Chapter twelve: Ellie-who?

Elizabeth heard Jane call her very presence as a balm to her soul, and she felt the ground shift from beneath her. Never before had anyone acknowledged her in this manner. It made her heart fill with unprecedented warmth, which was followed by a pang of guilt. Again, she strived the suppress the guilt, as she always had done every time it came to the surface. She decided to allow herself to rejoice in this sisterly affection she and Jane shared.

Her thoughts were directed to Jane's illness then. She seemed to improve significantly indeed. However, Elizabeth knew that her condition would worsen again during the night, because the immunity system is at its lowest during nighttime. The idea of joining the rest of the party at the dining room had been indeed beneficial to her. She already thought as much, because she knew that if one's psyche deteriorates from staying at bed the whole day, it would certainly impact their physical condition. That is why she thought that some movement within the warmth of the house can help Jane recover better. Besides, she did indeed replenish her energy sufficiently to go downstairs.

She was thankful that Jane's condition did not include symptoms of Bronchitis or Angina. It was a good thing that it was merely a mild cold, and that Jane would be better within three or four days under proper care. She remembered then that Jane was thinking about going to Longbourn on the morrow. At that moment, she said that they can make the trip. However, the more she thought about it now, it bothered her. Jane could easily relapse, and her symptoms might worsen again, if she ventured outside. She knew this well.

Having to live alone all her life, she knew everything there is to know about how to treat having a cold. During the nights she spent alone in her bed shivering and writhing in pain, she longed to have a motherly presence with her to tend to her. That is why I told Jane we can go back to Longbourn. Because a mother's care certainly would be the most impactful. She tried to convince herself.

Nevertheless, something was bothering her. She had the feeling that she welcomed the suggestion, partially influenced by selfish motives. She wanted to go to Longbourn herself! Nay, she was counting the hours to go back 'home'. She genuinely missed the Bennet seniors, and the other Bennet ladies. No, not the Benet seniors, but my parents! She missed the hearth of Longbourn. She missed everything about that place, and she was not even parted from it for a full day!

Her reverie was interrupted suddenly when she heard someone call her name, a name she did not hear for a long time, a name she herself forgot. Upon seeing everyone's reaction and realizing her mistake, she felt humiliated. Luckily, Mr. Darcy and Jane did not seem to think much about this. She thanked God that Ellie could be considered indeed as an endearment instead of Elizabeth.

However, while the confusion was put to an end thanks to Mr. Darcy and Jane's intervention, Elizabeth's turmoil just started. Here she was, merely few minutes earlier thinking about her lovely new life, only to be reminded that this is not her life. I am not Ellie anymore; I am Elizabeth Bennet. I will not have it otherwise. I will not go back to that life of loneliness and emptiness. Thomas Bennet is my father. Fanny Bennet is my mother. Jane Bennet is my sister. Lydia, Kitty, and Mary are my younger sisters. She kept telling herself this, in a feeble attempt to engrave these thoughts in her mind.

After dinner, the occupants of Netherfield and their guests moved to the parlor to have some tea. Caroline and Louisa served their guests when the gentlemen joined the ladies. She noticed that Mr. Bingley was immediately by Jane's side. She was pleased to see this. However, her sister seemed somehow distant, as if she was thinking about something else, her behavior was not at all similar to when he came to dine with them at Longbourn. She did not ponder upon it for long however, and thought that Jane's sickness and her shyness were the reason behind her distance. Mr. Darcy was silent. Mr. Hurst was talking about going for a hunt. Elizabeth was thinking that maybe Jane and herself should retire, lest Jane's condition worsens. She did not want her to overexert herself.

Suddenly, Caroline Bingley turned to her and said "Pray tell us Miss Eliza, how does it feel like to read books for the first time again? There are marvelous works that I would wish for nothing more but to forget them, and enjoy them as if I was reading them for the first time." She started the question looking at Elizabeth, but her gaze moved to Darcy at some point, as if she wanted to impress him. Elizabeth was impressed with her. Two birds with one stone then, she gets to humiliate me and she gets to impress Darcy at the same time, she thought.

She smiled, genuinely impressed. "I know how you feel Miss Bingley." There were books she would like to read for the first time indeed. She had always been an avid reader.

"You do? Might I assume that you have already experienced this … pleasure during the days you spent at Longbourn?" Inquired Caroline.

"Well not yet, I just know the feeling."

"But how? How do you know that you have this feeling? Surely, you do not remember these books to know that you would like to read them again. Oh, how cruel it is not to be familiar with renowned masterpieces. To think that your current mind knows nothing of the works of Shakespeare, Milton, and Spenser is truly unfortunate." Caroline was laughing as she said this.

Elizabeth was blushing. She truly knew nothing of these works. While she had pursued a PhD literature, her area of expertise however was French literature. She had read many English books, which proved beneficial to navigating her current situation. She managed to adjust her language and even her accent to the requirements of the Regency Era. If not for the books she read, she would barely manage to speak English in this Era. Yet, she had never read the works of these authors. She cursed her luck.

"Lizzy had read all of these Miss Bingley. Our father's library is very extensive, and Lizzy spent her childhood reading different books. If she does not remember the contents of these works, I am sure that she is considered lucky and not unfortunate in having to read and experience them again." Jane said, smiling fondly at her sister.

"Miss Elizabeth, the Netherfield Library is at your disposal. If you ever want to read anything, please feel free to do so. Make yourself at home". The expression on Mr. Bingley's face was sincere as he offered her access to his library.

Mrs. Hurst then said, smiling at Elizabeth "Miss Elizabeth, if you would not mind, I can recommend to you some of my favorite works. I can only hope that you will like them"

Elizabeth wondered whether they wanted to make up for their sister's impertinence, but she thanked them nonetheless.

Caroline was not pleased. She failed to humiliate Elizabeth, and to impress Mr. Darcy, who kept silent the whole time. Being more inclined to achieve her second objective, she exclaimed "Well, I can tell you my favorite work, or rather my favorite sonnet. Allow me to recite it to you Miss Eliza, as I know it by heart. I know that you would not be familiar with it, I just hope that you will like it.

" So am I as the rich whose blessèd key

Can bring him to his sweet up-lockèd treasure,

The which he will not ev'ry hour survey,

For blunting the fine point of seldom pleasure.

Therefore are feasts so solemn and so rare,

Since seldom coming in the long year set,

Like stones of worth they thinly placèd are,

Or captain jewels in the carcanet.

So is the time that keeps you as my chest,

Or as the wardrobe which the robe doth hide

To make some special instant special blessed

By new unfolding his imprisoned pride.

Blessèd are you whose worthiness gives scope,

Being had, to triumph, being lacked, to hope"

While she did not understand all the themes of this poem, it did not eschew Elizabeth's attention that Caroline was using it to flirt with Darcy. The latter however, was not even looking at Miss Bingley. She noticed with amazement that his eyes were directed to her instead.

Caroline also noticed this, and her frustration increased. She snarled at Elizabeth "Miss Eliza, do you know which sonnet is this?"

Elizabeth braced herself to say that she had no idea. However, an inner voice within her told her: Shakespeare, Sonnet 52. As much as she was shocked and bewildered, her lips already moved to announce this to everyone.

Caroline's eyes widened. "Indeed, it is." It was obvious that it took all of Miss Bingley's willpower to restrain herself from throwing a tantrum. Elizabeth also felt that she was on the verge of collapsing. How did she come to possess knowledge about Shakespeare's sonnets? She certainly never endeavored to read them.

Trying to maintain her composure, she rose, and she asked her hosts to allow her and Jane to retire, as it was paramount that her sister does not overexert herself, lest her symptoms resurface. Mr. Bingley offered to escort them and they accepted. The ladies curtsied and the gentlemen bowed, and the Bennet sisters exited the room.