AU: Sam's escape is short-lived when Jack follows her...
Chapter 15: A beacon in the night
Sunday, 14th March 2004 – O'Neill Household – Lieutenant Colonel Sam Carter
The afternoon had been going swimmingly, until the whole Daniel thing that had me escaping to the safety of Jack's bathroom. Not because I couldn't handle his anger driven outburst but because of how close I had been to dressing him down. I knew Jack wouldn't have minded me handing his arse to him except that I could already feel my anxiety building – elevated heart rate, shaky hands, laboured breathing – which would see me blacking out or worse, suffering a heart attack. If that had of happened, Janet would recognise the symptoms, then everyone would know, and John would suffer.
Jack had already been watching me closely all day, as if he could sense what was going on with me. I knew he could sense my Naquadah. My own blood was ringing louder than normal as well. Even from across the table, I could feel him struggling to maintain his composure. When he growled at Daniel, it felt like an invisible force crashing down over me. He would be here soon. I knew that, and I needed to get myself under control which I did by thinking about the issue at the SGC rather than Daniel's hissy fit.
"Focus dammit!" I demanded of myself with closed eyes.
The General's visit had ended not long after we arrived. Just long enough to confirm that he had been relieved of command by order of the President at the behest of the new Vice President. Hayes had just started his second term in office, but when his previous VP retired from politics, Kinsey had stepped easily into the role. Of course, his first point of business was to call for a review of the Stargate Program and temporarily shut down the SGC despite the impending invasion by Anubis that they didn't know about. Just as I knew he would. Kinsey was the same self-serving bureaucratic arsehole no matter what timeline he was from.
"No matter what reality or timeline you're in Jack, you always manage to piss someone off." I muttered to the room.
Question was… should I say anything? Looking into the mirror of the bathroom after splashing water into my face multiple times, I asked myself again if I should tell him. With a sigh, I reached for the nearest hand towel to pat my face dry. It smelled like Jack, so I shamelessly breathed deeply a couple of times before hanging the towel back up.
Directing my thoughts back five decades, I worked on trying to piece together my memories. With Major Sam Carter not being here, things were different and would be different in so many ways. Sure, Kawalsky was a fine soldier and stellar officer, but would he have enough drive to be able to get Jack out of that chair the way I had? I had held his hand and laced our fingers together then begged him as professionally as possible to save himself for me despite my ongoing relationship with another man. The flush of the toilet shook me out of my internalising, and I turned off the tap that must have been running for a while. I felt the zing of him entering the room before he said anything.
"Hey." I looked up and found Jack staring at me through the mirror. He looked rung out. I could tell that he had a headache just by looking into his eyes.
"Hi. Sorry, I'm done." I moved to the side, pretending to dry my hands giving him access to the basin.
"Thanks." He said while busying himself with the soap and water. "Sorry about…"
"It's OK, you don't need to apologise for him, Jack." I halted his apology for Daniel's behaviour.
"Right. So…" He faltered as he reached around me to towel dry his hands. The vibrations increased and I had to bite the inside of my mouth to stop from sighing while my hands twisted into my back pockets. He was so close it hurt not to reach for him. I knew he could feel it too because his breathing hitched, then he forced himself to step back and finished his question, "So… do you like her?"
"What?" The question had taken me aback a little. "Oh, ah… I mean, yeah. You mean Grace…" He nodded, I chuckle-sighed, kind of… "Of course you meant Grace. She's cute." I replied and drew my upper lip between my teeth leaving my tongue poking out a little because I didn't know what else to say. I wanted so much to kiss him, but that would be wrong because he had Samantha and I had John, and even though it technically wasn't cheating, it kind of was in a weird temporal alternating reality way.
He took a step closer, "Sam…" He started but stopped and I swear I saw him glance at my lips. Instead, he swallowed and murmured an apology before turning to leave. Determined to not let him walk away without something that would help him, I found myself blurting out the first thing I could remember from those first days.
"Crystals!" He stopped and looked over his shoulder, then slowly turned around. "In Master Bra'tac's ship. You swapped the red with the blue and then the green with the purple. Then you discharged a bolt of electricity into the…" I started to get into the long-winded version when he raised his eyebrow pausing my explanation, though he didn't stop me. "You zatted them, Sir. It halved our travel time." He smiled and leaned the tops of his shoulders against the closed door.
"To where? Carter."
"What?"
"It halved our travel time to where?" He asked, putting his partial question into context.
"Oh, umm." Closing my eyes, I thought hard back to then. "Proca… no." Licking my lips, I visualised the crossword puzzle he had been working on. "Praclarush Taonas." I recited. Before I could open my eyes, his lips were on mine. I should have pulled back or pushed him away because he was with Samantha, and I was with John, and wasn't that the second time tonight I'd made that realisation? Which made what we were doing wrong. Didn't it? Instead of doing either of the things I should have, my hands ran up into his hair and I kissed him back just like in my hallucination on board Prometheus, only letting him pull away enough to breathe.
"Oh my, Sam, I can feel you. It's like my blood is singing." He gasped while holding my face close to his, our noses touching. He groaned and dove back into our kiss, stripping away our familial connections and history leaving just the souls of two people who desperately loved each other sharing a moment in time. One moment, I was standing unsteadily, the next he had lifted me to sit on the bathroom vanity, his hips fitting snuggly in the cradle of my splayed thighs.
"Naquadah." I replied with a breathless smile when his ravishment shifted to my jawline and neck. "It's the same for John." At the mention of his clone, Jack stopped and breathed heavily leaning his face into my neck sending frissons of pleasure through my body. He stayed like that for a minute before kissing his way back so he could lean his forehead against mine.
"God, I'm sorry. I just… everything is so much more now. And you are like a beacon in the night calling me, even when you aren't nearby." He confessed softly with sadness in his voice. "I love Samantha, but she doesn't feel the same as you."
I smiled and cupped his face. "She will." He looked at me strangely. "The envelope that Dad handed you. Was that what I think it is?" He didn't answer with words, but something in his eyes told me it had been. Slowly, he nodded.
"We went to the clinic on Friday. You helped me, well your spirit helped me… 'cos you know how much I hate those kinds of tests." He reminded me. I remembered him pulling faces every time Janet handed him the little clear jar.
"I do." I replied with a huge smile, purposely not telling him that I had woken from my afternoon nap after a very pleasant dream featuring the two of us, not that his experience would have had anything to do with my dream, that I knew of. John had walked into our room only to be accosted, a situation that he did not argue with.
"I miss you so much." He confessed, still holding my face, his fingers running circles in my hairline. I couldn't have smiled any more if I tried, but I knew we had to stop this because there were other versions of ourselves to whom we were beholden. The problem was, I couldn't pull away. Or rather, I didn't want to. After being denied for so long, having him like this was sublime.
"Our baby will give her Naquadah temporarily. It won't be as strong, but it will be there. All you have to do is survive, Jack. You have to come back. I can't help you do that anymore." I said tearfully knowing this next week would tear me apart at the seams.
"Then tell me everything I need to know to get through this. Please." He gasped and squeezed his eyes shut. "I don't care about changing time, I only care about having more of it. Please, Sam." The strain in his voice was too much to bear and I caved.
"OK. OK." I agreed readily making him smile before he dipped his head again. Our second kiss was even more searing than the first. When we separated, he smiled then lifted me off the vanity and threaded his fingers through mine.
"C'mon." He said, then opened the door and looked down the hall scoping out any potential witnesses. "We're good. This way." He whispered and tugged my hand in the direction of his bedroom. Their bedroom. Suddenly I felt ill at ease.
"Jack. Sir." I murmured but he ignored me. Once we were inside, he closed the door. The nervous apprehension was killing me. I knew he wouldn't do anything I didn't want to do but still this felt wrong. He shared this room with Samantha. "This is a bad idea."
"Just talking, Carter. Just talking. I promise." He said as he sat on his bed and waved his arm toward the armchair in the corner of the room. Twisting my fingers together and biting my lip, I walked over and took a seat. He looked at me and smiled. "I can feel it, Sam. It's going faster this time. I'm struggling to read English, and I have to consider my words before talking because everything is so jumbled, I'm sure you've heard my slip ups." He confessed, then threaded his fingers together and leaned his forearms on his legs. I had seen John do that so often. God, they really were the same man.
"The weapon is already here, Jack. In Antarctica." I said, opting not to reveal the location of Atlantis yet. It wasn't useful information at this point in time.
"Of course it is." He said on a heavy sigh. "I really hate that continent." I had to agree since it was the place that I had nearly watched him die three times.
"We just need a power source to turn on the lights, so to speak." I continued, "That is what you'll find on Taonas." I explained as I looked into his eyes.
"Come with me, Sam. Please."
"I can't Jack." I said taking a deep breath and collecting my thoughts, "I… I can't watch you go through that again." My lower lip trembled, and I looked away taking a raspy breath. "Besides, I'd be a liability there. I'm not as fast as I used to be. I tend to panic in high stress situations." I swallowed down a sob as he continued to beg me with his eyes. "Jack, I'm 90 years old, and I am feeling every one of those years. I'm not the strong Major Carter you remember. I haven't been her in a long time."
"What are you saying, Sam, you're dying?" He asked in a shock laden voice. Rather than answer, I cast my eyes down and focused on the carpet knowing I could not lie to him.
"I wear a brave face for John because he can't handle knowing how close my end really is, but I feel it." I said, placing my hand over my heart. A sob did escape me then, but I closed my eyes. When I opened them, he was looking at me with the same pained expression that John did every time some little thing reminded him of my finite time limit in this world.
"How long?" He asked on a choked whisper making me blink rapidly to suppress the tears. I couldn't answer him because how do you tell any version of the man that you love that this would likely be our last serious conversation. "Sam." He pressed, "How long?" When I didn't answer again, he changed tack, "Does he know? I mean really know?" After a moment, I shook my head. "So, you won't be here when I wake up?"
"Please, Jack. Please, stop." I begged while he stared at me with tears streaking wet tracks down his cheeks. Eventually he relented and dropped his head, then used his sleeve to clear away the moisture.
"OK. So, I guess… tell me what you can." I nodded, wiped my cheeks, and thought about the most important parts then put them into the correct order. I was surprised to find that my memories of the event leading up to Antarctica were quite vivid which I found surprising, though I was thankful because I wanted him to go into this armed with everything he needed to know. Temporal paradoxes be damned. They were only a theory anyway. How many times had we blown generally accepted scientific theories out of the water with our antics over the years? Personally, I stopped counting the ways within my second year on SG-1.
"Anubis is already inbound. The forward scouting party will arrive early Thursday morning DC time. Anubis will arrive a couple hours later and stay his attack for another couple of hours. We never knew why he waited." I recalled, not that it mattered why, though I figured it was because he was waiting to see if we initiated the conflict with the Ancient weapon we claimed to have.
"Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't Antarctica something like 19 hours ahead of us?" He asked with a look on consternation.
"Actually, it's 20 because McMurdo base observes New Zealand Daylight Savings until the end of March." I confirmed.
He shook his finger at me wearing a wry smile, "I knew you would know that. Smart, Carter. Smart." He grinned and smiled back prompting the continuation of my rundown.
"Master Bra'tac will come through the Gate tomorrow to confirm Anubis' arrival. His pilot is an Anubis sympathiser, so you'll have to deal with him as soon as you leave Chulak. Give this address to Daniel before you forget. Elizabeth will let…" He held his hands up and squeezed his eyes shut, then massaged his temples to ward off the headache that I knew had been plaguing him all afternoon.
"Elizabeth… who the hell is Elizabeth." He asked with a look of confusion.
"Oh, umm. Doctor Elizabeth Weir, the new civilian in charge of the SGC." I explained, kicking myself for assuming that he would know her despite Hammond only informing us today of his reassignment.
"Great, another damn scientist." He groused, though I could see the grin on his face. Smiling back at him, I shook my head.
"Oh, no. She's a diplomat." I egged him on with the only job description he thought was worse than a scientist. Instead of getting a retort, he just groaned and gripped his head again. I wanted to ask if he was OK, but I knew he wasn't and that asking would just get me a 'whad'ya think' response that didn't require an answer.
"OK. So the SGC has a civvie boss, Anubis is coming, he'll be here Thursday and my head is on slow cook. Anything else? Oh yeah, red, and blue, purple, and green then zat to get to Pokematush Tayonash for a…" He rolled his hand, then jabbed his pointer finger in my direction, "Battery… before coming back to hell on Earth to be frozen. Again."
Trying not to laugh at his purposeful butchering of the planet name, I added the most important part of why he was doing this. "You forgot the whole destroying Anubis part."
"Oh, right. Of course. How?"
"Umm, a kind of Ancient torpedo – I guess – that look like massive glow bugs." I held up my hands to approximate the size. "To be honest, I don't know what they are because you didn't let me reverse engineer the one that Doctor Carson nearly killed you with." I replied matter-of-factly about an event that would not happen for a while yet.
"I didn't let you?" He queried with a risen eyebrow while pointing at himself. I shook my head with a rueful smile. He had the thing sent directly to Area 51 in case my tinkering destroyed the Mountain. "OK, so use these 'torpedos' to kill the bad guys. How?"
I frowned without being able to control it. "Actually, by the time you make it back to Earth, you won't need anyone to tell you what to do. You'll already be…"
"Brain fried." He added the less than positive description of his situation. "So. Thursday, which is actually Friday." He looked to me for clarification.
I merely nodded. "If you leave before 1500 tomorrow and do the modifications straight away, you should be back a whole day before the scouting party arrives, assuming everything goes to plan." I summarised. Before I could stand up, the door opened, and we found ourselves face to face with Samantha and John. Samantha darted her eyes between the two of us suspiciously while John didn't read anything into us being alone, choosing to walk over when he saw me having trouble standing.
"Everything OK?" He asked me, then extended his hand. Taking his assistance, I stood up and allowed him to wrap his arm around my waist to steady me.
"Yeah. You know that righteous temporal rule book of mine?" He scoffed a laugh in response that was the equivalent of 'oh yeah'. "Well, I threw it out the window and told him everything he needed."
"You did?" Samantha said with excited disbelief. "So, we won't have to wait four months?" She asked enthusiastically to which I furrowed my eyebrows and looked over John's shoulder to Jack. He smiled sadly and held his hand out to Samantha.
"No, angel. It'll still be four months until Thor gets here. Sam can't help me with that part." He explained as he laced their fingers together and held on tight. "But Sam and John will be here. So will Daniel, Teal'c, and Charlie." The tears that streaked down her face were mirrored on mine because I knew he was lying. I wouldn't be here much longer, but I couldn't say that. "C'mon, let's go back and see who's still here." Jack coaxed.
"It's just us. Teal'c insisted he take Daniel home, Charlie went with them, then Janet and Cassie left. Gracie is playing quietly in her room." John said with a sigh. Couldn't say I was surprised, though I wished it hadn't been because of me.
"Do I need to read to Grace tonight?" Samantha asked as Jack stood up from the bed. The look on his face was a combination of disappointment, sadness, and pain as he nodded and wrapped her in a hug.
"We should probably go." I said to John even though it was the last thing I wanted to do. The steady thrum of John's Naquadah was being drowned out by the discordant howl from Jack that continually tugged on the invisible tether that had formed when we kissed.
"Stay? Please." Jack murmured. "Dad's room is free." He offered verbally while his intangible leash tugged with an urgency that I could not ignore. It wasn't often that Jack was this vulnerable, this needy. He hadn't been this way in my time. Rather he'd been rigid and at war with staying true to the terms of our room when all I wanted him to do was wrap his arms around me like he was doing to Samantha and say that he loved me. If I hadn't been with Pete, maybe he would have.
After a few more minutes we left the confines of the room and headed back towards the dining to tidy up and enjoy what time we had with Jack before the inevitable happened.