A/N: I realized while reading the last chapter back that I made a bit of an oops. I established that Shadebreaker had to learn how to understand Bumblebee(a thing the bots had to all do when he first lost his voice in the books, Raf is the only character to canonically not have to do that besides Smokescreen and Smokescreen was cause the show just glossed over the fact Bee talks in a language that's not really a language), but then Drift comes in and he can already understand him. I spent the last 24 hours thinking about that and came to conclusion that it would make sense that after all this time that the Decepticons that have been around for a long time might be able to understand Bumblebee as well, since it would be part of trying to spy on communications and all that. And Drift has been part of the war since the beginning like a great many of them, so it would make sense for him to have studied those data files on Bee just in case.
Chapter 22: Memories and Truths
Drift stepped out into the courtyard and raised his optic ridge at what he saw. Shadebreaker was there in the grass, surrounded by a series of datapads and a small book that appeared to be made out of paper—a material Cybertronians didn't typically use. In her hands was a book made of Cybertronian material and he tilted his helm to read the title.
The Primal Sacrament: All-Faiths Edition.
He stepped closer, optics taking in the scattered datapads. Study notes, he realized. Some labeled for the "Human Bible" while others were labeled for the Spectralist religion and one was labeled as a specific comparison note datapad.
Drift moved his attention to the femme as he realized she had paused her reading upon his approach and was looking more than a little uncertain under his scrutiny.
"You are…comparing Spectralism with…human religion?" Drift asked skeptically.
Shadebreaker looked embarrassed, wings shifting as she motioned for him to join her.
He did so, sitting cross-legged across from her, the datapads between them.
"I…grew up with the human religion of Christianity," she explained. "I still believe in it…but…I guess you could say I'm having a bit of a religious…" she twirled a hand in the air, looking for the right word to describe what she was going through.
"Crisis?" Drift asked.
"Something like that," Shadebreaker sighed. "And when I started to look into Spectralism for…" she paused to look at him, but then looked back at the scattered datapads, "...reasons, I grew curious how they compared. And, I don't know…part of me…I don't know what words I'm looking for to accurately explain everything going through my helm regarding this subject." She looked a bit frustrated by this and then sighed.
Drift frowned, looking down at the datapads himself. "You…grew up with the human religion?" He asked.
Shadebreaker nodded and he saw her peek at him, watching.
"And you mentioned a few days ago that you previously lived among humans," Drift said.
"Mhm," Shadebreaker confirmed and watched him with the expression of a bot waiting for him to put the pieces of a puzzle together. To see how he interpreted this information.
"You…were you raised by humans?" Drift asked. That must've taken multiple generations, given the lifespan differences.
"Indeed I was," Shadebreaker said, tone one of caution. Whether she was cautioning him or just felt wary herself, he was uncertain.
"And…your human family…are they…here?" Drift asked, reaching for a datapad.
Her wings shifted defensively as her optics tracked his hand and she clenched her hands into fists. "They are not."
Her tone stopped him from picking up the datapad and he pulled back, watching her frame relax. He wondered if it was the subject or the fact he had reached for the datapad without first asking.
"Are they…?" Drift trailed off.
"I don't know," Shadebreaker said softly, frame slumping a little as the defensiveness left her. "I don't know if I will ever know."
"Are you not allowed to see them?" Drift asked with a frown. "If they raised you, they know about us, no?"
Shadebreaker laughed lightly, but it was a broken laugh filled with sadness. "Sure, if they had known I was…whatever I am."
"What do you mean?" Drift asked. "You are clearly Cybertronian."
Shadebreaker looked at one of her hands and then placed it over her spark, seeming to listen to her own spark pulse for a moment. As if confirming to herself the truth of his words. "Now I am, sure," she agreed. "There is a lot about me you do not yet know, Drift. About what Shockwave did." There was a growl in her voice when she said Shockwave's name. "I was not always the bot you see before you. My human family…they would not recognize me as I am."
"I'm afraid I don't understand," Drift frowned, tilting his helm. "What is it that Shockwave did? Even if he changed your frame, surely they would recognize your voice and your spark?"
Shadebreaker looked pained at that, tears in her optics. "No, they really wouldn't," she said softly, hand clenched over her spark.
Drift merely felt more confused.
"Well, anyways," Shadebreaker said, clearly wanting to move on. She waved at the datapads. "I have not done all this studying just for my sake. I thought, if you were interested, we could go over some stuff together as well?"
Drift considered for a moment. He had never been particularly religious himself, but he knew there was…something to the whole higher power stuff. He wasn't sure what, though. Maybe if he helped Shadebreaker with her own struggles on the subject, he would find a solution to his own. And she seemed to need this subject change, there was a look in her optics that said she was close to breaking if they stayed on the subject they were on.
"When I asked you if I could do anything to help, you taught me how to meditate, why?" Drift had asked Shadebreaker a couple days prior.
"Sometimes it is in helping others that we find how to help ourselves," Shadebreaker had replied. "You needed to find peace just as much as I. Plus…helping others is always the right thing to do. There is no greater thing than to help others, if you ask me. It is…soothing to the soul in ways nothing else can be."
Drift had found the explanation odd, but perhaps he would give it a try. "Perhaps a second pair of optics and an outsider's thoughts might help you sort through your crisis."
Shadebreaker smiled a bit at that. "A good enough reason to start," she said, accepting this offer. "But this…spiritualilty…having a relationship with that which transcends the physical…it is a very much personal thing. No one can force it upon you, though some might try. It is always good to have a study buddy, though. Even, perhaps, one who may not believe themselves."
Drift nodded in understanding at that.
Chromedome looked out over the blue water from his spot in the pilot's chair of the small ship he and Rewind had been given to use for their base transfer. They'd been requested quite suddenly by Optimus Prime himself for reasons yet unknown. More specifically, he had been requested. And where he went, Rewind followed.
"I don't like this," Rewind said from his co-pilot's chair. "You're always requested specifically for your skills in mnemosurgery. You know how I feel about it."
"I know, Love," Chromedome said gently, watching the waves far below them. "But I also know Optimus didn't request my presence lightly. He needed someone he could trust with a delicate task. And he has Ratchet on his team. Ratchet is more than capable of handling simple tasks of the processor. He wouldn't have reached out if he didn't need to. He knows I'm retired from mnemosurgery."
"In theory," Rewind crossed his arms. "Yet you keep responding to every request like your life depends upon it!"
Chromedome sighed sadly, spark squeezing in pain at the anger in his conjunx's tone. "I know, Love, I know," he said. "Let's hear them out, at least, ok? I really don't believe Optimus would've requested my help without good reason."
Rewind huffed. "We've come this far," he said. "But be careful about it."
"I know, Rewind," Chromedome said seriously, remembering the last time he hadn't been with a shudder. Mnemosurgery came with inherent risks on its own and sometimes the bots he performed it on were not entirely receptive. Or friendly.
They finished the trip in silence, each having their own thoughts on the matter as they came to an island in some remote part of the planet they'd been summoned to. After a brief conversation over the comm, Rewind input the codes into the ship's computers that would allow them to pass through the base's shielding.
They touched down on a tarmac that looked relatively new, brand new compared to most landing places they frequented in fact. After shutting all the systems down, they went out to the loading lift and lowered it, standing upon it as it did so.
"Welcome to Earth, Chromedome, Rewind," Optimus said when they approached where he stood with Prowl and Ratchet to greet them. "Thank you for coming."
"Of course, Prime," Chromedome said, searching the Prime's face for a moment for clues.
Optimus motioned toward Prowl. "I believe you have met Prowl."
"We've met," Chromedome nodded, nodding his helm to the enforcer. "Commander."
Prowl bowed his own helm in greeting. "It is pleasant to see you again," Prowl said. "I hope your stay on Earth proves more pleasant than not." There was a slight cynical edge to his tone that indicated he was not entirely thrilled about the reason Chromedome was here himself.
Chromedome tilted his helm a bit at that. He had never known Prowl to shy away from the idea of invading a mech's processor to extract information. The fact he seemed unhappy meant that was probably not what this was. Or perhaps he simply wished it was unnecessary because he was growing tired of the war.
"This is my Chief Medical Officer, Ratchet," Optimus moved on to introduce the medic to him properly. "He will be who you will be consulting with for…what I have asked of you."
Chromedome looked at the medic now, taking note of the heaviness that seemed to weigh on his shoulders. "Pleased to meet you, Ratchet," Chromedome said. "I have heard great things. It is a patient, then? That I am to work on?"
"With, Chromedome, with," Ratchet replied heavily. "And, fair warning, she may or may not be receptive…I haven't discussed it with her yet. I thought you would be able to explain it better and a better understanding might help her feel…more at ease…maybe." He sighed a bit.
"You didn't tell her you were getting a stranger to poke in her mind?" Rewind asked, giving Ratchet a look of scrutiny.
"I told her I was looking into something, but that I would explain when I had someone with more information to help do so. I didn't want her to get stressed out and worked up about it for too long," Ratchet replied, a defensive growl in his tone.
"Forgive my conjunx endura," Chromedome said, making placating hand motions. "He…has strong feelings on things like this."
"Oh I'm sure he'll get along with Shadebreaker swimmingly, then," Ratchet said dryly. "I'm sure if I didn't give her a heads up that I was looking into something she may find uncomfortable, she'd reem me over the helm for it."
Chromedome was curious who this femme was that Ratchet was talking about. As they moved away from the tarmac, he fell into step with the medic to discuss the patient in question in quiet tones.
Once they were at medbay, he thought he had a relatively good idea of why he was here. And a nudge over his bond told him that he had Rewind's permission to help the femme with what Ratchet was requesting. He wrapped his hand around the smaller mech's digits in gratitude, feeling sympathy in his spark for what the femme must've gone through as a Decepticon captive.
They walked into medbay to find a purple and silver femme with large bird-like wings talking to a white mech with fins on either side of his helm.
"Thank you, Wheeljack," the femme was saying softly, adjusting the orange visor across her optics. "I appreciate you making a new visor for me."
"Of course, Shade'," Wheeljack said cheerfully. "I understand your preference for the visor completely."
"Shade", who must've been Shadebreaker, smiled slightly at the mech, before glancing over as Chromedome moved further into medbay with Ratchet and Rewind—Optimus and Prowl had parted ways along the way, being required elsewhere.
Her wings shifted as they approached and she looked uncertainly between Chromedome and Ratchet. He got the strange sense that she had recognized him and knew what he did from the way her wings shifted closer to her frame and trembled slightly.
"I see Wheeljack finally saw fit to get you your visor," Ratchet said, tone lightly teasing. An attempt to ease the tension, Chromedome thought.
Shadebreaker nodded, but didn't speak.
Wheeljack looked between the parties. "I'll come back later, how's that?" He asked quietly.
"Sounds good, Jackie," Shadebreaker said quietly, giving the mech a strained smile.
Wheeljack placed a hand on her shoulder in a show of support before doing the same for Ratchet. Then he was leaving medbay.
"Alright," Ratchet sighed. "Anyways, Chromedome, Rewind, this is Shadebreaker. Shadebreaker, this is Chromedome and Rewind."
Shadebreaker held her hand out to them. "Good to meet you two," she said softly, tone genuine despite the clear discomfort she was in.
Chromedome shook her hand. "Good to meet you," he said.
"Yes," Rewind said as he took his turn shaking her hand as well. "Did Ratchet tell you why we're here?"
"Not…exactly," Shadebreaker said, tone careful.
"Why don't we sit down to discuss this?" Chromedome suggested gently, motioning toward the couches.
Shadebreaker sighed heavily and Chromedome suspected again that she knew where this was going despite Ratchet's less than forthcoming explanation. She didn't say anything, however, as she moved toward the couches.
Once the four of them were settled, Ratchet led the explanation. He started with explaining his findings about what the Decepticons had done to disable her T-cog's function—that a code had been placed in her processor to block her access to it. That he felt an expert was required to remove it without causing further damage than what had been done when the Decepticons had put it there.
"I…get that…I suppose," Shadebreaker muttered, her wings that had wrapped around her shoulders tightening a little bit.
"I know it is scary," Ratchet said, tone understanding as he placed a hand on her knee.
Shadebreaker's frame shuddered as Chromedome watched and she gusted air through her systems. "That's…an understatement, Ratchet." She said. "Is…is the T-cog the…only concern?"
"No." Ratchet said heavily. "You said it was Soundwave who poked into your helm, right?"
Shadebreaker gave another shudder and her frame continued to shake afterward. "Yeah."
"We also need to be sure he didn't leave anything else in your processor to be concerned about." Ratchet said gently. "While Soundwave is not an experienced mnemosurgeon and you said he retreated when you fought him pretty hard, he has been known to mess bots up mentally. While it's possible he treaded lightly out of fear of destroying the information Megatron seeks from you, it's still possible he did something you have not noticed yet."
Shadebreaker gusted air through her systems again. "Ok," she said quietly. Then she looked at Chromedome, almost hesitantly. "How…how does this work? And…what are the risks?"
Chromedome gave her a sympathetic look before launching into an explanation of how mnemosurgery works. She listened quietly with an attentive tilt of her helm and when he got to the part about the risks, about the fact he'd end up stirring up her memories as a side-effect, her wings trembled and tightened around her. And he didn't miss the fact Ratchet's hand tightened on her knee.
He wondered how much he was requested for his skill and how much was because Ratchet felt too close to the patient for something like this.
"Ok," Shadebreaker said quietly when he finished talking. "But…I can't help but notice…are there any risks to you?"
There it was again. That feeling that she knew exactly what he did and what it entailed. And what the risks were.
"You…are familiar with mnemosurgery," Chromedome said, tone careful.
"Kinda," Shadebreaker said, tone one of admitting something she had tried to keep hidden. She held a hand out, palm up. "But not…all of my prior knowledge to things has been…accurate. So…can I just…ask?"
Chromedome considered her for a long moment. "Will it affect whether you cooperate?"
"If there is a chance I could lessen the risk to you, I would like to do so," she said quietly, not truly answering the question. "I do not wish bots to suffer on my account."
"I know the risks involved to myself and I accept them," Chromedome said.
Shadebreaker glanced at Rewind. Not fully. It was barely even noticeable that she did so, but Chromedome saw it. Her helm tilted a miniscule amount toward his conjunx endura. She knew something. Perhaps everything he had just explained, and avoided explaining, she already had known.
"At least for this one last time," Chromedome said. "I am supposed to be retired."
Shadebreaker's wings shifted slightly and then lowered as she bowed her helm to him in acceptance.
"As for lowering the risks," Chromedome said gently. "All you need to do is not fight it."
Her frame shuddered. "That might be difficult," she said quietly. "My fight or flight reflexes lean heavily toward fight. But I do tend to have pretty good self control. I will endeavor to exercise it well." She seemed to think for a moment. "You…you said you will inevitably stir up memories?"
Chromedome nodded. "I will have to specifically go into the one where Soundwave entered the code to determine where to look."
"Just…so you are prepared, you might see some…unexpected and seemingly impossible things in my helm," Shadebreaker warned quietly. "And…it may get very rough. I have some very, very painful memories."
"I can imagine being a Decepticon prisoner was not kind to you," Chromedome said with understanding.
She gave him a rueful smile. "You have no idea."
Chromedome thought he had some idea. But the way Shadebreaker leaned heavily against Ratchet spoke of pain heavier than he'd seen for a while. Not since those days before he met Rewind. When he sat in that center providing bots with a way out. A way he'd intended to take. Yeah, he thought he had some idea of the pain she carried.
"If you want some time to get used to the idea of a bot you just met rooting around in your helm," Chromedome said carefully. "We can come back to this tomorrow."
Shadebreaker sighed and turned her helm to rest her forehead on Ratchet's shoulder. The medic rested his hand on her helm. "No," she said. "Then I will just have time to fret and worry about how the both of us will handle it. Better to get it over with so we can recover and process after."
Chromedome was not missing that she was putting them together in it. She definitely had some idea of the side effects he dealt with, he could tell.
"Unless you need time," she said. "You two just got here."
"We just recharged on the way in," Chromedome said. "This is about your wellbeing."
Shadebreaker looked to Rewind, as if seeing if he would protest.
"I understand your concerns," Rewind said. "And I appreciate you showing care toward Chromedome's wellbeing. But, like you said, waiting would just give us time to fret and worry." He paused. "And, since Chromedome is not being forthcoming on the risks to him, I will be. Mnemosurgeons can often experience flashbacks of the memories they file through in their patients. They will also eventually die. It's not a painless procedure for either party. And, if the patient is…malevolent…they can use the connection to damage the surgeon and fragment them."
Shadebreaker looked sad at that. Sad, but not surprised. "Thank you," she told Rewind. "For telling me." She looked back at Chromedome. "And thank you…for taking this risk…I do not like such risks being taken on my account…but…I can…understand the…call for it…" She glanced at Ratchet, who sighed heavily.
"Soundwave has caused a lot of damage," Chromedome said quietly. "It is better safe than sorry."
Shadebreaker sighed heavily. "Very well," she said in acceptance, spreading her hands out in front of her. "Whenever you are ready."
Chromedome stood, moving from the couch across from her to sit beside her now. He watched as her frame shook as he did so and she leaned more heavily into Ratchet as the medic wrapped an arm around her.
"Easy, Shade'," Ratchet said quietly, brushing her cheek. "He's here to help, not harm. Just remember that. You'll be ok."
Shadebreaker was silent, burying her face in Ratchet's chest as the mech held her. The medic looked over her shoulder at Chromedome and nodded.
Chromedome extended the needles from his fingertips with a soft click and watched as the femme's frame tensed and she pressed herself into Ratchet, away from him, frame shaking even more. He realized that despite agreeing to do the procedure, she was absolutely terrified.
"The longer you hesitate, the longer she will suffer, Chromedome," Ratchet said gently.
Chromedome gave the femme another sympathetic look before reaching over and inserting his needles at the base of her neck. She flinched the moment the needles touched her neck and he reached his other hand out to settle on her shoulder as both reassurance and to help Ratchet keep her still.
Chromedome looked around the white mindscape for a moment before settling on the uncertain and scared looking femme in front of him. She hugged herself and seemed almost afraid to look at him. As if looking at him and acknowledging his presence in her mind was too much for her.
Fear and pain were rolling off her in waves and the white scenery was wavering as memories fought to approach. He could feel her holding them back, however, with an almost desperate fervor.
"Easy, I'm here to help," he reminded her, reaching out with feelings of reassurance.
"I know that, but it's still scary," Shadebreaker said quietly. "The only mechs who have been in my helm have meant to hurt."
Flashes of Soundwave and of Shockwave flashed by before they were shoved away again, accompanied by unimaginable pain.
"I know, I understand," Chromedome said gently. "I am only here to find out what Soundwave may have done. I know it will be hard…but can you pull at your memories of when Soundwave was in your helm? I need to know what he did."
Shadebreaker shuddered. "I can try," she said quietly. "My mind likes to connect everything, so I will do my best to keep us on track. I apologize if we end up off it."
"I understand," Chromedome reiterated gently. "Many processors work like that. Especially when experiences are similar."
Shadebreaker gave him a rueful smile and he sensed a kind of sad amusement from her. "Pretty sure not many processors could go from very happy things to tragic tales of woes in less than a minute, but whatever you say, Chromedome. You're the one who's been inside helms."
Chromedome raised an optic ridge at that, but said nothing as the scenery changed from the stark white to the Nemesis. It wavered between events for a moment and he approached her, reaching a hand out to touch her shoulder, mirroring his touch out in the world, giving his support to focus on the desired memory.
The memory came into sharp focus then. They were in a cell. Shadebreaker hung from chains uncomfortably as she fought to maintain consciousness. Soundwave stood behind her, needles just sliding into the back of her neck.
Shadebreaker reached back to touch the back of her neck, but stopped as it was probably a reaction in the outside world to the memory and Ratchet had stopped her from tugging his own hand out. She shuddered and he sensed her desire to withdraw.
Chromedome squeezed her shoulder in reassurance. "You're ok," he said. "I got you. Not Soundwave. Not this time. Not ever again. Ok?"
"You can't be certain it won't ever be again," Shadebreaker said quietly, wrapping her arms around herself as tears rolled down her face as the scene changed to show what was happening inside her helm. "The 'Cons are after me. And I'm not gonna hide from them. Hiding from my problems is not my nature. Taking time to recover, yes. Hiding, no."
"But you will be stronger next time," Chromedome said. "Not so easily captured."
"Yes," She agreed with that, a determination entering her then and she looked up at the scene unfolding.
"He hid the code in a memory least visited," Chromedome said observationally. "Then….then he left, cause you forced him to when you fought…you fragmented him a little, good job for a bot with little experience. He didn't tamper anywhere else."
"A memory least visited, huh?" Shadebreaker asked, not wanting to dwell on the memory long enough to soak in Chromedome's praise about fragmenting the Decepticon. "There's…a lot of memories that could qualify….all of them painful…"
Chromedome felt the spark ache through the connection.
"Any clues?" Shadebreaker asked.
"Something about the beginning of it all," Chromedome said.
"Oh…I know where to go," she said. And the scenery began changing. "You may want to suspend your sense of disbelief."
Before Chromedome could ask he was met with the scene before him.
The first thing he saw was fire. The first he felt was fear, followed by heat and pain and desperation as he looked around through Shadebreaker's optics. Fire was consuming the buildings around him and people were running for their lives…
Wait…those were humans!
He looked at his—at Shadebreaker's— hand, and realized it was a human's hand.
"I told you to suspend your disbelief," Shadebreaker's voice came, humor rolling with it.
The humor was overshadowed by a great sadness that Chromedome could only compare to the feeling of loss he felt at having lost Cybertron, having lost everyone that mattered before Rewind.
Empathy rolled from Shadebreaker as she picked up his feelings that he found to compare to hers.
Before Chromedome could respond, he was being picked up by hand. A Cybertronian hand. He looked down at it, startled as he felt the memory of fear and confusion. As human Shadebreaker reached for the ground—reached for anything to fight against this hand pulling her away from it—Chromedome felt a sense of surprise from the Shadebreaker that was his fellow observer.
"That's…not Shockwave's hand…" Shadebreaker said quietly, voice sounding stunned.
He paused at that.
"I spent years under that 'Cons scalpel after this," she said, explaining how she knew. "I assumed it had been him who had taken me. But…after all this time…I would know Shockwave's hand from anyone else's. This is not his."
"Do you recognize it?" Chromedome asked.
Shadebreaker was silent as the mech carried her human self. "I have a suspicion," she said and he felt the beginnings of anger building in her as they entered a portal. A portal with a lot of purple and blue swirling in it. "A strong suspicion."
Her human optics darted around the portal rapidly, taking in all the details. Then they looked over the hands holding her, trying to find a way to get the mech to release her. She coughed, rubbing at the soot of her face.
Then, finally, human Shadebreaker looked up at the face of her captor. Into blue optics surrounded by a silver helm, mouth set into a hardline. Those blue optics looked back at her filled with pain and regret.
"Where are you taking me?" Human Shadebreaker asked.
"You will see," the mech replied.
"Why did you take me?" Human Shadebreaker asked, tone angry.
"In due time, Little Wing," the mech said.
Shadebreaker growled in Chromedome's helm. "That fraggin'...what the actual fuck?!" She asked angrily. "Is this memory real?! Can you tell?"
The force of her emotions were almost enough to knock Chromedome over. "You need to calm yourself, then I can check."
She gusted air through her systems and he could feel her shuddering in the real world as she wrestled with herself. After a moment the emotions dulled to a mute roar and Chromedome could focus again. He did the checks for tampering alongside all the checks he was previously doing as the memory continued to play out.
The mech eventually exited the portal and that's when Shockwave did make an appearance.
"Have you brought the specimen?" Shockwave asked the mech, who was clearly much, much larger than the scientist.
"This is a one time deal, remember that. This is the only human it will even work with," the mech said, handing off human Shadebreaker. "And make sure you dull this memory, so she doesn't know I am the one who took her."
"Only dull?" Shockwave asked. "I could remove it entirely."
"I only wish it dulled," the mech said. "If you remove it entirely, she will seek answers and find the truth more assuredly. If you dull it she will simply assume you to be the mech who took her."
"Understood," Shockwave said.
"You will let me know of your progress," the mech said.
"If it is logical for you to know," Shockwave replied.
"Got it," Chromedome said as the mech who'd taken her frowned at the Decepticon scientist. "I have taken care of the code Soundwave installed. Nothing else seems out of order."
"Nothing?" Shadebreaker asked and he wasn't entirely sure how to read her tone.
"Nothing," he said. "I'm afraid the only thing that appears to have been done here was a dulling, which was undone through the very act of visiting it in this manner."
Shadebreaker was silent. "Understood. Shall we leave my helm, then?"
"It seems best." Chromedome said, sensing she was barely keeping a hold on her emotions.
Chromedome pulled out from Shadebreaker's neck, feeling heavy from the emotions and pain he'd felt from her. Rewind was by his side in an instant as he retracted his needles and watched as Shadebreaker shook, wings flaring and unflaring as if she couldn't figure out what emotion to feel first.
"Shh," Ratchet soothed, rubbing her back. "It's ok."
"No it bloody well isn't, Ratchet," Shadebreaker said hotly, tone tight. Her frame shook and she leaned forward, pressing the heels of her palms against her forehead.
Ratchet frowned and then looked at Chromedome for an explanation.
"Soundwave had hidden the code in a memory," Chromedome said carefully, watching as Shadebreaker shook, wings shifting as they struggled to figure out what they were supposed to be doing with the whirlwind of emotions. "The memory of when she was taken from her human home."
"Of when Shockwave took her," Ratchet said in understanding.
"Except it wasn't Shockwave," Shadebreaker said, lifting her helm and spreading her fingers, her wings splaying lightly in reflection of her hands.
"What?" Ratchet asked.
"Fraggin' Vector apparently grabbed me then, took me to Shockwave and had him dull my memory enough that I wouldn't remember clearly who took me, but remember enough that I would just assume it was Shockwave instead of poking into it too much to discover the truth," Shadebreaker said, tone still hot and angry. "And it's a real memory, Chromedome checked for me. So I could, you know, not be absolutely pissed off for no reason."
"Who's Vector?" Rewind asked carefully.
"Vector Prime," Shadebreaker said. "A mech I apparently share CNA with. Apparently my kidnapper and the real source of all my fucking suffering since my journey into being Cybertronian began."
"Vector Prime? As in…as in the Vector Prime?" Rewind asked.
"Yes," Ratchet said dryly. "There's…still a lot of questions surrounding her relationship to him, but CNA doesn't lie."
"And now there's more questions," Shadebreaker said, rubbing her forehead. "Gah, my helm hurts." Then she inhaled, sitting up straight as if bracing herself to face the future. She then gave a long exhale before tilting her helm to look at Chromedome. "Thank you…for doing that…I'm…sorry the pain it caused you. I know that was not easy and…I'm sorry my emotions got out of control there for a minute and…it must've…I'm sorry."
"It's ok," Chromedome said, wrapping his hand around Rewind's as the smaller mech slipped a hand into his for support. "I understand. If I were you, I'd be pretty furious and hurt too." He looked at Rewind for a moment and then back at her.
"I don't mind you sharing what you saw with him," Shadebreaker said softly before he could even ask. "I can see you are partners. Partners are there to help support each other. I would honestly expect anything I tell one to be heard by the other."
Chromedome nodded, stunned at the willingness to let him share something like that.
"Come on," Ratchet said gently, nudging Shadebreaker up. "Let's get you both some pain meds. I'm sure both of your helms hurt."
"Oh yeah," Chromedome agreed. "Mine is killing me. Nothing like pure rage from a bot you are mentally interfacing with to give you a massive helm ache."
Shadebreaker flinched. "I am sorry," she said, sounding genuinely upset.
"It's ok," Chromedome said. "It could've been much worse than a helmache. You calmed down pretty quickly."
"I bottled my emotions, more like," Shadebreaker said dryly as they stood. "Such strong emotion cannot be so easily calmed. I am merely
holding it at bay to deal with later. When no one will be hurt by it."
"That's understandable," Chromedome said as they moved with Ratchet toward the cupboards.
Ratchet left Shadebreaker's side to gather pain meds. "Are you resistant to any pain meds or know a type most effective for these types of helm aches, Chromedome?" He asked.
Chromedome answered him quickly, watching him prepare a pain med in a syringe slightly hidden. He saw Shadebreaker idly looking anywhere but at Ratchet in the corner of his optics.
"We have that, fortunately," Ratchet said. He motioned. "Shade'."
Shadebreaker stepped closer to him without looking, frame shaking. "I wish your new formula was a pill." She muttered.
"I know," Ratchet said softly as he took her arm in his hands.
"Especially since I just sat with needles in my neck for ages," Shadebreaker griped.
"I know," Ratchet said. "But you're handling it. You've come a very long way from wanting to run out of my medbay."
"Because I trust you," Shadebreaker replied, looking up at the ceiling and flinching when Ratchet inserted the needle. "And because screw the 'Cons that made me afraid. They can't win forever."
Ratchet chuckled. "No power quite like those of trust and spite, huh?" He asked, rubbing her arm after retracting the needle.
"Indeed," Shadebreaker agreed.
"There you go," Ratchet said gently as he replaced her armor.
"Thank you," Shadebreaker said. "Can I retreat to my room? I need some time to process what I learned in there. Before I end up taking it out on someone."
"Go ahead," Ratchet said. "Comm me if you need me."
"Yes sir," Shadebreaker said.
Chromedome watched her leave, concern on his face for the way her wings had finally settled into a lowered position, nearly dragging the edges on the ground.
"Will she be alright?" Rewind asked as Ratchet prepared a shot for Chromedome.
"She's resilient," Ratchet said confidently. "Ok is relative. She will be alright in time. She just needs to process and be reminded that she has support from her friends. She doesn't need to shoulder it all by herself, as much as she seems to think she does."
"Should we really be letting her go off by herself?" Chromedome asked.
"She won't leave medbay," Ratchet said, turning toward Chromedome and motioning him closer. "She's been very good about waiting for my go ahead for that. And as long as she is in medbay, I can check on her often enough through the cams before she could do any serious harm to herself. Not that she is in the habit of doing so, anyways."
Chromedome nodded. "If you are sure," he said.
"I will check on her shortly," Ratchet assured as he administered Chromedome's painkiller.
Chromedome watched Ratchet as he finished up and then replaced his armor without rubbing the area quite as long as he had Shadebreaker's arm. He shared a look with Rewind, nudging him slightly over their bond.
Rewind sent a confirmatory feeling, tilting his helm. He had seen it, too. If the two bots weren't conjunx enduras, they were very close.
"So," Chromedome said. "Out of curiosity. Is she your conjunx endura?"
Ratchet paused, having turned his back to them to clean up. He didn't turn to look at them. "No," he said softly. "She's…just a friend."
Chromedome shared another look with Rewind, then looked back at the way Ratchet seemed to sag a little. Not a conjunx endura, but he wanted her to be. At least, he was fairly sure.