Space In My Heart For You

Nugget #5: Birch Tree Meeting-Questions

A slight wind blows through the birch tree cluster as Amy stands in the middle of it. The breeze picks up her hair, sweeping it forward before moving on to send ripples down the small stream. She watches the ripples spread out, wondering how long she's been here, waiting for Nathan, and how long she should stay. Her fingers tap together once, twice, before she turns around, ready to ride Shadow home.

To her surprise, Nathan appears in front of her. She retreats slightly, taking in his appearance. His cowboy hat is still on and his hands rest on his hips.

"Going somewhere?" His brow raises in question.

"No," she shakes her head slowly. "Wasn't planning on it."

"Ah, okay." He gestures to Shadow. "Your beeline to Shadow wasn't a decision to leave then?"

Amy parts her lips to form a response, then decides to change the subject. "How long have you been standing there?"

"Long enough to have my own doubts on whether to stay."

"Okay," Amy puts her hands in her back pockets. Another gust of wind blows through Amy's hair and Nathan watches it dance around her. "So…do you want to go?"

"Wasn't planning on it," he nods in the direction where they usually sit, inviting her to join him.

Instead of spreading a blanket this time, Nathan finds a birch tree to lean against while Amy settles on a large, flat rock opposite him.

She waits for him to say something. She searches for emotional clues, but can't find much besides a peaceful face.

Unable to stand the silence much longer, Amy interjects into it, "I know there were probably a lot of surprises over the weekend," she starts. When he meets her gaze but still says nothing, she continues, "Do you want to talk about them?"

Nathan leans forward, searching for her as well and trying to figure her out. "Do you?"

"I—I," his considerate question catches her off guard. "Honestly, I never know how much to say. I don't want to feel like I'm keeping things from you. I don't like talking about the past…I actually think we're alike in that way," she pauses and they share a meaningful look. "At the same time, I don't want to start talking, share too much, and scare you off."

Nathan tilts his head and reassures her. "You're not going to scare me off."

"I might…inadvertently," she raises her shoulders, unsure. "I don't know."

Nathan reaches for her, "I want you to feel like you can talk to me." She takes his hand and he tugs her closer. "Ty was an important part of your life for a long time…longer than I realized," He finds a lighter tone, "And apparently Caleb was too, so—"

Amy laughs and he's glad she caught his levity. "Caleb was just always there, tagging along, he sort of became part of our clan by accident."

"You and Ty made him Lyndy's godfather," Nathan points out as Amy moves around him to find a spot next to him against the birch tree. Their shoulders touch as he leans into her. "He was clearly important to both of you."

Nathan waits for a reply, but Amy simply nods and says nothing. She picks up a long piece of grass and twirls it between her fingers.

He tries again, "Caleb said—"

Amy turns back quickly, "Caleb says a lot of things. I swear he has not learned to think before he talks, or acts, or makes decisions."

"Ha," Nathan lets out a laugh. "He said the same thing to me the other night."

His words give her pause. She narrows her gaze at him. "You guys talked when he was here?"

"For a few minutes," he shrugs, then notices the concern on her face. "He didn't say anything bad."

"Right…" she leans back against the tree in defeat.

He turns to face her. He reaches out to rest a supportive hand on her shoulder but moves to her knee instead. "He said you and Ty were together for seven years before you got engaged."

Amy pulls back, surprised. Her forehead creases. "We knew each other for that long before we got engaged. I wouldn't say we were together that long."

"Really?" He recalls Caleb's words: even when they weren't together, they were still together, and works to keep them to himself. "What would you say?"

He watches emotions play across her face: annoyance, frustration, confusion before she tears herself away from the intensity of his gaze. She focuses on the stream beside them, letting that focus calm her emotions.

"Amy?"

She turns back to him. "This is the part where I don't know how much to say. I don't know what you're actually asking. Do you want to hear the brief history or the long history or just how many years I would say that we were together—which I don't even know if there's a correct answer to that, Ty might have said a different number…"

"Okay…You're right," Nathan raises a hand to her shoulder and strokes it twice before releasing it. "It's not about the number." He sighs, frustrated that he is not expressing himself the way he would like. He takes a deep breath and tries again. "You're important to me, Amy, and I care about you. I guess I'm just trying to get a sense of who the most important person in life was for so long…So you're not gonna scare me off or say too much. I just—" he stops, waiting to catch her eye. "Ty is a part of you…and I really want to know you."

Amy sighs. She picks up another piece of grass, twiddles it, and then returns to him. He waits for her to speak with an understanding look on his face.

She takes a deep breath. "My mom died in a car crash when I was fifteen. I was with her in the car," she starts in a matter-of-fact manner and he's taken aback, not expecting the direction she took. "She died saving Spartan from an abusive owner." Nathan tries to voice words of sympathy, but she doesn't pause her story. "Mom was a big believer in giving people second chances. She sometimes hired stable hands that were lost in life, in foster care, or on probation. A couple of days after I was released from the hospital, Ty showed up—her newest stable hand hire on probation. He was there as I tried to move on from losing her and took up her job of working with horses and their problems on the ranch. Ty was always there to help me. Over time, he grew up too, and eventually he graduated vet school."

She pauses for the first time, but now, Nathan doesn't know what to say. When she doesn't either, she reminds herself of his original question. "Because I was a confused, mourning teenager when we met and he was battling his own past, it's kind of hard to say how long we were together—there were a lot of starts and stops…But I guess one way of looking at it would be he was the most important person in my life for thirteen years and we were married for five of them."

Nathan remains quiet as he takes in her story. He looks at her with awe as she shrugs the story off with a hint of a smile.

When he finally speaks, all he can say is, "You're incredible, Amy."

She shakes her head, "That really wasn't the point of me telling you all that."

"To have a positive outlook on life, to finish telling me that and have a smile on your face, after everything you've been through…I could never do that."

Amy sighs, "It happened a long time ago."

"Still," he says seriously, "You've been through more than I could ever handle."

"Nathan," she reaches out to him. "I don't think it works like that."

"No, seriously, Tristin cheats on me, and I shield myself off from the world. The world takes and takes from you and you are still here with open arms and a smile."

"It doesn't take everything from me. It keeps giving me things too." She turns to him and watches him focus on the nature around them. A bluebird flies from one tree branch to another. "You're here, with me, making me happy…giving me a chance to start falling in love again."

"Me too," Nathan whispers. He smiles to himself and Amy misses it. She nudges his shoulder with her own, prompting him to turn back to her. She waits for him to say something more. He doesn't. Instead, he leans in to kiss her.

"So," she raises a palm to his cheek. Her thumb slowly strokes his face. He closes his eyes at her touch. "The world gives you things too."

Nathan nods quietly, but says nothing. With his eyes still closed, Amy can freely watch the emotions travel through his face. She raises a second hand into his hair and he leans in closer. Up close, it feels like she can see his pain and sadness consume him and then wash over him. New curiosities bubble up in her as she watches his process.

With Nathan curled up beside her, Amy doesn't know what to do. She breathes with him, in, then out, and then looks away, trying to decide. Once she does, she nods to herself and then sits up straighter.

She leans in, places a long kiss on his forehead, and then releases him. "Nathan," she whispers. It takes him a moment to find her again. When their eyes meet, she somehow knows he won't be surprised by her request. "Tell me about Tristin."

He continues to look at her. He takes another deep breath in, and out, and Amy watches his chest expand and contract. "I wouldn't even know where to start."

"It doesn't matter where you start," she tells him gently, her voice full of compassion. "I've told you about Ty. I don't know anything about Tristin."

"Tristin isn't to me what Ty is to you." He shakes his head. "Ty is still an important part of who you are."

Amy frowns with sympathy. Once again, she brings a palm to his cheek. "And Tristin isn't a part of you?"

"Not anymore." Nathan quietly shakes his head. "I don't want her to be."

"I know," she strokes his cheek. "But she is. And," She waits until he looks at her. "I love who you are."

"Okay," he finds inner strength and comes up with a forward direction. He sits up straighter and adjusts himself. Amy does the same, pushing herself up with both hands against the ground. "We met in college, in one of my business classes. We were paired up on a class project to design an ad for some cleaning supplies and we approached it in two totally different ways. She was flying off the wall with a million ideas and I just sat quietly, trying to find two ideas that would connect together."

He notices Amy's lips upturn at the story and he pauses for a moment, encouraged. "Um, I don't know, her whole life was kind of chaotic like that. She always had a dozen things going on at once—countless different social groups, a handful of committees, a dozen different goals she wanted to accomplish. I thought it would calm down once we graduated. It didn't. She just found new things to do. She'd step foot in a new city and have ten new friends within a week."

"Huh," Amy processes the information and tries not to make any assumptions. She reflects on what she hears. "A real-life energizer-bunny, huh?"

"Yeah," Nathan nods. "I guess the opposites attract thing is obvious now. I didn't see it then. I just kind of went along for the ride."

Amy continues to watch her words. "It's hard to see anything when you're in the middle of it."

"I'm not sure about that," Nathan scoffs. "I think part of me knew it was too much for me."

"Hey, come on," Amy reaches out to him. "Cut yourself some slack. Isn't college a place for people to try on different sides of themselves?"

"I guess." He shrugs. They sit comfortably together as he regroups. "I hated college. Tristin aside, I'm glad I went. It helps me now with the business side of the ranch, but I actually hated it. If it wasn't for Tristin and our relationship, I don't think I would have graduated."

"Well, that's a good thing, right?"

"I don't know." He pauses, remembering what she had said about her relationship with Ty and doing it all again if she could. "I wouldn't ever do it again, even if I still use my degree."

Amy nods, digesting his point of view. "I know. But now, after all that, you know who you are and what you want—the quiet ranch life suits you—your land, your cows, and Molly."

"And you, Miss Sunshine," Nathan teases. "How did you enjoy college?"

"Oh," Amy takes a moment as her mind jolts out of thinking about Nathan and Tristin to thinking about her own life decisions. "I didn't go to college."

Nathan turns his whole body towards her and looks at her for the first time since talking about Tristin. He smiles with a mixture of surprise and amusement. "Really?"

"Yeah," Amy sighs. "I was actually offered a full ride to Colorado State University in their Equine Science program."

"Wow," He looks at her with fresh eyes. "Amy, that's a big deal. That's a great program."

She nods. "Thanks."

He searches her, growing contemplative. "Why didn't you go?"

"Lots of reasons…"

"Okay…" Nathan juts his chin out. "Like what?"

"Like, I don't know," Amy sighs once more. "I guess emotionally, my mom had died three years before. My dad had re-entered my life after disappearing for ten years. Ty and I were in a good place. I just didn't really want to leave home…But more importantly and practically, I wanted to devote myself to working with horses full-time and really see what I could do. I didn't have the time in high school and I really couldn't do it if I went away to college. So, my desire to focus on my work is really what made the decision easy."

"You knew what you wanted," he observes. "And you trusted yourself when making a big decision—even when you were young."

Amy takes a deep breath and pulls him closer. He scoots around her and she takes his arms and wraps them around her. He gives her a squeeze as she sinks into his embrace.

"I've learned that when people trust themselves and follow their hearts," she strokes his arms. "They almost always end up in the right place."

A/N: I really wanted Nathan to know more about Ty and Amy to get to know Nathan as well. The show probably doesn't have time for a character history deep dive, so that's what fic is for! I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did writing it! Thanks for reading, let me know what you think!
Thanks to Scoutbooradley, Patty, Guest, and abc123abc123 for taking the time to leave kind reviews ❤