Chapter 65: Together Again
I closed the door behind us and suddenly, we were alone together in Jasmine's study just like we'd been countless times before. The familiar situation emphasized how strange the rest of this was. When I turned around, Jasmine was watching me.
My cheeks flushed under her intense visual inspection.
I didn't know what to say. There was so much I had to tell her and yet, all of the possible speeches I'd prepared for this moment seemed wholly insufficient. I might have stood there frozen for hours if Jasmine hadn't started to cry.
I moved without thinking and then, I attempted to hug her again.
She responded to the embrace by hugging me back.
Something inside me eased and I found my voice, "Jasmine," I said softly, "I cannot apologize enough. I am so sorry."
"You don't have to apologize for missing my wake," she replied.
"Yes, I do." I gave her a squeeze and knew I ought to begin my full apology, but right now all I wanted was to keep holding her like this.
"Really," she insisted, "that's not what I'm crying about. I did my best to keep it together before, but…this is a lot."
It was.
"After my wake," she continued, "I had almost six weeks of memories for the same three-week period: one where I was frolicking around with Aladdin in his fantasyland ignoring all the signs things were wrong until it was nearly too late, and the other where I'd finally started to figure you out, but instead of doing what was right, I lied and stole from you. I'll never forget the look of horror on your face before I shattered, or waking up to your broken pieces in the magician's study after the accident. Then I had father telling me you'd murdered yourself and Aladdin was saying you'd disappeared. I was positive the real version of you had helped me set up my wake, but that didn't make sense either. I was…scared…confused and…I felt so guilty, about everything."
"I'm sorry," I said, rubbing her back.
"No." She shook her head. "I said it already. You don't have to apologize. It's me. There's so much I need to tell you."
And so, she did.
Jasmine explained how the other…or no, how Glasmine had lied about my curse being broken with true love's kiss and that my current state had been nearly as surprising to her as it was to me. The glass princess's main objective for our first kiss was to cast a spell that used every tender and heated caress between us to siphon off a portion of my soul. Even her supposed eagerness to be wed was mostly due to her knowing that us being married would greatly increase her lust spell's efficacy.
Jasmine also explained that Glasmine had gone on to manipulate me and her father to prevent us from noticing any differences between Jasmine and Glasmine. This included pitting me and the sultan against each other and letting us think she was busy with projects we gave her. When in reality, she was giving us extra work to do, all so she could continue her magical research on how to further extend her life.
This was hardly a flattering picture, but it was not all bad. It was Glasmine, not Sultan Hamed, who had discovered the Lilahan wake ritual during her covert research. The glass princess had also devised a way to combine her and Abbi back into Jasmine via a rare substance called essence of soul and a specially formulated qumabêruh crystal as a contingency in case her other plans did not come to fruition. That was what she'd wanted to tell me that night I'd killed her. Instead, Sultan Hamed had ended up enacting her backup plan with a few alterations and it had worked. Thanks to Glasmine, my Jasmine was back, so I could only be so critical of the rest.
Jasmine did not share my opinion, calling Glasmine all sorts of unrepeatable names and profusely apologizing for the glass princess's actions before she went on to lament Abbi and her stubbornness, recklessness, selfishness, distractibility, and a host of other faults I had not noticed.
I did my best to listen to all of it. I could tell Jasmine needed to speak and I needed the time to prepare for my apology. However, when she eventually ran out of allegations against her selves, it was a relief.
I pulled away a bit so we could more easily see eye to eye and said, "I appreciate your apologies, Jasmine," in theory, at least, "and know you feel obligated to give them, but I don't blame you for what happened, especially not that last night with Abbi in the magician's study. It makes little sense to use your success in puzzling things out afterward to judge Abbi for not immediately deducing that my mind had somehow traveled back in time to inhabit the Ababwan version of Rajah due to some unholy mix of my amulet's powers and the Cave of Wonders' magic and that I was compelled to follow Abbi's expectations as a side effect of the magic ring she'd gotten from that suspicious jewelry merchant. I scarcely suspected that and I had far more information than Abbi, so how and why would she have happened upon such a convoluted idea unprompted?"
Jasmine was unimpressed with this argument. To her, uncovering what happened to me during the lead-up to her wake had merely required, in her words: 'Creative reasoning and highly-motivated problem solving'.
I tried a different approach. "For the scrying debacle and for everything else you mentioned, it's important to remember the root cause. It's not Glasmine, Abbi, or yourself. The real problem was that your being was literally split in two against your will. Of course, neither part was making fully sound decisions."
"I understand that, but I'm still at fault," she said.
"How?" I asked. "It was Aladdin who made the wish."
"But we were friends and I lied to him for years. I'm the one who encouraged him to-"
"No." My voice and opinion were firm. I'd heard more than enough of that logical fallacy today. "Aladdin's actions were his own."
"But…"
"And even if you do think it's your fault-"
"I do."
"I'll remind you that I fully supported you lying to him about your identity and I don't regret it in the least. In fact, I would have much preferred it if you had lied more."
"Rajah!" she cried. Then her eyes widened. "Sorry! I didn't mean to…I shouldn't have-"
"It's alright," I tried to assure her. It was strange hearing her call me Rajah while I was human and, a week ago, I might have been gravely insulted, but now, "Really, Jasmine, it's alright. I prefer Ren when I'm human at least," I loved the way she said it, "but building upon an earlier discussion, I don't believe something like this is merely a choice. It's a habit as well. As long as you don't think of me as just a pet-"
"Of course not!"
I smiled. "Then, it's fine, princess."
She frowned at me. "I feel like you're not taking this seriously."
I wasn't, not exactly. "If need be, we can talk about the finer points of this another time," I offered. "For now, there are…more pressing issues that I wish to discuss with you. Shall we sit down and continue?"
"One week," she bartered, moving to take a seat in her usual spot behind her desk. "I'll do a trial run of calling you both Ren and Rajah, then we can confer."
"That sounds reasonable to me," I agreed, pulling up a chair.
Jasmine relaxed and said, "Good! Now, I suspect you want to try to apologize again, but I think we can skip that part and move on. What other pressing issues did you want to discuss?"
I stared at her. She had to be jesting. "We can't skip my apology."
"Sure, we can," she said in a way that reminded me too much of Sultan Hamed.
"No. We can't."
"Yes, we can," she argued. "All we need is mutual agreement on the matter."
In response to my flat expression, she tried a new tactic. "Ren, you did your best to help me at every turn even when I ignored your continual warnings to leave Aladdin alone whereas I did what I wanted and dragged you along for the ride. Regardless of whether all of this is my or Aladdin's fault, you and I ended up in this mess with him because of me. So, as I've been telling you, it's not necessary for you to apologize for missing my wake or anything else."
I understood how she could think that. Still, "Forgive me, Jasmine, but I disagree. I must apologize before saying anything else."
She glared at me. "You must apologize?" she repeated.
"I must," I confirmed.
Jasmine sighed. "Fine," she said. "I tried. Be stubborn. Apologize. But don't expect me to reward you for it."
"I wouldn't dream of it," I replied.
I then proceeded to explain in as clear of terms as I could manage all the major sins I'd committed, not just in the last few days, but during our entire friendship, starting with how it took me too long to take Jasmine seriously when I first tried to befriend her and how petulant I became whenever she bested me in politics. The last week had given me ample time to remember such mistakes and I did my best to be thorough in my recounting.
Jasmine was not Abbi and I was not Aladdin, so during the first hour, Jasmine tried to stop me quite a few times. In response to each interruption, I told her I wasn't done and needed to keep going. Jasmine was not well-pleased by this, but who would be?
What was important is that she listened because she deserved to know and…
I wasn't sure I could do this again.
It was like the time Kishan's friends had tossed me into a half-frozen swamp. I felt cold, sick, and disgusting. My world, which was usually so complicated, had shrunk down. All I knew was the wooden desk in front of me, my dry throat, shaky hands, and the uncomfortable feeling of being watched.
Time lost its meaning as I laid bare all the cracks I had created in our friendship, all those episodes when I let my pride, anger, or self-pity get the best of me, all those lost suitors I had chased away without a second thought, and all my foolishness around Glasmine and Abbi. If I'd known Jasmine half as well as I'd believed I did, I would have handled both sides of her better and prevented a wealth of issues, but on the few occasions when I had noticed things weren't right, I'd been too consumed with my own concerns to act properly and we had both suffered because of it. I always thought myself smart and capable, but really, there was so much I didn't know about her, about magic, about people, about myself, about…
Everything.
I confessed all those failings and more as well as I was able and eventually, I slunk into talking about today. I acknowledged how I should have consulted her before lying to the commission, spoken up before she had given her apology to me to help alleviate her guilt faster, taken the issue about my name more seriously, and erred less overall to make this speech of regrets shorter.
Once I had apologized for that, I reached the hardest part of all of this, the conclusion.
"Jasmine," I said trying to be calm, "unlike me, you have so much to recommend you. Your court is full of capable and loyal advisors. Your father has the power and wits to keep you safe and is better versed in magic than I am. You're not cursed or broken. You're healthy, whole, intelligent, hard-working, reliable, kind, creative, passionate, and…very…"
I made myself say it: "Beautiful…in body and mind. Thousands of people gave part of their soul to you because they know what a privilege it is to have you in their lives, however tangential. Each, I'm certain, would be eager to deepen their acquaintance with you, so more than ever before, you can afford to be very discerning about who you allow to be at your side. I pretended otherwise for too long, but I was never an ideal choice and now that you and your kingdom are free, you don't need me anymore.
I'm, at best, redundant, and considering my previous actions and what a liability I am, it is more accurate to say you would be better off…without me around. All I can offer you now beyond my sincerest apologies which I hope I have communicated, is the courtesy of…" I swallowed, "…of honoring your choice as to what to do with me."
There.
I had said it.
I had told her the truth.
Now all I had to do was wait.
Of course, Jasmine was not one for lengthy deliberation. Almost immediately, she asked in a notably annoyed tone, "Are you finally done?"
I nodded.
"That means it's my turn again!" Jasmine shouted as she shot out of her chair.
I couldn't help flinching.
"Stand up, Ren, and look at me."
The first command was much easier than the second. By the time I'd managed both, Jasmine had come around the desk to face me, her expression hard and imperious.
"You," she began, poking me hard in the chest, "are being utterly ridiculous. After helping me with the wake which saved my life and saving this kingdom for the umpteenth time, you really think I would want to get rid of you for making some mistakes? That I don't need you anymore? How on earth did you come to that idiotic conclusion? You're supposed to be smart!
Of course, I need you!
Even if I didn't, what does that matter? I wouldn't toss you out just because you were redundant."
This.
I had dearly hoped for it, but I hadn't known, hadn't really believed…my own family wouldn't have…so hearing her say such things was…
Something else.
It took me several moments to recover enough to rebut her. "I can see you're unsettled," I began.
"Unsettled," she sneered.
"Insulted," I amended, "but please, think about it, Jasmine." She had to think about it. "You can't let your sense of pity make such an important decision. We both know you don't need another advisor at this point, and if you excluded your headpiece's effects on people, then I would be one of the worse princes you've ever met, so-"
"So, nothing! Just because you're a prince now, doesn't mean you can dismiss yourself. You're not some unworthy suitor, random employee, or pitiful stray that I picked up. You've never been that. Even in the very beginning, when I thought you were stuffy, two-faced, and conceited, I-"
"You thought I was stuffy, two-faced, and conceited?"
"Yes, but that's not what matters!" she snapped.
"Isn't it?"
"What matters-" She gave me another hard poke, "-is that even back then, we made a good team. As a prince, a tiger, a nocturnal vizier, you've always tried to help me however you could because you've always been loyal, diligent, trustworthy, shrewd, surprisingly funny, and…you. That's why you're my best friend, as in there is no one better. So, my choice about what to do with you is obvious."
She stopped trying to stab me with her finger and placed her hand on my arm. Her fire disappeared and she looked up at me with liquid eyes. "Whether you're strictly needed or not, I want you to stay, here, Ren, with me. I want to keep making memories, discovering new things, finding the middle ground between us, and improving this kingdom. Together. But my opinion is only half of it," she squeezed my arm and searched my features, "I want to hear yours, without an audience to muddle things. What do you want?"
"I…what you said that's…what I want, more than anything…I just…I didn't…I wasn't certain if you…" My voice was failing me again. My mouth felt too full. My eyes were welling up and I was trembling. "I'm sorry."
"Don't be."
"But I…"
Jasmine reached up and caressed my cheeks. My eyes fluttered closed on instinct as she wiped away my tears.
Then, in a voice as gentle and lovely as her touch, she said, "I think it's past time we made a compromise."
"A compromise?" I echoed.
"That's right," she said with an added brightness that meant she was crying too. "Let's just say we both made mistakes we regret in our friendship and forgive each other, alright?"
I opened my eyes and saw the tears on her face. I wiped them away and told her, "I do believe that's the best compromise I've ever heard."
"I know," she replied, sounding only a bit smug. "So, it's agreed?"
"It's agreed."
"Wonderful!" She beamed at me and before I knew it, she was hugging me.
I went very still, so did she.
"Sorry," we said at the same time.
Before she could retreat too far, I returned her embrace and said, "It's fine, better than fine. You just…surprised me."
"Surprised you? You hugged me twice today," she pointed out.
"It seemed like the right thing to do at the time," I ventured, "but if-"
"It was," she assured me with a light squeeze. "It's still taking some getting used to. You're so tall, but I'm starting to really like hugging you as a human."
I nodded. "Good," because this…felt so much better than fine. The way we fit together…
It was home.
"But Ren?"
"Yes, Jasmine?"
"There's one last thing," she said, her tone tentative. "You've helped me so much over the years, especially this crazy year. I think it's definitely time I return the favor and help you, so…after we're done here and have dismissed the Mujulaai Pandit Commission for good, I would like…if you're willing that is, to try figuring out your curse together?"
I held my incredible best friend tight and my own tentative response spilled out, "I'm not sure if it is a curse." How could it be if it led me to her, our friendship, and now?
Before I could continue on to say something more, like thanking her for her offer, Jasmine replied, "I'm glad that you're being open-minded about it! Because, I've already started researching and reached a similar conclusion a while ago. My current hypothesis is that the cause of your condition involves forces much more complicated, powerful, and benevolent than any other curse I've come across, so unless Jafar has access to his own set of divine artifacts which I highly doubt, I think it can be assumed that your amulet is not malfunctioning and is working as intended. It's more of a question of what its intent actually is. The available religious and historical texts I've consulted thus far were very vague and the Mujulaai Pandit Commission was somehow even worse. Nonetheless, I have pages of testable theories on how to predict and control your amulet's powers and don't worry! A great number of the tests I have planned won't involve magic and are mostly safe! In fact, there are 8 methods on my list that we could try tonight with very little setup, or if that's too much, I also have a different list of 91 miscellaneous inquiries that I'd like to go over. If we have dinner delivered to us, it should only take…" she trailed off. "Are you…laughing?"
I was.
I seemed to be all over the place today: smiling one moment, crying the next, chuckling, and now full-on laughing.
I had tried to hold it in, but first, she'd started talking about numbers and lists in that adorable way of hers, and then seeing her incredulity over this as opposed to all the magical nonsense we'd dealt with so far…
Only Jasmine would think me laughing was more unbelievable than me transforming into a tiger and traveling through time to inhabit the mind of a magical glass statue!
It really was too much!
I completely lost control of myself and thus, my laughter went on for long enough to stray from the polite sound I'd been trained to produce back into a discordant wheezy cackle of a thing.
"Why are you laughing?" I somehow heard her ask.
I shook my head and struggled for coherency. With effort, I managed a breathy, "I'm sorry."
This time though, my apology did not earn me a caress or comfort.
Instead, Jasmine pulled away.
I felt the loss of her like a blow and then there was the cold look she was giving me. It was the one her suitors tended to see right before she told me to 'dismiss' them.
My laughter dried up and my cheeks heated with shame as she demanded in a low and deceptively calm voice, "Are you sorry? Or do you just not want my help?"
"N-no! I mean, yes! Or rather…I mean…Jasmine," was the word my clumsy mouth finally settled on and it reminded me, angry or not, I wasn't just talking to some random noble, my family, or even the princess of Agrabah.
I was talking to my best friend.
She knew me as a man, a tiger, and a prince. She'd seen me fail her multiple times in each form and she had forgiven me for all of it. She still trusted me and wanted me around even if I wasn't strictly necessary or useful. I didn't have to be a properly-behaved perfect prince for her, or anyone else at this point, so I looked my best friend in the eye and said, "I do want your help, Jasmine. I've wanted it for a while, but…I…I'm not very sorry I laughed, though I understand it's not the…nicest sound."
"I thought your laugh was fine," she said and I could tell she meant it.
This woman!
It most definitely was not fine to most people with working ears, but she…
If I thought Jasmine would accept it, I would be reaching for her again right now, but her next words stilled that impulse. "What I do care about," she began pointedly, "is the reason you were laughing in the first place, a reason which you haven't yet given."
"Right, yes, I understand. The reason…is rather simple, to be honest. I'm just…happy, so very happy that you're back and being yourself."
In response to this truth, Jasmine's expression shifted a few times until she settled on a frown and narrowed her eyes to slits. "You know, I almost believe you."
"Almost?"
"Oh, fine," she conceded with what I realized was feigned reluctance. "I'll trust your explanation, for now." And if I were still undecided about her true feelings, I need only consult the unapologetic smirk on her face.
I could not resist rolling my eyes at her and my earlier panic.
That surprised a short laugh out of her. "Okay!" Jasmine gasped. Her lovely eyes twinkled up at me as she admitted, "I see what you mean. I missed you too, Rajah."
"I am pleased to hear it, princess," I replied with mock seriousness.
"I'm sure." She gave me a playful shove. Then in a softer, more sincere tone, she said, "It really is amazing to be together again, like this."
"It is," I agreed, taking her hands in mine to emphasize the point.
We gazed at each other and in the warmth that created, I recognized that cursed or not, in this moment, "With you back, I feel truly blessed in every way that matters."
A/N:
I am proud, anguished, and awed to have reached the end of this labor of love at last. Let me acknowledge the help I got along the way from my offline friends, all my readers especially ErrantTalisman, my writing buddies in San Diego and beyond, my favoriters, my followers, my commenters, and my beloved march4fun whose belief in me, loyal readership, and readiness to discuss Rajah's Curse at any time was indispensable. This story would not be the same without you.
Thank you so very much for reading and supporting Rajah's Curse!
Besides all of you, there is one more person I must acknowledge:
Best friend and top advisor of Princess Jasmine
Runaway prince of Mujulaain
Occasional magical tiger
My protagonist
Ren
I cannot completely express how glad I am to
have had your cooperation which mostly
involved you judging me, but sometimes had
you providing encouragement and
inspiration. I'm going to miss having you
take up so much of my brain space with
imagining random scenes between you and
Jasmine along with more productive
musings of ways to help you grow, but I'm so
proud of the path you took with Jasmine and
the growth you did achieve during this
narrative. You forced me to become a better
more self-aware person and writer to keep
up with you. Thank you so much for existing
in my mind and heart and thank you also to
your best friend, Jasmine, as well for being
so amazing that even cut in half she
managed to steal the show more than once. I
know I gave you two a very hard time, but
I'm so happy and relieved to see you fully
united once more. I love you both dearly and
I'm sure whatever life throws at you, you'll
handle it, not perfectly but together.
That is my personal blessing to you.
I do believe that is all I have to say.
Goodbye, everyone.
Until we meet again,
- annbe11