The Other Side Of the Door
And don't you leave, 'cause I know, all I need is on the other side of the door.
The door slammed shut behind Jay as he stepped into the cold night air, the noise reverberating through the empty streets. His heart pounded in his chest, each beat heavy with confusion, anger, and an overwhelming sense of betrayal—not towards Erin, but towards himself. The revelation that he was still legally married to Abby after all this time was a blow he hadn't anticipated, and the weight of it was almost too much to bear.
He couldn't breathe. His mind was a whirlpool of thoughts, dredging up memories he'd buried deep, memories of Abby, and the unintentional mess he had just dropped into Erin's lap. The snowstorm outside mirrored the chaos in his head, each flake a tiny fragment of his fractured self.
How could he have let this happen? How could he have let Abby's existence seep into his life again, and how could he drag Erin into this mess?
Jay needed space. He needed to think. So he left. But as he walked further away from their shared apartment, each step seemed to take him deeper into the storm of his own making. The darkness of the night was swallowing him whole, and he felt the weight of his decision pressing down on him, suffocating him.
Inside the apartment, Erin stood frozen in the living room, her eyes fixed on the door Jay had just walked out of. Her chest ached as the weight of his absence settled in, his absence that came not just physically but emotionally, too. The news about Abby had hit her like a sledgehammer. Not because she thought Jay didn't love her—she knew he did—but because it reopened wounds, making her question everything.
She knew about his PTSD, knew how much he struggled with the memories of his time overseas, but she had never seen it like this—this raw, this consuming. And now he was running, and she had no idea if he was ever coming back.
Erin paced the room, running a hand through her hair, fighting the tears that threatened to spill. She needed to do something, anything, to stop him from leaving, from retreating into the darkness that had taken him before. But he was already gone. The silence of the apartment was heavy, oppressive, and Erin knew she couldn't just sit back and wait.
Then, as if by instinct, she grabbed her coat and keys, running out of the apartment after him. The night air was cold and stinging, but the chill was nothing compared to the cold emptiness she felt inside. She wouldn't let him disappear without a fight.
--
She found him a few blocks away, leaning against a lamppost, staring blankly at the ground. His shoulders were hunched, his hands shoved deep into his pockets as if he was trying to hold himself together. But she knew him—knew that he was falling apart inside.
"Jay," she called out softly, but with a firmness that told him she wasn't going anywhere.
He didn't look up, his jaw tightening at the sound of her voice. The intensity of his internal struggle was visible in the rigid set of his shoulders, and Erin's heart ached seeing him like this.
"Jay," she repeated, more insistent this time as she closed the distance between them. She reached out, her fingers brushing against his arm, trying to offer comfort despite the coldness of the night.
He finally lifted his gaze to meet hers, his eyes clouded with a storm of emotions. They were dark and stormy, reflecting the turmoil within him. The sight of her, determined and unyielding, made his resolve waver.
"I can't do this, Erin," he said, his voice raw and strained. "I can't drag you into this. It's not fair."
Erin took a step closer, her own heart breaking at the sight of him like this. "You think running away is going to solve anything? You think leaving me behind is going to make this easier?"
Jay looked away, the pain in his chest almost unbearable. "You deserve better than this. Better than me."
Erin shook her head, anger flaring up inside her. "Don't you dare say that. Don't you dare try to push me away because you're scared. I'm not leaving, Jay. Not now, not ever."
He turned back to her, his eyes full of torment. "Erin, I'm still married. I didn't even know it, but I am. How can you even look at me right now?"
"Because I love you," she shot back, her voice fierce. "Because I know who you are, Jay Halstead. And this? This doesn't change anything."
Jay let out a harsh laugh, full of self-loathing. "You don't get it. You don't get what's going on in my head. The memories, the guilt… It's too much."
"Then let me in," Erin demanded, stepping right up to him, her hands trembling as she reached out to touch his face. "Let me help you. Don't push me away."
Jay closed his eyes, leaning into her touch despite himself. The warmth of her hand on his face was a stark contrast to the cold night air, and it was a lifeline he wasn't sure he deserved.
"I don't want to hurt you."
Erin felt tears prick at her eyes. "Then don't. Stay. Talk to me. Be with me."
He opened his eyes, searching hers for some kind of answer, some kind of sign that he wasn't beyond saving. That he wasn't going to lose her, too. His hands found hers, holding them tightly as if afraid she would disappear if he let go.
"If you don't love me," Erin said, her voice breaking, "prove it to me. Prove to me that you've never felt something towards me. Look at me, Jay."
Her words hit him like a physical blow. The notion that she thought he didn't love her was absurd, painful, because it was the furthest thing from the truth. He had never been more certain of anything than his love for her.
Jay's resolve crumbled in that moment. He couldn't lie to her. He couldn't pretend that what he felt for her was anything less than everything. Instead of answering her with words, he closed the distance between them, cupping her face with his hands, and kissed her with all the desperation, love, and pain he'd been holding back.
The kiss was deep, raw, full of the emotions they couldn't express with words. Erin responded immediately, her arms wrapping around him, holding him as if she could keep him from falling apart. Their kiss was a fierce, consuming dance, each trying to convey the depth of their feelings through touch and taste. The cold of the night seemed to vanish, replaced by the heat of their shared passion and commitment.
Jay pulled back just enough to rest his forehead against hers, their breaths mingling. "I love you," he whispered, his voice rough with emotion. "I love you so much, Erin."
She closed her eyes, relief washing over her. "I love you, too, Jay. And I'm not going anywhere."
He nodded, his hands still holding her close. "I'm sorry… for everything. I just—I didn't know what to do."
"We'll figure it out," Erin promised, her voice steady despite the tears slipping down her cheeks. "Together."
Jay let out a shuddering breath, finally allowing himself to believe that they could get through this. The tension in his body began to ease, replaced by the soothing balm of her presence and her unwavering support.
"Together," he echoed, his voice stronger this time. He looked at her with renewed determination, his hands framing her face gently as if he were afraid she might disappear.
They stood there for a long moment, just holding each other, finding solace in the fact that they didn't have to face this alone. Erin's tears mixed with the falling snow, creating a delicate, bittersweet tableau of their love and struggle.
When they finally pulled back, Jay looked into her eyes, his hand brushing a stray strand of hair behind her ear. The tenderness in his gaze was a stark contrast to the tumultuous emotions they had just navigated.
"Come back home with me?" he asked, his voice filled with a hopeful resolve.
Erin smiled softly, nodding. "Yeah. Let's go home."
As they walked back to their apartment, hand in hand, the world seemed to shift around them. The snow continued to fall, a quiet witness to their shared commitment and the beginning of a new chapter. Jay realized that no matter what his past held, no matter how much darkness there was, he had someone who would walk through it with him. Someone who wouldn't let him go. And that, more than anything, gave him the strength to face the future.
They walked back together, each step bringing them closer to healing and a future built on love and trust. And as they entered their apartment, hand in hand, Jay felt a flicker of hope, knowing that with Erin by his side, he could face whatever came next.