Chapter 46
Brittany POV
Brittany climbed the stairs to the bedroom she was sharing with Santana and opened the door quietly, not wanting to disturb the Latina. She was surprised to find Santana awake.
"Hey, thought you'd be sleeping." Brittany walked over to the bed and handed Santana one of the water bottles, putting the other on the nightstand on her side of the bed.
Santana smiled tiredly. "Was waiting for you. Wanted to make sure you were okay."
"Why … you knew? You knew what was going to happen and you didn't tell me?" Brittany started backing toward the door. "How could you?"
Santana was up in a flash, grabbing Brittany's wrists. "Britt, stop. All I knew was your dad wanted to talk to you and asked me to be there for you, to not let you push me away. So I waited up. For you. Because I love you and I will always be there for you."
Brittany's eyes met Santana's and she saw all the love and compassion there and then she just … broke. She threw her arms around Santana and buried her face in the brunette's neck. Heartbreaking sobs wracked her body, echoing off the walls. Santana didn't hesitate to wrap Brittany in a tight hug, holding her together as the blonde fell apart in her arms.
Xoxoxoxoxoxox
David POV
David heard the heart-rending sobs as he reached the top of the stair and started walking down the hall toward Brittany's room. Janine stepped out of her room and stopped him, shaking her head.
"Leave her be, David."
"Mom … she's heartbroken. I can't just leave her alone!"
"David, Santana's got her. Santana will be there next week and next month and two months from now – whenever all of this gets to be too much for Brittany, Santana will be the one holding her and helping her heal."
David heard the anguished cries of his little girl and felt his own heart shatter into a million pieces. "But …"
"Davey, honey, you won't always be there. Santana needs to figure out how to help Brittany through this so that when it backs up on her Santana can continue to help her through it all."
David hung his head, listening to the sound of his baby crying her heart out. He knew his mother was right. He hated it; all of it. Hated that he hurt her, hated that he couldn't protect her, hated that he had chosen Susan.
"David – this isn't your fault. This is squarely on Susan's shoulders." She gently cupped her son's cheek; the irony of his mother comforting him while his daughter cried behind a closed door was not lost on him. "You did your best and Brittany is a good girl. She's strong and loving and kind and she will be okay."
The cries softened and a gentle voice floated out to them.
"For you, there'll be no more crying
For you, the sun will be shining
And I feel that when I'm with you
It's alright, I know it's right"
Janine nodded and David smiled slightly; his mother was right, Brittany was in good hands with Santana.
Xoxoxoxoxoxoxo
Brittany's POV
Brittany clung to Santana, sobbing her heart out. She was shaking and shivering and Santana just held on tighter. As her sobs slowed and quieted, Santana did what she did best; sang to her.
"For you, there'll be no more crying
For you, the sun will be shining
And I feel that when I'm with you
It's alright, I know it's right
To you, I will give the world
To you, I'll never be cold
'Cause I feel that when I'm with you
It's alright, I know it's right
And the songbirds are singing
Like they know the score
And I love you, I love you, I love you
Like never before
And I wish you all the love in the world
But most of all, I wish it from myself
And the songbirds keep singing
Like they know the score
And I love you, I love you, I love you
Like never before
Like never before
Like never before"
Brittany pulled away and looked at Santana, who had tears in her eyes.
"I love you, Brittany. I'm here, whatever you need. You wanna talk, I'll listen. You want me hold you, I can do that. You want to sleep, we can sleep. You want me to go away? I'll grab a pillow and blanket and curl up on the papa-san chair in the corner because that's the one thing I won't do; I will not go away, I will not leave you. I love you and I will always be here."
Brittany sniffled at the sincerity she saw in the Latina's eyes. "Can we … can we just go to bed, please?"
Santana stepped back and took Brittany's hand, leading her to the bed.
They got into bed and Santana pulled Brittany into her arms, tucking the blonde's head under her chin and humming softly to her. Brittany started to relax, her eyes still leaking tears but no longer crying in earnest. Her shivering and shaking had abated and now she was exhausted but sleep was elusive; every time she closed her eyes, she felt the tears start again. All she could see and feel was her mother and the ultimate rejection.
"She never wanted me," she whispered softly. Santana stopped humming but continued to run her fingers gently up and down Brittany's back. Brittany pulled back and met Santana's red-rimmed eyes with her own. "From what dad said, he was getting ready to leave her and she pretty much roofied him. Six weeks later, she tells him she's pregnant. She was losing her meal ticket so she created one. San …" Brittany bit her bottom lip, "it's my fault he's still married to her. How can anyone love me or want me … when my own mother," her voice broke at the thought. Was she that unlovable? Was she really that awful?
Santana gently cupped her cheek, thumbing away the tears. "Hey, listen," Santana paused for a moment, "who are the five most important people in your life?" Her voice was soft and gentle.
Brittany frowned at the apparent non-sequitur. "Um … you, dad, Grams, and Gramps."
"And the fifth?"
Brittany's brow furrowed in concentration. "I dunno? Keith? Maybe Jenah? Or … maybe even Quinn?"
"Okay. I asked you for the five most important people in your life and you rattled off four without thinking about it. No hesitation. You sort of had to think about number five and didn't really come to a definitive person. The incubator never even entered your mind. Why?"
"She's not important to me." Brittany shrugged. "She really doesn't matter in my life."
Santana waited expectantly.
"Oh. Oh. I get it." She smiled slightly as she realized what Santana was getting at.
Santana nodded at her. "She's not important. What she thinks or feels about you? Doesn't impact the four most important people in your life who think you're pretty fucking amazing. Even your fifth 'options' think you're great. When I say David, what do you think?"
"Dad. He's awesome."
"Grams and Gramps?"
Brittany's smile brightened. "I just love them. They're amazing."
"Me?"
Brittany's whole face softened. "Everything."
"Susan?"
"Bitch."
Santana grinned. "You don't hold any respect for her or hold her in high esteem; don't let her make you doubt yourself. You think David, Grams and Gramps, and I are all pretty awesome. We think the same of you. Don't allow someone who means nothing to you dictate your self worth." Santana gently caressed the apple of Brittany's cheek with her thumb as the tears stopped. She leaned forward and placed a soft kiss on the blonde's forehead before pulling back and meeting her gaze. "She's a surrogate. Your dad wanted a child and paid a surrogate to have you. She doesn't love you because she's incapable of loving anyone." Santana paused.
"You don't really talk about Susan's parents. Why?"
Brittany shook her head. "I just don't think about them much. I mean, they're not really warm or affectionate; I only see them at holidays or special occasions. They're focused on money and material wealth so I was always getting lectured about marrying a boy who could 'take care of me'. They … I dunno … I'm just not as close with them as I am Grams and Gramps. I mean, I practically grew up in this house. I spent a lot of time with them."
"Why do you think that is?"
Brittany frowned again. "I don't really know. I mean, I never really thought about it."
"Maybe ask your dad. So, you don't respect or even like Susan. You don't have a real relationship with her parents. You haven't talked to her in months. She's a non-factor in your life. I'm not trying to downplay your feelings or minimize them or anything like that. I just don't want you giving her more power than she deserves to have over you. She doesn't deserve you, baby."
Brittany dropped her gaze from Santana's. "I share half her DNA … what if I'm just like her?" the question was barely audible but Santana laughed causing Brittany to snap her head up, her feelings hurt at the callous reaction.
"Oh, honey, I didn't mean to hurt your feelings," Santana cooed softly as she stroked Brittany's cheek again, "but there is no way in hell you're anything like her."
"You can't be sure."
"Brittany, honey, think about her for a moment. Do you think … for even a second … she'd have done what you did for me? She'd have been patient and kind and gentle with me as she helped me heal? That she'd have helped me heal at all? Honey, you are one of the kindest, gentlest, most patient people I've ever met. You took the time to get to know me. You didn't make fun of me. You're the first person since Quinn, who I met close to fourteen years ago, to really see me and accept me. Do you honestly believe that woman would have helped me at all?"
Brittany shook her head. Of course Susan wouldn't have helped Santana. She'd have broken her further. She understood what Santana was saying. "I get it. I just … god, San."
Santana drew her back into her arms. "I know, baby. It sucks. She sucks. But, I promise you, you are nothing like her. You couldn't be cruel if your life depended on it. You are so much more than she will ever be or could ever dream of being. And … once we graduate and we move to wherever we're moving to … you'll never have to see or hear from her again. We won't even tell her where we are." She tightened her hold and gently rubbed Brittany's back.
Brittany sighed in contentment at the thought of a future with Santana. A future that didn't include Susan. "I love you, Santana." She snuggled closer into the brunette's arms.
"I love you, too, Britt. So very much."
Brittany felt her eyes finally drift shut as she fell into a deep, dreamless sleep.