Author's response
to Guest #1: The show "Ed, Edd n Eddy". Come on, dude, what other show do you know of that has a character named "Double D"? Unless, of course, you don't know the show, in which case you are culturally deprived and should rectify your unfortunate situation as soon as you finish reading this chapter.
to Guest #2: "Grandfathering" is a legal term for exceptions made to things that were in place before a law was passed. The term originates from a disenfranchising voting law common in the Jim Crow American South after the Civil War, where a person need not take a literacy test in order to vote if their grandfather had voted in a prior election. Hence, the term "grandfather clause". In my own case, it means anyone who commissions me enough before I up my rate will not be subject to the increased rate. They'll continue to pay my current base rate (as of October 2024) of 1.6 cents/word. I like to reward customer loyalty, especially in the hard times of 2022-2024.
to Srsvsil: Only most of my comms are lewd, not all of them. "Queens of Chaos" is only lewd by default, not design (though I can guarantee that fic will have lemons in its future). If you like my comedy writing, I highly recommend my first and longest Sekirei fanfic, "Fear of the Dark". In the meantime, I hope you and everyone else enjoy the comedy (and escalating lewdness) in this chapter.
Musubi lay on the floor of her room, her eyes closed, her limbs splayed out on her bedspread. This is mainly what she did in here: naps. She was supposed to bunk in here at night, but she could never stop herself from sneaking into Minato's room and snuggling up next to him. He was just too snuggly!
She wasn't napping, though. Her wounds had mostly healed from fighting the Discipline Squad, and the Bridge Escape had left her with a craving for more adventure and more tough fights. She couldn't go out and fight, though. Minato had been completely scared to death by the Bridge and specifically told her not to go out unless it was with him or for groceries. That was fine. She respected that. She understood how he felt.
With that said, there wasn't a lot to do at the Inn. It was too early in the day to water the garden again and too soon after breakfast to need another grocery run. What could she do for fun?
Uzume walked by her room, the exact thing Musubi needed.
"I've got it!"
"WAH!" Uzume practically jumped out of her jeans. "You scared me!"
"I'm sorry, Uzume," Musubi said, crossing her legs and bowing her head, "but I just had a great idea!"
Uzume leaned on the door frame. "Yeah? What's that?"
"We should play another game of Truth or Dare!"
Uzume's eyebrows rose and she smiled. "Sure, I'm game! But, Kusano's still worn out from the garden and Kagari's still sleeping off his job at the host club."
Musubi put a finger to her bottom lip. "Hmmm… I know!"
She sprung up and jogged down the stairs, before skidding on her heels and doing a backflip up to the roof. "Hi, Kazehana! Wanna play a game with us?"
XXXXXXXXXXXX
Kazehana stretched as she sat her tush on her pillow, hugging her knees to her well-endowed chest. She thought she caught Minato staring at her boobs, but his eyes darted away when she looked. She didn't blame him; her 98-centimeter girls were the most impressive of any Sekirei. Even she liked to admire them.
"So," she asked, "what are the rules and what's the punishment for chickening out?"
"I say we keep it the same," Matsu said, eye-fucking Minato and licking her chops like a hungry lioness. "Whoever chickens out has to watch the person who dared them kiss Minato on the lips!"
"Yeaaaah, no," Uzume said, reaching behind herself and producing a large black top hat. "Freebies for anyone who completes a dare, but if you don't want to do what you're asked, you can try your luck with the hat. Just to warn everyone: everything in here is something that either me, Musubi, or Kazehana thought of."
"Aw, you didn't ask me?" Matsu moaned.
Kazehana's lips rose in a small smirk. "You have a reputation, Matsu."
"Like you didn't know that," Matsu scoffed back.
"And if we refuse the challenge of the hat?" Tsukiumi asked.
"Then you don't play," Musubi said authoritatively. "If you don't want to do a dare and you don't want to do the thing in the hat, then why are you even here?"
Tsukiumi's temper flared at being so rudely talked down to, but her retort died on her lips as she lifted a finger to chastise Musubi. She was right: those who lacked the courage to face the challenges? They should not play. Besides, Tsukiumi was a Sekirei, and Minato's wife! What was a childish game to one such as her?
"We agree?" Kazehana asked. When there were no objections from the living room lurkers, she unfurled her legs and allowed the bottle she'd been nurturing to roll out on the floor. "Newcomers first, then."
With a flick of a well-manicured nail, they were off to the races. The bottle spun round and around, before eventually coming to a stop on…
"Well well well," Matsu snickered, grinning evilly at Kazehana. "Truth, or dare?"
"Truth," Kazehana said with a smile and a shrug. "Ask me anything."
"How did you find out you were into butt stuff!" Matsu cackled.
"WAH?!" Half the players recoiled like they'd been punched.
"What's that mean?" Musubi asked.
"Once," Kazehana said, "when I was in the middle of adjustment, I sat on a banana. And of course, that changed my life."
Minato gave Matsu a look. "You already knew the answer to that, didn't you?"
"I ought to," Matsu giggled devilishly. "I put it there."
"Okay, let's keep going!" Minato said a bit too loudly. He spun the bottle.
"Matsu," Tsukiumi said, "truth or dare?"
"Dare me, sister," Matsu said. Lightning crackled between them. Matsu must've eaten something spicy, if she was baiting Tsukiumi's creative and well-read wrath.
Tsukiumi thought for a moment before saying, "I dare thee…" She looked around at the circle. "-to endure a spanking." Then, at Musubi. "From her."
Matsu glanced at Musubi. "How many slaps?"
"One," said Tsukiumi.
Matsu grinned-
"Which thou canst not take pleasure in, thou hedonist!"
Matsu kept grinning. "We'll see how many it takes." She dropped to her hands and knees in the middle of the circle and crawled around. Her ass faced Musubi. She flipped her pink dress up and showed her panties.
"Come on, Musubi~." She wiggled her doughy cheeks at the confused fist-type. "I've been a baaad girl."
"Has she?" Musubi asked, looking around.
"Pretend she has," Minato offered. "Spank her like Miya would."
"...Okay?" Musubi sounded unsure but went up to bat anyway. Taking off her fighting gloves, she spit on her palms and rubbed them together.
"Kinky~" Matsu giggled.
Kazehana raised an eyebrow at Minato. "What did you do to her?"
"To her?" Minato replied. "It's more like, what's she done to me, or at least tried to."
"Bad girl!" Musubi slapped Matsu's bum… with her fingertips.
Matsu's lips twisted into a perverse smile. "Oooo, real kinky~"
"Did she like that?" Musubi asked. "I thought spanking was supposed to hurt."
"It does," Kazehana said, "but not always in a bad way."
"Use your palm," Uzume said, drawing a circle on her open hand. "Give it a good, meaty slap."
"All right," Musubi said, and reset herself. This time, she lashed out like a Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Robot and skipped her palm across Matsu's ass cheek. It bounced like jello and rippled down her thigh, but all Matsu did was moan.
"Harder, Mommy~"
Musubi pouted. "Why don't I like getting spanked?!"
Kazehana looked at Minato again. "Nothing at all?"
Minato shook his head. "Nothing. Miya won't let us."
"Trust me, you'd understand if you'd seen him like I have," Matsu said, her legs rubbing together. "I can't wait to get him out of this totalitarian police state and inside my borders."
Kazehana glanced at Minato as Musubi tried again, this time really thwacking Matsu square on the side of her haunches. Matsu yelled in pain and started to cry a little, but Kazehana didn't really notice. She was preoccupied eyeballing Minato, trying to 'see' him. He wasn't that built, and there's no way Matsu would wing herself on any old human just because he was packing a Pringles can. So, what had he done to get Matsu so thirsty for him? What could-
"Kazehana!"
"Hm?" The buxom Sekirei found Musubi in her face, pouting.
"Pay attention!" said Musubi. "It's your turn to pick."
Indeed, the bottle had landed on her while she'd been thinking. Well, since opportunity called…
"Minato," she said. "Truth, or dare?"
"Truth," he said.
"More of those this time," Uzume remarked.
"Tell me, from best to worst," Kazehana said, hefting her immense mounds with her hands, "who has the best boobs?"
She could see the neurons in Minato's brain overload and short out, if not from her question, then from his reflexes causing him to glance at her chest, followed by everyone else's. It was too much cleavage for a young man to take, no matter how polite and timid he was.
"Uuuuuuh-"
"Well, out with it!" Tsukiumi said, leaning forward and filling his sight with more brilliant boobage. "There is no need to be shy in announcing thy wife's superiority!"
"Yeah!" Musubi said, mimicking Tsukiumi's movement. "I'm your wife, so that means mine are best, right?"
"Thou art not his wife!"
"I might not be your Sekirei," Uzume teased, pulling at her shirt and letting it snap back, causing her jubblies to jiggle. "You wish I was, though, riiiight?"
"Oh, Minato," Matsu moaned, ballooning her shoulder-boulders between her arms. "I just know you've jerked off to this every night, haven't you?"
"You all need to get in line," Kazehana chuckled, putting a hand behind her head. Her already enormous sweater bunnies stretched her dress out even more. "I wouldn't have asked if I didn't know the answer."
"Uuuuuuuh-" Minato was panicking.
Six busty bombshells all leaned, growing their gazongas in his perspective.
"We're waiting," they all said together.
"I'LL TAKE ONE FROM THE HAT!" Minato blurted out.
All the women sat back on their heels, some more perturbed than others.
"To think," Tsukiumi grumbled, "my husband would feel shame at his wife's bounty."
"I know!" Musubi moaned. "He said he liked mine before!"
"Smooth, Minato," Uzume said, herself a little disappointed. She offered him the top hat. "Now close your eyes and pick one."
Minato did so, rummaging around the various crumpled-up pieces of paper before he settled on one to pull out.
"It says… 'Get wedgied from the left or right'." On his left was Musubi, on his right was Matsu. "Uh, Matsu."
"Yes!" Matsu pumped her fist. "Two in a row!"
"Or Musubi?!" Minato quickly blurted out.
"Too late!" Matsu said, standing up, still rubbing her sore bottom. "Loosen your belt and get ready, Minato!"
Swallowing, Minato tossed the paper back in the hat and stood. Matsu was cackling through a grimacing grin as wide as her glasses. She still had glistening tears on her face, but… Wait…
"You enjoyed that last spank, didn't you Matsu?"
Matsu licked her lips and nodded. "Trust me, none of you could hit me hard enough for it to really hurt, because none of you'd ever want to actually hurt me."
She got real close to his face. He could feel her hot breath break against his mouth.
"Similarly…"
"Hngh!"
He hadn't even noticed her put her hands on his waistband, nor did he realize why she was so close until she let go and dove in for a sloppy, moaning Frencher. Matsu's hands quickly left his underwear and clawed at his back. She growled into his mouth like a bear, before her hands snaked their way back down to his loose pants and partially ruined underwear…
EEEEVIL!
That was the word on everyone's mind as a floating demonic visage forced its way into the game.
"Matsu, you weren't about to do anything untoward," Miya said. She framed it like a question but never finished asking it.
Matsu slid off of her Ashikabi and back onto her knees. "Uh, n-no! I just, uh…" She swallowed. It felt like a rock hit the bottom of her stomach. "I just got a little carried away."
"I'd expect more self-control from you," Miya said, her sweet smile contrasting with the demon mask that obeyed her. "Don't let it happen again."
Matsu nodded and slunk back to her open pillow. It was only then that Miya withdrew her frightening aura and left them to continue.
"Miya hasn't changed," Kazehana said cryptically.
"Nope," Matsu remarked. "She's just gotten better at hiding it."
The bottle spun around again.
"Hey, Musubi," Minato said. "Truth, or dare?"
"Dare me! Dare me!"
"Okay, I dare you to be mean for the rest of the game."
Musubi tilted her head. "What do you mean, 'be mean'?"
Minato shrugged. "Be a grouch, be sarcastic, complain about anything that's on your mind, anything."
"But I don't know how to be mean!" Musubi moaned. "I don't like it!"
"You're off to a good start," Minato said, but his encouragement fell on deaf ears.
"Can I pick something from the hat?" Musubi asked.
Uzume held it out. "Go for it, but no peeking."
"Right!" Musubi slapped a hand over her eyes and rummaged through the paper. Unfolding it, she read it aloud. "'Run around-"
"Gimme!" Uzume said, snatching it from her. She whispered, "'Run around the block naked.'"
"OH yeah!" Matsu said, before stifling her own mouth. "Just do it fast, and don't let Miya see you."
"But what about my modesty?" Musubi asked, turning to Minato. "Is it okay, Minato?"
"Well…" Minato scratched the back of his head. "I guess so."
"Modesty's overrated," Matsu said.
"Sometimes," Kazehana concurred.
"O-kay!" Musubi stood up and threw open her gi. Her huge breasts bounced around as she dropped her skirt, then reached for her panties-
"Wait, can I leave my socks and shoes on?" she asked.
"Nuh-uh," Uzume said with a grin. "All of it."
"Allow the poor girl some mercy!" Tsukiumi said. "Make haste with thine undergarments, and thy stride."
Musubi looked to Minato again, who gave her the thumbs up. With that, she dropped her pant-
"Wait," Matsu said. "Turn around."
Musubi did so, mooning both Minato and Matsu, the former pinching his nose lest he drip crimson evidence all over Miya's floor.
So hot, they both thought. Musubi's butt was an excellent bubble butt, fat with enough muscle to make her thighs and cheeks distinguishable.
"Okay, here I go!" Musubi sprinted out, holding her boobs in place with one hand.
Uzume was snickering. "She's gonna get in so much trouble…!" She reached out and spun the bottle. "Can't wait to get the phone calls about that."
"I'm back."
Not only that, but Musubi was back in her gi.
"Hey, no fair!" Matsu said. "You did the whole block?"
"Yup!" Musubi flashed a thumbs-up, along with her bare flower. "I'm the fastest shopping racer here!"
Kazehana and Minato both chuckled at that, one more nervously than the other.
"Sounds like Miya's got you doing chores, too," said the Wind Sekirei.
"It's good training, though," Musubi said as she turned around to put her panties back on. Once again, Minato literally held back his nosebleed.
"I am on a roll!" Matsu shouted excitedly, once again being the player with the power. "Hey Uzume, truth or dare?"
Uzume folded her arms. "You know I'll always pick dare."
"In that case," Matsu said, "I dare you to spend the rest of the game sitting on Minato's lap."
Tsukiumi nearly chipped a tooth. "See here!"
"What?" Matsu asked innocently. "She's not one of his. What are you worried about?"
Tsukiumi glared venomously at the brain-type. "I worry not. I grow concerned about what thou hopest to gain from this."
Uzume stood up and crossed the circle. "Way to waste your turn, Matsu."
Matsu smirked. "Did I?"
Now Uzume was concerned, too. She found out why when she sat down.
Uzume glared at Matsu. "Hate you, sweetheart."
"Kukuku…" Matsu chortled into her hand. "You're welcome."
Kazehana's curiosity was piqued once again. Uzume was blushing, which she knew from their night out wasn't an easy thing to make happen.
Matsu caught Kazehana staring. Grinning wider, she made a circle with one of her hands, stuck her finger through the circle, then shoved her whole hand through until she was holding her own elbow.
Kazehana raised an eyebrow. "And how would you know?"
She pumped her arm in and out of her fingers. "Because the first time we met was in the bath."
"Hey! Stop wasting all the truths, Matsu!" Musubi wagged her finger at her friend. "If you wanna answer questions, wait your turn!" She spun the bottle.
Minato chuckled. "If I didn't know better, I might think you'd cheated somehow, Musubi." The bottle had landed on her.
"Kazehana!" Musubi said. "Truth, or dare!"
"Dare," Kazehana said. She folded her arms beneath her bust. "Give me something good."
Musubi heard the hose turn on in the front yard. That gave her an idea.
"Before our Landlady comes back inside, Kazehana, I dare you…"
XXXXXXXXXXXX
Miya gave one last cursory look over her flowers before she moved on. Her garden was most precious to her. Takehito had helped her plant it, and of all the things he'd left for her, these flowers were by far the most delicate. They reminded her that life, no matter how small, was precious. All the more reason that she found someone like Karasuba, head of the Discipline Squad, so infuriating. The contemptible woman saw nothing in life, be it human or Sekirei. It was all wheat for the scythe to her.
Miya thought she heard someone in her room. She quickly shut off the water and hurried inside, but there was no trace of any intruder. Her bedsheets, pillows, and the small shrine to Takehito were all in order.
"Tsukiumi!" she heard Uzume say from the living room. It seemed they were still playing that game of theirs.
Miya looked around her room again, soon settling her gaze on the shrine. She smiled at the photo of her beloved husband. She missed him every day.
She'd indulged in nostalgia and longing for a while, until she heard a cough from behind her. It was Tsukiumi, dressed in her black bikini.
"Yes?" said the Landlady.
"Dost thou… needest assistance with the watering?"
Tsukiumi seemed anxious. What kind of devious caveat had that bunch attached to her?
"I suppose," Miya said, "I won't refuse an offer for help. We can count this among your chores."
Tsukiumi bowed. "Thank thee."
Miya's suspicion eased. That is, until Tsukiumi grumbled, "The indignity…"
"That's what we're here for, Tsukiumi!" Kazehana called from inside the house.
Tsukiumi extended the index and middle fingers of her hand. A small burst of water shot out, arced through the air, and landed at the edge of the dirt where the trees and flowers grew. She made a sound from her open lips and closed teeth.
"Cht."
Miya frowned.
Tsukiumi rotated slightly, stiff as a board, then did it again. "Cht."
And again. "Cht."
And again. "Cht."
And again. "Cht."
And again. "Cht."
And again! "Cht."
"What-" Miya cleared her throat. She had to start over, to fully commit to what she was about to ask for. "What are you doing?"
"Pshhhhhhhh." Tsukiumi rotated back, spraying a steady stream of water from her fingers as she did. "Cht. Cht. Cht. Cht-"
"Your backwards noise needs a little work, Tsukumi!" Musubi called earnestly.
"Yeah!" Matsu taunted. "Put some feeling into it!"
"Cht, Cht, Cht, Cht- NO!"
Tsukiumi ceased her watering and bowed to Miya. "Forgive me, Landlady, but I shan't be finishing the garden right now." She stomped inside. "Damn this humiliation! Presentest to me that accursed hat!"
Miya couldn't help but chuckle. Finally, a turn in their game she could've gotten behind, and her other tenants had sabotaged it. Irony was indeed cruel.
"Oo, spicy!" Miya heard Uzume call. She then heard footsteps in the stairwell, two of them. "I've got you covered, Tsukiumi."
"Kukuku, no you don't," Matsu snickered.
"Hurry back, Uzume!" Kazehana called. "Your seat's getting cold!"
Miya couldn't even fathom. She merely hoped that her tenants didn't take their antics too far, and abided by her rules against lewdness and indecency.
XXXXXXXXXXXX
"Tis a feeling most… Indecent," Tsukiumi said, blushing with a scowl on her face. She tugged at her new pink bra strap. "Nothing at all would feel less exposing."
"I'd tell you to relax, but that would kind of defeat the point," Uzume said. "Besides, you look hawt, Tsukiumi. Own it!"
Tsukiumi didn't own it. The bra, rather. Her punishment was to wear something embarrassing, and as she had no qualms about her bikini and owned no lingerie for her bust, that meant Uzume had to loan her a bra. They were about the same measurements but, as it was meant to be demeaning, Tsukiumi was compelled to wear a bra that was perhaps a tad too small. Her bust bulged out over the cups and around the straps, digging into her sensitive but pliable flesh in a way that was scandalously carnal.
It didn't help that Minato was trying very hard not to stare. His horny 19-year-old brain wanted him to bury his face in all that marshmallow fluff and lick it clean like it was the last few gobs in the jar. Tsukiumi knew this well, because he kept sneaking glances at her bust and garter belt. She caught between telling him to avert his eyes, and demanding that he stare at her more.
"Nothing at all?" Matsu snickered. "There's a thought."
"You, uh…" Minato studied the bottle as he spoke. "You'd make a better underwear model than a sprinkler, Tsukiumi."
"W-Well, thank thee," Tsukiumi stammered. Her face was a deeper shade of pink than the bra she'd borrowed.
"Come on, Tsukiumi, spin it!" Musubi said. "The faster the turns go by, the sooner you can-"
Minato quickly covered her mouth, causing Uzume to lose her balance and need to resettle. This, of course, made her grind against the stiffy in his track pants.
"Don't let Miya hear you or we're going to get in trouble!" Minato whispered.
Musubi gave him a thumbs-up while Tsukiumi spun the bottle.
XXXXXXXXXXXX
The woman who lived next door to the Izumo Inn was a no-nonsense kind of person. She took everything seriously, brooked no excuses or lousy service. She knew exactly where to find the chink in an establishment's armor and exploit it to the fullest, or how to fill in the gaps when an employee was a little too competent or a little too thick-headed for her liking. As such, her fridge was full of half-off leftovers and her living room was decorated with "free samples" courtesy of nervous branch managers.
She was sitting in said living room watching the news when she heard a heavy thump on her bedroom window. She dismissed it as a bird, but her curiosity was piqued when she thought she caught the squeaking sound of something being rubbed on the glass.
Standing up, not even bothering to turn off the television, she went up the stairs, unlocked the door, and saw something that boiled her blood like cabbage.
Shortly thereafter…
"I KNOW WHAT I SAW!" the harpy screeched in Kazehana's face. "WHERE'S THE LANDLADY OF THIS TRASH HEAP?!"
"Out," Kazehana said nonchalantly, before taking a swig of sake.
"WHERE'S YOUR TELEPHONE?!" The middle-aged hag tried to walk past Kazehana but found herself stopped by a bosom far bigger and prettier than her own. "GET OUT OF MY WAY!"
"First of all, you're trespassing," Kazehana said, taking another swig.
"I'M NOT-"
"Se-hegh!-condly…" Kazehana coughed a strong cloud into the harpy's face. She didn't get a chance to finish, because the woman screeched and turned away.
"MY EYES! YOU THREW ACID IN MY EYES!" she stumbled away and back through the front gate. "I'll call the police! I WILL CALL THE POLICE! YOU'LL BE SORRY!"
"Hmh," Kazehana said with a shrug. She went back inside. "You picked a one in a million to flash, Uzume."
"Oh, that was no accident," Uzume said. "That bitch is always snooping around, putting on the 'Oh, I'm not bothering anyone. I'm just a nice friendly lady who constantly needs to know where you're going' act. Glad I finally got her to crack."
They went back inside and spun the bottle.
"Kazehana," Uzume said, "truth or dare?"
"Dare. Why not?"
Uzume smirked. "Have I got one for you…"
Five minutes later…
"YOU PEOPLE ARE A BUNCH OF TRESPASSING PERVERTS!"
It was Tsukiumi's turn at bat, dressed in a spare kimono and on a mission to get the harpy to leave without getting violent.
"TWICE IN A ROW! FIRST ONE OF YOU FLASHED ME, THEN THAT- THAT- SLUT WITH THE PURple dress mooned-"
…
I must improve mine ability to twerk, Tsukiumi thought, staring through the shrieking neighbor. She wasn't listening. She'd long ago perfected the art of tuning out lower lifeforms when they catcalled her on the street. This woman was no different.
"ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME?!"
"No."
The harpy shut up at that. She looked like she was about to eat her own lips. Then, unfortunately…
"I'LL HAVE THE LAW ON YOU! YOU'LL BE SORRY! I'LL FIND THe records of the owner-"
Perhaps… the Landlady?
"STOP IGNORING ME!"
"No."
Once again, the harpy made the face of auto-cannibalism. Then, she pulled at her hair, screamed "GRAAAAH!", and stormed back into her house.
Tsukiumi smirked, scoffed, and returned to her own domicile.
"Too easy," she said to the flabbergasted group. All except Minato were staring at her, with wide eyes and open fly-traps for mouths.
Minato laughed. "Well, I had a feeling it would be."
"Oh?" Tsukiumi knelt back down, her lip wrinkling slightly when she remembered Uzume was still in Minato's lap and that she herself still had to disrobe. "While I admire thy faith in me, my curiosity is piqued. What dost thou know of thy wife, that her pretenders do not?"
"Simple," Minato said. "I never heard about you on the news before meeting you, and I couldn't have been the first person to proposition you. You're, uh, too pretty."
"Do not shrink at complimenting me!" Tsukiumi stood up and wagged her finger at him. "Thou shouldst feel no shame in telling me how beautiful I am!"
"Well, yeah, but…" Minato scratched the back of his head. "You're in your underwear…"
"All the more reason," Uzume said.
"Yes, all the more reason!" Tsukiumi concurred.
"Hey, girls," Matsu began, then stood up. "Huddle."
After a short congregation away from Minato, they all returned to their spots (Uzume to Minato's lap) and spun the bottle. It didn't matter who it landed on, because the next dare was set in stone.
"Minato!" Uzume said, turning around and leaning on him. "I dare you to-"
"I'd like to go with truth, if that's okay," Minato said, trying not to look at the perfect outline of her side-facing boobs.
"Ugh, fine. Spoilsport… What's the most embarrassing thing you've ever done?"
Minato thought for a moment. "Probably dropping to my knees and begging Miya to let me live here with Musubi."
"Why that?" Musubi asked. "Was it because you'd been rejected by all the other apartments we'd tried?"
"Kind of?" Minato laughed nervously. "It was also because we'd just fallen out of the sky and into her backyard."
Matsu chuckled. "Wished the ground would swallow you up?"
"Uh-huh."
She leaned on him, too, her boobs contorting around his arm, her eyes heavily lidded. "Bet you're glad it didn't. Bet you wish I would swallow you up."
Minato braced for the inevitable demon mask, but it never came.
"Hey, where is Miya, anyway?" he asked as Musubi spun the bottle again.
Kazehana thought for a moment and shrugged. "Laundry?"
Matsu snickered as the bottle stopped on her. "That gives me an idea, but don't think you're safe yet, Minato. Kazehana?"
XXXXXXXXXXXX
Miya finished loading the wet clothes into the basket. Certainly, she had a dryer, but that was more for her tenants. There was something relaxing about hanging clothes out on a line; perhaps it was simply the housewife in her, wanting to putter around the house for a husband she loved. Even if he wasn't coming home, he'd given her something to make of herself, even if it was something simple.
After all, she enjoyed herself as she was, far more than who she used to be.
A sighing moan directed her attention to the dryer. Kazehana was in the middle of stretching, holding a pair of tongs and a screwdriver.
"Kazehana?" Miya said. "May I ask what you're doing?"
"Just checking the vent," Kazehana said as she knelt down. "Matsu thought it would be funny to come back with lint all over myself."
"I see." She picked up the basket and stepped past Kazehana. "Well, just be sure to put everything back."
"Don't worry, I will, Step-Miya."
The landlady froze. Her lewdness-sense was sensing lewdness. She set her basket on the floor and about-faced, glaring down at Kazehana. No demonic visage yet, though she was reaching for it.
"What did you say, Kazehana?"
"I said… Oop!" Kazehana seemed to tip forward, because her entire upper body disappeared into the dryer. "Oh no…"
The demon mask was a hair's breadth from escaping Miya's back pocket. "And what did you just do?"
"I can't believe I'm saying it, but for the first time in my life, I wish I wasn't so big." Kazehana's rump wiggled as her knees dug into the floor. "Ngh, I'm stuck! My big, heavy breasts are weighing me down!"
"Kazehana, please pull yourself out of my dryer," Miya said sternly, "now."
"Ngh, my dress! It's caught on the lint screen!" Kazehana wiggled harder. "I can't reach it! Help me, Step-Miya!"
Miya's eye twitched. "No…"
"No?!" Kazehana wailed. "No-o?! If I pull back now, my dress will rip down the middle and my huge, jiggly jugs will bounce free! I'll practically be naked!"
"Kazehana, I'm not going to ask you again." Now the demon visage was out. "Stop this foolish reenactment and leave my dryer as you found it."
Kazehana popped out. Her grin turned nervous when she saw Miya's faith. "Reenactment of what, Step-Miya?"
Several beatings later…
Kazehana slunk back into the living room and collapsed on the couch, ignoring her pillow. "Please tell me you got that," she sighed.
Matsu nodded, grinning. "Yup. We're going to look back on this in a few years and laaaaugh."
"Get what?" Minato asked.
"I'll tell you later," Matsu said, before leaning close and whispering, "The walls have ears."
He looked at Kazehana. "Do you need some ice, Kazehana?"
She was run down, but still smiled. "Aren't you considerate. No thank you, I'll manage. I'm a big girl."
Minato couldn't help but glance at her bust, easily as big as Musubi's, maybe even bigger.
"Hey, Minato," Musubi said, speaking of the devil. He saw the bottle had landed on him.
"Hmmm… Uzume? Truth or dare?"
"Truth," Uzume replied, shimmying deeper into his lap.
Minato thought for a moment. "What's something about your Ashikabi that you really don't like?"
Uzume smiled sadly and leaned back against him. "The fact I can't bring her here to meet all of you."
Both Matsu and Kazehana glanced at her, but didn't say anything.
"Why don't we go to her, then?" Musubi proffered.
"Only one question, Musubi," Uzume said, and spun the bottle.
"Okay, back on track," Matsu said, turning to the 'real wife'. "Tsukiumi, truth or dare?"
"Thou knowest I'll pick dare," she said, closing her eyes.
Matsu opened her mouth, then closed it. She was stiffing the others on their plan, but frankly, it could wait. By her calculations, Matsu was about to set off a chain reaction that was big risk, big reward, happy ending if it paid off.
Kagari was still asleep in his room, so Matsu sent Tsukiumi off to lay out the bait.
"Tsukiumi," Matsu said, "I dare you to…"
XXXXXXXXXXXX
The laundry was all hung out, which meant Miya could, at last, start preparing for dinner. As she switched the hot water back on, she was still fuming at the stunt Kazehana had pulled. The nerve of that woman! She wasn't even a tenant! What gave her the right to waltz into Miya's humble home and defile it with that kind of obscenity?
Wait, how do you know about the 'stuck in the dryer' thing, Step-Miya?
The landlady huffed and returned inside from the water heater. She thought about calling Musubi in to help make the curry, when Kagari walked into the room, stretching and yawning.
"Good afternoon, Miya."
"Good…"
Kagari was sporting a tiny goatee, a pair of wide-lens glasses, and a mustache so curly that Miya could've hung a kettle from it, had it not been made of black marker.
"What?" Kagari asked. He could hear the whistling sound from Miya's boiling expression.
Miya went to grab a ladle, ready to visit some well-deserved wrath on her delinquent tenants. However, when she opened the drawer, she found all three of her metal ladles had gone missing.
"Kagari," Miya said. "Please talk me out of drawing my sword."
"Um…" Kagari blanked for a moment. "You might level the house?"
"...You're right," she said. "Thank you."
Instead, she armed herself with a wooden spoon. She could hear snickering and chuckling coming from the living room. Her wrath was already building like pressure in an active volcano as she imagined what she might find: women pulling at Minato's pants, a young man motorboating an amorous woman or three, one of them strip-teasing…
"Now, what should we do for candles?"
Miya froze. Her walk became zombie-like, shuffling along the floor with her wooden spoon dangling from her loose grip. What she found in the living room…
"Stop moving, Musubi!" Matsu said.
"But it's so runny!"
"Matsu, don't you think this is going too far?" Minato asked.
Musubi was lying down on the floor, her red skirt flipped up and her stockings scrunched around her knees. Her underwear was around the ankles of her boots, but that wasn't even the worst of it.
The candles were to be for the hand-painted, fondant-layered, pipe-frosted cake that Miya's tenants had made… out of Musubi's naked buttocks.
"Out."
The group froze, their faces turning blue as they realized the terror that was about to be unleashed.
"Out where?" Musubi asked, not seeing who'd said it.
Miya didn't repeat herself. That single word was shorthand for, 'The beatings will now commence.'
No one was safe. Miya tore through her disobedient tenants like a cyclone through a trailer park. That spoon was channeling a day's worth of pent-up frustration and annoyance, thwacking and whacking the skulls, arms, backs, and bottoms of the sextet of satyrs that Miya had mistaken for upstanding persons. Well, she wouldn't be making that mistake again.
Matsu fell down as she and the rest were chased out the front door. She got the heel of a sandal up her crack for her trouble.
"Now," Miya seethed, her demon mask so wrathful that, for the first time, it had brought a friend, and that friend was the wide-eyed, crazed look on Miya's face. "You six will be lucky, if I ever let you into my house, again."
WHAM! went the front door, and that was that. Or rather, it was for five of them. Tsukiumi was looking down at herself, having had enough cognition to grab the bathrobe she'd used to confront the shrewish neighbor earlier. A bathrobe was better than parading around the streets in her underwear and borrowed lingerie, but it wasn't ideal.
She steeled her courage and walked up to the door. She raised her-
KLONK!
The door caught her in the forehead.
"Did. I. Stutter?"
…
Miya's eyes threatened murder. "I thought not."
Matsu sighed. "Yeah, we kind of let things get out of hand."
"But when can we come back?" Musubi asked.
As if answering their prayers, they all heard a little girl's voice from inside.
"Miya…" Kusano's yawn was high-pitched. "Where'd everyone go?"
"I had to punish them for disobeying my rules," Miya's voice replied. "I don't expect them to be back until at least tomorrow."
"Aw… Okay."
Matsu pulled Musubi and Kazehana close to herself. "That settles that." She pulled a bandana out of her cleavage and wrapped it around her hair. "Disguise complete. Let's go, guys."
Kazehana sighed and dug a ladle out from between her breasts. She left it hanging on the front door handle. "We'll have to pull up the floor joists again when we get back. I don't think Miya's going to look there."
Meanwhile…
Miya walked into her bedroom. Sometimes, she needed to take the edge off, which for her meant kneeling at her husband's shrine and praying to his spirit for the cool warmth he'd always bestowed her with. Standing above the prayer pillow, she got on her knees and-
Ffpbpbpbpbpbpbp!
-nearly tore it in half to get at the whoopie cushion beneath.
Author's note:
Bit of a rough ride to write, this one, so any reviews for it would be doubly appreciated.
As this was also a commissioned chapter, if you really liked it, perhaps consider commissioning one of your own. Now that you all know what "grandfathering" means, my current rates will be rising sharply soon, but I'll be grandfathering in anyone who's commissioned me for at least 4 chapters of 2000 words or more. So, as I said before, if you want to be locked in to my current rate (see my profile if it's not too late), don't hesitate to ask. I write Bleach and Fairy Tail stuff, too.
