There was a light knock on Derek's office door. He looked up to find Emily. It was still like seeing a ghost. Barely any time had passed since her surprise return and it had all been packed with saving Declan and finding Doyle. Derek hadn't truly processed that she is still alive. His breath caught in his throat when he met her eyes.
"Hey," she said cautiously.
Derek stood up and walked around to the other side of his desk. Emily came inside, closing the door behind her.
"I still can't believe you're here," Derek admitted quietly.
"It doesn't really feel real to me either," Emily agreed. She moved further into his office.
Neither of them knew what to say next, both letting the silence hang between them.
Silence had never been a problem for them, though. They understood each other and had built a great working relationship. But also over the years they had found themselves in bed together on more than one occasion. It was never anything serious, just an unspoken arrangement for a bit of fun and decompressing after a tough case.
Now, in an office within the BAU where they had never even flirted with the boundary, they were both wondering what the other one was thinking.
Derek was looking at Emily as if she might vanish at any moment. And Emily, ever the profiler, could see his frustration.
But she didn't want to wait for time to heal. It had been seven long months away from her BAU family. She really didn't want one more night alone.
Emily bet on Derek being forgiving. She moved into him, arms searching, and tipped her face up to his craving his kiss. Her lips were nearly to his, but she wanted him to be the one to close that last tiny gap.
But Derek was frustrated with her. He lifted his head up just slightly, pulling away.
"Please," Emily said quietly. She wasn't one to beg. But it had been so long.
"Emily, I still have about a million questions for you."
"I know," Emily said. "And I'll answer them. I promise I'll answer them all. But right now I need…" She tightened her arms around his body. "Can we please just save you being pissed at me for tomorrow?"
"Pissed at you? I'm not pissed at you! I'm seeing a fucking ghost. I've been grieving you for seven months and now you're standing in front of me looking like…" Derek pulled away from her arms. He sure seemed pissed.
"I know it and I'm so sorry."
"And as soon as you were gone, I had to learn about all the pieces of your old life you never told me about. You were one of my best friends and suddenly you were gone and I was learning that I didn't actually know you at all."
"You did though," Emily said pleadingly. Her eyes were prickling, but she refused to cry. "That's the thing about that line of work. It blurs the lines between real and fake. That's not who I am, it's who I had to be. You know me. You know me better than anyone."
"I don't mean to sound like I'm not so glad you're back. Because I am. You standing here is everything I've wanted for months." His expression was softening.
"Me too," Emily said quietly.
"But this is a lot to process."
"It was miserable for me too. I didn't know how long it would be and if I would ever see you all again."
"What was being in hiding like?" Derek asked. He was softening, moving to stand closer to her.
"Lonely. You're constantly anxious and looking over your shoulder and thinking about your next identity."
"Sounds awful. But thinking you were dead was pretty damn miserable too."
Emily again was fighting to hold back her emotions.
"I've missed you so much," she said quietly.
Derek held her gaze, his breathing heavy from getting so worked up. Her beautiful brown eyes welled with moisture.
He couldn't hold off any longer. He pulled her to him and kissed her fiercely, his arms wrapping around her back. Emily made a sound like a whimper. It felt so good to be kissed by him again.
Derek turned them around and pushed Emily back against his desk. She leaned back so she was almost sitting and pulled him in closer.
He moved from her lips and kissed down her neck hungrily. Emily pulled him in tight between her legs.
Derek's hands gripped her body tightly, moving to her hips and thighs. Emily was on fire.
"I want you so bad," Emily breathed.
Derek's kisses returned to her lips. "I'll come over tonight."
They heard voices in the hallway and pulled apart. They had nearly forgotten where they were.
"In the office is a first," Derek mumbled. They had never pushed the boundaries at work before. Emily stood upright to step away from Derek's desk.
"Faking your death will make a person do crazy things."
His eyes darkened, as if it was too soon to speak so casually about what had happened. Derek's hand reached out to cradle Emily's face before pressing one last tender kiss to her lips.
"I'll see you later."
Later couldn't come soon enough. Emily craved physical contact after her lonely time in hiding.
She and Derek were never super regular friends with benefits, but they had hooked up quite a few times over the years. It was always comfortable and fun. There were few people she trusted more, which made it pretty low risk. As opposed to being picked up by some random guy at a bar.
Derek went through phases where he was dating and had no need to reach out, and phases where he had to stop himself from calling Emily too often so he didn't make it a bigger thing than it was. She was so laid-back about the whole thing that he felt like it would look pathetic if he was too eager.
Early into the evening, Derek was over at Emily's, the pair sitting on her couch catching up on the last seven months.
"I'm surprised all my stuff is still here," Emily said.
"Yeah, when Penelope and I offered to help clean this place out, Hotch said he would take care of it. Which I see now is because he knew you'd be back."
"How quickly after was everyone ready to pack it up?" Emily asked. She had a smile on her face, clearly trying to joke. It was absurd, the thought of them packing her apartment up not knowing she was alive halfway across the world. It would probably take a long time to feel normal about her life in Quantico again.
"We weren't ready, Emily. We were never going to be ready. I know you're trying to make everything normal again, but I'm just not ready to find this whole situation amusing," Derek said.
"Oh come on, Derek. I'm sorry. I get that you're mad at me but—"
"I'm not mad at you!" Derek interrupted. "I'm absolutely beside myself happy that you're back. But I'm pissed at the whole situation and what we've all been through. The last seven months feels like this hazy miserable dream. Just walking back in your place brought me back to the day Rossi and I had to come here when you first disappeared. I felt that pit in my stomach all over again."
Emily was taken aback by his outburst and knew she wouldn't have the right words for him. "It's just going to take some time I guess…"
Derek was frustrated still. But he knew that was somewhat misplaced and decided to ask Emily what her side of things was like for the last seven months.
She had been all over Europe and he had tons of questions. He pressed for details, jokingly asking about the dating scene over there. But he quickly learned just how dismal it was for her. She barely had any social interaction, not even daring to make a friend because of the risks. Even though Hotch and JJ knew, she couldn't communicate with them. It sounded like a depressing existence. But Emily felt so good sharing it. Finally Derek could see her eyes drooping and she couldn't stop yawning.
"Emily, stop fighting it. You need sleep."
"I'm sorry. I know you didn't come over here just to hear me talk your ear off. I practically begged you to come over to have sex with me and—"
"Emily," Derek laughed. "I've missed you. I could listed to you talk for hours. But right now I can see how tired you are."
"I really love you," Emily said. She meant nothing more than pure friendship and Derek understood completely.
"I really love you, too."
Emily stood up from the couch, stretched, yawned, and turned towards her bedroom. Then she turned back to Derek with a question on her lips. She wanted to ask him to stay, but it was hardly fair when she had promised sex and now planned to be asleep within the next five minutes.
But she didn't have to ask. He knew. "I'm not going anywhere, Em."
It wasn't long before they were curled up in bed, Emily against Derek's hard chest, soaking in all his warmth. She was out like a light.
…
Emily was dancing in and out of dreams, caught between the haze of sleep and waking. The more alert she became the more she appreciated her plushy comforter, her expensive sheets against her skin, her perfect pillow. After so much time away, this was luxury.
She didn't plan to open her eyes a minute before her alarm. Lulled by the sounds of Derek's steady breathing, she started to drift back to sleep.
Maybe it was five minutes later, maybe it was an hour later, she was awoken by Derek's movements next to her. His breathing was unsteady and labored and she could feel the mattress giving under his motion.
When she rolled towards him and opened her eyes, she could see the anguish on his sleeping face. He was trapped in a bad dream. Emily moved into his body, wrapping her arms around him while pressed against his bare chest, trying to calm him down. She immediately felt the intense pounding of his heart.
"Derek, wake up. Derek," she said. Her fingernails drug across his back, gently scratching.
His panic intensified a bit more before he started to wake and calm down. His brain was still fuzzy when he looked at Emily beside him, her beautiful brown eyes full of concern. Derek felt relief wash over him when he looked at her, strong arms immediately wrapping around her and pulling her tight.
"Your heart is still racing," Emily noted, her ear pressed to his chest.
"I was dreaming it wasn't real. You weren't really back."
Emily couldn't think of anything comforting to say that wouldn't sound incredibly cheesy. She just hugged him tight.
Derek's hand rubbed up and down her back. "I'm not sure when I'll stop feeling like the other shoe is about to drop," he said.
"I'm sorry. Having you here, I haven't gotten that deep of a sleep in months."
Derek was glad to know he could give her that level of comfort. Now that he was awake, he felt the same relief. Neither of them made any move to let go. Their position was more intimate than what was typical for them.
He continued to rub his hand up and down her back, daring to move even lower. The feel of her body pressed against his, her soft breasts through her thin pajama top. She was turning him on. Emily could feel his arousal growing. She pushed her hips forward just slightly, pressing herself tighter to him. That was all the green light he needed.
Derek reached for her, cradling the side of her face as he pressed his lips to hers. Emily immediately matched his energy, her arms winding around his torso as he laid her head down on her pillow. He was on his side next to her, one arm pressed to the mattress beside her head to steady himself, that hand tangling into her hair, his other hand free to roam.
He kissed her, his mouth eager. Emily sighed in absolute bliss at the caress of his lips. Derek's free hand trailed down her body slowly. He drug his fingertips over her neck, her collarbone, her breasts with the thin material between them. He could feel her nipples raise. As his fingers drug down her stomach then back up under her shirt, he was continuously kissing her, capturing her sighs.
Emily reached down, toying with his waistband as he also teased her. When she took his hardening cock in her hand, he sucked in a quick breath before kissing her more fiercely. Things were intensifying, his lips frantic and desperate.
He laid down on top of her, burying his face in her neck, kissing her body with everything he had. Emily needed their clothes gone.
She started pushing his sleep shorts down and he was quick to notice. Derek moved down her body and hooked his fingers around her panties, pulling them down with her shorts in one motion. His shorts quickly followed and then he made quick work of her shirt.
Derek didn't think anything could slow him down from what they so desperately needed. But when he saw her naked torso, it stopped him in his tracks. The scarring from Doyle's torture was vile. Remembering what she had been through turned his stomach.
"Em…"
"Looks pretty bad, right?"
"I'm not worried about looks. How long did this take to heal?"
"A few weeks for the wounds to heal. I felt muscle pain for months."
"Emily, I'm so sorry you were all alone." She could see the anguish all over his face.
"It's okay. I'm okay now." But when he met her eyes, he saw the moisture in them and knew she was remembering the pain of that day too.
His lips connected with the worst scar on her stomach like he was trying to kiss away any trace of it. Emily's hands gently rested on his head as his kisses moved up her body.
"You're the toughest person I know." He spoke against her skin between kisses. "Still the most beautiful too."
Emily appreciated the flattery, but she knew the truth was that her scars were off-putting. But if anyone could understand what they represented, it was Derek.
He continued his teasing kisses, working his way up to her nipples. He kissed and kissed on her body, driving her wild. She wrapped her arms around him, her nails dragging and unintentionally showing when she was really enjoying something. When he took one nipple between his teeth then wrapped his lips around her and sucked, she cried out in pleasure.
Emily could feel his hardness pressing into her thigh from his place on top of her. She reached for him, desperate to bring him the same satisfaction.
Derek's kisses returned to her lips, overcome by his need to taste her. It was like he needed her as much as he needed oxygen.
Emily took his hard cock in her hand and stroked him, enjoying the way his breath lost its cadence. Her free hand slid up to the back of his head, fingertips grazing. He was groaning against her skin.
Emily released him from her grasp and pushed her hips up to him. She was ready for more.
By the time, Derek pressed the head of his cock to her entrance, she was drenched with her own arousal and desperate. He pushed his hips forward, just beginning to slip inside, and she writhed underneath him. Derek moaned as her ready body welcomed him.
"Please," she begged. "All the way."
Derek was worried if he went too fast it would all be over too soon. But he didn't want to admit that.
He pushed his hips further forward, burying himself inside her completely. Emily released a gasping breath, her back first arching, then her hips pushing upwards from her spot on the mattress.
Body to body, his arms anchoring him on either side of her head, Derek pressed kisses to her sighing lips as he steadily thrust into her. Emily wrapped her arms around his waist and reveled in the feeling of his large cock entering her, his heartbeat pressed to hers.
Never in the previous times they had hooked up had their position been so intimate. Derek again moved to kiss her neck, nipping and sucking on her sensitive skin, kissing her more than he ever had before. She was on fire. The work of his lips and his hands and his cock had her turned all the way up, teetering on the edge of orgasm for long stretches of time.
One of his hands tangled into her hair, gripping tightly as his other moved to her clit, fingertips circling. That's how she knew he was close and was trying to make sure she was nearly there too.
Emily pulled his face back to hers, seeking his lips, and wrapped her legs around him. She tightened around him, trying to bring him to his finish. He sped up the thrusting of his hips, squeezed his fist in her tangle of hair and spilled into her with a loud moan.
Emily ground her hips up into his strong fingers and quickly followed, pulsing around him as she cried out.
Derek and Emily caught their breath pressed chest to chest, burning in the glow of their releases. His hand gently held her head as he kissed her once again. Derek rolled off of her and pulled her in to his side.
"Can't tell you how much I missed you," Emily said. "And I don't just mean because that was incredible." She buried her face in his neck.
Derek rubbed his hands up and down her back, holding her tight. He sure wanted this to be a more frequent occurrence.
"Emily, I love you."
"I love you too," she replied immediately, her tone casual.
"No. Em, I'm in love with you. I love you." Derek could feel her stiffen in his arms but he couldn't stop now. "I don't mean to spring it on you. But when I thought I lost you…"
Emily pulled back and propped herself up on her arm beside him. "I…"
"You don't have to say anything."
"I never thought I'd hear that. Derek, I love you too. Of course I love you." Emily leaned down to his lips, kissing him once again.
Derek looked relieved. Emily wondered how he couldn't have guessed she was maybe a little too attached to him. He just always seemed too cool and so Emily put up walls to not allow herself to feel too much. They were again a tangle of bodies.
"Any chance we can both take the day off to stay in this bed?" Derek asked jokingly.
"Unfortunately I don't think they'll believe we both magically got sick over night. I wish."
"Worth a shot."
"We're going to keep this a secret for a while, right? Not that I want to hide exactly, but…" Emily said.
"Oh for sure. We don't need comments and questions right away. I just want you."
"I want you too."
Derek rolled on top of Emily once again, showering her with kisses. Emily opened up to him, pulling his body close.
Then her alarm went off. Emily groaned. But Derek looked like he had an idea.
"Now I get to have you in the shower."
"Wow, endless possibilities."