Chapter 16
"So, you got any weekend plans?" Tucker asked, huskily, as he and Rory strolled slowly towards the parking lot, having been on a dinner-and-a movie date in Hartford that evening. It was a pleasant, warm, spring night.
"Kind of," Rory replied, less excitedly, her fingers linking onto his, casually - not for the first time.
It was Wednesday night, and things had calmed down for Rory since that weekend. A tragedy had happened and it was being dealt with. There was no other way than forward when something like this happened. But then again, it was a lot easier for her to move on than to the others involved, who'd been closer to Liz and TJ, especially Doula and Jess.
"A hot date maybe?" Tucker teased, hopefully, his intentions being clear that he intended to keep Rory's social calendar occupied for the foreseeable future.
They were not close to calling themselves committed or anything, and they were yet to explore the bedroom side of the relationship. But as far as admitting that they did like each other, it had become pretty evident they were also enjoying each other's company.
"Uh... um… - I wish," Rory hesitated, feeling truly sorry to disappoint him. More than anything Tucker's company was the very best distraction from everything else in her life. She'd barely thought about Logan, or what he was doing, all week, the stroller she'd gotten having so far been the last she'd heard from him.
"We could go check out that new exhibition you were talking about earlier," Tucker suggested. It was almost too stereotypical of him to suggest that, though Rory had genuinely admitted to wanting to go one of these days. The exhibition in question was in the City, and that would've probably involved an overnight stay. The third date was the 'good' time to take that step, in theory - or so Carrie Bradshaw taught Rory, growing up.
"Actually… I'm going to a funeral on Sunday. I promised to help out with the arrangements," Rory exhaled, having until now kept discussions of the recent deaths in the family to a minimum around him. All he knew was that there'd been an accident in the family that had kept Rory busy the weekend before.
"Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't realize the accident involved someone close," Tucker apologized, sounding a little surprised.
"It didn't. Or technically it didn't, at least. But they were a part of my mom's husband's family, and I am good friends with the deceased's son, too. Basically, I'm just helping my mom out. We both care about the people close to them and want to make it easier on them however we can," Rory explained.
"You should've told me. Here I am dragging you out to watch some silly rom-com," Tucker replied.
The choice of movie had indeed been a little underwhelming, both kind of tiptoeing to find a nice balance. Rory knew by now that not everyone enjoyed bad movies or tolerated ruthless mocking during movie watching. Hence, this had been very far from the way she and her mother usually watched anything.
"It was fine. I had a great time," Rory reflected, feeling like it was her turn to say it.
"If you want, I could accompany you to the funeral. Not that I'd want to impose or anything, but just - in case you need support?" Tucker offered, not sounding too sure of himself.
"No, it's fine. You don't have to," Rory replied, feeling like they weren't really in that stage yet to have to face dozens of introductions during a day when other people's mourning took priority.
Besides, Rory wasn't entirely sure if she wanted Jess to meet Tucker yet, half expecting him to not like him for some reason. Tucker was a bit like Paul, even though much less needy, a bit too much of an econ nerd as Rory could picture Jess calling him. He was eager to please and a little unconfident sometimes. But he was kind hearted, well-read and polite. She didn't like herself second guessing Tucker because of what she thought someone else would think about him. She knew it was flawed thinking, too, but that didn't stop her brain from overthinking things. Jess was not thinking about her dating life at all, having major other issues in his life right now. The rational part of her knew that. Rory scolded herself for even considering Jess would care under the circumstances, finding yet another piece of evidence of her own self-centeredness. She recognized also how having in the past week spent more time with Jess her fear of judgment was shifting from one ex-boyfriend to another. Another example of her flawed thinking. Now the question was - whether thinking this was simple self-reflection or the beginnings of a new form of depression.
"Let me know if you change your mind," Tucker added, generously.
They ended the night in front of Rory's apartment, their lips meeting for the first time for a quick kiss in goodbye. It didn't really have a chance to develop into anything that would explore the first tingle of chemistry, the two getting interrupted by Kirk's newest business venture - selling bubble tea - and him struggling to get past them with his push-cart.
Half a week passed quietly, mostly doing work and helping her mother just like she'd promised.
"So, is he a good kisser at least?" Lorelai inquired about her daughter's love life, needing something other to talk about than the event they were about to witness. They were the first ones to arrive at the chapel that morning. But events being something Lorelai knew how to do, family or not, it had really taken a lot less time to happen once one had already done it a few times.
The two were setting up for the wake [PV1] in the back room - nothing fancy, but still, having wanted to spare Luke and Jess the trouble of dealing with this.
"He's fine," Rory replied, hoping this was enough to stop her mother from inquiring into this, not feeling like this was the time or place for this conversation.
"Fine?" Lorelai reflected, clearly judging her for her choice of words.
"Mom!" Rory objected to her comment.
"What?! Liz was all for people finding their love and happiness, I'm sure she wouldn't' mind," Lorelai commented, gesturing towards the two coffins in the front.
"I think it's a bit premature to put any such labels on it," Rory replied.
"Fine," Lorelai relented.
"Mom, um… do you ever think I care too much about what people think?" Rory asked.
"What people?" Lorelai asked, cluelessly.
"I mean you, for one. But that's not what I meant. I mean obviously most children want to prove something to their parents. I think that's pretty self-explanatory," Rory began, not wanting to go into this part of it. She'd thought about this a lot, and had already begun to shed a great deal of guilt towards proving something to her mother. She was seeing firsthand how her mother seemed to be happy seeing her doing whatever she was doing, not just when she was climbing the career ladder. "But I was more thinking of… you know… men? I think I was trying to prove something to Logan by not asking for his help with work. I always care what Jess thinks about whatever I'm doing - when I dropped out of Yale, who I….," Rory continued but stopped at that thought, and added instead, "what I read or watch. And now I am just so stuck on caring what Tucker thinks of things, that I am kind of scared of showing him the real me."
She'd added the example on Tucker almost as a distraction, feeling it would've been weird if she'd forgot to mention the guy who was supposed to be at the forefront of her mind these days.
"I think we all care about what out significant others think about things, don't we?" Lorelai replied.
"Yes, but even know - I keep thinking about what these people that are no longer in my life in that way would think. Like I still respect their view too much? Is that normal?" Rory discussed.
"What is normal anyways?!" Lorelai snorted, not being terribly helpful.
"I'm serious, mom!" Rory continued.
"Well, then just don't! Stop caring what they think! Care about what you think!" Lorelai suggested, naively.
"Easier said than done!" Rory argued.
"I mean, believe me back in the day… I mean I cared about what you dad thought. But I realized it just wasn't healthy and I just stopped thinking about him in that way," Lorelai explained.
"Yes, but Jess is also my friend. Am I not supposed to care what he thinks at all? I mean he's helped me a lot through some difficult times. Not just Yale, but this fall even… now with this new job… but it's more than just about the job, isn't it? It's about encouragement, I guess?" Rory discussed.
Instead of responding directly to her daughter, her mother just gave her a long hard look.
"And here I was thinking you'd still be mostly thinking about Logan this way. I mean, he's the one who's going to be in your life for a long time, forever even…," Lorelai said, referring to her baby.
"He isn't. Not the way you think anyway," Rory admitted, sheepishly.
"He's not?" Lorelai reflected with surprise in her tone.
"He told me he can't be involved after all," Rory mumbled.
"Why not!?" Lorelai inquired, defensively, almost as if this was what she'd believed all along would happen.
"I don't want to talk about it!" Rory replied.
"You do realize, you don't want him changing his mind back and forth on something like this, right? You know how that was with you dad," Lorelai added.
"I know, I know. For what it's worth he seemed pretty determined," Rory admitted.
"I guess that's good. That he was determined, that is. I'm sorry - that must've been very nice to hear, despite things being the way they are," Lorelai replied.
"It really wasn't," Rory replied.
"Oh, well. More time for me to spoil the baby rotten then," Lorelai replied excitedly and continued to unpack a box of glasses, carrying on with what they'd been doing.
"Oh, I don't doubt that for a second," Rory reflected, trying to push forward.
"But if you're obsessing about what Jess might think, I'll just tell you not to. He has way bigger issues right now than thinking about your personal life now that he's getting custody of Doula. He might even be moving back to town," Lorelai shared, the news coming as a complete surprise to Rory.
