Chapter 14
"I guess, I just grew tired of waiting…," Tucker said, continuing to tell about his reasons for leaving Yale a handful of years ago. Not everything in academia happened because one worked hard for it. It took a certain amount of patience, luck and social skills as well.
Tucker had changed considerably, his hair having gotten a hint of gray in time and he no longer wore glasses, apparently. Maybe he'd gotten Lasik surgery? Rory wasn't about to ask, but he looked good even without his glasses. His outfit consisted of a black V-neck and a casual khaki dress-shirt, leaving him looking a lot fresher than the slightly geeky sweater and shirt combo that had been 'in' more than ten years ago Rory remembered.
"I've heard the competition can be pretty brutal in academia," Rory commented, sitting across from him, after swallowing a bite of her Chicken Genovese. The restaurant in the center of Middletown wasn't too fancy, despite trying to be, but it was fine considering Rory was mostly just in awe of the fact that Tucker had agreed to go out with her regardless of her condition. She'd dined in a huge variety of places - a small town wanna-be restaurant was definitely not enough to make judgements based on it.
"Oh, don't get me started. I think I might scare you off for good if I go into it," Tucker admitted, adding a nervous chuckle. The fact that he was nervous, almost made him more attractive to Rory.
Rory chuckled, finding it odd to think someone was genuinely concerned about scaring her off.
"Oh, you don't have to worry about that. Complain all you want, I don't mind," Rory encouraged, hoping he'd relax a little more.
"Nah, I better not," Tucker replied, humbly.
"But what has made you stick to this line of work then? I am sure there are industry jobs for someone with your skillset?" Rory asked, hoping it wasn't too forward. It was such a journalistic question to ask, one that was actually kind of hard to answer, making her nearly regret asking it. This was supposed to be a date, not an interview. But then again Rory was a little rusty on dating, too.
"Honestly?" Tucker asked, taking a quick sip of his wine, as he'd been beginning to before the question had finished. "It has its perks. Especially in a smaller college like this… The students are great, most of the faculty, too. As long as I stay clear of the politics of it as much as I can, the manuscripts just sort of write themselves and the summers off is a big bonus," he explained.
"Hey, I want a manuscript that writes itself!" Rory complained, jokingly. She wasn't yet sure whether she wanted to reveal to him that she was writing a book.
Tucker laughed. "Mostly it just comes down to being a part of a lot of different projects. The grad students do a lot of the work and we all do our small part. We're involved in some European projects as well," he continued to explain. "Here I go again, it's not my work I came here to talk about," Tucker scolded himself, laughingly.
"It's fine. Really," Rory replied, recognizing a fellow workaholic when she saw one. Not that she really was one these days, but she could relate.
"What about you? You said something about working for a small newspaper?" Tucker asked instead.
"Small is an understatement, really. I mean, the paper gets put together by me and two other people, basically. Mostly me, if I say so myself," Rory explained, for the first time actually feeling a little ashamed of not being able to boast about some place bigger and better. "It's just the small, nearly dying, town Gazette that I decided to not let be put down just like that, basically like charity work," Rory laughed, mostly laughing at herself to hide the nervousness. "And I recently started an editing job on the side. It's long distance mostly," Rory added. It was even a surprise to herself, how much more self-worth the small job was giving her.
"That sounds facinating. What kind of stuff do you edit?" Tucker inquired.
"It's mostly just this one novel - adult, slightly Nordic noir, fiction," Rory replied, not wanting to go into detail about it being a novel by one of her ex-boyfriends. No reason to make things even more complicated this early on.
"Sounds thrilling. I had a bit of a Nesbo obsession for a while. Grew out of it though. Felt like I needed something lighter for a change," Tucker explained.
"I think it's Nesbø, not that it matters. But yeah, I get it. He's great," Rory replied, feeling a little bad about correcting him on the pronounciation.
"Hey, you're just doing your job. Clearly you're an editor through and through," Tucker replied, and chuckled.
"It's just a little hard to shake sometimes," Rory laughed at herself.
"I guess we're both victims of our professions one way or another," Tucker replied.
"Honestly… I feel like a bit of a hypocrite talking about this as 'my profession'. It doesn't really compare to what you do. I feel like such a disappointment. And I am not saying this to get sympathy from you or anything… just… I just feel like I failed at the goals I set for myself. Back in Yale I had such big dreams and I really did just put all my eggs in one basket, hoping I'd make it. But real life just wasn't as gentle with me, I guess. So, I think it's fair to say that I've been a little lost this past year or so. Plus, this…," Rory explained, gesturing at her stomach. Honestly, she just wanted Tucker to acknowledge it somehow, as so far he'd been ignoring the topic completely since she'd told him. Was he really okay with this?
"Who do you think, um… you're disappointing?" Tucker asked, after a moment of pause.
"Everyone. Myself. My mom, my grandparents… others," Rory replied, realizing the latter also included some significant names that would bring complicated topics to the table," Rory said, hating she was again sounding like she was ready to throw herself a pity-party.
"I'm sure that's not true," Tucker replied, politely, feeling like he didn't know enough to say much more.
"I'm sorry. I didn't want to ruin the mood. It's just a bit of a gentle subject for me. You know, moving back to my hometown and so on…. It's always good to be back but at the same time it's not, you know?" Rory added, apologetically.
"It's okay, really," Tucker exhaled, giving her a moment. "How is your grandfather doing anyway?" he asked, steering the discussion in another direction a few moments later.
"Oh, you haven't heard?!" Rory reflected. "Of course, you haven't," she added, understandingly. "He, um, actually, passed a year and a half ago now. It was his heart," Rory explained. It was yet another sore subject, but the topic was bound to come up, considering they both had known the man.
"I'm sorry. My condolences. Had I known…," Tucker began, apologetically, clearly regretting having asked.
"It's fine. It was his time, I guess?" Rory sighed. For a split second she considered how things might've gone, had Tucker actually showed up at her grandfather's funeral. Surely, she had had other things on her mind that day, but she couldn't say it would've been unlikely that things maybe would've turned out quite differently from the way things were now. Not that she regretted the being pregnant part right now, just the complexity of it.
"Still. He was a great man, that grandfather of yours," Tucker reflected.
"He was," Rory agreed. It meant a lot to Rory to hear him say that.
"You know, had I not had this much respect for him, I might've actually asked you out when we first met. You were… you are, one of the most beautiful girls I'd ever met," Tucker said, causing Rory's mouth to fall open. She'd expected some flirting, but not such candidness.
Rory blushed visibly.
"I was just concerned your grandfather might mind; I was just a first generation academic, a poor grad student, after all. I tried to do the right thing and then there was just never the right time…," Tucker revealed, recalling those times. This type of attitude wasn't what Rory found particularly attractive, worrying about what someone thought to express one's feelings, though then again she did feel a little hypocritical thinking this as well. She wasn't perfect either. She didn't quite think the thought through, but the thing was - Logan had been at that time very much the opposite to that, it was a part of what had made him so irresistible to her.
"Well, to be frank... I was actually seeing someone at the time," Rory confessed, and did her best to push any shred of thought of Logan aside. A task more easily said than done. She wanted and needed something new in her life. A clean slate, as much as that was even possible.
"Saved myself some grave disappointment from being turned down then, didn't I?" Tucker tried to laugh it off.
"But I did have a little crush on you. I guess that's what you can call it? I just got all tongue tied around you. It was kind of funny, really," Rory confessed, flirtily.
"Ah..," Tucker mused, smugly, his laughter indicating how he definitely didn't minding hearing of some reciprocation.
Rory shrugged her shoulders lightly, not really knowing what to add to it.
The two took respective sips of their drinks, while maintaining tentative eye contact. That chemistry she'd once felt was still definitely there - there was no guarantee there was more to it, than that, but at least there was that something that made one want to continue to play the game.
"I'd say maybe it was for the better at the time… that now maybe is a better time. But honestly, I'm just a little worried about what you think of me being pregnant. I know it's not what you originally signed up for. Not many men would agree to date someone like me... And believe me it was not the reason I got in touch with you… I just…" Rory rambled.
"I mean, obviously, you are what or how you are. I was surprised, of course. Not what I expected. But there's no changing it, is there? Not that I would want it to change," Tucker replied, trying to make it sound like a light topic.
"I just thought… I am old enough to not consider this the end of the world. If necessary, I'll do this myself just like my mom raised me," Rory explained.
"And I respect that decision," Tucker replied.
"That's sweet of you," Rory said.
"It's really not that different from dating someone who already has children, I guess?" Tucker discussed.
"Except the way I look," Rory replied, feeling a little worried how her body would change in the coming months.
"For what it's worth, you look great," Tucker added.
"Thanks," Rory said, not really knowing if she really believed him.
"So, you and you're mom? You've mentioned her a few times. Are you two close?" Tucker asked, getting on with lighter subjects.
The date could be considered a success. The topics had been pretty standard. There had been no life-changing fireworks or uttermost confirmation how one had met their soulmate, but it definitely could be classified as a good date, that left one feeling hopeful for the next time. They'd even mentioned next time, skipping the whole - I'll call you sometime-discussion.
It was as Rory drove herself home that night, having insisted on driving herself, when the pleasant tiredness and small smile on her lips exchanged to something else, however.
"What's up mom?" Rory picked up her mother's phone call on her car audio system. She was half expecting to be forced to give her a play-by-play, but she felt too tired to do that.
"Rory, honey - can you go by Luke's?" Lorelai asked, urgently. "Luke forgot he had to close up tonight. Caesar's there now but he's got the baby tonight. We're driving to the hospital now…," Lorelai explained, speaking quickly. Caesar and his wife, you see, had had a surprise baby at their age a few months ago.
"The hospital? Is Luke okay, mom?" Rory reflected, worriedly.
"I'm fine, Rory!" Luke called out from the seat besides Lorelai.
"Huh," Rory exhaled from relief.
"It's Liz's family. They were in an accident. They said it was pretty bad. We're driving to Boston Memorial," Lorelai explained.
"Oh my god!" Rory exclaimed, adding - "I hope they're okay."
"Yeah, me too, hon," Lorelai said.
"I'll go by Luke's, no problem," Rory added, knowing she needed to push her tiredness aside for a few more hours.
