Chapter 3: Balancing Acts

Dear Diary,

My name is Ai Linh Hua, and this is my very first diary entry. And yes, I know, starting a diary at 18 feels like I'm late to the game, but hey, better late than never, right? Why didn't I start one sooner, you ask? Simple. I was busy trying to dodge family drama and suffocating under a mountain of schoolwork. Plus, I was (and still am) missing the essential ingredient of any juicy diary—boys. They've been about as present in my life as a decent night's sleep. When you're a chunky, emotionally unstable girl who binge-eats her feelings and spends most of her time spiraling into existential dread, "dream girl" just isn't the vibe you're giving off, I guess.

Anyway, here I am, officially an "adult" according to the government. That's right—18 in Japan, baby! I can vote, sign contracts, and drive, but I'm not trusted with alcohol. Apparently, I'm mature enough to make life-altering decisions and navigate a speeding death machine, but a glass of wine? Absolutely not, that's where we draw the line (although everyone I know at school crosses that line on a regular basis, let's be honest here). Now I'm supposed to be in charge of my life, which is terrifying because—have you met me? I can't even keep a houseplant alive.

The school year has barely kicked off, yet I'm already bracing myself for year-end exams and those infamous university entrance tests that turn every Japanese high school senior into an anxious ball of stress. It's a weird mix of adult responsibilities and teen restrictions that still feels like I'm stuck in some bizarre limbo. Culturally speaking, even though I'm legally an adult, I'm still very much in that teenage phase—juggling high school chaos and cramming for exams. And honestly, in my own head, I'm still just a teenager navigating senior year. I suppose, it's all part of the fun of this age, where the primary challenge is to avoid sobbing in a corner over results while trying to convince myself that my future doesn't hinge entirely on these tests.

And then there's Mom, with her constant reminders that education is my golden ticket to success (or at least a life where she won't be eternally disappointed in me). But honestly, at this point, my only solid plan is to survive senior year without becoming a headline in the family group chat.

So, I figured I'd start this diary. Isn't it a better option than having a daily existential meltdown? (Though let's be real, that's already part of my routine.)

I guess that's it for now. I'll check back in when I've either discovered the meaning of life or successfully managed to avoid all adult responsibilities (whichever comes first). (Spoiler: It's going to be the latter.)

Yours sarcastically,
Ai

"Thank you for visiting our restaurant! Enjoy the rest of your night!" Ai said with a smile so radiant it could brighten a black hole. As soon as the drunk customer was gone, she released a sigh so epic it felt like her soul had left her body, allowing the black hole to settle back into its dark, soul-sucking gloom.

It was 11:30 pm. Fantastic. She should have been home an hour ago. What was it with people showing up right before closing time? Did they think waiters had no lives outside of serving them?

She rolled her shoulders, trying to work out the knots while rounding the counter to collect the dirty dishes. With a certain key staff member missing, the kitchen was barely keeping up tonight. Everyone seemed to think the delay in their meals was her fault—as if a waitress had the magical ability to conjure food out of thin air.

Oh, how she hated people sometimes… Who was she kidding though? She hated people at all times.

The endless parade of burned-out Japanese salarymen, fueled by booze and drained of patience, turned working at her parents' restaurant into a crash course in human misery. After 8 pm, the complaints ranged from mildly annoying to downright absurd—like the guy who complained the soup was 'too soupy.' It made her wish all her customers were cacti. At least a cactus couldn't belittle you or whine about its prickly discomfort.

Ai reluctantly turned her attention to the last of the dirty dishes when her mom emerged from the kitchen, looking as if she'd just survived a battle. "You don't have to clean that. I'll take care of it tomorrow." Her mom pulled a few bills from the cash register, clearly intending to hand over Ai's share for the night.

"Don't worry about the money. Let's just go home; it's late. Besides, I'm sure I'll handle the exhaustion from a whole day of school, cram school and waiting tables just fine. It's not like school needs a fully functional brain or anything."

Ai saw the weary, defeated look on her mom's face and almost felt a flicker of guilt for her remark. Emphasis on almost. Her mom had dished out way worse before. "She'll survive," Ai thought bitterly, dismissing her fleeting sense of remorse.

The next morning, Ai sat slumped over her desk, the weight of exhaustion pressing down on her like a heavy fog. Her eyelids drooped, and she fought the urge to close them entirely as the teacher's monotone voice droned on in the background. It was one of those lessons designed to lull students into a coma—something about historical dates or was it world economics? Honestly, she couldn't tell the difference at this point.

She blinked hard, trying to focus, but her brain felt like it had been wrung out and left to dry. Late nights weren't new to her, but adding a full day of school, cram school, and a night shift at the restaurant felt like a particularly sadistic kind of torture.

"Hua-san, are you with us?"

The sound of her name sliced through her fog of half-consciousness like a knife. Ai jerked upright in her seat, her mind scrambling to figure out if she'd just been asked a question—or worse, if she'd been drooling. She glanced at the board which was completely blank. Great. She didn't even know what subject they were on.

"Uh… H-hai, sensei. Just... absorbing all the knowledge in a very, uh, zen-like state," she stammered, offering an apologetic smile. The teacher raised an eyebrow, arms crossed, while the rest of the class struggled to suppress their giggles.

Next to her, Misaki nudged her foot. Ai could feel her best friend's eyes on her, but didn't turn to look. It was embarrassing enough being called out in class without having to endure Misaki's pity too. She'd deal with it later—maybe during lunch. Or maybe not at all.

Her teacher sighed, clearly unimpressed. "If you could pay as much attention to the lesson as you do to daydreaming, maybe you'd actually learn something. I expect more of my senior year students."

Ai felt her face burn as she bowed to her sensei and mumbled a half-hearted apology. The teacher moved on, and she sank deeper into her seat, wishing she could disappear. Perfect. Public humiliation before 10 a.m.

Furthermore, Misaki's worried glances didn't make things any better.

"I'm fine," Ai whispered, not even bothering to sound convincing.

Misaki raised an eyebrow but didn't press further. Ai leaned toward her, muttering under her breath, "I swear, if one more teacher asks me if I'm paying attention, I might actually listen—for once—just to spite them."

Her best friend didn't laugh. Instead, she gave Ai that you-need-sleep-or-an-exorcism look.

Ai shrugged it off. "What? It's fine. I'll sleep when I'm dead. Or, you know, after finals. Whichever comes first."

At lunch, Ai slumped down next to Misaki in the cafeteria. Exhaustion clung to her like a second skin, making even sitting upright feel like a chore. Her friend gave her a disapproving look.

"You didn't answer my messages after cram school," Misaki said, her tone hovering between concerned and accusatory.

Ai groaned inwardly. "I told you yesterday, I was working at the restaurant. It was so packed, the last customer left at 11:30 pm. I barely had time to breathe, let alone check my phone. Then I got home, turned it off like I've been doing for three weeks now. Remember how I told you about trying to force myself into a sleep routine?"

"Right… forgot about that." Misaki raised an eyebrow at her. "So, how's that working out for you?"

Ai mustered a sarcastic smirk. "Oh, it's been great—just look at me, I'm a brand-new woman! Only sleeping three to four hours a night. Highly recommend it—if you're aiming for a slow, inevitable breakdown."

Misaki shot her a look that danced between concern and disbelief. "Three to four hours? Wow, what an upgrade. Slay and sashay away, self-care queen!"

"More like sashay off a cliff," Ai muttered under her breath, stabbing her food with her chopsticks as if it were the source of all her problems.

Misaki sighed and gave her a sympathetic look. "Just how much concealer are you wearing today? I mean, you're pulling it off—your blending game has gotten a lot better—but you still look tired as hell."

Ai poked at her food with a weak smile. "Oh, not much. Just enough to paint a wall. Maybe a bucket and a half. The contractor said it should hold up till lunch. So basically, I woke up like this—flawless, of course." She then waved her hand dramatically in front of her face.

Misaki's expression shifted to one of weary amusement. "Right… you're definitely channeling your inner Beyoncé there."

Ai laughed despite her fatigue. She could feel the pity behind Misaki's teasing, but she was glad her friend didn't let it get in the way of their usual banter. It was a small but welcome distraction from the stress she was under and provided her with a touch of normalcy.

Misaki's smile softened, betraying a hint of relief as if making Ai laugh was a small victory. "You know, I thought maybe you were out with that guy again—the one who tackled you at the playground."

Ai rolled her eyes. "Trust me, I haven't seen Mr. Accidental Assailant for three weeks now. I've been too busy avoiding all distractions, you know? No phone, no late-night outings, no social life. I'm basically a monk now. Just me, my bed, and the endless staring contest with my ceiling at 2 am."

Misaki shook her head. "It's all this stress at home, isn't it? Have you heard from your dad?"

Ai's usual snark faltered for a second before she shrugged. "Oh, I've tried—calling, texting—he's ghosted me. Probably auditioning for 'Most Absent Dad.' Normally, he's gone for a week, maybe two if he's feeling extra. But this time? Three weeks. He's really stepping up his game."

Misaki frowned. "Three weeks already? That's a long time…"

"Yeah, tell me about it. Maybe he's off winning Father of the Year somewhere. I'll have to congratulate him when he finally decides to pick up his phone." Ai's voice dripped with sarcasm, but underneath it, the frustration was clear.

Misaki reached out, gently touching her hand. "Look, I don't know how to fix things, but maybe it's okay to tell your mom 'no' sometimes. You've got enough on your plate with school. And if she decides to kick you out, you know you've got a place with me. My parents wouldn't mind; they like you."

Ai managed a small, tired smile. "I know. But someone's got to be the star of this tragic soap opera, right?"

Misaki gave Ai a long look before they returned to their food in silence. The air between them felt heavier, and Ai's chest tightened with guilt. She hated that she was the one Misaki had to worry about lately.

Misaki had her own challenges—shaky grades, uncertainty about her future, and pressure from her father to choose a 'worthwhile' path, similar to Ai's situation where her mom was pushing her in the same direction. They both struggled with stress eating and constantly worried about their weight, adding yet another layer to their shared difficulties. Ai always found it ironic how their problems mirrored each other's, with the only real difference being that her family was more prone to drama.

Overall, Ai just wished she could deal with things better and not burden her friend with her issues. She felt like she wasn't pulling her weight as a friend.

"Stop doing that."

Ai looked up, startled by Misaki's voice breaking through her thoughts. "Do what?"

"Having these stupid thoughts. You're not being a bad friend." Misaki looked at Ai, a touch of annoyance in her gaze. "We're here for each other, that's how it's always been. Right now, your situation is more challenging, so the focus is on you and your problems. But if things turn sour for me—like if Yosuke and I break up or something—I'm going to need you too. It's that simple."

"How did you know what I was thinking?" Ai asked, eyes wide.

Misaki smirked. "You're too easy to read. It's like you're wearing your thoughts on your sleeve. I've known you long enough to spot when you're beating yourself up. You always tend to get that mopey look."

Ai rolled her eyes. "I always look mopey. But speaking of relationships, how are things with Yosuke? You two still going strong?"

Misaki's smile softened. "Yeah, actually. For once, it might be a relationship that could last. He's been pretty great lately, and things are good between us. So don't worry about it."

Ai let out a relieved sigh. "That's good to hear. I guess I can rest easy knowing that at least one of us has something going right."

Misaki chuckled. "Don't jinx it. You know we've had our share of drama, but maybe this time it'll stick." She then leaned in with a playful grin. "So, when's your love life going to start? You're seriously slacking on the 'boyfriend' front—it's like watching a show with no main character!"

Her friend's playful comment made Ai snort. "A boyfriend in my life is as present as my dad. Not exactly the hottest topic around here."

Misaki frowned. "Don't be like that. You need to get out of your head sometimes. Boys might be good for nothing in many ways, but they can actually help with that." She gave Ai a knowing look.

Ai raised an eyebrow. "You mean they distract you from your thoughts?"

"Exactly," Misaki replied. "Sometimes, just having someone around can help you stop dwelling on things. Even if they're not the most reliable, they're good for at least a little mental break."

Ai thought about Misaki's dating history. Since middle school, Misaki had been in two relationships prior to Yosuke; each lasted about a year. Ai remembered how Misaki had been completely shattered after each breakup, like she'd lost a close family member. At the time, Ai had found it a bit much. She couldn't fathom being that wrecked over someone she'd only known for a year.

Then again, Ai had never been in a relationship herself, so maybe she just didn't get it. In her family, marriages played out like a reality show's most chaotic season—full of drama and absolutely no happy endings. Her parents' marriage was a textbook case of a train wreck, and her sister-in-law called her in tears after every spat with her brother.

Watching the emotional rollercoasters of those around her made Ai question whether all that drama was worth it. Sure, she'd daydreamed about romance, thanks to shoujo anime, sappy romance movies, and those dramatic love tales she sometimes couldn't resist reading. But reality was a far cry from those picture-perfect scenarios. The idea of being deeply invested in someone seemed like a script she'd never star in.

Maybe she was missing something, but getting all worked up over a relationship seemed like a lot of trouble for something that could easily crash and burn—or worse, end up as a marriage where both parties were just miserable. Her parents could probably give a TED Talk on that, considering their track record.

As of now, romance felt like the furthest thing from her mind. After all, she wasn't exactly popular with boys—or anyone, for that matter.

"Do you think you're going to see that guy again?" Misaki asked, yanking Ai out of her thoughts.

Ai looked up at her. "You mean Sir Slip-A-Lot?" She shrugged. "Who knows…"

"You never mentioned what he looked like. Was he cute?" Misaki's eyes sparkled with curiosity.

Ai's cheeks flushed slightly. The idea of admitting that Sir Stumble was probably the most attractive guy she'd ever laid eyes on was about as appealing as swallowing a live squid. It wasn't like she was considering him romantically; that was absolutely unimaginable—he looked like he belonged in a GQ magazine, while Ai felt more like the squid she'd rather not swallow. But if Misaki knew, she'd never let it go, relentlessly hounding her for every little detail. And if that arrogant son of a gun found out, she'd never live it down. Ai shivered at the thought, almost hearing his smug laugh and imagining girls flocking to him daily. Sure, she wasn't immune to handsome guys—she was just a high school girl, after all—but she'd be damned if she compromised her already questionable dignity by admitting he was eye-candy.

"Does it matter?" Ai replied, trying to keep her voice steady.

"Yeah, it does," Misaki pressed, her tone teasing.

Misaki continued, unfazed by Ai's reluctance. "Also, you didn't even run the first time around. I thought your flight instincts would kick in. You should really be more careful when going out at night. Carry the pepper spray I gave you at all times."

Ai sighed. "Honestly, he didn't really emit creepy energy. He looked more like a well-meaning fool that time, so I guess I let my guard down just a bit."

"If that's the case, then maybe you should go to the playground tonight and see if he's there," Misaki suggested with a smirk that could only be described as devilish.

"Why would I intentionally seek him out? Have you lost your mind?" Ai shot back, trying to ignore the way her thoughts kept drifting to His Royal Fumble's good looks. She would never admit it, but the thought of running into him again was strangely appealing, though she'd never let Misaki know that.

Misaki wasn't about to let her off the hook. "I mean, he wanted to offer you a handkerchief when you were crying. By the way, what guy even carries handkerchiefs nowadays? He also gave you back your necklace and helped you when you ran into him and dropped all your groceries. Do you know how rare that is these days? Have you seen the brain-dead buffoons in our class? And apparently, he's cute as well," Misaki pointed out with a knowing smirk.

"I never said he was cute!" Ai retorted, though her blush gave her away.

Misaki chuckled, leaning back in her seat. "Come on, don't you see it? The way you two keep crossing paths feels like the universe is trying to script a rom-com for you."

Ai snorted, her expression a mix of annoyance and disbelief. "Only that my life isn't a rom-com, Misaki. And it's not like we've been running into each other constantly. We haven't even seen each other since the last time."

Misaki smirked. "That's because you've been staying holed up at home for three weeks now. Why not head to the playground tonight? There's a chance he might be there. Your 'eliminate all distractions' plan for insomnia isn't working, so why not trade sleepless nights for a little adventure with a hot mystery guy?"

Ai sighed deeply, feeling worn out by her friend's annoying persistence. "I'll think about it, if you stop bothering me about it."

"Can't promise that," Misaki said with a mischievous grin, "but I'll drop it for now."

A/N: Hi everyone,

It's been a while, but I'm excited to share this chapter with you. I decided to focus more on Ai's character for this one. We'll return to Kaoru's perspective in the next chapter.

For those unfamiliar with the Japanese high school system (based on my research): Many students attend cram schools (juku) after their regular classes, sometimes staying until 10 pm. These cram schools can be quite expensive and are designed to prepare students for the very challenging university entrance exams. Alongside their regular high school final exams, students have to tackle these additional tests, which adds significant stress and mental health challenges.

Here's a brief breakdown:

High School Final Exams: These are the regular exams taken at the end of each academic year to assess students' knowledge and performance in their high school subjects. They are crucial for graduating from high school.

University Entrance Exams:

National Center Test for University Admissions: A standardized test that all students applying to universities must take. It covers a broad range of subjects and assesses overall academic ability.

University-Specific Exams: In addition to the National Center Test, many universities require their own entrance exams, which may focus on specific subjects related to the intended field of study.

I wanted to provide this context as it plays a significant role in the story and will be referenced as we go along. As the story progresses, you'll see more about how this academic pressure impacts Ai and her life. While there will be fun moments thanks to Ai's and Kaoru's sense of humor, the narrative will also delve into some heavier themes.

I hope you enjoy this chapter.

Until next time!