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Chapter Nineteen
Embry had always found solace beneath the towering pines of LaPush, a place that echoed with the laughter of his friends and the warmth of family. But now, as a solitary wolf darting through the dense underbrush of northern Canada, the memories felt like a distant dream.
He had left it all behind—his friends, his family, his pack—and in their absence, he had become a creature of the wild, an extension of the primal landscapes he traversed.
Weeks had passed since Embry transformed into a wolf and decided not to turn back. He could no longer hear the gentle whispers of the ocean waves or feel the comforting presence of his packmates in his mind, he had tuned them all out a while ago by focusing on his instincts instead of human thoughts.
Embry had embraced the raw instinct of the wolf within him, chasing after deer and feeling the thrill of the hunt. Yet, even in the heart of nature, he could not escape the tumult swirling in his mind.
Each night, when he lay beneath the stars, when he turned off his instincts and came back to his thoughts, the voices of his pack echoed like ghosts, haunting him. They wanted him to come home and Paul's calls and thoughts were the hardest for him to hear.
Through Paul's thoughts, he saw Nicky's pain at first and then he had seen her slow, painful recovery. Then he saw Nicky break down and wilt away in his absence, eventually she began to eat again though, but then she started acting out and making rash decisions.
He heard her calls for Embry in her sleep. Embry wanted to run home to her every second he saw her in Paul's thoughts. She was not doing well and it was killing Embry. But Embry told himself that she would get better, on her own. Even if it took her awhile, it would be better for her, safer for her than to have himself be near her again, putting her at risk.
As Emby heard their thoughts every night, Embry would only bury his head deeper into the cold earth, wishing he could drown them out—wishing he could drown out the memories of what he had done.
The accident that had changed everything played over and over in his head like an unending nightmare. He could still see the moment clearly—the fight with Victoria, the moment it turned dangerous for Nicky, his own instincts taking over during te fight, the second it backfired because Nicky hadn't listened, been to scared to stay upstairs and Nicky's pained gasp as he toppled her to the ground, breaking her bones and clawing her.
It had been a fleeting moment, a split-second loss of control, but the weight of it suffocated him. The guilt coiled around his throat, choking any hope of reprieve. He had hurt her, so badly and almost killed her. In his heart, he had marred something beautiful, and the ache of that reality sent him running deeper into the night.
Days blurred into nights in the wilderness. The howl of the wind became his companion, and the rustle of leaves his symphony. He was a specter of himself—no longer the boy who had shared secrets and laughter with his friends and the pack, not even the man that had partied and drank too much, and not even the wolf who once ran alongside his pack.
Instead, he was merely a creature wandering within the shadows of his mind, nursing wounds that would not heal.
Embry decided he wasn't coming back, going back to LaPush, no matter how hard it was for himself. It was better, safer for Nicky this way, he decided. Nicky wouldn't be okay for a bit but eventually she'd feel better and then she'd never be in danger.
But, one night Paul had phased while Embry was trying to sleep and chase away his thoughts. Paul came through the pack mind utterly terrified and worried because Nicky hadn't come home that night. Nicky was missing. Paul's terrified thoughts rang through Embry's like a call for help.
Embry quickly untangled his paws from the earth, got up and started running though the forest of northern Canada and headed south, towards LaPush. He had to find Nicky. James could have her. She could neeed help. She could be hurt. She could be dead—- no he shook that thought out of his head.
Embry had to find Nicky.
He had to get to her.
…
Nicky sat on the worn-out couch in Jordan's dimly lit living room, the air thick with the mingled smells of cigarette smoke and something greener, something more forbidden. Her heart raced slightly, not just from the buzz of the alcohol coursing through her veins but from the thrill of belonging, at least temporarily, to this group.
A week had passed since she'd arrived as the new student at the LaPush highschool, a school that felt both alien and familiar, and in that time she'd discovered that reckless abandon was a sweet remedy for her aching heart. She had met new friends at the perfect time.
Across from her, Tyla laughed, her bright eyes glinting with mischief, as she recounted a story about a party gone wrong. "And that's when the cops showed up, and we all had to scatter like cockroaches!" she exclaimed, flicking her cigarette butt into an overflowing ashtray.
The group guffawed, their voices echoing off the walls.
The memories of Embry, hit Nicky like a shot of cold water at random times that were all too often. LaPush felt different now, stained with reminders of what had been—what she had lost. The laughter and the smoke surrounding her now, didn't fill that void, but it distracted her from the sting of loneliness that clung to her every thought.
Jordan, tall and easygoing, handed her a half-empty bottle of liquor, a cheap brand that burned her throat as she took a long swig.
"You alright, Nicky?" he asked, concern lacing his tone despite the haze of revelry.
"Yeah, I'm fine," she lied, forcing a smile. Fine wasn't quite true, but it was easier than admitting the truth of her heartache. They wanted her to fit in, and she didn't want to let them down.
The group shared a silent understanding—a tacit agreement to bury their own pains under layers of smoke and intoxication. Each unlit cigarette was a suppressed story, a struggle that remained unsaid, and the weed clouded their minds enough to let them forget, if only for a little while.
Later that evening, Nicky leaned against the cool, wooden railing of Jordan's porch, the night air thick with the scent of pine and smoke. Her heart raced in time with the distant sound of waves crashing against the rocky shore of LaPush.
The four of them, Stef, Jordan, Tyla and herself had spent the late afternoon and evening laughing, passing around a bottle of cheap whiskey, sharing spliffs and inhaling deep. Each drag offered a momentary reprieve, the combination intoxicating her body and mind, drowning out the noise of her recent heartbreak.
Embry had left, and each day since raked raw memories across her heart, leaving jagged reminders that stung too much to face.
As Nicky stared into her drink, swirling the golden liquid, she felt grateful for her new friends who embraced the chaos. They were rebels, and in this moment she was grateful that they were who she'd befriended, at the exact time she'd needed distractions.
With every sip, she forgot—about herself, Embry, and the depressing life in Toronto that she'd left behind, that seemed to haunt her more often in the wake of Embry's absence. She was lost in the haze, and for a moment, it felt right. "More," she thought. More liquor, more smoke, more escape.
But as the clock ticked closer to midnight, reality began to blur. Nicky found herself slumped on the couch, laughter fading into muffled echoes. The room spun slightly, shadows playing tricks on her. Tyla and Stef exchanged glances, concern etching their faces as they packed up to leave.
"You good?" Tyla asked, her voice laced with both worry and the remnants of drunken cheer.
"Yeah, yeah," Nicky waved her off, but even she could hear the slur in her words.
Once the girls had gone, the atmosphere thickened with an unfamiliar tension. Alone now with Jordan, the warmth of his presence felt different—charged. He had always been flirty, but tonight it felt amplified. He leaned closer and kissed her, pushing her down further into the couch as he pushed his lips down on hers.
Nicky's senses dulled by liquor, something inside her screamed at herself to get up and leave. "Not now," her drunk mind whispered, but it got lost in the noise of her intoxication.
"Nicky," he said, his voice smooth like the whiskey that clouded her thoughts.
"You're really fun, you know that?"
She giggled, not fully grasping the weight of his words. In the back of her mind, she felt an unease blossom, but it was overshadowed by the high and the fleeting thrill of rebellion.
But when he kissed her, it felt wrong. His lips pressed against hers, overwhelming her senses, and she found herself pinned beneath him on the couch, the world fading away until all that was left was the taste of his liquor-laced breath and the way his hands gripped her waist.
Panic surged through her, dislodging the fog that had settled over her mind. This wasn't what she wanted. It wasn't what she'd sought out in her desperation for distraction.
"Nicky," he murmured, his voice a whisper against her ear, but she clenched her eyes shut, her heart racing not from excitement but from a primal instinct to push him away.
"No," she managed to gasp, but he didn't relent.
This was not the escape she craved. She needed to break free from this situation that felt like it was getting dangerous for her, out of hand and not comftorable or what she'd wanted at all. It was time to stand up for herself, to remember who she was beneath the haze.
With newfound determination, she pushed against his chest, using as much strength as she could muster in her drunken state. "Get off me!" For the first time that night, her voice was steady, laced with something stronger than spirits.
"Hey now, calm down. I like you, Nicky." Jordan slurred as he kept her pinned down beneath him.
He brushed her hair from her face and pushed his lips onto her again, one hand pushing down on her neck, another pushing her down onto the couch by her waist. His full body made it's way onto her torso and in Nicky's drunken state, pinned down, unable to move, with no one in sight to help, she started to panic.
His kisses didn't feel like love or feel like what she needed. They were forceful kisses that were slobbery, wet and too hard as he ushed her body further into the couch with each kiss. She didn't want this.
"Get off me!" Nicky tried to yell between a pause in his kisses, but her voice just came out slurred and quiet.
"Get off me!" Nicky yelled again, this time her words came out of her mouth louder but Jordan just pushed down harder on her and started to move the hand that was on he waist lower.
"Shhh, honey." Jordan slurred as he rubbed his one hand against her neck.
His other hand started to inch towards the top of her pants. Jordan slowly began to pull at the strings that held her pants up. That's when Nicky became terrified beneath his body that had her pinned down and the liquor in her system.
Nicky started to shake. Her body trembled in fear beneath his. She became all too aware of what was about to happen and panic and fear engulfed her. She let out a scream, that ripped through his quiet house. That's when Jordan pushed his other hand that was on her neck onto her lips, and covered Nicky's mouth with it. Nicky tried to yell again but it just came out as a muffled whine against his calloused hand.
Nicky started to breathe rapidly though her nose, her eyes went wide and her heart felt like it was jumping out of her chest. Nicky tried to push Jordan off of her with her hands but she was too weak compared to his full body weight on her and her dunkeness didn't help her in her fight for freedom.
Jordan managed to untie her pants string one handed and started to pull them down. Nicky continued to fight against his weight and oncoming actions that scared her. Tears started to roll down her face. She was breathing hard through her nose, making loud sniffing sounds while she whimpered in fear against the giant hand encasing her mouth.
Her crying caused her nose to start to clog up with snot and she suddenly felt like she couldn't get in enough oxygen. Nicky couldn't breathe, get in enough oxygen through her clogged nose and her vision started to deplete as she stained and fought to get air. Her eyes started to fall as she felt Jordans hand reach the surface of her underwear.
Another surge of energy went throug her and she tried to push at Jordan again but she was too weak, too drunk and didn't have enough air. She was gasping and pushing against a boy who had her pinned with much more strength than her.
Nicky panicked. Everything became dizzying and dark, her consciousness wavering like a candle in a gust. She felt herself drifting and the edges of reality fading. Her gasps turned to wheezes as her eyes started to fall closed and then she felt darkness start to encass her and her panic started to leave her body as she was swept into a wave of black.
Nicky felt like she heard a loud crash beneath her blanket of darkness. Then she felt like a weight that had been on her, had been suddenly released. But all she saw were stars and darkness. The black night sky wrapped around her and let her feel safe.
Word of The Day:
Tumult: a loud, confused noise, especially one caused by a large mass of people. Or confusion or dissorder.
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