Standard Disclaimer: I'm not DC. Although to be fair, the inconsistencies between the Arrowverse and the DC Universe, maybe Arrow isn't either. So I'm also not CW or anyone who makes any sort of profit off of this story.
I don't want to be a woman you love.
"We need to leave." He spoke evenly, his typical mask perfectly in place. Oliver sat, immobile on a balcony chair, leaning forward with his elbows on the tops of his thighs and his hands clasped together under his chin. His eyes never left the cityscape in front of him. "I'm not sure how, but we need to make sure that the team can provide a reasonable lie to the league if they come looking, and then we need to leave."
To his credit, Malcolm only paused for a short moment before continuing outside, leaving the door open.
"Do you really think that's wise?" Malcolm inquired, eyebrows raised in disbelief. "Surely you have more resources here? Your little… team… will just be upset if you leave. Aren't they already upset because you were gone so long last time?"
It was going to rain. The clouds were moving in from over the bay – lightning illuminated the sky in the distance.
"Because I was dead," Oliver deadpanned. Still, no movement, no inflection in his tone. "Or maybe I wasn't. It certainly felt like I was." He paused, deliberating his words before continuing. "If I stay here, Ra's will make us destroy this city. I'm not ready. And I cannot become what I need to with them here. I'm already destroying everyone around me, and I'm not who I need to be. They're not going to like who I must become to defeat Ra's. It's best to disappear. I just want to be sure Ra's believes I'm gone. I don't want him coming here to draw me back."
Malcolm nodded slowly. "You're training would be better away from here," he agreed. "The blonde splits your focus."
This finally got a reaction – maybe not the one he was expecting, but something – from Oliver. He glanced up at him, no emotions in his eyes like he was completely blocked out from the world. I don't want to be a woman you love. He turned back to the city, taking a deep breath and trying to turn it off.
"There's nothing there." His voice was quieter now, but he was glad to say that was the only change in his tone. "The team will do just fine without me. I've already lived much longer than I ever expected. They have made it very clear that they can manage everything without me – it will be fine. They can handle your typical criminals. I just don't want to bring the league to their front step and then leave."
Oliver paused again. Malcolm was not his friend. He remembers, before Rebecca died, that Malcolm was actually a good father. To both him and Tommy. This man was a member of the League of Assassins. Emotion was weakness. But he had no one else. And it was his last chance to try to put this all into words. His head was running a thousand miles a minute and the effort it took to keep his mask up was getting harder and harder, working himself into a panic attack. Which he would not do in front of Malcolm.
"This was my crusade. Mine. I never wanted anyone else involved. Not in the beginning. And I still fought against it. Diggle was inevitable – leave it to my mother to give me a bodyguard. I could wipe the floor with John. I fought like hell to keep Roy out of it. I would have left him out of it if not for the mirakuru. But then he was injected, and he was too close to Thea. I thought I could teach him to control it. I still don't want Laural around, but she's a grown woman and I have no authority over her. She's going to get herself killed, and I'd rather not be blamed for another death in the Lance family."
Malcolm took a step forward when Oliver appeared to stop talking. "Shall I ignore that you very obviously left someone out?"
He blinked, as though coming out of a trance. He hadn't expected him to actually be paying attention to what he said. "She was a mistake." The word stuck in his throat, hating using that word in any way to describe her, but knowing it was the most accurate response. "There were other ways to get the information I needed. Other avenues I could have taken. I saw her years ago, while I was still dead. I don't know what the draw was, but when I look at who she was then and what she's become – she would have been better off if I'd never involved her. It was selfish."
Malcolm didn't respond with words, just nodding slowly. Oliver wasn't sure whether it was in agreement with him or just because he didn't actually know how to process. He had probably never heard as many words from him in his entire life as he had spoken in the last twenty minutes.
The vibrations from his phone sitting on the glass table in front of him caused a low buzz and they both glanced down at it. Wordlessly, he glanced at the message the appeared. He rose to his feet and slid the phone into his pocket, moving around Malcolm to the door.
"I have some things to take care of before we leave, but I'd like to be out of the country by the end of the week. We have to be quick, but we can't rush and make mistakes. I don't want there to be a paper trail to follow." Because they will try to follow. Both of them knew the words unspoken. His team would look for him.
The message on his phone indicated a break in at a pharmaceutical company. But it wasn't an emergency – the break in was the previous day. They were planning recon this evening. He glanced at his watch. 7 PM. The team was meeting at 9 PM. He had time to spare – one name to check off his list before leaving.
SCPD was on the way. He parked his bike two alleys away. He wasn't entirely sure how this conversation would go, but it had to be done.
No one in the precinct seemed to pay attention as he walked through the cubicles towards Captain Lance's office. His knock on the edge of the open door was almost too quiet, but thankfully, Quentin seemed to be looking up at the same time anyway.
"What's going on, Queen? I haven't seen you for a while."
Oliver paused, taking a deep breath before walking in. "Do you have a few minutes to talk?" He closed the door behind him upon the nod from older man.
He sat slowly in the chair across from the captain.
"I want to start by saying, although I have absolutely no intention of hurting anyone, if you try to arrest me, while I understand the urge, it will not work."
Quentin's eyes widened, and Oliver saw the question and answer in them. He was sure by now, the man had his suspicions about who the vigilante was. At the man's grin and knowing look, Oliver continued, smiling.
"I know you've figured it out. I think you haven't said anything so you could have plausible deniability." Quentin nodded again. "And while I do hope that continues in the future, it also doesn't matter now because I won't be around much longer." Expecting it, his hand immediately went up to stop Quentin from saying anything. "You very obviously noticed the absence of the Arrow last month. Felicity wasn't lying when she said I was gone. They thought I was dead. Hell, I thought I was dead. It's a long story that I can't explain, but they'll still be after me. The League is after me. And they'll burn Starling to the ground if they think I'm hiding here."
"Kid, you know we can handle it. I'm sure your friends will be very upset if you leave again," Quentin interjected quickly. As Oliver opened his mouth to respond, the older man quickly continued. "You didn't see your girl, Queen. You broke her. I don't know if she can take it if you leave again."
A short laugh pushed its way out, surprising the captain. The sound was harsh. He suddenly felt like he was looking at the Oliver Queen that had just been resurrected and not the one that had very clearly grown over the last two and half years.
"You don't have to worry about my friends. Or…" he trailed off, finding it difficult to say her name. If Quentin noticed, he didn't say anything. "Too many things are out of my control, but it has been made very clear to me that I'm not exactly needed or wanted here. Adding in that my continued presence will only endanger everyone, it's for the best. And if it's not, at least it gives them one more thing to be mad at me about."
He took a pause there, grinning. Captain Lance shivered – this didn't look like any version of Oliver Queen he'd ever met. This was almost the Hood, but somehow still not. More detached.
"Why are you here then? Did you need something from me?" Oliver did love this man like a father. And this was why. The two had always had a bit of a rocky relationship, especially immediately upon coming home from Lian Yu. But things had improved. Quentin Lance was an honorable man and Oliver knew he could trust him.
"Yes and no. Mostly, there's something I think you deserve to know. I haven't told you yet because we couldn't give you the whole story. And because Laurel insisted we didn't. But since it's the reason we'll likely never see each other again, I want you to know." The shock on his face was obvious, but he didn't interrupt. "Sara is dead." That was the most emotion he'd shown in a while. "And for a long while, we didn't want to tell you until we could tell you who was responsible to bring them to justice."
He paused here, looking at the man that had been like a father to him for half his life. His complexion was white, tears already following down his cheeks. He thinks he may have had a feeling, because otherwise he would have expected denial from the older man, but none comes. He sees the question though. Who?
"Malcolm Merlyn is alive." Of all the things Quentin expected, that wasn't it. "Thea is his daughter. As you may be aware, Malcolm was a member of the League of Assassins. Like Sara. They want him dead, and sent Sara here for recon to determine if he was still alive. Malcolm drugged Thea and she killed Sara. As a League member, her death must be avenged. Last month when I died, it was Ra's al Ghul. I turned myself into the League and claimed responsibility for Sara's death and was granted a trail by combat. I lost. A debt is still owed for Sara's life. And Quentin, you know. You know I loved Sara. But I can't give them Thea."
Eyes shining, Quentin nodded. His first attempt at words failed, but the second attempt came through, albeit a little harsh, like he hadn't used his voice in years. "I wouldn't expect you to. From what you say, it wasn't her fault."
"It wasn't," nodding in agreement with the man. "But the League won't care. But I've already lost once. And they have to think I'm dead until I'm able to kill Ra's."
Both men sat in silence. Oliver did have one thing he wanted to ask Quentin, but he was still trying to determine his state of mind before asking.
After what seemed like eternity, he finally gained the ability to speak again.
"You said we'd never see each other again." He was looking to Oliver for confirmation, but it was phrased more like a statement. Nonetheless, Oliver gave a small nod. "It doesn't sound like you're going into this fight expecting to lose." A slight nod of the head was the only response from Oliver. "What aren't you telling me?"
"If. When. When I defeat Ra's, I become Ra's. Their law dictates that whoever defeats the current leader becomes the new leader. I don't know a lot about the League. But from what I've heard… if I'm able to succeed and kill him, you will not want me to be back in Starling City. There won't be a place for me here anymore." He let out a harsh sigh. "I'm not sure there is now."
He could tell Quentin had a million more questions, but also that the man realized he was on a short clock.
"And you needed something from me?"
Oliver nodded. "I have no intention of telling anyone where I'm going. But I still need eyes here. I have to make sure the League doesn't come looking for me." Quentin nodded silently – it sounded like there was more that Oliver was having difficulty putting into words. "I know you already do, but I need you to keep eyes on Felicity."
In spite of all the news he had just received, a grin appeared on Quentin's face. "So that finally happened? You know I'm sure there's a Team Arrow pool around here somewhere that I stand to make some money from."
I don't want to be a woman you love.
The pain in his chest was so intense, it took a moment for him to come to terms that it wasn't an actual medical emergency.
"No. No, it's not-," Oliver looked pained. "Nothing happened or is happening. She's made her feelings on the matter very clear, but it doesn't change mine. I can't-" He broke off, his eyes glazing over and staring off at nothing. Quentin gave him a moment, giving the man time to gather his thoughts.
"I can't do what needs to be done without knowing she's safe." He paused, taking a deep breath. "Without knowing there's someone here that knows. I need someone here that knows how to contact me and will not hesitate to reach out if something happens. Because I will come back."
Quentin nodded. "Yeah kid. Yeah, I can do that."
Oliver stood, his back stiff as he looked down at Quentin. Without words, he produced a cell phone from his pocket and handed it to him. Déjà vu. He looked like he wanted to say something but thought better of it and turned to walk out the door. As he pulled the door open, he finally couldn't hold it in anymore.
"It was her, wasn't it?" He was facing the door, and the inability to read his face had Quention confused by the question. "She's the reason you know I'm the one wearing the hood."
At that, Quentin barked out a laugh. "With the vigilante, it was completely obvious. The first time I saw her with Oliver Queen though… yeah. You can turn off everything else, kid, but being around her is a dead giveaway."
Oliver nodded – Quentin's answer was exactly what he had expected. Felicity was rarely without Oliver Queen or the Arrow.
"Thank you for… well, everything, Captain Lance."
And then he was gone. Not in smoke. Not in an explosion. But Quentin blinked, and he was gone. Without a sound. Glancing up, he saw the door to the precinct swinging – the only indication that someone had been there.