Chapter 17
Rory and Tucker stepped into the elevator to go up to their hotel room after a night out in the City. An art show, some impromptu street performance watching, dinner at Nur and a stroll around some of Rory's favorite places. The latter had left Rory's feet aching, so the taxi back couldn't have come soon enough. The elevator ride, however, came with a new set of nervousness. Expectations. Hopes. Fears, too.
"God, my feet are killing me," Rory commented.
It was a week later than originally planned, but Rory had almost felt bad for letting him wait so long for their third date. She didn't want him to think she'd chickened out.
"You should've told me, we could've come back sooner," Tucker said.
What Rory really wished she could've asked for a foot massage. But they weren't quite in that stage of the relationship yet. They hadn't even been truly intimate together beyond kissing and hand-holding.
"I just need to put my feet up," Rory said, not wanting to seem like a lot of trouble. But there was no doubt that her growing belly was becoming a lot of trouble already - the baby was pressing onto her bladder, having required them to make at least a handful of bathroom breaks. Her appetite had also increased back to her teenage days, having made Tucker marvel at her ability. Rory wasn't sure this was a good thing - it had been decades since she'd last worried about something like that, but then again, the baby wanted what the baby wanted, and she certainly wasn't going to lie about being hungry.
"Hold the elevator," an old woman asked in a shaky voice. Tucker compiled, politely.
It was almost comical how long it took for the lady to actually reach the elevator.
Ten seconds of awkward silence.
"You know it's very smart of you to take a holiday like this before the baby's born. Believe me, I didn't sleep for six years after I had my first," the woman reminisced.
"Uh-huh," Rory mumbled, not really wanting to engage in conversation over the topic that was causing her enough stress as it was.
"This is me," the woman said. "But you two do look like you're going to be great parents. I'm sure, you'll do great," she added, not that anyone had really asked for her opinion.
"Have a good night," Rory said, casually, not wanting to cause more questions by objecting her reference of the two of them as the parents.
Rory chuckled slightly, mostly uncomfortably, after the elevator doors closed.
Tucker didn't say a word, but Rory wished he did. Was this something he'd been surprised or happy to hear, or on the contrary horrified of? She didn't get a response on that question, and the man was also surprisingly hard to read sometimes. And this was certainly one of those moment.
"This is us," Tucker said, locating the right room after turning the wrong corner a few times. It wasn't the easiest of hotels to navigate, despite being a pretty nice one.
The door clicked open, and they entered. That apprehension again. But no, no mind-blowing desire to rip each other's clothes off at the first second the door closed behind her. Was it respect for her state from his side? Was it that she'd just insinuated that she was tired? Fuck - Rory thought to herself, not loving how this was not going smoothly .
"You want something to drink?" Tucker asked, as he got more comfortable and put his jacket away.
He was indeed one of these guys who'd brought his own cooler bag with him to the hotel room, claiming the obvious - how minibar prices were outrageous.
"Sure," Rory said, feeling indeed a little parched. Maybe we'll just relax into it? - Rory continued to think to herself.
"I might take a shower… the city was so dusty I feel like I'm just covered in city grime," Rory commented. It was that and needing yet again to pee. Besides, if this was going to go anywhere, she really did want to look and feel her best not worry about smelling all sweaty and gross.
Tucker gestured approvingly for her to go ahead, and kicked off his own shoes to land on the bed to relax.
Rory wished she would've been less nervous than this. More excited rather than nervous. But the fact that her body really didn't look like hers in the mirror when she undressed, really wasn't making this easy for her.
Nevertheless, after a nice hot shower, combing her hair and moisturizing every inch of her body with the complementary set of luxury cosmetics that had been waiting for them in the bathroom, loving the scent, Rory did feel a little better.
She put on clean underwear - nothing overly revealing or lacy, she hardly had any such items in her current size - but still, neater and prettier than what she usually wore, and covered herself up in the soft hotel robe. A deep tactical breath later, she emerged, hoping Tucker wouldn't faint at the sight of her without any makeup on. She couldn't quite understand why this whole situation didn't feel natural to her, but she put it down to simply being pregnant. There wasn't a lot that felt the same as before in her life right now, after all.
"Hey," Tucker hummed, seeing her emerge.
"Hey," Rory reflected, feeling flattered by the way that he was looking at her. It was definitely a high which she needed right now. "Oh, it's feels so good to put my feet up," Rory exhaled, finally getting a chance to lean back on the bed besides Tucker. The bed had a high, beautifully padded, headboard making this bed a bliss to just rest in.
"Just relax," Tucker suggested. "You could use the rest," he added.
"Do I really look that tired?" Rory asked, teasingly.
"Not at all, but I could hear the relief in your voice," Tucker chuckled.
"Nice save," Rory laughed. "But seriously. You don't have to fib, I know I'm not exactly at my best right now," she added, hating to come off sounding this insecure. She at least wished she could fake it better and not beg for compliments like this.
"You look great, don't worry. I've just never really dated anyone who's been, you know, pregnant before. It just makes me a little more cautious, I guess," Tucker discussed.
"Thanks, but I don't think I'm in any way fragile if that's what you mean," Rory replied, hoping he'd take the hint. Mostly she just wanted to forget about it for a few hours - to lose herself in carnal desires and just enjoy both her own body and his.
"What does it feel like? To be pregnant?" Tucker inquired, thoughtfully, sounding genuine in wanting to know.
"What does it feel like?" Rory reflected, needing a moment to think. "Kind of heavy, I guess. Not like after a big meal or anything, but just like something lodged between my ribs and my hips. It's hard to catch a breath sometimes. The stretching is kind of weird - it hurt at first a little but now it just feels tight," Rory shared, hesitating whether to let her robe fall open right then to exemplify.
"And there's no way I could, um… you know… hurt the baby?" Tucker inquired, trailing his fingers along her palm, casually.
Rory smiled back smugly, catching on to what exactly he'd meant.
"Not as far as I know. But it's all theoretical what I know. It's not like I have a vast amount of experience here. I haven't been with anyone since…," Rory replied, not knowing whether that sounded sad, desperate or simply disturbing under these circumstances.
"You seem nervous," Tucker replied, observing her.
"Is it really that obvious?" Rory asked.
"Well, if it helps - I'm kind of nervous too," Tucker replied.
Rory leaned in a little, deciding to reward him for his efforts. A slow, lingering, kiss, allowing them a moment to grow more intimate.
"You know we don't have to rush it. Just because we're here, in bed together, doesn't mean we 'have to' do anything," Tucker replied, bringing down Rory's mood. Didn't he want to?
"It's not that. I am just, wanting to relax a little. Maybe if we just ease into it? Just hang out for a bit?" Rory suggested, hoping to just talk or something, whilst remaining in an intimate setting. It seemed like a good start.
"We could maybe watch a movie or something?" Tucker suggested, reaching for the remote. It was not what Rory had had in mind, and while she didn't mind just relaxing one big, the soles of her feet still feeling rather tired, it wasn't the mood she'd hoped to achieve tonight.
What was worse, however, was the fact that Rory didn't even make it through the movie, having dozed off sometime in the first quarter. How embarrassing! She hadn't realized she had, however, until she woke in the middle of the night, on the sound of her phone buzzing. Thankfully quietly enough not to wake Tucker.
She silenced the phone on instinct, and gave Tucker, who'd by now gone to bed besides her as well, a good look. She hoped he wasn't too disappointed of their night. She just hadn't been able to help herself.
It was then, she glanced back at her phone, finally making some sense of the world again. She didn't recognize the number, she did however, remember that +44 stood for an UK number.
Rory snuck into the bathroom, closing the door behind her, before switching on the light and accidentally blinding herself for a second with the ceiling lights. It took her a second to switch the lights to something milder.
"Hello?" Rory answered. She'd been in such a sleep haze she had hardly considered why she was even picking up this call from an unfamiliar number. Who could really be calling her at this hour, on the weekend and to her private phone? There was only one logical answer to her question.
"Rory! Hi!" Logan's unmistakable voice replied.
"Logan? What's going on? It's kind of late over here," Rory replied, trying to make sense of things.
"Oh, me and the guys were just having some fun. Say 'hi', Finn," Logan said, sounding now to Rory unmistakably under intoxicated.
"Logan, I'm not sure this is really the best idea you've ever had," Rory heard Finn caution him. "Hi, Rory. Sorry about this. He's a little out of it!" he added.
"Hi, Finn," Rory said. She was genuinely glad to hear his voice. Logan's too, in a way, but at the same time she sensed she had a reason to worry about him.
"Now, let me just talk to her. What's your problem!?" Rory heard Logan say to Finn rather rudely.
"Whatever, man," Finn's mumble reached Rory's ears.
"What's going on, Logan?" Rory asked in a whisper, not wanting to wake Tucker in the next room. Hotel bathrooms were notoriously poor at noise canceling, after all.
"We're just taking a night off and I thought of you. I just wanted to tell you how I'm sorry… I just keep going this over in my mind every single day, weighing the pros and cons and odds. Running scenarios… Hell, I'm close to just doing a SWOT and MDCA-s on this whole thing," Logan continued, laughing like a madman at the same time while still being able to talk risk analysis and decision making, being as drunk as he sounded.
"Going over what?" Rory asked, feeling confused.
"Odette and I - we're just partners, you know. There's nothing there but a void. A cold, empty….," Logan continued, trailing off as he no longer directly spoke into the microphone.
"And I know you don't want me, you've never really wanted me. So, I know how insane it is to even consider throwing everything away to just be a part of your life. A fraction of it… The life of our baby…. Remember, how we wanted to call a kid Matilda once - I know we were joking, but it's no longer a joke, is it?" Logan continued to ramble, recalling a very drunken conversation Rory and Logan had once had in college. They'd hardly been serious, just talked about names that'd had character, and mocked many of the society names they were surrounded with.
"Logan…," Rory exhaled. Hearing him say all of this confused her, but it also stung like a bitch. At the same time this was something she'd always feared, but never quite trusted herself to believe.
"You know, I don't even know if the baby's mine. Odette's, I mean. I just found out there's a possibility at least… and here I am feeling like I just want to ram my head against the wall for getting myself in this situation," Logan continued, expressing his rage towards himself as he said the latter.
"Logan! Enough! Let her go back to sleep. She doesn't need to hear it. Not now, not like this!" Rory heard Finn's voice again.
"I'm sorry, fine - fine! Hell, I might just go throw myself off the Beachy Head one of these days. I mean, because what is the point. What's the point - really? I mean, at least it'll pretty, you know!?" Logan continued, as Finn continued to get him off the phone.
"At least I would've done one thing right in my life. I am not saying this to make you feel bad, I am really not…" Logan said, pleading her to believe him, and his meaning with the former wasn't lost on Rory. He meant the baby. This caused Rory's eyes to swell with tears.
"Rory, I'm sorry," Finn said, having gotten a hold of Logan's phone. "Don't worry. I'll look after him. Sorry he called. He's just having a bad night," Finn said.
"Take care of him, okay?" Rory sniffle.
"I'll try," Finn promised, not sounding too sure of himself in the present moment.
