Pete loved Blackbeard. Not in like a physical way… how could he? They'd never actually met. Yeah, the stories he told the others were just lies. But, well, he loved Blackbeard all the same. He loved him like the ocean, or the wind or the feel of a sword in his hand. In his mind, Blackbeard was piracy and piracy was Blackbeard, there was no separating the two great loves of his life. No overcoming them.

He loved everything about Blackbeard, had heard every story there was to tell, and when those seemingly ran out he started making his own. He even loved Blackbeard's crew.

Alright maybe love was a little strong, but the stories about Izzy Hands were cool. The best sword in the seven seas, right hand man to Blackbeard himself, total badass. He wouldn't say he loved the Izzy Hands of legend in quite the same way he loved Blackbeard. No, really it was more that Pete wished he was Izzy Hands. Or rather that instead of the legend of Izzy Hands, there was the legend of Black Pete, true first mate to Blackbeard. He wished he was the greatest sword on the Seven Seas, but he just…wasn't. He was just Pete, and no matter what colour he put in front of his name, he would never be the man that Izzy Hands was.

And then he met Izzy Hands, and you know what…there was something that all those stories, those countless tales of Blackbeard and his savage first mate Izzy Hands left out. Because Izzy Hand wasn't a man at all.

Izzy Hands…was a hobbit.

They had met on a beach…well a jungle next to a beach really, but the first way sounded more poetic and like something that would happen in a Blackbeard story so that was what he was going with him. They met on a beach, Black Pete and the hobbit. Okay so technically Captain Bonnet and Oluwande had been there too, but like neither of them were really the kind of people you found in Blackbeard stories so like Black Pete felt comfortable leaving them out of his retelling. Whatever it didn't even matter who was there, and who wasn't there, Jim! The thing was, Izzy Hands, the great Izzy Hands, was not so great. Izzy Hands, the great Izzy Hands was nothing more than a short, angry little Hobbit.

He was like three feet tall, with large, bare feet all covered in hair and cute little pointed ears. Yet, people went on and on about him like he was an actual human pirate, like he was actually something to be afraid of. And to Pete, that was the funniest thing ever.

While Pete had found the notion of Blackbeard letting any hobbit, let alone one as small and thin as Izzy Hands run anything on his ship, ridiculous…he didn't hate the hobbit. It was just funny really. No, the hate didn't start till later. Till the angry little first mate started a fight with Lucius, demanding that the scribe complete chores around the ship, which obviously Lucius was too wonderful and too soft to do.

When they had first begun their affair, Pete would not have thought he would come to love Lucius at all. Let alone enough to hate another on his behalf, and yet here they were. And Pete didn't think he hated anyone as much as he hated stupid, little, Izzy Hands. He had been thrilled when Lucius had fought back, had not allowed Izzy to hold Fang's sketch over his head. Had even gone so far as to blackmail the first mate with his own shameful secret.

Not that Lucius had been able to keep mum about the spewing story once the hobbit had been forced to back down with his metaphorical tail between his legs. Still Black Pete couldn't help but hate the hobbit for the look on that round pinched face of his, the look of hate and bitterness. The look of someone who wanted vengeance. That spiteful little look he threw at Lucius' turned back, made something hot and angry spike in Pete's gut.

He couldn't believe that this was the thing that Blackbeard, the great and cool Blackbeard, chose as his first mate. Someone really needed to put him in his place. He even said as much to Lucius, who winced at the word thing, but Black Pete was too pleased at the idea forming in his head to notice his boyfriend's discomfort.

It had been easy to convince Stede to let him tell one of his tall-tales at story time. The Captain had been all too happy to oblige, he had always enjoyed Black Pete's stories before, and well, now they had actual Blackbeard here to hear them.

It would be quite something to tell one of his stories in front of actual Blackbeard, Pete thought, already imagining the great pirate sitting listening with an impressed look on his face. Or, his insecurities whispered, maybe he'll just laugh at you. Probably best not to focus on that.

At story time all the crew sat in their usual places and Stede and Blackbeard himself sat amongst them, whispering to each other and giggling. One look at Lucius' smile to gain courage and then the lisping pirate could begin. Okay Pete, all on you now. Go.

He told a story that at first was very similar to all the other stories he'd told before now. Lots of fighting, Blackbeard was cool and kicked the Navy's ass, there was a mermaid or two because of course you had to have a mermaid in a good pirate story. It was a requirement. But soon the real purpose of the tale became apparent to the listeners, the crew of their aptly named ship. It was not to show off how cool Blackbeard was, of course he was cool in the story because he was Blackbeard, he was always going to be cool, but that wasn't the point of the story.

No, the point of the story was how pathetic Izzy Hands was. He spewed during a storm, he cried when the mermaids attacked, he soiled himself when the Navy Ship was spotted. He was in fact every kind of weak willed stereotype Pete had ever heard about hobbits, including the one about their giant appetites. How they could never stop eating even when others needed the food more than them. Demonstrated when he had the Izzy of the story eat all the supplies on the ship. He knew that last one couldn't be true with how thin and tiny the hobbit was, but it was a story, who cared? And of course he was out done in everything by the hero of the tale - a character who only greatly resembled Black Pete this time.

It had felt a bit much to put himself in the story right to Blackbeard's face when…he'd never actually sailed with the pirate before now. Not that he thought Blackbeard would give his lie away but like…he didn't want to force the great pirate into that position. It wasn't the point of the story anyway. No the point of the story was to see that red look on the halfling's face.

Izzy had been sitting off to the side when the story began just like he did every night, pretending he was doing something with the ropes or discussing something with Fang or Ivan. Each night he was always there, pretending he wasn't listening to the story.

Well, from that angry look on his face he was certainly listening to it tonight. Good. Show him what they really thought of him. And not just Stede, or the crew either, because Blackbeard…yes Blackbeard himself, laughed along with them all. On some level, he must be coming to realise that he could do so much better than a hobbit for his first mate. He could have a real pirate by his right hand, he could have Pete.

After everyone had settled down for the night, Pete had gone to relieve himself over the side of the ship. It was a habit he'd developed while on other crews, it was fine, no one even knew it was him anyway. He was just pulling up his britches when he heard the voices coming from further along the deck, their owners hidden by the shadows growing in the night.

"I'm going to kill him."

The first voice, took him a moment to identify for it was filled with more passion then he'd ever heard in it before. It was Ivan.

"I'm going to kill him, I'm going to throw him over the side of the ship. Or…or stab him in the gut the next time he looks at you funny. And I'm not the only one, Fang…Fang didn't like the tale either!" His voice wavered slightly as if even he did not believe what he said.

Pete couldn't see Ivan killing a crew mate, not on his own whim at least. Maybe if Blackbeard ordered it, sure who would say no to Blackbeard, but Ivan wasn't a killer. Not like that, not for himself. At least Pete didn't think so. And clearly neither did the high, very recognisable voice that answered the young pirate.

"You will do no such thing." Said Izzy Hands, with more authority in his voice than he had dared to use around the crew since the spewer story had come to light.

"But Boss…" Began Ivan, but he was cut off abruptly by the hobbit.

"Did you hear him laugh?"

Ivan scoffed. "Yeah, a high crack of a sound like…like a hyena…or…or…a British Officer's chuckle. I tell you Boss, I really wanted to break his nose. Black Pete, what a stupid name as if the Captain would have ever taken him on as a sailor if he weren't already Bonnet's crew. More like Brown Pete, what with those skid marks he leaves over the side of the boat."

Pete was hurt, he had thought Ivan had liked him, had liked his story… he couldn't understand this…he just…what had he ever done to Ivan?

"No, not Black Pete Ivan, Blackbeard. Did you hear Blackbeard laugh?"

Ivan went quiet for a moment before he said. "Yes."

"Well," said Izzy with finality in his voice. "Then you leave Pete alone, Ivan. You know how this works, you're not a child anymore. Till the Captain loses interest we don't get to kill any of Bonnet's clowns. Bonnet will be dead soon enough, don't act before then, don't bring the Kraken's wrath down on you."

"But the things he said…" began the younger pirate.

"A bedtime story, Ivan, you gonna get yourself killed for a bedtime story? For something children tell each other to warn off the boogyman? I don't care what Black Pete says about me, he's a deadman walking. A dog, the Kraken will eat whole the second that fop's body is cold. And if he doesn't, I'll kill him myself when the time comes. You are not a toy, you are useful to him, don't throw that away to go after something, someone who doesn't, who will never matter to Blackbeard."

Pete's heart shattered at those words, and he quickly shuffled away from the bickering pair. Climbed into the hammock he shared with Lucius, and clung to his boyfriend desperate for the comfort the sleeping Lucius could never provide. Well, maybe not so sleeping, for Lucius' arms were suddenly around his waist and he was pulling him closer, whispering in his ear.

"I think you went a bit too far love, Fang was a bit hurt by your story." He hadn't thought about Fang, had just assumed he'd be on board with putting that hobbit…that…that Izzy down a peg or two. A stupid oversight he saw now.

"Yeah," he said to Lucius' cheek. "Sorry about that. Didn't think what Fang or…Ivan would think about it. I'll apologise to them tomorrow. Love, I think Izzy Hands just saved my life."

And Lucius far too close to actual sleep to have understood, just smiled and yawned. "That's nice."

And as for Pete, he just lay there and held Lucius all night long, till the sun rose the next day. He didn't sleep at all. Wouldn't let himself. Izzy Hands' words ran through his skull - I'll kill him myself, when the time comes. No flair, no dramatics, just a statement of fact that no one hearing it could ever deny. Pete thought on these words, on those terrible words, and for the first time in his life he realised that you could be afraid of a hobbit. You could be very afraid.