A/N: Another 2024 update! Horray! The below note is from the original post. I figured I would leave it in as it has a small explanation of Shepard and Joker's dynamic. There are significant changes to the flow as well as grammar fixes.

I had too much fun writing that argument. Yes, I know poking fun at Joker's ailment isn't fair. But in my little world, those two have enough trust in each other to know when it's not being used maliciously.

"cánfèi lu" roughly translate into "crippled jackass" in Mandarin. And if you couldn't tell, Shepard is at least half Chinese.

Once again, Mass Effect and all it's parts belong to Bioware.

Shepard made her way to the cockpit on near instinct as her attention was glued to her new Kuwashii Visor. She was suited up in her glossy black armor in preparation for the latest dossier pickup, a convict going only by the name of Jack. She went over the dossier in her head as she prodded a small screwdriver at her visor, mumbling incoherent thoughts to herself. Her ramblings caught Joker's attention, who looked over at her with a critical eye.

"You do know that we have an armory for this sort of thing, right?" the pilot queried.

Jenna glanced over at him for a second and went back to working on the piece of equipment. "What, you don't like my company anymore?"

"It's not that. I just don't want to be near you when that thing explodes," he cringed pointing at the visor.

She sighed and rolled her eyes. "Joker, please. I know how to take care of my own gear. Besides, I've taken apart enough terminals to know what a circuit board looks like." A look of triumph played across her features when she finally got the result she was looking for and put the visor back on her head. Joker noticed that the data flowing up the small screen looked different than what it had originally had. He quirked an eyebrow at her.

"What did you do to that thing?"

"Hmm? Oh, this." Shepard just shrugged and focused her attention on it. "I changed the language interface. Galactic common may be the standard, but it's just so...long. Hanzi is quick, easy, and to the point. One word, one character."

Joker looked up at her in disbelief. "Wait, what? You reprogrammed it to read in Chinese?" He looked her up and down. "Are you trying to get me to prod at your ethnic stereotypes?"

Jenna gave him an innocent grin and turned her attention back to the helm. "How long until we reach the Purgatory?"

His hands danced across the panel for a moment, capturing Shepard's attention. It amazed her that he could make sense of the jumble of numbers and buttons. Joker noticed her watching and gave a grin as he pulled up a screen showing the stats of the ship they approached. "We're about 20 minutes out, Commander." He glanced up at her, the glowing orange of her scars catching his attention. Her defining scar that slanted across her face from Akuze was gone. Replaced by the faint glow of Cerberus' cybernetics. It was another reminder that it was his fault they were with Cerberus. Another reminder that it was his fault she died.

He quickly cleared his throat and glanced at her. "You know, you'll fit right in with the populace with those scars of yours." Shepard gave him an appalled look and snorted. "I'm just saying you could get rid of those scars with Chakwas' equipment."

"I'm not going to divert valuable resources that could be used in more critical areas just to get rid of a few scars. Besides, the doc also said that they would go away on their own if I just keep being myself. I can make being a bitch sound rather nice and cozy." Shepard stood defiantly as Joker gave her an incredulous look. She let out a sharp laugh as she knocked his hat over his eyes. "See you in a few minutes, flyboy."

"You sure about that?" he snorted, pushing the bill of his hat back up.

Jenna looked over her shoulder as she walked away. "I'm just going to get a convict out of cryostasis. What could go wrong?" she answered with a wink.

Jenna glared at the empty cell block and ran her hand down her face. "You have got to be shitting me. Remind me to shoot myself the next time I say 'What could go wrong?' ever again."

The warden's voice cracked over the intercom. "My apologies, Commander. You're more valuable as a prisoner than a customer. Drop your weapons and proceed into this empty cell. You will not be harmed."

Commander Shepard sneered at the audacious request. She grabbed her sniper rifle and pulled the bolt back, chambering a fresh thermal clip. "Go to hell! I'll send you there myself!" Jenna quickly commanded Grunt up front and Garrus behind him while she took over behind the farthest desk. Her breaths came out in slow deep drawls as she carefully set the scope on her target. A quick squeeze of the trigger and the nearest Blue Suns merc was dropped. With each mercenary that dropped, the team moved closer to the control room. Shepard didn't even bother with using her rifle to deal with the remaining worker in the room. She just waltzed in and pulled her pistol out. Before the weapon had a chance to completely open up, Shepard pulled the trigger killing the man.

Her two companions jogged to catch up with her as she glanced over the control mechanism. "That's going to open every door on the cellblock!" Grunt shrugged his massive shoulders. "How else are we going to get Jack out?"

Shepard forced out a breath and hovered her hand over the control panel. Never an easy job. "I'm doing it. Be ready." A few keystrokes and a massive arm came to life lifting the sealed pod that was stored below the floor. The YMIR Mechs guarding the pod moved into a defensive position as the pod was pulled up from the floor. Shepard strained to see the form in the cloud of vapor, then raised an unbelieving eyebrow. There below them was a young woman, not much bigger than herself. She was covered head to torso in tattoos. Her chest was barely covered by a belt.

Grunt snorted and looked down at the pod. "Jack is small."

"No, kidding." Jenna narrowed her eyes as Jack started to stir. Her eyes widened when the very small woman pulled her metal restraints apart and charged headfirst into the three mechs, succeeding in causing one to explode. Shepard stumbled back in surprise as the shock wave shook the room above. "Holy shit!"

A feral laugh came from the young krogan as he pumped his shotgun. "Oh this I've got to see. Come on!" he urged.

So began the merry chase across the prison ship after the crazed biotic woman. Every time Shepard thought they were getting close, the three were greeted with panicked prisoners and angry merc guards. Even more irritating, one of the prisoners managed to whittle down the infiltrator's shielding as she tried to find cover. Just before her shields were able to recover, a round from one of the ship's YMIR mechs ripped through the ceramic armor in her leg. Searing hot pain shot straight up her body from hip to shoulder. Shepard grit her teeth and was able to stabilize the wound with medigel, but it did nothing to help her already dwindling mood.

As they caught up to Jack, Shepard had enough running around. She shot the guard stalking up on the convict who seemed more interested in trying to tear the Normandy apart from where she stood with her bare hands than what was going on around her. The two women glared at each other for a moment before Shepard holstered her pistol.

"What the hell do you want?" Jack sneered.

Jenna's jaw slackened for a second before she growled back in response, "I just saved your ass!"

Jack looked at the dead merc behind her. "He was already dead. He just didn't know it. Now, what the hell do you want?"

Jenna narrowed her eyes, keeping her intrusive thoughts to herself. Urge to shoot. Rising. "I'm Commander Shepard, and I'm here to get you off this ship."

"I'm not going anywhere with you. You're Cerberus."

Urge reaching critical levels. "Look, I'm offering to be your friend. You don't want to be my enemy."

"They have a way with dying," Garrus added.

Jack scoffed at them and crossed her arms across her bare chest. "You show up in a Cerberus frigate to take me away somewhere. You think I'm stupid?"

...Yes. "This ship is going down in flames and I've got the only way out. I'm offering to take you with me, and you're arguing?" Shepard's patience was starting to wear dangerously thin. She considered Grunt's suggestion to just shoot her and patch her up on the ship. Or just leave her in the burning wreckage. As she was about to throw her hands up and leave, Jack came up with a compromise.

"I bet your ship's got lots of Cerberus databases." Both women glanced at the frigate. "I want to look at those files. See what Cerberus has got on me."

FINALLY! I can get off this god forsaken boat. Miranda's going to have a field day with this. "I'll get you full access."

Jack pointed an accusing finger at Shepard. "You better be straight up with me!" Jenna nodded in agreement. "Then why the hell are we standing here?"

Shepard clenched her jaw in an attempt to keep her temper in check and waved the team back to the ship. As predicted, Miranda was there to greet her, eyes blazing with fury when she found out the end of the deal. Shepard growled at her to go wait in the debriefing room for her and limped through the airlock. The pain suppression from the medigel was starting to wear off, threatening to dissolve what was left of Shepard's patience.

Joker rotated his chair around and tapped the arms. "Okay, Shepard, glad your back, but keep your eye on that last one. We can only hold so much crazy here," he snorted.

Jenna caught the hint of irritation in her pilot's voice and stopped. "What the hell's your problem?"

The pilot glared at the spot where the AI, EDI, resided. "This thing keeps questioning my every move. It won't let anything slide!" he complained.

"You were deliberately falsifying maintenance reports, Mr. Moreau," EDI countered.

"Not falsifying, tweaking. I always round up on task times. Makes us look good when we come in under," Joker shot back.

"Are you both serious right now?" Shepard growled and shook her head, dragging her gloved hand down her face. "What is this, high school? Both of you, find something better to do with your time!" she snapped.

"Of course, Shepard. It is a minor issue," EDI apologized.

"With a nuclear response..." the pilot snorted.

Shepard glared at her pilot. "Joker!"

"Shutting up now, Commander!"

"Yeah, you better," she muttered before turning back towards the aft of the ship.

Joker was going to let the issue go until she said that. He glared at Shepard and leaned forward a bit. "What did you just say?"

Jenna turned to match his heated glare with one of her own and crossed her arms in defiance. "You do not want to have this argument with me. I just chased a maniac through crazed convicts set to kill anything that moved."

Joker's eyes widened in defiance. "Oh, and you think I was having the time of my life here on the ship?! I had to put this whole place on lock down to keep those crazies from getting on board and hijacking it!"

"At least you didn't have some asshole trying to tell you that you were more valuable as a prisoner than a customer and stuff you into an empty cell!" Jenna shouted, stomping her good leg and straightened herself up.

Joker growled as he clenched the armrest hard before pulling himself up out of the chair. Cerberus did have its perks for him. If he attempted to get up as fast as he did two years ago, it would have resulted in a trip to the infirmary. "That's your own fucking fault for saying 'what could go wrong?' before leaving!"

Jenna was surprised that her pilot stood up and came toe to toe against her. She never noticed it before since when he did get up Joker was hunched on crutches, but he was taller than she was. Jenna would have admired that fact if it weren't for the two clashing egos now going head-to-head. She stepped forward to within an inch of her pilot and snarled at him. "Oh, so you want to play this game?! At least I can get off the ship!"

Joke held his ground as Shepard stepped into her personal space. He wasn't backing down from this fight. The pilot looked down and glared at his commander, giving her a growl of his own. "I could leave this ship if I damned well felt like it. But why should I when every time you step outside, something goes awry?!"

"Commander Shepard, Mr. Moreau, this may not be the suitable time for this discussion..." EDI's voice cut through the two of them.

"Shut up, EDI!" both the pilot and the commander yelled, continuing to stare at each other down.

Shepard continued to size her pilot up. "Something does not always go awry when I go ashore."

"Bullshit! Every single time you go ashore, you come back pissed off about something. You can't even get off this ship to go dancing, if you want to call it that, and not have something go wrong!"

"At least I can dance! Making an ass of myself on the dance floor is better than sitting out moping at some table!"

Joker's eyes widened in disbelief before his glare returned. His hands balled into tight fists. "You did not just go there."

"And why not?! You started it you cánfèi lǘ!"

"I did not!" the pilot countered, his voice jumping an octave. "And making my translator glitch with your omnitool is cheating!" Jenna gave him a triumphant grin as the orange glow disappeared around her wrist. He snorted at her, and was about to counter when he noticed that she was favoring her left side. Joker looked down at her leg and back up at her with a none too pleased look on his face. "Commander, you mind not bleeding all over my floor?"

Shepard gave him a confused look then noticed that he was pointing at the point where her armor was ripped through. She rolled her eyes and started to limp away but not before shooting over her shoulder, "This isn't over."

Joker grinned at her and crossed his arms. "Is that what you told the toaster before you set it ablaze with a poptart?"

Jenna clenched her jaw tight and balled her fist. "Fuck you, Moreau..."

"That an offer or an invitation?" he called after her. Joker lowered himself back into his chair as he heard the string of Mandarin curse words thrown at him fade as the commander limped her way to the elevator. One of these days she's going to learn that there is no winning against me in a battle of wits. Joker chuckled to himself and pulled the ship off autopilot, satisfied that he won this battle.