Well, well well…fancy seeing your nosey self here. Welcome to the pity party!
I know what you're thinking. I can feel the sanctimonious judgement you exude as you watch her like this. The reddened face and frazzled hair, crumpled robes and bloodshot eyes as she cries, all alone. All her own doing…right?! You think you know this girl, but I can tell you - you are almost entirely wrong. You've not even begun to understand the depths of her.
If you have any interest in this Gryffindor I regard so highly…sit down…buckle up…and let me school you on how it is…
That poor girl, the one lying with her face buried the pillow…well, her name is Hermione Granger. She's 17 years old, an impeccable student of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, top rank in all her academic endeavours, yet here she is ruminating over a boy who has broken her youthful heart.
The curtains are drawn around the four-poster frame creating a cosy, rose-tinted refuge bathed in the late afternoon light. As with everything this young one does, she has meticulously scheduled a time to fall apart. It's no coincidence that her roommates are presently in the Great Hall having their dinner. She wants to be alone, hoping for privacy but, ever the cautious planner, she even spared a moment with her wand to prevent any would-be intruders from overhearing sorrowful sobs.
In the highest tower of Hogwarts castle, the teen's shoulders heave as wave after wave of emotional anguish crashes over her. Starting as a tingling in her heart space, it expands to fill her chest before spilling into her bones and running through her arms and legs. Her face is wet from seemingly endless tears.
The reason for all this pain and weeping? Why…what else, but a boy! Not just any boy…a tall, red headed specimen. One previously known to her as kind and funny, once a friend. This dejected soul is crying over the failed attempt at something more with him, the one she desired. Miss Granger will not entertain the use of the L word. Which is, in my opinion, utterly ridiculous because what else could it be?! What other emotion could possibly overwhelm a person so much that it torments the body so?
Sigh…she's young, they both are. It's a nasty business, love is, especially at this age.
Despite her achievements, and there have been many, she's still just a girl. Sure, one who may appear tough and even cold to outsiders. One who has previously been called a nightmare and a know-it-all by those who were best friends. But let me tell you something rather important - it takes this girl time to let people in.
A part of her has always been eager to please teachers and progress academically but her enthusiasm for reading started as a means of escapism. Studying and learning have always been things she could control - allowing her to be anything she wanted to be and becoming lost in her imagination, far from horrid muggle bullies and the loneliness of being an only child. Safe behind her wall of books.
But she is more than the slanderous terms and she cares not for what others think of her. Another piece of advice? If you are lucky enough to break through her conjured protection and be welcomed into Hermione Granger's inner circle, you have found a friend for life. Warm and quick witted, optimistic and enthusiastic, loyal to a fault, she opens herself to those she feels secure with - only putting energy into those she bonds with.
A few short months ago, in the muggy atmosphere of the greenhouse she'd laid herself bare. Finally exposing her heart's true feelings to the boy she trusted. A deep over thinker, she now wonders if he understood how difficult that conversation had been for her? Didn't he realise that she'd practised it over and over in her mind a hundred times? That she waited patiently to steer the conversation? Inaction would have been much, much easier for her, but Hermione is no hypocrite. Having vented to him venomously the night of the Yule Ball, she vowed to take the opportunity herself, if it ever presented.
Granted, it was a pity their best friend had to bear witness, awkward as ever, but his presence had provided comfort to her. It permitted the conversation to be somewhat blasé rather than the precipice of a romance novel.
Also, she had reasoned, it was another person to talk to during classes, had it all gone wrong. But it hadn't gone wrong, he'd agreed to accompany her. Didn't he know how happy it had made her?! She had taken a huge risk, and she's not the kind of girl to gamble a friendship without due care and diligence. For a few short weeks she had joyfully walked on air. A buzz of excitement running through her veins, almost like she'd won the felix felicis for herself.
The time came to pass that the aforementioned potion was the undoing of all the good feelings. He took that invitation, crumpled it into a little ball and threw it to the flames of the common room fireplace. Letting all her hopes and dreams burn as he kissed that beautiful blond. Her default reaction was to escape, distance herself from the betrayal, find somewhere private to grieve. It was unfortunate that he'd stumbled upon her, when the pain was so raw.
Like I said, she prefers to come undone in private. She likes to think herself above crying over a boy. She's embarrassed and angry that she even permits herself to care for such frivolity. But alas, despite all that, she is just a teenage girl, so here we are, moistening the goose down.
Their friend has tried to play peace maker, but his emotional intelligence is somewhat dim and after a few rather pathetic attempts, he had given up. Hermione could talk to others, there's a lovely girl in Ravenclaw she's rather fond of and she is sociable with said stupid boy's sister. Although, I have to agree with her choice not to confide in the younger red haired sibling, that would undoubtedly complicate matters tenfold. No, Hermione is doing what Hermione does best, retreats - physically and emotionally.
I've seen her do it before, I watched as she ran to the girls' bathroom in this very castle at the tender age of 12. Crying over the very same boy. Quelle surprise! This is how she protects herself, draws back, away from those who could provide love and support. These days more than ever, the library is her sanctuary. A place where she doesn't have to witness snogging and can take comfort in the endless sea of written words.
Books are safe. She may afford herself a brief time to wallow in self-pity but she'll dust herself off and redirect her mind to more useful pursuits, like schoolwork. It's what she likes to do, to understand things, learn, process, calculate, organise, she appreciates things to be black or white, yes or no, right or wrong. She can't function in the grey as he can. Everything must have an explanation.
That is why Hermione Granger hated divinity class so. The subject where there are no rules, explicit definitions, no equations to conquer and no concrete answers. The whole branch of magic appeared to her, to be sheer luck and blind belief. She also hated the thought that her future was predetermined. The girl likes to be in control, self-reliant, as she'd always been before.
She hated that the population could be categorised by star signs and upon taking notice of her Virgo status she was appalled to learn that she was the absolute embodiment of one. Hermione read those divination text books with a quirked eyebrow, as I smirked knowingly. As she learned that the proposed attributes of a Virgo reflected her so well she moved her research to the library. I witnessed her trawling the bookshelves looking for some agreement that star signs were utter rubbish. However, other than caveats and warnings about misinterpretations, she found none. Each book depicted her personality and tendencies ever so accurately.
A non-exhaustive list of such is included below, should you, lovely reader, not be au fait with a Virgo's standing.
Logical
Practical
Systematic
Perfectionist
Diligent
Consistent
Organised
Meticulous
Kind
Gentle
Supportive
Resourceful
Intelligent
Problem-Solvers
Methodical
Committed
Hardworking
If you are still in any doubt, there are so many opportunities where I can provide examples of her Virgo status. Without her resourcefulness and problem solving skills, the boy would never have reached the giant chess board and been able to play 'the greatest game of chess that Hogwarts had seen in many years.'
Without her logic and methodical research, the boys would never have known of the basilisk lurking within the castle. That particular boy would never have displayed his own strength of character, following his worst nightmare into the depths of the forbidden forest to help rescue her. Even if this young lady would venomously disagree at present, her judgement currently clouded by teenage strife, the boy does have many wonderful attributes. I may consider explaining them one day, but for now, this story must return to our girl, Miss Granger.
Was she not supportive of her best friend, did she not turn back time to help him save his lost Godfather and a hippogriff from death. She was ever so kind and gentle that evening, with both of her boys.
If it were not for Hermione's practical and systematic help, her best friend would not have survived the trials of the Triwizard Tournament. She helped him prepare ever so diligently, hours spent perfecting 'Accio', hours spent researching solutions, hours spent worrying.
And how about her meticulous organisational skills that founded Dumbledore's Army to help fight the good fight. Her fake Galleons to schedule meetings are exceptional specimens of her genius. She's proved herself to be full of bright ideas, hardworking, committed, the list goes on and on. Let us brush over the judgemental, vengeful side which has left Marietta Edgecombe with that minor ailment.
That's why all of this hurts so badly. After everything they had been through together. She thought she had considered everything. Let me tell you, the girl has ruminated over every conversation, replayed every touch, reread every letter she had ever received. She'd thought it over and over considerably, done the analysis and concluded he must like her back.
The feelings she had for him, in key moments of her life, had flooded in with overwhelming force. Catching her off guard, so it felt her heart might burst from her chest as a rogue firework. When she stood at the crossroads of their relationship, metaphorically peering down the safe, well paved path of friendship compared to the undulating track of more, these memories had pushed her tentatively into the unknown. In true fashion, she had a list…
The time he rescued her from the troll in the dungeons
The time he stood up to Malfoy and puked slugs for her honour
The time he noticed she was overworked in third year
The time he stood up to Snape on her behalf and ended up in detention
The time he stood up to Snape on her behalf and ended up in detention again
The time he spent all his time researching for Buckbeak's Trial
The time he bought her perfume for Christmas
The time he got jealous of Viktor
The time he got jealous of Cormac
Isn't it extensive?! And these are only the big events. Too many shared smiles, knees accidentally touched on sofas and shoulders brushed together as they patrolled halls to be recorded. I must say, I too agreed with her theory, having watched the years play out as they have. Wouldn't you have bet gallons on them being together?
She can't comprehend how she had gotten it so wrong. She wasn't just devastated that he rejected her and had a new girlfriend, she was completely mortified that she'd misinterpreted his intentions. Or so she thinks anyhow. That stupid liquid luck, she curses it in the same breath as the half-blood prince.
She only meant to persuade the boys to follow appropriate rules, as she'd done a hundred times before. Hermione's brain was unable to congratulate the boys on the win, if it was achieved through ill-gotten gains. I know what you're thinking, but never mind the dozens of regulations she herself has broken, Hermione has justified those in her own head along the way. Winning a Quidditch match was simply not worthy of the crime. Yes, yes, I know…just ignore the confundus charm she used on that pompous keeper…that was also ok, that was for him.
She could berate their best friend for running this interference, he should have told her of his plan. She hadn't meant to doubt the boy's ability, damn, she'd even tried to boost his morale herself last year. In a moment of sheer Gryffindor courageousness, she'd tried to distract him from that horrid song. Venturing dangerously close to the sun to give him that kiss on the cheek.
Hermione Granger has been flip flopping between emotions. At the moment she may have succumbed to the sadness but earlier today, when she passed them lip locked in the corridor, it was anger that initially prevailed. She huffed and reminded herself that she is not the type of girl to cry over stupid boys and their stupid actions. A blatant lie to herself, obviously. Her inner monologue reminded that she was better than that, smarter than that. The mantra had worked…for a while.
A true extroverted introvert, she is highly emotionally intelligent, most dangerous when quiet. Nor does she offer redemption easily. I know you think you might know better, but these personality types are the ones you should beware. Take it from me. Mainly, as one, Hermione Granger has her red moments too and woe betide those who cross her. Or her nearest and dearest. I have already offered Marietta's disfigurement as a display of her acrimonious side. Another occasion worth mentioning is the momentous slap Draco Malfoy received, a perfect moment, I must add, that brought me great joy and satisfaction.
Little Miss Granger is not perfect; no one is…
Yes, she is angry, she should never have attacked him with the canaries.
Yes, she is petty, she should never have taken Cormac to the party in his stead.
Yes, she is stubborn, she had let this carry on for much too long.
Stubbornness. This is the crux of the current problem. I can tell you, Hermione may not let herself acknowledge the fact that she loves that boy, in that way. Her persistent agony clearly proves she's wrong on this occasion, but nevertheless. She believes she's too far down the road to befriend him ever again. How could it ever be mended at this late stage? After the horrible things they'd done to one another.
She may concede to loving both of the boys in the manner of friendship. She had been safe with her best friends, socialising with them never drained her as others did. They, or more like, he, made her laugh. She relaxed around them, had fun with them. Unlike the inane chatter and irrelevant gossip, she was subjected to in her dorm. The boys mostly let her be as she wanted to be, their friendship was effortless. They looked out for her too, well mostly him, encouraging her out of the library to eat and have some fun.
Her best friend and referenced silly boy may be the hero and heart of the operation but she is the brains. Forgive the use of this cliché term, I myself am rolling my eyes as I explain it, but it is, in fact, factually correct…she IS the brightest witch of her age. The three of them stabilise their face of the tetrahedron perfectly. Leaning on one another to balance their strengths and weaknesses.
She's more than just upset over the boy. She's mourning the loss of her best friends and the dynamic they had as a trio. Her first true friends. Without him she fears her side of the duo won't survive, that her brotherly bestie will abandon her. She's afraid of being alone again, as she was before Halloween 1991. She'd risked far more than just rejection when she invited him to that Christmas party.
She sees no way to repair this situation. It was in shambles.
She would never let him see her like this, a teary mess. Her father had always told her, there is no use in worrying for things outside one's own control. Hermione could not control what that boy did, or said, or thought or where his lips wandered. She must soldier on, despite that tingly sadness in her heart. Surely it would fade in time.
I should take this opportunity to remind readers that the boy has his own whispers, in his own head, unfortunately not as wise as Hermione's. Guilty of spewing self-doubt. Teenage boys surely cannot be blamed for misunderstandings and kissing pretty girls. One shouldn't expect much from them, but simply bide time until they understand their own idiot heads. Hermione, the poor dear, must wait.
Finally…she appears to be all cried out for this afternoon, she's wiping those tears away and I can see her preparing to put silly boys aside in her mind once again. Sealing up that box of emotion she's allowed herself to explore in the privacy of her four poster bed. She refreshes her face, pats down her robes and fixes her frizzy hair before leaving. To see her now, no one would suspect a thing. Isn't magic wonderful?! She takes the long route to the Great Hall, sure to avoid…well just about everyone. She will arrive into the hall with only 15 minutes to spare, eat quickly and alone before the plates are cleared. Afterwards she will return to the library and concentrate on things within her control. Grades and school work.
Hermione Granger's footsteps echo on the cold stone of the deserted hallway. Her heart has been safely returned to its steel cage, locked away for its own protection. It is much too fragile a thing, to be allowed out at the moment. She lifts her chin high and squares her shoulders, as she marches on. Resolved to never let anyone know she hides in her bed day after day, to weep. Determined to never forgive that stupid boy.
In a way, I am proud of her.
But wait, before you go, Hermione Granger does not know everything. Divination does hold some truth, her future is indeed laid out and I can read it plainly. She will forgive that boy, it will be soon. Unfortunately, he will be close to death before she comes to her senses, like I said…stubborn. She will shed happy tears and thank her lucky stars that he still lives and breathes in her world. Their friendship will mend, her heart will be whole once again, but too fragile to attempt anything more.
For a time, the rift will be forgotten, hope will eventually reblossom. But please do remember, the path of true love is never permitted to run smoothly. He will break that precious trust again, he will abandon her. Hermione Granger's fury will be blazing and her rath icy. But they are soulmates and amongst the unsettled dust of the close, they will find one another again. When the boy has matured into a man, the girl will see him clearly, there will be a kiss and they will know.
So, there you have it. Do you get her now? If you still can't appreciate the depths of her character, there's nothing more I can do for you. Except heed this warning, do not underestimate this woman. He may be a Gryffindor King, but to adapt a famous quote, there is good reason the Queen is the most powerful piece on the chessboard.
Especially…his chessboard.