Azkaban
A/N - As you would expect, Azkaban will dredge up quite a few bad memories. As a result, trigger warning present in the first two parts of the story apply to this chapter - references to domestic abuse, suicide thoughts/attempt in particular.
I am also experimenting with switching POVs for the first time. Let me know if you like it and I might do more of it going forward.
It was just as Claudia had remembered. She saw Azkaban with her own eyes many years ago and it turned out it was something one does not forget. It still had the same smell of saltwater, rotten seaweed and mould. It looked the same too. The wet dark walls, covered in limpets and green slime that she did not have a name for, were edged in her brain. Was it some kind of algae? Who knew.
And of course, the sound of it all. The ocean, the howling winds, the screams. The piercing screams of desperate humans that reached inside your chest and twisted your soul until it ached. She remembered those from her nightmares and from when Sirius yelled in his sleep.
The Azkaban's sole human guard, an old hunched-over woman, led Claudia (now wearing Azkaban robes that were far too big for her) through the narrow corridors and down a steep set of steps. They were going deeper inside the fortress, flanked by a couple of Dementors. Claudia could not see them, but she did not need to. She was cold, as if her bones have turned into ice, but the Dementors have so far made no attempt to drain her. As she counted her steps on those slippery stone stairs to keep her mind as clear as possible, she could not help but wonder how long this courtesy would last.
Distracted by the counting, Claudia did not notice that the human accompanying her stopped suddenly and clattered into the back of the guard.
"Watch where you're going!" the woman hissed, then took a step to the side, towards thick rusting bars. The guard opened a door set within the cage. "Get inside."
Claudia had never seen an Azkaban cell from the inside. It was small, less than ten feet wide and deep. Three walls were made of the familiar dark stone. There was only a tiny hole right by the ceiling which let in a sliver of light. It would not even fit Claudia's arm, but it did allow the roar of the ocean through. Her cell must have been close to the water's surface.
Then, Claudia began to notice the floor. A straw mattress of sorts, corners covered in limpets. Was that a cockroach she saw scuttering out of the cell?
"I am here between nine in the morning and five in the afternoon," the guard interrupted Claudia's train of thought in a matter-of-fact tone. "Since you'll have no concept of time, my arrival and departure are announced by a bell. I'll bring you food. There is a bucket in the corner over there, which I'll empty every morning."
Claudia looked over. A bucket… A family of mice seemed to have been using it as their bedroom. They'll be sorely disappointed the cell was now occupied.
When she looked up again, the guard was standing behind the bars, locking the door. Without another word, she left and the two Dementors dispersed into the darkness.
Not long after, a bell began to echo through the corridors. It was a sound unpleasant enough on its own. Claudia had no idea which direction it was coming from, it twisted and turned through the stone corridors, making her feel like she was inside of it.
A momentary silence ensued once the bell stopped ringing. But before Claudia could even take a breath, a different sort of sound began to ring through the prison. The screaming had intensified. Claudia was sharp, she knew what this all meant. The human guard was gone and the Dementors were in charge.
Summoning all her inner strength, she sat down on the straw mattress under the window, crossed her legs, and desperately tried to keep her head clear. Between the stomach-turning smells, the screams, and the fact the damp from the mattress was seeping through her clothes, it was nearly impossible. Almost instantly, the dementors began to tug on her defences. Deep breaths, she reminded herself. She had to purge herself of emotion.
But deep breaths stopped working. Claudia opened her eyes and began counting the stones in the wall to keep her mind blank. It worked!
13,311. It kept her mind of the cockroaches, the mice. And most importantly, away from what was outside of this prison. The longer she could keep her mind of it, the better.
She got to a different number every time – 1,345, 1,352, 1,331… She blamed the light. It had gone dark outside. There was a torch somewhere round the corner from her cell, shining just enough light for her to make up the outline of the stonework. But clearly not enough to do it with any precision.
After a night of trying not to think or sleep, she was exhausted. But she had to give the counting one last try. 1,489. How did that even happen?! She had to stop because the frustration of this inconsistency was making her more emotional, more vulnerable.
The dawn had broken. The bell rang and the prison had quietened down. You could hear the ocean again. After the night she had, the waves were soothing and put Claudia to sleep almost instantly.
Sirius was sitting in a cave, hugging his knees. A figure dressed in pale blue robes with long silver hair was standing over him. Dumbledore.
"It is all a misunderstanding," Dumbledore said. "Hagrid has been through the same. They will schedule the trial soon. I will make my representations to the Minister."
Sirius said nothing. He covered his face in his hands. His knuckles were bleeding.
"You have to be strong too," Dumbledore continued. "Whatever you think might help her is likely to make matters worse. I am imploring you, Sirius, just stay here and I will keep you informed. As soon as I hear something, you have my word"
He extended his arm towards Sirius. "I brought you food." He was holding a white, linen bag. But Sirius swatted at it and food scattered all over the floor.
"I SAID I BROUGHT YOU FOOD!"
Claudia jerked awake. The angry face of the Azkaban guard was staring back at her.
"What is this?" she groaned looking at the bowl of grey goo.
"Food." The guard dropped it at her feet. The goo barely moved. "You'll be grateful for it."
Claudia fished out the spoon from the bowl and tried a bite. The consistency was what eating slugs must have felt like. Mercifully, it tasted of nothing. Having managed a few spoons of the goo, her mind travelled back to... To whatever that was. Was it a dream? A vision? Claudia did not know. But she knew she had to summon all her Occlumency powers and stop dwelling on it.
Even thinking about Sirius brought a curious Dementor to her door. One, two, three…. Here we go again.
She glanced at the bowl of half-finished goo. A family of cockroaches seems to have been enjoying it. Her stomach turned. She was not cut out for this.
A few days went by… The routine was beginning to fall into place. The morning bell brought silence and the sound of waves crashing against the prison's outer walls. Then came the guard with a portion of goo. The bucket was emptied, stinking up the cell until lunch, which usually took the form of a slice of hard bread. Claudia knew what was next.
Dinnertime and more goo!
And just as she predicted, the guard shuffled in within minutes.
"Is someone finally going to tell me what the charges are?" Claudia could not help but ask. "When is my trial?"
The guard just shook her head, threw the goo on the floor, and closed the door behind her. Soon enough, the bell was ringing again.
Claudia's stomach turned. She did not know how much longer she could keep them at bay.
Within five minutes, she found out she could not. Three Dementors were reaching inside her cell with their blistery hands, trying to breach the defences she built in her him.
They were too strong. Or she was too weak. Without her wand, or real food, she never stood a chance.
But she could still control what she fed them. She started small. Her mother beating her for ruining a dress. Losing the Quidditch Cup. She felt their grip lessen. That was all the Dementors needed that day. Claudia fell to her knees and looked up. They were gone.
It began to rain. Heavily. The water was running down the wall under the window. The limpets would be happy. Claudia rushed to her feet to move her mattress away from the wall. It was soaked through.
"It's never going to fucking dry in this place," she muttered to herself. But she lied down on it anyway. A damp mattress was still better than a puddle.
She put her hands over her ears to shut out the screams. It did not work. Back to the counting she went.
The next night, she gave the Dementors a few more memories- her summer in Bavaria, more of her mother. Anything but Sirius. She was determined to keep him out of this at all cost. Because if she gave them Sirius, she was done for.
The next morning's goo came with a side of something special.
"Your lawyer is coming today," the guard informed her as she set down a bucket of water by Claudia's door.
"My lawyer?" Claudia asked hoarsely and coughed. It's been days since she last spoke. "I don't have a lawyer."
"Wash up. I will come in half an hour to get you."
Claudia submerged her fingers into the water. It was freezing and sticky. But fresh ocean water was still better than nothing, so she splashed some of it on her face and rubbed her armpits. Maybe today was the day she was finally going to figure out what they knew.
Flanked by a Dementor, she followed the guard up the stairs and into the secure room she knew so well. On the chair that she herself sat on as an auror a few times was Ted Tonks. She might not have seen him for years, but he looked exactly like he did the day he stopped her from ending her life.
The heavy door shut behind her. Her chest unclenched. And her brain began to work. She was out of the reach of the Dementors for as long as she was in this room.
"Why are you here?" she asked.
"I volunteered to take your case. I thought it was important that your lawyer wasn't one of Umbridge's people."
"So you know who's behind this." She scratched her head. Only now she realised how sticky her hair was. And how much she still smelled. Ted was doing a very good job not showing his disgust.
"How are you doing?" Ted asked and gestured towards the empty chair on the opposite side of the table from him.
Was this the same chair on which Linda sat when Claudia came to interview her? Mulciber? She came to see someone else but could no longer remember who. "Been better," she uttered.
"Are they feeding you?"
"If you count the grey goo."
"You are supposed to get three meals a day, a bucket of fresh, warm water and soap every week, and one item a month- a book, a writing set, a flute… To keep you busy."
"Am I going to be here a month?" she asked, the air having somewhat gone out of her lungs.
"I don't know," Ted said solemnly, making a note of something on his parchment. "They unsealed your arrest warrant for my benefit. It's got barely anything in it."
"That's good. It's just a-"
But Ted silenced her with a gesture. "They made it very clear that the warrant will be amended as the investigation continues. It's only once they are satisfied they compiled everything, they will issue a new arrest warrant and set a trial date."
Claudia blinked a couple times. "Is that normal?"
"In some cases, yes," Ted sighed. "But it gives the Auror Office an advantage. Many of us have been trying to restrict the use of this rule-" he stopped. Claudia was grateful, a lecture on the injustice of the Ministry's law enforcement activities was not high on her list of wishes right now.
"So, what's on the arrest warrant now?" she asked.
Ted took out a piece of parchment from a folder and started to read. "One- the theft of a rare magical artefact that the Ministry was trying to obtain in the course of a criminal investigation of the highest priority. Two - concealment of said artefact at the accused place of employment. Three - attempts to contact the fugitive Sirius Black by the means of said artefact."
"The soul jewel was planted. Without it, have no proof I did any of this."
"Tell me more about this soul jewel. I need more background."
"The Department of Mysteries was trying to find a way to locate Sirius. They discovered some old research that suggested that Cassandra Trelawney was in a possession of a jewel that could help locate one's soulmate. The Unspeakable who uncovered it thought it might work for me and started to look for it. We never found it. The first time I saw it was when Granville was fishing it out of my cupboard. If this is all they have…"
"As I said, this is not the end of the charges." Ted stood up and packed his things. "I need to go now, they don't give me a lot of time for these initial visits. But I will remind them of the things you are entitled to. And-" he paused, walked around the table and held onto Claudia's shoulder. It was odd to feel a touch. "You can trust me. In fact, if I am to have any chance of representing you properly, you need to tell me the truth. The whole truth."
"Understood."
Ted knocked on the door and waited for it to be opened.
Claudia took several deep breaths and cleared her mind. She could not risk thinking about any of this the moment the guard opened the door.
Another day brought another visit from the Dementors. The memories of Claudia's mother and her parenting practices were no longer keeping them at bay. Ted's visit may have something to do with it. If they were accusing her of 'attempting to contact Sirius', they certainly did not have him. Every cloud had a silver lining… "Stop it," she growled at herself. "You must keep them away from him."
With all her remaining strength, she managed. Did she enjoy re-living the news of Barraclough's death? No. Did she enjoy being tormented by the look in Fabian's eyes when he told her to run just before he died? Also, no. But every time the Dementors left, she had enough in her to collect herself, remember where she was and recompose herself by counting some more stones. And squashing every cockroach she laid her eyes on with the bottom of her bucket.
Another night, another successful cockroach hunt. Their bodies were piling up in the corner of Claudia's cell. Better you then me, Claudia thought. And then, the lights went out-
Claudia was running through a dark and twisty corridor. She run and run, until she entered a dizzyingly bright room. Was she back in the interrogation room? Was Ted back with some good news? But her hopes were quickly squashed-
Alice was sitting on a bed, her brown hair shining in the morning light.
"Alice!" Claudia exclaimed. "I'm so happy you're fine," she added as she run across the room to grab her best friend in her arms. It was only after Claudia gave Alice a hug, that she noticed that Alice was completely rigid. Claudia's first thought was that Alice changed her mind. That she did not want to be her friend.
Supressing her own insecurities, Claudia released Alice from the hug and sat down next to her on the edge of the bed. "How are you feeling? Are you alright?" she whispered.
Alice was staring right into Claudia's eyes, blinking
Claudia could feel her eyes welling up. "Can you hear me?" she uttered.
But Alice's expression did not change. There was nothing behind those eyes. Increasingly desperate, Claudia looked around. Frank was sleeping on the bed next to his wife, looking peaceful. She turned back to Alice. "What have they done to you?" she whispered, her voice shaking.
Slowly and seemingly involuntarily, Alice rose high above Claudia and her face turned dark. Her hospital gown turned black.
"You failed my son," an icy voice rang through Claudia's veins. "I trusted you and you failed my son."
"No!" Claudia fell backwards off the bed. And kept falling and falling until-
Her head shattered into a million pieces.
When she opened her eyes – unsure after how long – she was staring at the stone ceiling of her Azkaban cell. Sunshine was streaming in. By the angle, it must have been the morning.
Something tickled her finger. Smash. Another cockroach casualty to add to her pile. Maybe she needed to start counting those.
The morning bell had rung moments after Claudia came to her senses.
She stared at the bowl of her morning goo for a long time before even attempting a spoonful. This memory of Alice was the first time she got lost. The first time she lost grip of reality. Her hand trembled as she brought a spoon to her lips.
But the moment she tasted the goo, she gagged and started retching. The little that was left of her dinner in her stomach hit the bottom of her bucket.
Sirius collected himself from the floor of the cave he had been staying at. This was not the first time he overate on stolen food and paid for it. He wiped the vomit of his mouth and walked out of the cave, determined to do something, anything to help the person who-
He threw up again.
But what could he do? Even if he could get there, she could never swim back to the shore. If only he taught her how to be an animagus when he had the chance.
There had to be something else. Something else he could do...
Noone was of any help. Every day, all he got was an owl after owl from Dumbledore and Remus. 'Don't do anything. Sit tight.' It made him want to scream. How could he just sit tight? He could feel her pain for fuck's sake.
It was sporadic at the start, maybe ten minutes a day he felt a tingle in the tattoo. But now, a month in, it was haunting him from the moment he opened his eyes until he passed out. And in his dreams too.
Last night was the worst so far. It was as if someone took a knife to his arm. It made him tremble and sick. And he could not get Alice Longbottom out of his head. He barely thought of Claude's best friend since he got arrested. Yet, last night, all he could picture was her blank face staring back at him. And he knew what that meant- Claude could not get her out of her head either. The Dementors would not let her.
Despite his desperation to fix this, he did not have a lot of option. He could keep working on that messenger Patronus Dumbledore told him about. The old man never intended for Sirius to use it to reach Claude, merely to send messages back to the castle faster than an owl would, but Sirius was sure if he just focused enough, he could reach her cell in Azkaban. At least she would not have to sit there, thinking he had forgotten her.
Another wave of nausea came over him. He remembered those cells. Intimately. The wet stones, the bars, the bell… Fuck the bell.
He was on his knees again, vomiting. The thought that it was Claude of all people going through it all now. And without animagus abilities. Without any reprieve whatsoever.
He shut his eyes and tried to remember her laugh. Tried to remember the smell of her hair. 'Expecto Patronum.'
Absolutely nothing came out from the end of his wand. He groaned and threw it into a nearby bush. This was all fucking hopeless. He was never going to be able to do this.
He froze. A thought popped into his head. Maybe he could give himself up. They might let Claude out if he surrendered. But would they? Or would they just take it as an admission of her guilt. Somehow that last thought rang through his brain in Dumbledore's voice.
He began to pace. If only he could think clearly about this. Without being haunted by what Claude was going through and his own memories of the place. He swung a leg. It made contact with a rock.
Overwhelming pain shut off his brain. "Fucking hell!" he yelled out in anger.
Claudia was pacing her cell. Sudden urge to kick the bucket overwhelmed her and she took a swing at it. Mercifully, it had just been emptied. The sound of metal clattering on the stone floor carried through the entire corridor. Claudia was not sure if there were any other prisoners nearby- she had never seen anyone else. And the screams that descended on the prison each night could have been coming from anywhere.
She stretched to pick up the bucket and hissed in pain. Her back was broken from sleeping on the damp straw mattress. At least her nose was now immune to the smell of it. Did anything ever dry out in here?
Goop, bread, goop, bell, nightmares. Over and over.
Claudia found herself sitting in a chair staring at Ted Tonks' face. She had no idea how she got there and whether it was real. The window was interesting. Bigger than the one in her cell. You could see clouds. Pretty, floating clouds. All in one direction. It was oddly soothing.
"I have got the updated arrest warrant through," Ted mumbled. "It is a lot longer list than what we had before."
Slowly, Claudia turned her head and looked at him. He seemed real. And nothing was swirling.
"Some of it dates back to the war. Assisting Barty Crouch Jr in letting Mulciber go," he began to read the charges slowly. "Wiping Mulciber's memory when attempting to catch him. Does this ring a bell?"
Claudia looked out of the window again. If only she could fly. "A case I worked on. Catching Mulciber was my first solo mission."
"Attendance at the Riot at the World Cup," Ted continued to read.
"That's rubbish," Claudia finally understood what Ted was reading out and snapped back into reality. "Are they saying I am a Death Eater?"
"It seems so. And given your position in the Auror Office and now the Department of Mysteries, I think they are going to charge you with treason. Seek life in Azkaban."
Well, at least they are not accusing me of the crimes I actually committed anymore, Claudia thought. "I didn't do any of this new stuff, I swear." She lifted her feet onto the chair and hugged her knees with her pale, skinny arms.
"And the jewel?" Ted asked quietly.
She paused for a second. "Is it safe to talk here?"
Ted shook his head and passed her a piece of parchment and a quill. Claudia picked it up and began to write. Her writing was barely legible. Her hand shook that much.
'I took the jewel. Which is why I know for a fact that what they found in my office is not it. It looked different and I disposed of the Trelawney's one. It's at the bottom of a lake.'
"Why?" Ted seemed completely unphased by the confession.
"Why what?"
He took the parchment back.
'Why did you dispose of it?'
She tried to speak to him telepathically but he clearly did not hear her. "Because it didn't work…" she mumbled instead.
"Anything else that they might dredge up?"
Claudia pulled the parchment close to her.
'I occasionally use obliviation to make my life a little easier. Nothing major, of course. For example, I was investigating someone and wanted to keep it under wraps so I obliviated the records clerk once I took the address. That sort of thing. Harmless.'
"Anything else?"
Claudia shook her head and tore the parchment in half. And again and again. She was sure that even Ted Tonks, an example to all lawyers, had his limits. She was going to take the truth about Sirius and about what happened to her father to her grave. The parchment was now nothing but a pile of tiny pieces, completely illegible.
"Any sexual past that might come up? The Wizengamot is oddly interested in this when it tries young, unmarried women."
Claudia felt something in her throat and coughed. Her lungs filled with sharp pain. "They spoke to Édith Dubois when they were investigating," she replied with difficulty. "We used to date."
"Édith Dubois?"
"She's an Unspeakable too. The one with the soul jewel. But we played by the rules. We broke up when I got promoted." She noticed that Ted was scribbling vigorously. "Is that going to be a problem?"
"The Wizengamot is more understanding than it used to be. Thirty years ago, a relationship with a woman would have been enough to send you back here."
"That's just great."
"Anyone else?"
Claudia succumbed to another coughing fit. "There have been a few… I am not sure you need the whole list-" she said when she recovered.
"Anyone on that list that might be part of the trial."
"Oscar Fernsby. We used to be on the same auror team back during the war. He's a Head of Division now. Your daughter's boss, actually. We slept together a couple of times," she said, suddenly fully aware of all the secrets she spilled to him. "They better not give him any Veritaserum."
"What does he know?"
"More than anyone."
"More than me?"
Claudia stared at her intertwined hands. Her dirty, overgrown fingernails were digging into her skin. She told Oscar about her father. If that came up during the trial… Would he lie for her?
"Claude," Ted implored her. "Remember what I said? I cannot help you if you aren't honest."
"He knows my complicated history with my father. We've had a few skirmishes after the war. But he's now in St Mungo's so unlikely to tell anyone about it."
"What kind of skirmishes?"
"Unauthorised ones."
"You mean like a duel?"
"Kind of."
Ted sighed. "Thank you. I am not going to bring this up of course, but at least I can prepare some kind of defence."
"What about the defence that my father is a Death Eater who got off scot-free?"
Ted attempted a smile. "Did you get your warm water. Your leisure item?"
Claudia shook her head.
"I'll ask again."
"Thank you."
"Keep strong."
"I'll try."
With one squeeze of Claudia's shoulder, Ted left and the guards came to get her. She looked at the clouds again when they led her away. They were darker now, heavy with rain. Great, Claudia thought, more damp. Her lungs contracted and she coughed again. A spot of blood coloured her palm.
On her way back to her cell, Claudia struggled to keep her mind clear. Treason. They were going to charge her with treason. And what chance did she stand? Her mind was weak, her body was dirty, she was coughing up blood…
And then, there was Oscar. He knew about what she did to her father. He knew that she knew where Sirius was. If he decided to give her up. If he decided to testify against her… The Dementor trailing her could feel her despair. She could not hold him off.
"Now you've shagged me for an alibi," Oscar voice began to echo uncontrollably inside Claudia's head. "Are you at least going to tell me how you broke him out?" She sunk her fingers into her palms and focused.
Don't think about Sirius. Don't think about Oscar. Don't think about Sirius. Don't think about Oscar…
But by repeating this in her head, she gave the Dementors exactly what they wanted.
"Of course!" Sirius exclaimed and jumped to his feet. He had been wrecking his brain for weeks about how to approach the Auror Office about giving himself up in exchange for Claudia's safety. Oscar Fernsby. Sirius knew that Fernsby would not bat an eye lid before he arrested Sirius again.
But he also knew that he would do anything to save Claude.
He rummaged through the pile of his stuff in the corner of the cave and ripped off the clean end of one of the letters from Dumbledore that implored him to be cautious.
'I have information that could set Claudia free. Bin shed of the Hog's Head. Ten o'clock in the evening of-'
He looked at the front page of the Daily Prophet that he stole this morning. Today was the ninth of May. He resumed his message.
'tenth of May-'
Then, he froze. Tomorrow was Claude's birthday. His hand shook as he wrote the last sentence.
'Come alone.'
Pushing this realisation momentarily to the back of his brain, he set off to find the owl he had been using to correspond with Dumbledore and Remus.
With the owl on its way to London, Sirius collapsed on the floor of the cave. How did he not realise tomorrow was her birthday? It had been two months since Claude was arrested. And if his experience, and the state of the tattoo, was anything to go by- He picked up the bottle and drunk until it was half empty. His throat was on fire, tears were streaming down his cheeks. But anything was better than feeling her pain after the evening bell.
He was a coward. But he could not take it anymore…
When Sirius woke up, the sun was setting, and his head was pounding. He looked at the empty bottle by his side. No way it was still the evening of the ninth.
He dragged himself to standing, threw up in a bush, drank the nearby stream nearly dry, and then transformed to set off towards Hogsmeade village.
When he was Padfoot, everything was easier. He was able to remember Claude's laugh. A passing squirrel piqued his interest. The food thrown into the garbage tasted like a feast, and puddle water like the finest wine. And best of all, dogs seemed to have been immune to feeling a hangover.
By nine o'clock, he was ready by the Hog's Head bins. He would wait to see if Fernsby truly showed up alone and only then transform. Beyond that, he really did not have a plan.
By ten o'clock, a tall figure strode into the alleyway, their wand hand outstretched.
"I came alone!" they whispered and took off their hood. It was him.
Padfoot waited for a few more seconds and then transformed-
Fernsby's wand was pointing at his chest faster than Sirius could raise his arms. But to his slight surprise, no spell came out of it.
"Arrest me," Sirius said hoarsely through his throbbing headache. The hangover was back. "I'll come quietly, but I need assurances that Claude goes free. I'll say whatever it takes."
"She thinks you're innocent-" The auror's face was unreadable. Sirius had no idea whether Fernsby believed in his innocence or not. He did look ready to pounce though.
"I am innocent. But I rather go back than leave her there for one more minute."
"It's not going to help." Fernsby lowered his wand and began to pace. "I wish it did, trust me, but the mess she's in is much bigger than you."
"I have to do something!"
The auror stopped. He was a little shorter than Sirius. It gave Sirius a fleeting sensation of warmth. "Wait for the trial," Fernsby said. "She's got a good chance then. The case isn't strong. And for the most part, she's liked at the Ministry."
"Really? Liked?" Sirius sat down. "Is that all I can do? Sit tight and let her rot in that place-"
"If the trial doesn't go her way, I'll be the first one to help you get her out of there."
Sirius looked up. Was he dreaming this? "What did you say?"
"Do you think this is any easier for me?" Fernsby sat down next to him. "There are so many arseholes who managed to avoid Azkaban. I hate the idea that my friend is rotting in there instead of them. Instead of her fucking father."
"Then arrest me. You'll figure out a way to trade me for her."
"She spent twelve years waiting for you. If I did arrest you, she'd kill me the moment she got out."
"She might never make it out."
"She will." Fernsby stood up and finally put his wand away. "I need to go. Stay out of this for now. If she loses the trial, we will talk again." Without another word, he walked out of the alleyway and vanished into the dark.
Sirius leaned back against the wall and closed his eyes. He wished his head was not throbbing with pain. But the things Fernsby said made him for a moment forget Azkaban and remember how strong Claude was. How infuriatingly smart, independent and brave she had always been. Blackmailing her Death Eater of a father at the age of fifteen. That was what finally pushed Sirius over the edge to kiss her. He never met anyone quite like her. And she walked past the Dementor into Hogwarts last year like they were nothing… If anyone had a chance in Azkaban, it was her.
He turned his wand in his hand. He remembered waking up next to Claude in Egypt. When they promised to love each other and stay together no matter what. He closed his eyes. Promised to never again let anything get between them.
'Expecto Patronum.'
A silvery cloud shot out of the end of his wand. It was not corporal but it was better than anything he managed in weeks. He gripped his fox tattoo. "I will make this work, I promise."
Claudia could no longer keep Sirius out of her mind.
Her tattoo was the only part of her body that was warm. That still felt human. And it was calling to her.
In her weakness, she allowed herself to think of his smile, his hand in her hair. Think of them lying in bed together.
And the Dementors pounced.
It started small- Their squabbles and break ups at school. It was painful to remember being ditched mere hours after the perfect first kiss but Claudia still had enough strength to realise it was also childish and, in the grand scheme of things, insignificant.
Water trickled down her face. Was it tears? Claudia looked up to see water coming through the hole in her wall. It must have started to rain again. She moved her mattress away from the window, revealing a family of centipedes that had been hiding under there for warmth. She preferred them to cockroaches.
The mere thought of the creepy bugs made her skin crawl, and she began to scratch. The more she scratched herself, the more her skin itched.
The bell rang. A scream echoed through Claudia's cell. This time it was hers.
She curled onto the mattress and gripped the bars of her cell. Maybe that will help her to not loose herself tonight. To keep grounded.
"You deserve all this." Her father's cold voice cut through her body like a knife. "You and your pathetic boyfriend deserved everything you got." He was grinning.
Claudia wanted to run away from him, but her body could not move. Frederick edged closer and closer to her. He raised his hand and slowly but deliberately closed it around Claudia's throat.
She still could not move.
Gasping for air, Claudia tried to fight him off but to no avail. Frederick's face became blurry. Another gasp-
It was dark again. And it was not her father's hand that was squeezing her throat.
A blistered hand was reaching through the bars of her cell.
She kicked and turned. Pushed and scratched. Eventually, the Dementor's grip loosened and Claudia managed to roll away. She was panting and on all four. Was it trying to kill her? She remembered the blistered hand and retched. Nothing came up.
With her remaining strength, she dragged her mattress back under the window and collapsed onto it. Better wet than dead.
But she could not sleep. The pain in her throat, the itching of her skin, the screams of the other prisoners would not let her. She tried to focus, but nothing was working. She could barely count to three.
The cockroaches came back en masse. Whenever she squashed one, it would just jump back on its little feet and scuttered away. She doubted they were even real at this point.
"You're just like the rest of them!" Sirius voice was echoing through the corridors of Azkaban once more. "Cannot believe I've ever trusted you."
She gripped her head. Not this…
But then, just as suddenly as Sirius' voice came, it went away… Everything went quiet. Claudia looked around. Why was she in a corridor? Where was her cell? Then, something blunt hit her in the back.
"Get up and get back to your cell. Otherwise your lawyer's visits will be suspended." The guard kicked her again. It was a different one, a man this time.
What lawyer visits? Did she just see Ted?
She tried to remember, tried to picture Ted's face… But all she could come up with was Sirius' eyes flaming with anger.
"Don't bother coming back."
"Cannot believe I've ever trusted you."
"Cannot believe I've ever loved you."
"Make this stop," Claudia mumbled. "Please-"
She gripped her tattoo and fell onto her knees. "Make this stop."
The tattoo had been driving Sirius to destruction. He was at his wit's end. He was sure that his anger, his pathetic weeping was making this all worse for Claude.
If he could just produce that fucking patronus, made him lick the tattoo or whatever. Sent it to Azkaban. It would help.
But he could not. No matter how many times he tried. All he got was a puff of silver smoke that did not even manage to travel a yard.
His eyes landed on a knife. If he could not make it better, he owed it to Claude not to make it worse.
He picked out the blade and placed it on the edge of the tattoo. The blade was dull but he could still do this without bleeding out. He could cut it out. Get rid of it. Cut the bond.
He pressed the knife deeper and winced.
The blade clattered on the cave's floor.
First, his lip started to shake.
Then, his shoulders.
"You fucking coward," he hissed. Claude lived like this for twelve years. She kept the bond alive. "You aren't going to be the one who fucks it up."
He picked up a bottle of whiskey and took a mouthful before pouring out the rest of it onto his bleeding arm. He was done with that too.
He walked out of the cave and towards the stream that run peacefully nearby.
He stuck his head into the water. The cold froze his mind for a moment. Numbed everything else he was feeling. It was what he needed.
He took a deep breath, thought back to when he saw Claude for the first time after Azkaban. Tears streaming down her face at the side of a busy motorway. There was not a hint of hesitation in that face, as she run towards him like the twelve hellish years in Azkaban never happened.
For twelve years, the Dementors tortured him with visions that she hated him. That she thought he was guilty. That she gave him up. But all that was a lie. All that time, she loved him. And he owed everything to her.
He closed his eyes. He never imagined love like this would be part of his life. But now, he could not imagine life without it. He could not imagine life without Claude. "Expecto Patronum."
As he peeled his eyelids open, silvery light flooded his eyes. A large dog was staring back at him, awaiting a command.
"Go to Azkaban, find Claude," Sirius whispered. "Tell her this: I love you. I am so sorry. It will be alright."
To his slight surprise, the dog nodded and floated away. Sirius could only hope it would make its way to Claude's cell before it was too late.
The bell rang while Claudia frantically searched for her engagement ring in the ashes of the fireplace. Remus' voice was coming from behind her, fighting the bells for attention. "He killed them to save you. He gave their lives to protect you."
She was stumbling through the streets of London. A truck was approaching. She closed her eyes and jumped.
But she was back in her living room, holding that ring in her palm again. "This is all your fault," Remus was taking this further. "Do you think your life was worth the lives of James and Lily? They were ten times the people you will ever be!"
London again. A big, face-less London. She was stumbling in the crowd. Being pushed around like a rag doll.
"Watch where you are going, tramp!" The face-less voices began to shout.
"Ugly little creature."
"What did he ever see in you?" That was Marlene's face.
"I'd rather be in Azkaban than marry you too."
She saw the truck and jumped again.
Back to the living room.
"Do us all a favour and die!" Remus' voice took on a mocking tone.
"I would if you let me!" Claudia yelled. "Why won't you let me?"
Streets. Truck.
Light.
Did it work?
Was she dead?
She opened her eyes a sliver. A silvery light shone right at her.
Claudia scrambled to her knees. This was still Azkaban, the same stone floor, the same straw mattress. What was this light?
She looked up. A silvery dog was standing right in front of her. They were nose to nose.
"I love you, and I am so sorry," the dog spoke in Sirius' voice. 'It will be alright.'
The dog vanished before Claudia could process any of it and fell back to the ground. She was still in Azkaban. And definitely not dead. For the first time since she got here though, she wished she was.
Every muscle and joint in her body ached. Her stomach was hurting so much, she could not even get to the bowl of food by the door. This was it. She was never making it out of here alive. Hell, she was not making it past the next bell.
Just then, the metal bars of her cell creaked open, and a heavy bucket clattered on the floor.
"Wash up," the guard barked. "It's time for your trial."