AN: Also be prepared it is going ot be somewhat of a sad chapter for some - but keep in mind there's more curve balls to come.
Chapter 10
Rory laid in bed, having no more than five minutes earlier woken from her Sunday afternoon nap. Naps were her moments of bliss these days, the pregnancy having made her ponder why people didn't take naps more regularly. Maybe the Italians were onto something with their siestas?
Thankfully her flexible work schedule enabled her to do just that. Late mornings. Naps in the afternoon. Baby gear browsing in the middle of the work day; at the moment still leaving her believing she wouldn't need half the stuff the stores were trying to convince her of needing. And on most days working until late at night. She was a night owl, and as long as she got to sleep in and nap - it seemed to be working both for her and the baby, who was letting herself be known more and more these days.
Being a little too lazy to get right up, Rory continued to scroll her feed, seeing people posting beautiful pictures of their lives. There was Olivia opening her own art gallery in Atlanta, the track team Janet was coaching had won some regional competition, her contact at the Atlantic had just had another baby, her old room-mate from her Brooklyn days was sitting on some tropical beach with her toes in the sand, there were pictures of engagement rings, puppies, meditation retreats and promotions. There was one of Paris, sitting at the Garret, complaining about a bad date she'd just had, but enjoying a cocktail by herself regardless of it.
Rory knew the reality was generally less pretty, but those were still real things that were in one way or another happening to people. She felt almost sad at that moment that she couldn't really flaunt her pregnancy. Not that she was ever a big social media user, she was more of a consumer if anything. But in this case, people would ask questions, and until Logan gave her the all clear, she didn't really want to lie to anyone. Some small part of her felt hopeful that she could tell people the truth, even if all she could just say that she was doing this by herself. Right now, Logan had left her in limbo.
A carousel section with suggested connections caught her eye next. There were a few of the 30-something-gang that she had by now gotten to know a little better and didn't completely hate, and on whom she clicked 'follow', a few unknowns with a multitude of mutual connections. But then her eyes stopped on a face she hadn't seen in years. She nearly wasn't sure she was seeing straight; the man's glasses having changed to a bolder Havana tortoise frame.
"Tucker Culbertson...," Rory mumbled to herself, surprising herself that she actually remembered his name. Fittingly to an academic even his profile picture was of him at his tenure recognition ceremony. Wesleyan, not Yale anymore, but still - respectable - Rory thought.
She hesitated on clicking 'follow', however, being unsure whether he actually remembered her. But she snapped a screenshot as a note - thinking maybe she would want to revisit the idea someday.
She did some self-reflection too, wondering why it was so easy for her to fall back on the guys she had dated or, in this case, liked in the past. Somehow new people seemed scary to her, she didn't trust people, despite having actively meeting new people day in and day out when she'd been working as a journalist. Did she really believe she'd already met the person she was supposed to build a life together? 'Supposed to' - she snorted to herself, sarcastically. It was not like she'd been a great believer in fate.[MS1] Or fortune tellers for that matter. It was funny how the old lady's words had haunted her though. She blamed it on the hormones.
Suddenly her phone pinged.
"Can you talk?" Logan texted her.
She replied with a quick 'ok' and sat up in bed, expectantly.
"Hey?" Rory exhaled as her phone rang.
Logan switched on Facetime. It was good to see his face, but a little painful too.
"Hey," Logan reflected in a similar tone, sounding and looking tired. He was in his bedroom, Rory recognized it. Apparently, he still hadn't moved.
"How is everything?" Rory asked, trying to come off as neutral as possible.
"Okay," Logan replied briefly. "How are you feeling?" he inquired instead, equally politely.
"The same. Good. Still feels sort of like a little goldfish inside of me," Rory described, mostly just hoping to hear what Logan had to say.
Logan exhaled deeply, and Rory could just tell that something was up.
"Listen…," Logan let out a deep breath of air, confirming to Rory even more how this was not good news.
"What?" Rory encouraged, ensuring both him and herself that she could take it. She just hated the anticipation.
"I was going to tell Odette. I really was. But there was never the right time, we had all these prior engagements and we were both traveling a lot… and when I actually got around to it…," Logan said and sighed.
"You didn't tell her," Rory reflected, unsure what to think of it. She felt disappointment, like he'd failed her somehow. And it was an odd reaction, she realized that, having originally not expected anything from him. Somehow this was worse.
"It's not that simple, Rory," Logan corrected her.
"I know it's not simple," Rory said, telling herself how she shouldn't have got her hopes up in the first place. What was she thinking?
"Yes, but it's such an impossible situation. It's more complicated than I ever imagined…," Logan tried to explain, running his hand over his face, frustratedly.
"I know," Rory reflected, trying to be understanding.
"No, you don't know," Logan corrected her, sounding a little mad even.
But he was right - she didn't know everything.
"Odette is pregnant," Logan said, his voice nearly breaking as he did.
That certainly caught Rory off guard, and suddenly she not only felt disappointed but also secondary and insignificant.
Logan was having another baby, one that would get all of him. There was no way he was going to be able to divide himself between the two in a fair manner, not even under the best intentions.
"Congratulations," Rory said, holding back her emotions.
"I'm sorry, Rory. I'm sorry this is happening now. It wasn't planned, I thought she was still…," Logan began, but didn't go into details. "It's still early, of course… but I'm just worried I might… I think if she were to find out about our baby, she might withhold her baby from me," Logan exhaled, giving her the summary of all the things he'd been thinking. Divorce was just the tip of the iceberg.
"I thought you two had an understanding or something?" Rory said, not knowing how to ask about this. She didn't want to come off accusatory, but it sounded a little like that anyway.
"We did. But it's different now that we're married. It's mostly….," Logan began, but something distracted him. "I can't really go into it right now," he added, beginning to speak in a whisper, leaving Rory to finish the thought in her mind instead.
"I get it. I think," Rory replied, feeling like actually hearing the details might sting too much. He wasn't her Logan anymore - she needed to get that into her skull.
"I'll still help however I can, and you can still contact me. Just… discreetly," Logan added, it being evident in his tone that he wasn't proud to suggest the latter.
"Okay," Rory sighed.
Clearly Logan had his whole life in London. Job. Wife. A baby on the way. Clearly there was no scenario in which he was going to take on the role of her baby's father with this much going on. She even understood his reasoning - she would never keep her daughter from Logan, even if she ended up introducing him as an old friend in the beginning, but she knew she was in no position to ask Logan to give up what he had in London just to be present for her and her daughter. It wasn't worth losing another child, and she didn't blame him for making that call. It didn't mean she liked how the situation made her feel, however.
"I'm sorry," Logan added.
"Yeah, um. I better go. I got to be somewhere," Rory said, excusing herself. She was pretty sure her emotions were going to get the better of her if she looked at Logan's sad face one more second.
"Okay, bye," Logan said, and watched Rory end the call. He couldn't help but to feel like he'd just stabbed her and left her bleeding.
Rory sniffled a little, but tried to look up. She didn't want to cry for this. But it was evident to her now, more than ever, that Logan wasn't going to be the man by her side either. There was no point secretly thinking of the possibility of such, realizing only now she'd even considered it as an option in the light of the fortune teller's words.
