Oh wow- it has been an entire year since Cradled in Golden Wings started... thank you to everyone who has read the fic, commented, and left kudos. Your support has fueled this story a thousand times over.

This chapter is not only being uploaded to commemorate that event, but as an early birthday present for both Venti and Storm, so please, do enjoy! Despite its relatively short length, it's an important one, and hopefully we can start digging into the meat of the story after this. Also, as a note from Kali, this chapter does contain implications about the CS universe, so if you've read that, keep an eye out for secrets~

Finally, this is the darkest point in this fic- from here on out it will get lighter, but this one is pretty heavy compared to everything else.

Trigger Warnings: enslavement, child harm, torture, suicidal ideation, guilt spirals, despair, a certain amount of gore

In all the centuries since… Ping had never missed his arms around her as much as she did now. She was terrified little Kaeya was dealing with something as deadly as that damned structure from Xiao's childhood, and her head was in agony, and she just wanted to be held and comforted and cry.

And that wasn't an option. He was gone, and not coming back, and she had a duty to perform. Her patients needed her, even though she'd already failed them so badly. To hurt another child with a reading, despite already knowing it was possible- she should have been more careful.

But arguably, she had failed Xiao even worse. She knew he was bearing the burden of the yaksha alone now. She knew how poorly he valued his own health and safety, how reluctant he was to admit his own pain. She knew that there was no way his karma levels had remained stable when every contaminated monster he slew would be adding to it.

And she hadn't forced him to come in for a reading. She had just accepted his refusal, convinced herself he was fine, told herself if he was hurting more he would've requested more medication, when she had nearly had to force it down his throat from the start.

He would never forgive her, if he knew.

Ping knew she had to shove all this down and clear her mind. She needed to be able to think, in order to help. To not make any more mistakes.

Zhongli's voice doubled in volume again and in response Barbatos' raised in pitch, and pain stabbed through Ping's head. All this yelling was just making things at least ten times harder.

"Will you two idiots stop yelling!"

Blessed silence, and the pressure of two Archons' gazes. Ping groaned, rubbing her temples, and tried to rein in her temper. "You have been arguing over the same thing for hours now-"

"A blind idiot could see Xiao loves him-" She was going to strangle Barbatos.

"Just because a lazy buffoon like yourself has not been here to see-" Right after she wrung Zhongli's neck.

"Enough!" This was not the time for this. They had far more important things to worry about. The three of them were about all the real support Xiao had, emotionally, whether he admitted it or not, and they needed to do all they could to prepare for his return. "Barbatos, if you can't stop poking at emotional wounds and be helpful, you can get your Stars-damned hide back to Mond and let us deal with things. Archon or not, you know I can kick you from here to the border, and I will do so if your penchant for trouble continues to risk my patients."

Zhongli was looking smug, but that wouldn't last for long. She had words for him too, "As for you, you blockhead of a dragon, I've been telling you for centuries that there's no way Xiao hates you, and I know I wasn't the only one before that. Your stubborn insistence on the idea is only hurting the both of you, and I have about had it. He doesn't need that right now, and your marinating in and arguing about your guilt is not helping to prepare for when he comes back from wherever he took Kaeya off to. And he will come back, so stop catastrophizing and start being productive, damn it! Or I'll kick your ass too, see if I won't!"

She turned away and swiped at her face, hoping neither god commented on the tears. Why she always cried when she was angry, she'd never been able to figure out, or prevent.

Zhongli's voice was chastened when he finally spoke up, "What could we possibly do to help? He is gone, we can hardly tend wounds or comfort either of them…"

"Perhaps not, but there are things he's going to need done that would be awkward, at the least, for him to do," Ping replied tiredly. "Paperwork, for one thing. I think he'd feel he had to try for Kaeya's sake, but with his karma, it's best he not go into the Harbor. We can go and talk to Ganyu, at least get things started- if I recall, the yaksha contracts mostly listed you as a proxy for legal matters?"

"Paperwork?" Both gods glanced at each other, clearly lost.

"For Xiao to adopt Kaeya."

There was a long silence, and even under the circumstances, Ping couldn't help but chuckle at the poleaxed look on the dragon's face. The man was brilliant in many ways, but he had such a complete lack of understanding of some things.

"But…he tried to leave Kaeya here, are you sure?"

Ping couldn't even fault Barbatos for bursting out laughing this time, though she would've preferred he didn't sound quite so condescending, "I told you! You're worse than a blind idiot!"

Zhongli growled, and Ping sighed. They were back at it again. And would be going for another couple hours if she didn't separate them. "Alright, that's it. Barbatos, back to your own lands or wait here, it's up to you. Zhongli, you're coming with me to the Harbor. Now. We'll stop by my teapot on the way for supplies."

The healer didn't wait for a response, turning around and stalking towards the abode's passthrough. Seconds later, hurried footsteps followed her and she heard Zhongli's worried, still confused voice, "What supplies?"

"Medicines and bandages for the boy. The latest batch of Xiao's medication as well, and if we can spare the time, I want to try to mix up something stronger as a temporary measure until I can get him to hold still long enough to determine what his new mix should be."

"New… mix? Why?"

She sighed. "Zhongli… he… I," Ping stumbled to a halt. She couldn't hide it from him, not as Xiao's lord, or as his father. "I was foolish, and trusted him to tell me if he got worse, but he didn't. And I let myself believe it was because he wasn't getting worse, but in that quick reading… his karma… I'm not sure how he's holding on, Zhongli. And all I can do is try to ease his pain, and hope it helps him to keep doing so."

✦ •— ✧ —• ✦ ·𖥸· ✦ •— ✧ —• ✦

His head hurt. The screams weren't helping.

…screams?

Who was screaming? Kaeya was pretty sure he wasn't screaming. Was he? He couldn't be, right? It didn't sound like he was the one screaming, at least. He tried to think, where was he? He couldn't quite remember, he could only remember Xiao holding him. The Khaenri'ahn just about jumped out of his skin as something soft fluttered by, brushing his arm gently. His eyes snapped open as he tried to figure out what it was. He relaxed just a bit when it registered that it was just a feather, almost the same shade of teal as Xiao's hair. Xiao was still with him, so he had to be safe… Xiao wouldn't hurt him, right?

Something twitched inside him, tearing into his side, and the dull pain that he dimly realized he'd woken with suddenly spiked and stabbed through him. He couldn't quite figure out what it was between the pounding of his head and the just… warm. He was so rarely this warm since he'd arrived in Teyvat, usually only when Xiao wrapped him in his wings. Shaking his head slightly Kaeya tried to clear his thoughts, but he just couldn't. If anything, he simply found himself drifting back to sleep in what he could only assume was Xiao's wings. But that was fine, Xiao would keep him safe…

Kaeya jolted awake again as whatever was in his side jabbed deeper, and then the next twitch coincided with a piercing scream. It didn't take many repeats to realize the twitching and the screams had the same rhythm. Opening his eyes, the child was a little disoriented when his right eye didn't hurt. Moreover, he couldn't see out of his left, which was an odd turn from how things had been since he'd arrived on the surface world. Blinking up, the first thing Kaeya noticed was the odd… almost smoke? He almost didn't notice the… monster? Wait, why was a monster holding him? That didn't seem right. Monsters usually tried to hurt him, but this one wasn't. Why? The monster let out another scream, once again digging what Kaeya could only assume were claws into his side.

It took him another minute or so of carefully watching before he saw past the fangs and glowing eyes and horns and noticed the familiar dark teal hair, the wings curving around him– Xiao. It was Xiao holding him. But what had happened to him? Had Kaeya's curse infected him? It was the only explanation the little Khaenri'ahn could come up with. Something had to be affecting the adeptus to turn him into a monster. Something Kaeya was pretty sure could only happen to Khaenri'ahns, and he didn't think anyone in Teyvat was cursed. He was told it was only the nation of sinners who had been cursed– his people. So if Xiao was also cursed then it had to come from him, right?

Kaeya's gaze flickered back to the older male's face where he watched in abject horror as the adeptus' fangs grew longer. This was his fault. There was nothing he could really do, other than stay here with Xiao as he changed; it was the least he could do, after giving him the curse of his people, and after Xiao had saved him.

✦ •— ✧ —• ✦ ·𖥸· ✦ •— ✧ —• ✦

Zhongli truly had been neglecting Xiao, it seemed. What use was guilt, when it blinded him to the ongoing damage he was doing? When it drove him to stay away, and fail to recognize the additional harm the yaksha was doing to himself every day because he, who claimed to care for him, had done nothing to find another way? And surely the avian adeptus saw it, too. Despite the words of Ping and Barbatos, it was clear the dragon was to blame in his son's eyes.

If Xiao wanted him around, he would not have left as he had, without so much as a word.

He would not have taken little Kaeya with him when he did, if he still trusted Zhongli at all.

Why did he always ruin things at the first opportunity, where his son was concerned? Had he learned nothing from his old friend, all those centuries ago? If anything, the yaksha was the last person he wanted to hurt, yet he regularly did so, without fail, every time he was granted the opportunity to interact.

The sound of children screaming in play jolted the dragon out of his musings, and he realized they were already almost to the gates of the Harbor. He was intending to just nod in greeting and keep going, but…

Why did they look so unsettled?

"Is something wrong, Han Chao," the Archon asked, his voice calm and even despite the inner turmoil his thoughts were in.

The guard straightened with a jerk, "Ah- my apologies, sir. It's just… the screaming. Rumor is that there's a demon on the mountain, and the exorcists are being sent for- "

A demon?

Xiao!

If Xiao was in enough pain to be actually screaming– the level of injury that implied– the dragon swept up Ping in his teleport as well. He took them to a close enough place to the indicated peak to see the situation, without being close enough to invite immediate attack, then teleported closer himself.

He almost hoped whatever was hurting his son was imbecilic enough to make a try at him-

To his horror, his instincts had been accurate, and it was indeed Xiao's screams he'd heard- and there was no enemy in sight. The screaming cut off even as he processed the yaksha's altered appearance, the horns and fangs, the dissipating black smoke of karma, the smell of blood–

He had hardly taken a step before Xiao turned to him, hardly seeming to see Zhongli as he reached towards him–

Zhongli was running, his heart in shreds, even before his son finished speaking.

✦ •— ✧ —• ✦ ·𖥸· ✦ •— ✧ —• ✦

He had to protect the child.

Pain twisted through him, tearing and burning and stabbing until he couldn't remember where he was, when he was, who he was– as the thought passed through his head, names and titles sped past like falling rocks but he wasn't sure which, if any applied to him- all he could remember, all he had to hold onto was that he had to protect the child.

A face wavered before his eyes. The only consistent thing about it was its youth; he struggled to focus past the agony, to reach for it, as the skin turned from pale to dark and back again, the eyes shifted between pink and blue and golden, the hair from a dark blue to lavender and back- other eye colors and darker hair mixed in from time to time, but mainly those—

Exhaustion dragged at his limbs, too familiar after filling in for so many fallen yaksha. So much of what determined the survival of their warriors depended on knowing exactly which creatures had been corrupted, and all too often there were more that weren't mentioned in the initial report… they had to find a way to scout better. Liyue couldn't afford to lose more yaksha, the toll from karma alone was already too high without losing more to routine patrols.

A faint rumble was just enough warning for him to leap skyward, dodging and preparing a hopefully final blow as the ground erupted beneath him. It was enough, just enough… then he saw the small hand, limply sticking out from the rubble…

The iron scent of fresh blood filled his nose, and something deep inside him seized. Not again, not again, too many innocents had fallen at his hands already-

He watched as his hands cut open another child, the screams and sobs of the waiting three echoing in his ears. His fingers trembled as he struggled desperately to stop, but as always, Master's control was absolute. A sob of his own escaped, and a moment later a jolt of familiar agony swept through him as Master expressed his annoyance.

"Enough of this pathetic rebellion. You can no longer claim you don't know how to do what I ask. Eviscerate the rest and hang them to bleed out in front of the villagers; that should sufficiently cow the stupid mortals and get them working again. If you force me to direct you so personally again, I promise you, you will regret it." Master's control cut off so suddenly that his arms snapped back and sliced his leg in passing. The pain was nothing compared to what he felt inside as he shuffled to the next child in line, larger than he but innocent in a way he could no longer claim.

He closed his eyes, desperately trying not to hear the boy's pleas and screams as he began.

It should be him in those ropes.

Trembles ran through him as he struggled to remember why he had to fight, why he couldn't just give in and die yet. Warmth oozed around his fingers as they clenched, and he wondered if that was real or the start of the next nightmarish memory–

Lifeless, empty eyes staring at him from a still-breathing corpse. Bloody parts strewn across a battlefield. The smell of blood so thick he could hardly breathe, the taste of dreams sickeningly sweet on his tongue, wanting more and hating himself for it, being praised for something he never wanted to do-

Agony and screaming and grief and guilt and it hurt so much why wouldn't it stop–

Eventually, the pain began to fade. Slowly, so slowly that at first he thought he was imagining it, the memories and visions became less vivid, less all-encompassing. Those awful voices screaming in his ears, reminding him of every terrible thing he'd done, of every vile desire, of his own monstrous nature, faded back to the usual whispers. He began to be able to think again, little dribbles of true awareness around the edges of agony.

He remembered that he had a name.

That his name was Xiao, not Alatus.

That Morax had rescued him, saved him, had him healed, and allowed him to atone for his past by serving him.

That remembering this meant it was nearly over, that the pain and memories would all fade back soon, as much as they ever did.

The way his body shook uncontrollably was familiar, as was the sore rawness of his throat as screaming turned to uncontrollable sobbing. He knew he'd be useless on patrol for at least a day after this… he never seemed able to just force things down for a while after—

Something was different.

He wasn't alone. There was something, someone in his arms-

Kaeya!

Xiao didn't want to open his eyes, didn't want to see what he'd done. Didn't want to know for sure that he'd killed his fledgling so soon after finding him, proved himself a demon through and through, a worse monster than those who had previously 'raised' Kaeya and left all those scars– but he couldn't avoid it forever. He slowly cracked his eyes open and stretched his awareness of the real world, feeling sick as he became aware of the warm stickiness of drying blood on one hand.

Kaeya was still breathing. His body, at least, still lived. Xiao could feel the power of anemo still inside the boy's small form, too, but whether that meant anything, he didn't know. His siblings had still had their elements when they fell– more memories tried to swarm his mind, and he tried to force them away, tried to keep his head above murky waters because this was urgent- he had to know for sure if his fledgling was—

He couldn't have survived. Xiao knew that. Even if his body was still warm, even if his blood still pumped, still ran down his side filling his nose with the scent of iron–

No, he had to focus—

Even if Kaeya's body lived, he was mortal, his mind– how long had Xiao been holding him, trapping him, hurting him? Was there a chance? He didn't know how to tell, he'd never been able to sense whether others were tainted once his own karmic taint had built up enough to obscure his senses- and if he'd destroyed his fledgling's mind, he'd as good as killed him anyway.

"I am so sorry, fledgling."

Xiao murmured the words softly, feeling them catch in his raw throat as he struggled to stop weeping, to sit upright despite the protests of his body. He couldn't be weak now, his fledgling needed him. He'd always been able to be strong when he needed to be—

Keeping his steps smooth and even as he followed Master through endless tunnels, ignoring the way his knees kept trying to buckle beneath him-

No. No more memories. Kaeya was still breathing, there was still a chance, he had to find a healer, find Honorable One, she wasn't just the best choice she was honest—

Soft, sad eyes stared down at him, welling with tears as she pulled her hands away.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. It's too much damage, you'll never— "

He wrestled with his karma, with the pieces of dead gods residing in his soul, shoving them back. Not now! He needed to move, to find help-

He froze as his senses reached out instinctively.

Master was nearby.

How long had he been there?

It didn't matter. It didn't matter. Master was good and kind and could help if anyone could, would know where to find Honorable One– Xiao looked in the direction of that so-familiar, powerful presence, straining to see properly as the shadows finally, finally started to leave his vision– Honorable One was with him. There was hope—

"Master, please- Kaeya—"

The words caught in his throat, but Master must have heard him, because he was running towards them now, something unreadable in his eyes.

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