VI
Toki was torn between rage and despair at seeing how Lady Eboshi had returned from the forest. At best, it looked like Eboshi had won a drunken brawl, her eyes swollen, her fingers bloody beneath the nail. Gonza and Ashitaka, bless them both, had helped her into her quarters before a crowd gathered, but not before Hanae caught a glimpse of the lady's tarnished face. It wouldn't be long before the news spread throughout New Tataraba, and lord help what such information would inflame.
Toki made herself available to Gonza as he began working on Eboshi's recovery. Toki was no doctor, but she could spot a fever from two klicks. She grimaced, blaming that rotten ahen she had been using at night. That shit messed with the whole of the body, not just the mind. She had seen it kill her sisters slowly over time at other settlements. Breaking her fever took priority, seeing as proper healing would entail rest, but that meant she had to stabilize. At least Eboshi wasn't in mortal peril. But she would need supervision as she recovered and Toki was only too willing to provide. She set out to gather herbs for healing tea and soaked every rag in her and Eboshi's houses in cold water for compress.
Kiki was with Eboshi when Toki returned with tea. Eboshi was rambling sotto voce, her eyelids fluttering in the dim candlelight. Toki ground the herbs with mort and pestle, keeping the cups and vessel heated as she went. As she poured the water, she procured a single curled stick of cinnamon, to stir and steep. It wouldn't interfere with the health of the patient. In all truth, it should posit enough fragrant, syrupy flavour to help the mixture pass all the easier. The tea settled, Toki prepared a cup and brought it to her patient's lips.
"There we go, easy goes it." She attempted to keep her vocals cheery, but as she took in Eboshi's visage she audibly hiccuped. Eboshi pursed her lips at the cup's touch. A loaded sigh followed. The more things changed…
Toki tipped the teacup ever so slightly, "Come now, my lady." The eyes blearily opened. Tough to imagine given how battered her brow was.
"Oh, you poor dear." Toki nudged her lips again with the cup, Eboshi slowly opening and taking in a cautious pair of sips. She coughed, Kiki palming a napkin over her mouth.
Eboshi sighed with pain. "You should see San."
Toki halted her action with the teacup, puzzled at her words. She blinked slowly. She set the teacup on the tatami mat.
"What was that?"
Eboshi grimaced. Another short cough.
"Did San do this?"
Eboshi kept her eyes closed, her head shifting side to side metronomically. "I hurt her so, Toki. Her screams, they haunt me."
Her breath stuttered. Toki gripped the hem of her robe. She couldn't believe a word of it. San was the cause? How? Why? And–
Toki levelled Eboshi with a look. She crept closer to her head, practically exhaling her next words. "My lady, is she still alive?"
Eboshi flinched at the question. "By heaven I hope so."
San's knee was hyper-extended. She knew not the language or the treatment, but that was what had happened. She could not walk, couldn't even hop far on her own without a rush of horrific pain. The best she could do was splint and tie some sturdy branches together around it and hope for the best. Kaihaku did his best to support his poor, ugly, lovely sister in her agony.
"San, what will ease your pain? Ivy? Hemp Seed? Sumac?"
San couldn't bear to think with the pain she was experiencing. She was so nimble. She could climb, leap, swim, crawl. All the movement of the animals save flight, but her brothers could give her something resembling it at her request. And now she was functionally destroyed. That damned witch. Ashitaka wasn't enough, it turned out. She had to steal her mobility as a final shame.
They were at a hollowed out tree, in the density of fallen leaves past a creek, to the north end of the great Midorito forest. San had only properly cleaned her face when they stopped minutes earlier.
"I need this knee pushed forward."
Shiro frowned. "Sister, that could be a bad choice."
San grit her teeth as she turned, "And what should I do, brother? Sit and wait for my leg to warp further?" She coughed, snot rolling down her face as she gave up putting up a front at all.
"I want Ashitaka. He's so good at healing, body and soul. But I can't have him because of that human hag. I just want him. It's just one man, why is that too much to ask? He wouldn't leave me to suffer." San resumed sobbing.
Kaihaku met Shiro outside.
"Should we get him for her?"
"She's inconsolable. She hasn't been this bad since Moro passed."
"Stop remembering and help me, Shiro. What do we do?"
Shiro laid down, head over paws. "She has to avoid getting cold. The wind chills. We can't make fire for her."
Kaihaku's eyes grew soft. he dropped the snarl affect. "Are we no longer enough, elder brother? Can we not keep her alive without those devils from the fortress?"
Shiro panted openly as he met Kaihaku's eye. "We are not Moro. We are not all-knowing. In some ways, we are no better than pups."
Kaihaku was silent. He lay beside the tree, unable to fall asleep fore his sister's cries.
The girl was soaked in rain, but it didn't matter. She would be undressed, deloused, and shoved into a hidey hole soon enough. Ando had a timetable to maintain after all. 60 day cycles, ending at the pier at Kyushu.
His lieutenants and lackeys were struggling with the mud more than usual. Clogs only manoeuvre so well in adverse landscapes. At least they weren't stuck in the damned swamp lands like last autumn. The 'forest of the gods' was a promotion in relation to that flea-bitten hell. Ando sucked at the corner of his mouth, where his cavity lay. He knew enough about maintaining appearances that he had managed to keep his visible teeth free of detritus by forcing his occasional smoke to the back corners and rims of his mouth.
He spat off the side of the roadway. He had been prepared for the season to exercise its limitations on his crew. But so far they had beaten the adversity. The ships would have a steady cargo. And the younger acquisitions would fetch at least a few ryō (両) each. His pockets and coffers were looking nice and sustained for the time being.
Ando smiled.
Toki was fucking livid. In the three days since starting Eboshi's care regimen, order had barely been maintained, and mostly because Gonza was loud and demanding if nothing else. She had dealt with such backtalk that Toki herself wouldn't have thought possible in the atmosphere Eboshi had crafted for her people. But since she was indisposed, the niggling voices made themselves known, and the gossip spread like vile fungus across New Tataraba.
Being Toki, she had stepped up to claim the role of intermediary between the rabble, such as they were, and the leadership, nominally herself, Gonza, and Ashitaka, alongside a handful of others with important duties such as wagon mastery and what have ye. These new responsibilities in the wake of Eboshi's recovery drove Toki up a wall; so many inane whiners took their moment to bray and curse their resentments to the make-ship higher-ups. Of the batch, Ashitaka was maintaining his cordiality best of them, no surprise there. Gonza, bless his backside, was stoic and stalwart in his maintaining of Eboshi's will, such as it was. Toki was a firebrand; she had been so since she was a girl. She played well only sometimes with others. But she did not suffer idiotic pests calmly.
The final straw was Himi. Her neighbour Naoko's eldest was missing. Given the movements and associated disappearance acts, it added up to the slavers' work. She had bit through two toothpicks since the news broke. Her jaw pain was distracting her from the wretched heart and head-aches. With every hour, her strain extended from her head down her spine, to her limbs, and … other places.
"We need to hold the faith. This is but a hiccup, not a break."
Kiki's words hadn't been terribly reaffirming. The council was at wits' end, clearly. Toki chewed at the toothpick voraciously. Gonza was good enough at handling trade happenings, luckily.
But then there was this Ando. This vexing ghoul who brought something resembling the apparent manners of a noble, but a fake enthusiasm that ruined any of his overt behaviours. It was a vile miasma that permeated and dripped from his words.
"How unfortunate. Well, I suppose I will wait until she is returned from her patrol. She's not harmed, is she?" Whatever imitation of concern he proffered was wholly diluted by the aura of scum he carried with him. She could tell he was fishing for information, a hint of Eboshi's potential weakness, and there was no way this side of hell she was letting him on any of that.
"I must ask that you return at another time. My Lady is swamped with maintenance and cannot spare even a minute for anything but." She did not bother to smile at him, unwilling to indulge his games of manner and neighbourly concerns. It took more than double the usual amount of circular conversation to get him to leave, lending fuel to Toki's dismal view on his intent.
As soon as he made on his way, Toki dipped into Eboshi's rest chamber, finding Kiki already in attendance. Kiki had beaten her to the teapot, so Toki hovered over to Eboshi. Toki traded Eboshi's luke-warm washcloth for a fresh, cool one. Eboshi was getting spicier in her interactions, so that was a great sign for her status.
"San stuck out there with a potentially broken knee. Gotta say, Lady Eboshi, I'd be scared to have to face you one on one any day, but even when practically poisoned, you come out on top."
Toki grimaced as she faced the wall. She had been the one to recommend waiting until San found herself a cooler head. Surely, she wouldn't return to holding a grudge so soon after they had agreed to a truce. Where was her head?
"Oo seehm 'speciall upset todeh, Toki". The words come as Eboshi is in the middle of being assisted with lunch.
Toki could never hide her emotions from Eboshi. She spooned out a generous bowl of kabocha porridge, bringing the steaming bowl with her to her charge's side.
"I'll be fine, my Lady. It's you that's my focus for right now". She lifted the spoon, blowing the steaming serving.
After imbibing, Lady Eboshi resumed her inquiry. "Toki, talk."
Toki weighed her options. She could ask Kiki to leave, but there was really no reason. It's not like Toki had a respectable reputation worth saving at this moment. She exhaled, setting down the soup bowl and took a pull of tea. After swallowing, she knelt prostrate.
"I ask your forgiveness, my Lady. I misused your trust and went behind your back. I allowed my animal instincts to overrule my conscience".
Eboshi squinted against the candle and torchlight. "Tsk. Now none of that, dear Toki. There is nothing you could have done that I cannot forgive you for".
Toki shook her head, rubbing the tatami floor with her nose and forehead. "No, my lady. I don't think you can".
Eboshi frowned.
Silence stretched into the room. Kiki chewed on a dumpling opposite the entry portal.
"My lady, I… I pursued Ashitaka. I ambushed him in my home. I kissed him". She choked on her last phrase, her eyes flooding with salt water.
Eboshi coughed softly. "Oh, Toki…"
Toki began to weep. "My lady, I betrayed you. I knew of your wants and desires and I pursued him anyway. I'm so sorry. I'm despicable". Her cries extended that last word into a hiccup of an exclamation.
Kiki had stopped chewing, staring in horror from Toki to her dumpling. No doubt she was reconsidering sticking around.
"Toki, Toki".
"I'm no better than when you found me, my lady. Nothin' but a stupid whore. I let my manko take the lead from my mind. I'm so damn disgusting; an eel is cleaner than me. I'm so stupid".
"That's not true, Toki".
Toki screamed in reply, "It is! How could you bear to forgive me, the base wench who cheated you out of your desire"?
Above the storm of Toki's outburst, Eboshi shushed her subordinate. "Toki, I don't hate you. I don't blame you. You showed more resolve than I could in a whole blessed year".
"Don't compliment me, my lady. I'm sicker than a mad dog. I deserve to be thrashed at the very least. Toss me out with the rubbish, a fittin' punishment for a trashy woman like me".
Eboshi stilled herself, breathing fully into her diaphragm. "Toki. Please come here". It was an order, but oddly lacking sting.
Toki pushed herself forward, ass fully in the air as she dragged herself to be pilloried. She couldn't look Eboshi in the eye. She braced herself for the scratch of her nails, the slap of her palm, a punch.
Instead, Eboshi soothingly rubbed Toki's back. As she rubbed, she extended her fingers' reach, guiding Toki closer to her futon.
Toki stuttered, disbelieving. This was the lump of sugar before the awful prescribed medicine came to purify her sin. It had to be. Toki refused to allow her ladyship to show her forgiveness. She wouldn't stand for it. Scum like her didn't deserve forgiveness for such rotten acts.
"My Lady, please. Punish me."
The fingers at her backside paused. The moment hanging in the air, like a fruit fly with a hangover. Toki once again set to grinding her teeth, chasing castigation within herself. She picked at the scabbed copper mines in her cheeks, sending a bitter stream down her oesophagus.
"I have heard your petition, but I am choosing to deny it."
Toki gagged. She pulled herself free from Eboshi's touch. She stared at her saviour, lying on her side giving Toki her full attention.
"Why?"
Eboshi had this look on her face. Pure empathy. Concentrated sadness transformed into something resembling a mother's love.
Toki's stomach heaved once again.
"Damn you."
Lady Eboshi blinked in response as she rose from her bedding.
"My lady, don't touch me unless you're willin' to beat me for my sins. I kin't stomach kindness, havin' done you so dirty."
Toki rocked as she rose to her feet. Backing toward the entryway, she fought her compulsions, spreading her fingers outward, away from scratching her palms.
"I– Forgive me. I gotta go. I–Someone needs to look af–after…"
Toki froze. She had begun to talk before she had decided on a person to focus her excuse on. Her mind emptied, she couldn't remember her childrens' names, her husband's, anyone. The only names she could recognize or even produce in this moment were Eboshi, Kiki, and…
"I'm goin' to take care of San," she exclaimed into the doorway as she ran out.
An hour later found Toki with her back to the outside wall of her home. Massaging her temples, she closed her eyes, granting herself momentary relief from the vinous texture of the sky and clouds. The sun had left for the horizon minutes ago, leaving its final colourful hurrah for the people who bothered to look up.
As she leaned, Toki pushed all thoughts of responsibilities, chores, disciplines, and schedules from view. She needed to relax. Tomorrow was but another day to handle, and she couldn't deal with her emotions stacking up like ornery cordwood.
As soon as she had escaped, she put together her poultices, made a couple of fresh ones, and bothered her ladies for some last minute rations and salves. She was going to need her supplies filled to the bursting if she was actually to venture inside Midorito. Inspired, she filled a pair of rags with peppercorns. They could come in useful to throw any dangerous tracking beasts off her trail, also in case San's pack brethren get a little feisty beforehand.
Toki wiped her brow. She poked her head into the abode and told Roku that she was going to see Ashitaka, and to make sure Seita ate his porridge like a good little boy while she was away. Before he could make enough sense of her dictation to put together any mildly sensible protest, she was halfway to Ashitaka.
As she dove past the curtain at the entryway, she found Ashitaka upon his futon, clad in only his sleeves and his cotton fundoshi (褌) . She averted her eyes; her carnal appetite had to wait. She sighed, drawing his attention.
"Do you know where she is?"
Ashitaka blinked. He rubbed one of his fists into an eye socket.
"I need to know where I kin find her, Ashitaka. I'm goin' to go after her and fix her up, before this somehow gets even worse."
A sigh hovers in the air above his futon. "She won't be at Moro's overlook cave. She associates it too much with her dead mother. We recovered Eboshi at her current usual haunt, a cave in a glen about two klicks into the forest, but I doubt she'll return any time soon". Ashitaka pouted as he lifted off the futon, his abdominals rotating lasciviously in the low light. Toki's hand twitched, a single heartbeat migrating to her fingertips.
"There's only one other area I can think of, and it's on the farther end of forest, practically Daimyō lands. But I can't be sure she'd be able to make the trek with her leg as it is". His face fell, already neutrally sad beforehand, now he looked as if he could channel San's pain himself. Damn fool Ashitaka .
Toki withdrew a slice of oblong elliptical bark some cutters had rubbished from a birch tree. "Show me", pointing to a knothole, "as if we are here, the rest of this being the forest," indicating the rest of the bark spread.
Ashitaka stretched his feet. After a moment, he leaned over the bark, grabbing a weathered stick of charcoal from a basket by his cooking cranny. He began scratching with intent.
"You'll want to avoid these scribbles, they're ape territory. Regardless of the Shishigami's fate, they are still active and hostile to everyone, but humans especially. Best if you avoid crossing into their area altogether. You won't be able to be stealthy, they have sentries every ten trees or so it seems". He drew a pair of parallel sloping streams. "On your way around the apes, you'll cross a weak stream and circle the exterior of a great, green lake". He circled an area up in the northern sector of the bark. "Toki, I really should—"
Toki shook her head. "The hell you will, Ashitaka. Wolf princess was in a damn hostile mood last time she saw you. We kin't afford for her to put you into a body cast, because knowin' you, you'll take it in order to make her feel better. But that will set us back even further, and we need you and Eboshi topside in case some ass like Jigo pulls another fast one". She rolled the bark up before he could interject. "Look, I get it. I'm not exactly all up 'n cheery at the prospect of navigatin' the wolf's den without a small army, but as far as we know, she has no tooth in a fight with me. I'm goin' to have to take that risk all on my own, and you need to keep your ass upright and uninjured. Matter of fact, you still owe me from last time we talked."
Ashitaka blinked again, shifting on his futon. Spirits, he is so fucking attractive in but his underclothes, Toki thought to herself as she suppressed a lewd gulp. She dug her nails into her palm, evicting the daydream from her mind. One of these days, she was liable to draw more than just a drop of blood from such.
"Do you want me to keep 'Roku company with Setsuko and Seita?"
Toki paused. She allowed herself a smile. Good ol' Alshitaka, always and forever thinking of helping anyone but himself when the need arose.
"Ashitaka, you know you kin be a real slut for kindness."
Ashitaka leaned in slightly, brow furrowed at her description. It wasn't necessarily an insult.
"I need you to talk to Lady Eboshi, Ashitaka. I understand, it's awkward, and it's really the most pissy possible moment. But we ran out of time when she rode into the forest all by herself. You owe me and her especially that much."
Ashitaka fidgeted. His cheek noticeably winced.
"Talk to her like I talked to you. Tell her about my idea. Tell her about how she would be welcome, mark it well. Please, allow her some small hope."
"But, Toki. San is —"
Toki held up her hand, getting him to zip it.
"I will take care of her. She needs a kindred gal right now, not a hero of humanity. You're overqualified and overheated just sayin' her name."
Ashitaka fought to keep the blush away from his face.
"Don't worry 'bout me. I'm in the middle of raising two little goblins. The average temper tantrum doesn't scare me. Have a bit of faith in me, boy".
He made his way over to her before she could rise herself. As she made to meet him on her feet, he wrapped her in such a strong embrace, her mind stopped spinning for a moment. Shit, I knew he gave the best hugs. He smelled so good, so tired and manly. She stopped herself from fondling his biceps, then his trapezius, and his abdominals. Spirits, it was hard, though. She fidgeted so her body wouldn't get any further ideas about it. Before making her way to the door, she tousled his hair, and kissed his cheek.
"Good ol' Ashitaka. We don't deserve you".
"Toki…"
And then she was gone.
