AN: For the first time I think I disagree with the majority of your comments. Sorry! While we want this to be a ROGAN and I do, Rory doesn't believe that to be possible at this moment. At best she's hoping to see him as a father figure for her child. And for this reason she is able to see this in more forgiving terms than many of you. She told him she had no expectations for him, and even if he does the bare minimum, he's already exceeding those expectations (+ Rory's low self esteem).
Logan knowing Rory won't keep the baby from him is valuable. It's a show of respect. It doesn't mean he will get to come and go as he pleases. I am sure that as time would go by Logan would himself realize that coming and going isn't the kind of dad he'd want to be either. Maybe it'd just be in the form of letter of pictures. Not that this is how it'll be. But this is how they think of it in my viewpoint.
You are allowed to be mad at Logan, but he has his own reasons, including belief that Rory really doesn't want all of him. I don't see it as abandonment - sometime staying away is for the better if it complicates things too much. Plus there's no saying what'll happen between now and the future, right? Also wouldn't it be kind of satisfying for them actually building something new from ground up?
Rory is not quite done with other guys in her life, but I want them to teach her a thing or two as time goes on.
Chapter 12
While it had been a positive thing to see another single mom, doing well in her life, and clearly also having a dating life as a bonus, at the same time seeing Jess and Elodie looking all cutesy together had also left her missing that kind of companionship.
The truth was, for the past few years, even if she'd only seen Logan sporadically, he'd still been that companionship for her. Sure, there had been others - she had dated around a little. And while some people in her life had hinted, Babette especially, how she needed to date now rather than later, whilst going into a little too much detail of what having children did to a woman's body. Babette clearly wasn't talking from experience, and the suggestion was well meant, of course, but it was yet another comment on top of comments from her mother and grandmother, making her feel like her love life was the biggest disappointment for everyone around.
Rory was snuggled up in bed, typing away on another chapter in her book, her train of thought having led her to reflect on all the ways her mother had believed she'd disappointed her own parents. It was not a book about her mother, but she'd still grown up with this big shadow in the background. Guilt and need to not disappoint anyone had always been in the background.
"You'll never guess who I stumbled upon," Paris commented, having been off and on giving Rory an overview of her dating accomplishments, or even just guys she'd seen on the app. Guys they'd once known, guys she'd once known, guys with funny haircuts, guys with fake profiles… pretty much anything Paris considered relevant to share.
"Glenn Babble?" Rory suggested, knowing Paris wasn't much for 'I don't knows'. She might as well make a guess of one of the people she truly knew very little about since college.
"No. But close," Paris replied.
"Someone else from Yale?" Rory asked, beginning to grow through the long list of people they'd known in college.
"Think Florida," Paris hinted.
Before Rory had a chance to fully think about all her connections to Florida, which were way beyond the joint trip her and Paris had taken during spring break once, mostly leading her to think about the campaign trail, Paris had snapped a screenshot and sent her the man in question.
Rory couldn't quite recall his name, but thankfully, the corner of the browser reminded her of the name. Sean.
"Well, I be damned…," Rory muttered at the sight of a much older, but still handsome man.
"I mean, he loses points from teenage-boy comments, but that was ages ago. And you have to admit, he does have a certain je ne sais quoi," Paris commented and posted another picture.
Apparently, among other things the man had actually earned a living as a model at one point, including an underwear photoshoot.
"He can't be entirely clueless. Masters at Tufts," Paris added.
"Didn't realize he was quite your type," Rory commented.
"But he was yours," Paris replied.
"Hey, who's the one actively dating here? Not me!" Rory replied, innocently.
"Your choice," Paris said, underlining 'choice' to emphasize it.
"Who's going to want to date a pregnant woman?" Rory shot back.
"I wouldn't start with that. There are all sorts of freaks out there. But I am sure there are some who wouldn't think it was that big of a deal. At our age, half the people had exes and kids all over the place anyways," Paris replied, making a valid point.
"I don't think he's exactly the fatherly type," Rory added skeptically.
"Who said you need that!" Paris replied.
"Well... I think that's kind of inevitable at this point that he's got to at least like kids," Rory replied.
"Believe me, it's a lot easier to be a single parent. You'll skip half the arguments and resenting the man who never does anything right and got you pregnant in the first place," Paris said.
"Yeah, well I don't have a team of nannies up here," Rory said.
"But you have family," Paris typed.
It went without saying that if Rory truly needed help, the team of nannies would be assembled at the snap of her grandmother's fingers, and the only thing it'd hurt was her pride.
Paris went on to suggest that it didn't hurt her to test the waters, maybe even get herself halfway wet. Not every date needed to lead to someone taking on the role of her baby's father.
Yet somehow despite enjoying the view of Sean in those pictures, having pulled his modeling career up on Google images as well, she just knew the type. Sean, from what she remembered and what could be read out from his profile, was that he was like Jess 15 years ago. The bad boy with commitment issues and no intention of dating anyone seriously.
And honestly, while the thought of sex while pregnant, seemed a little foreign to her, leaving her unsure whether hooking up with anyone was even on her agenda, despite feeling like she desperately craved another person's touch. She did want what she'd seen Jess have with Elodie. That spark. Excitement. Anticipation. But there seemed to be a safer option than a former underwear model.
On that impulse for adventure Rory pressed 'Add Friend' on Tucker Culbertson instead, adding an innocent message along - "Glad to see the algorithm is finally exceeding my expectations. What am I saying? I'm not even sure you still remember me. It was just a nice surprise you're still around here. And, of course, congrats on the tenure!"
A part of Rory felt embarrassed for trying so hard. It felt so different doing this now compared to how it would've felt a year ago. It was like she was on a train moving in the opposite direction to what she was attempting - finding some happiness for herself.
Working for Jess was already giving her some sense of purpose beyond the Gazette, which seemed like a high school paper in comparison, and her own book, if nothing else was providing her some reflection. She was yet to show her work to Jess, being afraid of all the things she'd already written about him in it, like pitying herself for being abandoned by all the men in her life, one way or another. It was not guilting Jess, or Logan, through those ideas she'd put in writing. If anything, she was looking for reasons behind the person she'd become, not because of because her circumstances but the way that she'd reacted to those circumstances. Had she behaved like her mother would've? Or like herself? Has she done what was expected of her and by whom? Or on the contrary, expecting to disappoint someone anyway.
On second thought, Rory was beginning to think this book was her therapy and never meant to be read by anyone. Who would want to read the ramblings of someone like her anyway?
Just as Rory was about to close her computer lid and trust it on autosave to save whatever was supposed to preserved of her ramblings, the buzzer rang.
It was pretty late and Rory definitely wasn't expecting anyone.
"Who is it?" Rory asked through the old-fashioned intercom.
"Delivery Ms. Hayden," the man said.
For a second Rory hesitated. She wasn't exactly used to someone calling her that. But in a fraction of a second it clicked in her brain.
She was expecting one of Logan's usual tricks. Flowers and something from Harry & David, along with a sincere-sounding apology most likely. But the size of the package, or rather, assortment of packages that was soon carried upstairs, definitely indicated this to be something much grander.
It wasn't even the grandeur of the gift that blew Rory away. It was a Bugaboo Bee5 stroller with Botanic themed special edition, decorating the denim-colored fabric with butterflies and flowers. This wasn't Logan showing off. If that had been the point - there would've been something the Royal family pushed their children around in. But this was a practical and thoughtful gift, taking into account what her tight living quarters and habits actually required.
As the courier left, and Rory closed the door behind him, she couldn't help but to sniffle a little. Despite everything - just for a second Rory could just feel how Logan was there with her. Helping in his own way.
She could just sense other people's judgment, if they'd found out who the father was and what the whole situation was; for those many reasons she just didn't really feel like discussing these things with anyone. Logan wasn't hers to want, and just like she'd first told him - she couldn't expect anything from him. Sure, going from wanting to be involved to having to be involved while keeping a secret was a letdown - but it was something. Rory could just sense how her mother would probably tell her to object to his gifts, too. And while Rory had her pride too, accepting a stroller from Logan, actually seemed kind of fitting.
Rory began to unpack the stroller, but had no clue how to actually put the damn thing together, barely managing to get the wheels onto the frame. As she was about to actually figure out how the bassinet worked, her phone chimed.
Rory expected it to be Paris, but to her surprise, it was Tucker. For a split second she found herself conflicted, having indulged in thoughts of Logan - in some distant, yet stable form. But after a deep breath Rory pushed those thoughts aside, and read the message - "Hi! And thank you! Of course, I remember you…," he'd typed, going on to share how he'd never expected to run into her online of all places, admitting even that for some time he'd nearly anticipated running into her at different libraries or bookstores, finding the setting very fitting at her person, a hint of flirt evident in his message.
