Dead Ends

Timeframe: pre NJO

Disclaimers: I do not own Star Wars or the characters.

Mara sat on the floor of Skywalker's Coruscant apartment, surrounded by flimsi and datapads. This had been a stupid idea, and she still didn't know what had possessed her to try. It wasn't like she'd spent her entire life desiring to know who her parents were. Mara had been happy serving the Emperor. Then, after the Emperor died, she'd eventually found a new life working for Karrde. Not once in either of those roles had she thought to look into where Mara Jade had come from.

Then she'd married Luke.

Worse, her husband had no idea she was trying to research her past. The only time she could recall any sort of conversation between them about her parentage was right before their wedding. Mara had made the quip, "It might be beneficial to get DNA tests. I might be your long-lost younger sister for all we know." Luke hadn't been amused.

The memory makes her smile.

In the end, they had opted to get DNA tests just to be safe. Though it had been more of a formality than either of them being actually concerned about being related. The lab droid who had given them their results had said in the prissy serious voice only droids could manage: "The likelihood of you sharing any familial relation going back three thousand generations is.000002990012." It was at that point the couple had cut the droid off, saying that a simple "No, you're not related would have been just fine."

Had she actually expected to find something about her parents?

Was she relieved that she couldn't?

It was these warring emotions, factored with the dead end she was facing, that were causing her to curse her sudden curiosity.

The door to the apartment hisses open. "Mara?"

"In here." She responds. Instinctively, she reaches out to him with her mind and is met with him reaching for her as well. The verbal exchange was completely unnecessary for them. Both already knew where the other was. A perk of having two Force-sensitive people married and bonded in the Force.

It was, however, a family rule, established by Han Solo, that all Jedi in the family had to speak like regular people, not via their hokey religion. It had been one of the first things Han had laid out to Mara after the initial: "You're getting married! To each other?" It was probably a good rule to follow in general. Made Jedi a bit more relatable and less mythical. So even when not in the company of Mara's brother-in-law, the Skywalkers usually reserved only communicating solely via the Force for necessary situations.

Mara twists around and smiles up at Luke as he enters the room.

He smiles at her, then his eyes take in the cluttered floor around her. "What's all this?" He asks and bends down to retrieve a datapad.

"A mistake." Mara mutters.

Luke's eyes dart back and forth as he quickly skims the contents of the datapad in his hand. "Genealogy records?"

Mara sighs. "All dead ends."

Luke sets the device down before he comes and takes a seat next to her on the floor. "I'm sorry." He wraps an arm around her shoulders and pulls her close.

The downside of being bonded in the Force. Nothing was private unless one made a concerted effort. Though they had worked out a livable arrangement about the accidental eavesdropping. It still happened, and Mara hadn't been exactly shielding her motives from her husband since he'd arrived home.

Mara finds herself leaning into him. For the moment, her frustration with her self-prescribed task for the day is forgotten. "How was your day?"

She senses Luke glance around the room again. "I'm always reminded when I'm on Coruscant how much I can't stand politics."

"Fey'lya at it again?"

"Good guess." A short pause, then Luke asks, "What made you want to try and find your family?"

"Who says it's my family?" Mara shoots back a bit too defensively.

Luke picks up a random flimsi and reads, "Kent Jade married Verna Maltiza in..."

Mara swats the flimsi from his hand. "Okay!" She growls. "Do you have any kriffing idea how many beings have the surname of Jade in this galaxy? It's not even like I have a planet to narrow my search too."

Luke doesn't reply.

If anyone had an idea of how the lack of records, or in many cases, destroyed records, from before the Empire could impede on one getting answers, it was Luke. Rebuilding the Jedi with barely a few months of training would have been a daunting task to ask of anyone. Mara was certain it hadn't been part of his original plan when he had decided to become a Jedi. But not one to quit something, Luke had taken on the job. Then there was the fact that he and Leia still had no idea of who their birth mother could be.

"Anyway," she sighs, "Palpatine probably had them killed after taking me. Or perhaps they didn't want me to begin with." The second option made her want to cry. The thought that her parents might have willingly given her to that monster who had trained her to be a killer was the worst possible scenario.

Luke must have picked up her train of thought. "Even if that were true," he says quietly. "Knowing is still better than not."

"Yeah," she scoffs. "It's not like Vader was winning father of the year." It was still hard to believe that Darth Vader was her husband's father. Vader had been brutal, and that had been a reputation he had held even within Imperial circles. Luke was nothing like that. Luke was idealistic and kind to a fault.

Mara notices Luke's right hand twitching. It was something that happened often when Vader got brought up, and most of the time Mara didn't think Luke was aware of the subconscious response. She takes his right hand in hers. "Was it worth it?" She asks.

"Yes," he says without hesitation.

That was why she loved him. Because he'd been willing to die to save a father who hadn't deserved that type of love. Mara was another example of Luke going out of his way for someone who had done nothing to earn his kindness. Kyp Durron was another, though Mara doubted the other Jedi cared or was grateful for what Luke had done for him.

"You know, before we actually met face-to-face. I thought I knew everything about you." Mara laughs without humor. "You had one of the biggest rap sheets against the Empire I'd ever seen."

Luke snorts. "Let me guess Mon Mothma, Leia, and Ackbar had bigger ones."

Mara nods. "But the Emperor impressed on me how dangerous you were. Even more so than the individuals you just named. I believed him." Taking a calming breath, she adds, "More so after Endor." Even years later, the lies she once believed still haunted her. All the jobs she had carried out believing them to be right and justified had all been put into question when she'd met Luke. The final detail that had exposed just how corrupt the Empire had been, and more so Palpatine, had been learning what had actually transpired on the second Death Star. Vader, or Anakin Skywalker, had killed the Emperor to save his son's life.

She feels Luke kiss her temple, then he slowly untangles himself from her. He begins collecting datapads and flimsi. Occasionally reading the contents when something caught his attention. He'd wait for her to explain why she was suddenly interested in finding out about her family.

She watches Luke organize her mess for a bit. "It dawned on me," Mara finally begins. "That if we were to have a child someday. I have nothing to tell them except that I was trained to kill people from the time I could talk."

"Are you…?" Luke spins around datapads and flimsi forgotten. His sudden movement once again scattering them.

"No, Farmboy, I'd tell you if I was." Besides, they had both agreed their lifestyle really wasn't suited for having a baby. It was difficult to imagine raising a child when one was constantly rushing from one end of the galaxy to the other. Luke's niece and nephews proved how tough that could be on children.

"So, why?"

"Like I said. It was a mistake." Mara picks up a datapad Luke had accidentally scattered, and promptly sets it back down. "I just don't understand why I'm so disappointed."

"You'd tell the child the truth." Luke says, returning the conversation back to Mara's dilemma.

Mara snorts. "That'll be good." Then imitating the voice of a kid, she says, "But Mom, why can't I race my speeder? You were taking out targets at my age."

Luke laughs.

"It's not funny."

Luke forcibly stifles his laughter and attempts to return to the serene Jedi Master. Though his blue eyes still said Mara's image amused him entirely too much.

"Face it. Any child of yours is bound to be an adrenaline junky." Mara presses her point.

"I'm very competitive."

"Thats your defense for doing death-defying stunts through Begger's Canyon?" Mara asks incredulously.

Luke nods. "I spent most of my childhood getting picked on. Because I was usually the smallest boy in my class and I lived with my aunt and uncle. With no knowledge of who my parents were."

"Being adopted is perfectly normal," Mara says.

"All true, but kids are mean."

"Doesn't seem to relate to my original point then."

Luke gives her an exaggerated, You are testing my patience expression. "As I was saying. Most of that teasing…"

"Bullying." Mara corrects.

Luke shrugs. "It went away when I finally could out-pilot the others."

"I'm sure your aunt and uncle didn't see it that way."

Luke gives a rueful smile. "No. I gave poor Aunt Beru a few heart attacks."

"I'm sure they'd be proud to know, in the end, it wasn't all a waste of your time." Mara places a hand affectionately on the side of his face. She wished, not for the first time, she could meet the couple responsible for raising Luke. It was these moments where she deeply regretted not having memories of parents or of guardian figures who had loved her. Not just loved her abilities to get the desired results they requested.

A mischievous glint lights up Luke's blue eyes. "So racing speeders—good thing."

Rolling her eyes, she removes her hand from his face and playfully swats at him.

He dodges.

"You're impossible!"

Luke just smiles, and a moment later Mara finds herself grinning too. The moment, however, is soon broken by Luke's stomach growling. "We should find dinner," he states. Standing, he reaches a hand out to help her up.

Mara glances back down at her mess.

"It can wait," Luke assures. When she makes no attempt to move, he says, "Hey, you're not defined by who you were. And if we ever did have a child, he or she won't view you as the Emperor's Hand."

Finally, she accepts the offered hand and allows him to pull her up. "Well, if I'm forced to tell this hypothetical child, I was raised by an evil Sith. I can take satisfaction in knowing your actual Sith father destroyed him."

"See, there's a sliver lining in everything."

"You must be rubbing off on me."