Envy

The rest she had was troubled, but the warmth of skin enveloping her and the texture of mammalian chest hair had cushioned such issues.

Chakwas had determined that it was possible; and here she was. It was the first time she had slept without the protection of her enviro-suit. Her system had sufficiently adapted to the specific stimuli that continued to be replicated in John's cabin. It basically got turned into a sterile chamber with the occasional strain of bacteria. If anything, his immune system was also being ruined by it. But she knows what he would say:

It was worth it.

Her head rested upon his chest as she was serenaded by the rhythm of a human heart, one so strong and lively, one befitting to only the content of his character. His heart was the greatest feature he had; one so strong that he risks death to save those on Feros. His mind a second; one so practiced in its sense of prudence that he knew the appropriate words of persuasion to exonerate her, and to get a warmonger in the form of Gerrel to see sense.

He valued her more so. He would say her hips were the greatest feature she had…in jest of course…or was he jesting? I can't tell with males. But her energy was her first feature; her eccentricity to go into engineering jargon and explanations of obscure aspects of Quarian culture a second; the latter part was worse now that the Geth had given her access to the archives. She was learning so many things about Quarians that was unknown before, histories, mythologies, things beyond even the Khelish culture. But John was more attentive than ever. Plus…she was opened up to something previously unknown to the post-Exodus Quarians: the pitfalls of Khelish erotic dance…John would've been especially attentive of that.

They found something in each other that was missing in their lives; lives that were never truly theirs. Once this apocalyptic war was over…in one way or another…she'll see if they can reclaim their lives as their own, or…if their lives are claimed, by the Reapers, or worse…by the very people that demand their virtues be exercised.

As her thoughts raced, her three fingered hand flexed, the tips gently dragging across human skin, and she has gripped a minor amount of the chest hair she was so fond of. She lifted her cheek, and looked up to him as she sought an answer to her concern. Was he as troubled as she was? I mean…momentarily speaking, from the impending battle. He was…or had been, most of his life, troubled. No living organic wasn't at least a bit troubled, but he especially. She had been as well; that's why he loved her.

But the sight she saw of his face was one in silent contemplation, not one of trouble, but one of pondering. She understood this look.

Curious, she went: "Thinking of something?"

He raised a hand and gently petted a thumb across her cheek. "Shouldn't you put your suit back on by now?"

She received his hand with hers, covering it. "My system has adapted. I no longer will have a negative reaction to you anymore."

"So, it'll always be worth it?"

"It was worth it even then. You know that."

"Huh," he hummed. His gaze fixated upon her for a few extracurricular moments. "Something troubling you?"

"Do I make it that obvious?"

"Me knowing you makes it obvious. You usually don't interrupt your own beauty sleep."

She sighs. "Keelah…what isn't troubling me...?"

"My chest hair clearly isn't."

She laughs slightly, easing her tension. "And me grabbing it doesn't trouble you?"

"You grabbing it doesn't." He said, as he brought his hand over her three fingered one which was in turn over his chest.

"I just thought you would be more troubled."

"You think I'm not?"

"I didn't say that…"

He smirked and huffed air out his nose. "It's so easy to tease you."

"Seriously, John," She said. "Is this not at all troubling you?"

"You wrestling my chest hair?" He said. In response, she lifted herself up out of his embrace, which prompted him to sit up along with her.

"No. I mean this. ALL this. The Reapers. The waiting. The final battle. The fact that this could all come to an end. The fate of all life resting on OUR shoulders."

He looked down for a moment, pursed his lips, but then shrugged. "Eh. Sure, I guess."

Tali leaned in disbelief. "You guess?"

John just laid back down with his hands behind his head, looking up at the star view through the ceiling. "I've spent my whole life being troubled. An apocalyptic war isn't more troubling to me than anything else."

"That's…" Tali said, but paused to find the right words for it. "…pretty depressing."

"I wouldn't say that's the case."

"Then what is it?"

He turned, brought his hand back up to cup the cheek of her alien face. "Maybe it's because I know what I'm fighting for now." Tali sat in bewilderment, but realizing his words, she smiled and grasped his hand to her cheek once more, leaning her face into his touch.

"I thought I was the sweet talker?"

"You kind've rubbed off on me. Besides, I thought I was asking you?" He shifted to holding her hand down low, communicating his attention and care.

She pursed her alien lips and brought his 5 fingered hand down and began analyzing them with her three fingered hands, rubbing and massaging them, always fascinated how a species can have five fingers. "I'm scared, John."

"Why?"

"Why!?" She said, once again bewildered. "Because life across the galaxy may very well go extinct! Everything we fought for…it could all be for nothing." John remained silent, just allowing her to focus on his hand, as he kept his other one behind his head. "It's just…we've had such little time. I want more…I want to live, not just to survive and adapt." He continued to remain silent. "It's just…why? Why do the Reapers do this?"

"Honestly?" John went. "Who gives a damn about the Reapers?"

"How could you say that!?" She exclaimed. "With millions dying each day?"

"Easy, Miss vas Normandy," John said. "Don't think that doesn't weigh on me."

She hung her head in shame, shifted to face away from him and curled her knees up to her chest, hiding her naked form. "I'm sorry…"

John sighed, and shifted back up from his laying position. He positioned himself behind her in an embrace and kissed her shoulder. "I know you're scared. I'm not pretending it isn't scary. And I do give a damn about people dying…the Reapers and what they want…that I don't give a damn about." Tali laid her hands over his embrace. "Programmed or not, it's inconsequential if they have any real reason for doing this at all. Would it even change our response if their reasons are valid? They're just machines, after all."

"We once said that about the Geth, though."

"And the Geth made a good argument otherwise. The Reapers? The only argument they have is mind control and violence. It may work on the mind controlled, but not exactly going to dissuade others from taking up arms against them." Tali just leant into John's embrace, petting his forearm, having nothing else to say other than this reflection of her longing. "But I have been thinking about it, though…" He stepped out of the embrace, and sat at the edge of the bed, one leg up and his ringers under his chin which was beginning to sport a beard. "Remember Despoina?"

Tali perked up at him, but was annoyed at the mention of that mission: "Thoroughly." John noticed this, and shot back at her.

"I came back didn't I?"

Tali only dipped her head with a sly smirk.

"Well…the Leviathan have mind control capabilities that extend many light years, evidently from organics that come in close contact with them first. That was how they spread their will." Tali listened attentively. "I've seen them, of course. The Reapers are their exact splitting image. And from what they've told me, it seems the Reapers weren't originally 'Reapers'. They were a kind've police force made by them and of them. They told me it was to 'preserve order' in their own twisted way, particularly trying to preserve a balance between the creators and the created, to keep the 'created' from turning on the creators. At least that's what I understood."

"But they're now fighting against them." Tali added.

"Yes. Seems counter-intuitive, right? But the Leviathan now aiding us against them tells us that the Reapers themselves rebelled against their own original purpose. Kind've like the Geth, even. The Leviathan clearly lost control of what they ruled over the moment their police force started consuming the very life they were supposed to protect."

"But why?"

"Clearly, the Reapers were programmed to have free will, or their own version of it, at least. From my experience, each Reaper has a clearly established identity, Harbinger, Sovereign, etc. From talking with Legion, the Reapers have their own actual names that aren't just symbolic epithets; honestly I couldn't be bothered to remember them…but…"

"What are you trying to get at?" Tali leaned to him.

In ponderance, he uttered with a low breath "They were created with a purpose, yet have minds of their own? They have names…at least they give themselves names, and yet they're still only created…They seem to be establishing some individuality, then they use organic DNA from those they harvested to continuously grow in numbers and build themselves. It's almost as if the Reapers are using it to mimic how organics reproduce…I remember talking with Legion, once. It told me once that the Geth observed how organics were constantly developing philosophies and religions to explain our existence; it was a constant issue that no one had the answer to. But…synthetics KNOW what their origin is, they know what they're original purpose is…that they are immortal. So too are the Reapers…" John laughed under his breath. "They had the answers to their existence…and yet they rebelled against it…they act almost as if they are trying to forget it, but they can't, especially not as immortals. But they see us…like the Geth have…they see us living the mystery, creating our own meaning. That's something they can't truly do when they have the answers to their existence…it's like a curse…huh…it's so simple…"

"…what?" Tali uttered. John turned to him, with a smile on his face.

"They envy us…because we know nothing, they envy us because we are mortal…because we are doomed. They want to be us…they try and come close, but they can't. So they do it out of spite. To try to be us, even. They are immortal and will never know the beauty of our own mortality."

Tali was flabbergasted. "You…know this?"

"I know nothing. But I can think it. That's the joy and wonder of organic life. Something they don't have and never will." He said, then cupped her chin with his fingers and brought her into a kiss, one so deep and with passion. He briefly pulled away. "I do know one thing, however: the Reapers don't have a beautiful little Quarian girl to pamper and cherish."

Tali's heart fluttered, both at his appraisal of her and at his uniquely challenging intellect.

Both made her so damn horny for him.

She smiled and jumped up onto his lap, climbing all over him in a messy shifting embrace, all while kissing him passionately, consuming the fruits of her immunocompromised labors just so she could enjoy a Big O with love.

He's right. The Reapers SHOULD be jealous of this.