about an exciting surgery he's scheduled for the week and how his younger sister will be flying in to be his co-surgeon.
Meredith will reach for her keys and jam the key inside. Before twisting the knob open, she'll turn around and reach for his shirt. She'll pull him towards her and kiss him. Deeply. Slowly. A toe curling kiss that lasts forever. His hand will cup her cheek as the other wraps around her waist. She'll sink between the door and his body and feel like she's in high school making out with her crush for the very first time.
He pulls back, his breath ragged, "I can't."
She blinks, her fingers tightly clenching his black sweater, disappointment in her eyes,"What?"
"I mean, not-" he grins, "I can't tonight."
Her brow furrows.
"Zola," he explains, "She's uh at a friend's house and she asked me to pick her up after dinner. She doesn't do well at sleepovers and I'm always her excuse."
Meredith giggles, "Let me guess. 'My dad said no?'"
Derek chuckles, "Yeah, her friends think I'm an overprotective, hovering parent. Which, you know… I probably am."
She hums. Amused at the situation at hand. Derek Shepherd is a dad. Derek Shepherd is a father to a teenager and she has him wrapped around her finger.
She'll be slightly jealous. Not that his daughter is his world but that she has someone- a dad- that loves her so deeply.
And it'll make Meredith fall in love with Derek even more. She just won't be able to tell him that.
"Rain check?" he'll stuff his hand into his pockets as he'll try to put out the heat that their passionate kiss ignites.
"Okay," she'll whisper, "You know I do want to meet her?"
His eyes will widen. He'll be surprised and elated because he thought that she wouldn't be ready. That they'd be moving too fast and that it would scare her away.
"I mean when you and her are ready. I mean I've heard so much about her that-," she'll quickly say, "You know what? Forget-"
"No," he shakes his head, "I mean, yes, but no, I-"
She'll giggle because for the first time, she's rendered him speechless and rambling.
He'll chuckle, "She's asked about you. She knows you and I are-"
He won't know what they are then. But he does know that it's one step to…forever.
He'll smile before kissing her gently, "She wants to meet you too."
He'll kiss her one last time that night because he's rediscovered just how much he loves kissing Meredith Grey. And though he hasn't told her yet, he's fallen deeply in love with her all over again. Then again, he's never fallen out.
He'll offer a rain check for that night and she'll watch him make his way down the hallway with a grin plastered on her face before finally entering her home.
And a few days later, she'll lose a patient whose life hits so close to home. It's a night that'll be forever sketched into her mind.
She'll lose a patient and she won't forget the way her patient's mother couldn't really process the news. Her patient's sister would cry and wail, but the mother would remain with a blank stare. Because she can't even remember who they are talking about.
Meredith will call Derek, and he'll be stuck in a surgery. She won't tell him why she needs him, instead she'll tell him she'll see him tomorrow, postponing the dinner they were supposed to have. But she'll hide in her office and hours later, when he's finished, exhausted and in desperate need of sleep, he'll run down to her office. Finding her sitting against the wall with tears down her face. He won't ask anything. He won't say anything. Instead, he'll lock the door behind him and sit with her, pulling her into his arms. He'll promise to drive her home when she's ready but she'll insist he needs to get home to Zola.
She's in Los Angeles, he'll explain, she's visiting her favorite auntie for spring break. A very serendipitous turn of events.
He'll drive her home and will stay the night with her. His arms wrapped tightly around her, promising that she doesn't have to handle things on her own. He'll always show up for her no matter what.
"Even when I yell," he promises as she holds onto him tightly, "Even when you yell, I will always show up."
She'll believe him.
And when morning comes and the sun pierces through the window, a good morning kiss will turn into so much more.
She'll let his hands wander, and open herself to him.
"Please," she'll whisper as his hands trace the contours of her body.
He'll give in and let her take the lead. She'll undress him and he'll undress her. His lips will caress her porcelain skin until he reaches her center. He'll kiss her and she'll gasp, pleasure coursing through her veins. Her hands will grip the white sheets until her fingers clench the silver locks on his scalp. He'll find his way to her lips again and make his way home. Until he slips into her and they're left to nothing but a panting mess and goosebumps cover their skin.
And when their dance is over and they come back from an oblivion of ecstasy, he'll finally tell her.
"I'm in love with you," he'll smile, "I've been in love with you forever."
And she'll kiss him and whisper back the three words she'd been so scared to say.
"I love you."
They'll spend the day tangled in each other's limbs, making love over and over again. Never enough for the twenty wasted years they've spent apart.
But Meredith and Derek don't know any of this. Not yet.
They don't know that days after that, Zola will return home and insist on having Meredith over for dinner. Derek will invite her and will warn her, Zola is a genius with many questions and an interest in surgery. It's his fault, he'll claim. They've been on their own for a long time and he's raised a miniature adult.
Meredith will be surprised when she realizes that the land she thought he had abandoned is still his and he's built a home. A gorgeous Victorian home with an open floor plan and a beautiful view.
When he opens the door to his home, he'll steal a quick kiss and let her in. His daughter will come running from the hallway and she'll grin brightly at their guest.
"Zola, this is Dr. Meredith Grey," Derek will say, "Dr. Grey-"
"Meredith," she rolls her eyes, "Don't call me Dr. Grey. It's Meredith."
Zola will turn to her dad with a sly grin before glancing back at the blonde woman. She'll reach out to embrace her- clearly Derek Shepherd's daughter, "Oh, so you're Dr. Grey. The doctor he's been talking about for yea-"
"Zo," Derek warns, "Don't start embarrassing me. Leave that for another day."
Meredith giggles as she steps into the apartment, "He talks about you all the time, Zola. It's so nice to finally meet you."
"It's nice to finally meet you," Zola smiles before turning to her dad, "I'm gonna go over there and give you a few minutes before I embarrass you."
"Okay," Derek chuckles as he watches his daughter disappear down the hallway.
Meredith won't be able to help the giggles that escape her, "I like her."
"Yeah, she's pretty great," he sighs.
They'll have dinner. He's made meatloaf and Meredith will offer to help only for him to shoo her away.
"Dad hogs the kitchen," Zola will explain, "We usually cook together but he's trying to impress you."
"What did I say about embarrassing me?" Derek will playfully chide.
Zola sticks her tongue out playfully before bombarding Meredith with questions about surgery. Meredith will find it endearing and she answers each and every question. When Derek excuses himself, Zola will tell her that her dad hasn't been so happy in such a long time.
He's mentioned Meredith before but now that she's back in his life, there's something in him that has just…become whole.
Derek's right, Meredith thinks, Zola's a mini adult. She's incredible, amazing, brilliant, smart, and empathetic.
But as they stand outside Meredith's building, they still don't know of this.
They still don't know that as time passes on, Meredith will become Zola's confidant. She'll look forward to weekly dinners that'll turn to daily dinners. That Zola will invite her to a traditional birthday brunch with her dad- which surprises Derek most of all. That Zola will ask for advice about clothes and make up and things her dad just can't help her with. They don't know that Zola will ask if she can take her shopping for a homecoming dress. That Zola will invite her to a cello recital and to a presentation where she'll declare to the world that her dad is her hero. Not only is he an amazing surgeon but he saved her life and took her in. And he's surrounded her with so many people that love her. They don't know that Derek will love this. They don't know that he enjoys their girlish conversations- unconventional at times because neither of them are stereotypically girly. He'll enjoy teasing them and having them team up against him. He'll treasure the hikes the trio make on Sunday mornings when Meredith meets up with them. They used to be sacred to the daughter and father but one Saturday evening, Zola insists that Meredith join them. And suddenly those Sunday hikes become a thing for the three of them.
They don't know that Zola will choose to confide in Meredith and tell her that she has a crush. That this crush has been her best friend. And that she's kissed her crush in a stupid spin the bottle game at school.
"I-I just can't," Zola swallows, "I can't tell my dad. What if he-"
"Zola," Meredith will say, "Your dad will love you no matter what. You're his entire world. He would give everything for you."
Zola will choose to come out to her dad on a night that Meredith is having dinner with them- which will take her by surprise as she thought it'd be something Zola would do in private. Derek won't hesitate to walk around the kitchen island and wrap his arms around his daughter as she cries. She was scared he wouldn't accept her.
"You're my daughter," he'll whisper before pulling back, "Anyone would be lucky to let you love them as deep as you love. No matter who they are."
Zola will cling to those words as his gentle hands caress her cheeks, "I love you ZoZo. The only thing I ever want is for you to be happy."
Meredith will smile, knowing she was right. The man she loves is still him. Of course he'd love his daughter unconditionally. She never doubted that. But to see the overwhelming emotion in Zola's face is heartwarming. A part of Meredith will heal as she watches this.
He'll thank Meredith for being someone she confides in and for listening to her when Zola felt isolated.
"I had nothing to do with it," Meredith will shrug as she reaches for her coat, "I didn't-"
"She told me she came out to you last week," he'll smile, "My daughter trusted you and for that I can never thank you enough."
Meredith will wrap her arms around him, "You're a good dad. I never doubted that."
It'll be the first time she spends the night at his house. They'll make love in whispers and suppressed moans, something neither is used to because the nights he's made love to her have been in her place with no one listening in. He's left in the darkness back to his daughter but this time, Meredith stays and wakes up in his arms.
But a week later, that solitary moment of peace will turn upside down.
She'll have to be chief of surgery and call him, giving him the most horrible news of his life.
"Where is she?" Derek will run into the ER as Meredith runs towards him, dressed in her navy scrubs and navy converse.
Meredith places both hands on his chest, "She's in-"
"Is she-"
"She's okay," Meredith nods, "She's okay. Minor bruises and a clear head CT, Derek. Zola is okay."
She'll explain that she was in a crash. She's just received her license- two weeks after her sixteenth birthday- and some moron ran a red light.
"She- she doesn't-"
"No, she doesn't need surgery," Meredith will soothe him, "You need to calm down before you go in there and-"
"She's my- she's my daughter. She's all I have, I'm all she has-"
"I know, I know," Meredith places her hands on his arms and rubs them up and down. Others might be offended, others might be hurt. But Meredith knows him better. Meredith knows that his daughter holds a large part of his heart and that for years all they've had is each other. She understands and she makes no effort to ever get in between that.
"She's terrified, Derek, and she knows you're already scared so you need to calm down before you go in there and see her."
It won't be until the end of the day when she's discharged and sent home that Meredith breaks down in his arms. She'll hold it together for him all day. She'll be strong and she'll be a shoulder to lean on but the truth is that she cares for Zola. So much more than she ever could expect.
She'll hurt when she hurts. She'll be happy when she's happy.
She'll love Zola.
And it may not be legal and it may not be on paper but Zola will be her daughter.
Because she won't even flinch when Zola accidentally slips and calls her "Mom" on her way out to school one morning. She won't correct her and she won't feel uncomfortable. She won't bring it up because she sees how Zola tenses and how she avoids bringing it up when they have dinner together and Derek rambles about planning out a camping trip.
Meredith and Zola will both roll their eyes at him but they won't mention the elephant in the room.
Until one day when Zola will finally bring it up again and ask Meredith if she can call her that.
Mom.
She doesn't know why but Meredith cries with emotion. And she's been 'mom' since then.
Derek and Meredith will lie in bed one night, after she finally gives in and moves into the house in Bainbridge, when he'll confess, "I think you're what she was missing."
Her fingers will scrunch his shirt as she shifts to look at him, "What do you mean?"
"All this time," he'll whisper, "I knew she was missing something- someone. I thought maybe I had made a mistake when I adopted her because it's just been me for so long. But now I know it's you."
"We were both missing you," He'll turn to her and smile, "It's always been you."
And when they're empty nesters and Zola moves to New Hampshire, inspired to follow in her mom's footsteps, they will both be incredibly proud. And incredibly sad.
But on this first day back, on this first day as chief of surgery at Seattle Grace Hospital, Derek and Meredith won't know just how much their lives are about to change. They won't know that time has healed a very deep wound.
Meredith sighs before smiling softly, "I'll see you around."
Derek smiles back and nods as he watches her step into the building, "See ya."
He leaves knowing that there's a reason why they're here again. Meredith reaches her condo and steps in. She closes the door behind her, with a deep feeling that this time, things will be different.
—
There's a man in her bed.
Not a boy. A man.
There's a man in her bed and she knows exactly how he got there. She knows that he offered her a drink. She knows that they sat on the same bar stools that she once sat on eons ago. And she knows that he purposely didn't drink. She knows that she didn't take him up on the usual tequila she'd take, instead she opted for a glass of red wine. And by the end of the night, he drove her home.
Their home.
They've spent nights together. And mornings.
The sun seems to bounce off his porcelain back and she can't help but reach over and press her lips against the softness of his skin. He hums in response and turns around until his body faces her.
"Hi," he whispers. "How long have you been up?"
"A while," she responds, "I didn't want to waste anymore time."
He cups her cheek and brings her down to kiss her. He devours her.
He doesn't want to waste anymore time either.
So they don't.
A/N:
For TheShepherds/MK because she asked me "what would have happened if Derek stayed with Addison." She also asked other things but I'm gonna save those for later.
Your reviews are loved an appreciated 3