Can't What?
Warning: Love Scene
Ah, there she is, Jason thought with a sigh as Kelsi stepped out of her car to meet him, having accepted his invitation for a dinner out tonight. It wasn't a particularly special night, she had just seemed a bit… off over the past week and he thought a night out would do the trick for her. He knew after going out for a couple months that despite her own quirky style, she did enjoy getting dolled up for the night. He'd worn a pair of black jeans and a blue button down shirt, skipping the jacket with a summer heat wave still lingering, but Kelsi hadn't skipped over anything. He took her in as she made her way towards him, a beautiful vision of perfect brown curls, a sleek black pencil dress and dark purple heels. As she got closer, he also saw she'd dialled up her make up, making her eyes dark and captivating despite her light green irises.
"Wow," was all he could say as she got within arms reach.
"You look good too," she said with a smile and a hesitant kiss on his cheek. The look on his face when he was admiring her appearance always made Kelsi feel good, not that it was all about looks, but what girl wouldn't want that smile turned their way in admiration?
He wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her in close, pausing to look her over again before leaning in for a deep kiss on her lips. "Okay, lets get in there before I try to take you straight to my place," he said in a low voice as he turned her out and led her to the restaurant door.
Stepping inside, they were greeted by a warm, inviting atmosphere that contrasted with the modern, industrial-chic design. Exposed brick walls, softened by the gentle glow of Edison bulb pendant lights, provided a backdrop for a curated selection of local artwork. The air hung heavy with the enticing aroma of fresh herbs emanating from the open kitchen and promising a delicious meal ahead. Kelsi felt Jason's hand run snuggly down her waist, caressing the gentle curve down her hip. As they waited for the seating hostess, he leaned in close.
"Great dress, hun, you're gorgeous as always," he said softly in her ear, raising a subtle warmth to her cheeks. Just then, the seating hostess reappeared.
"Good evening, for two?" she asked. Jason nodded and she directed them to a booth in the corner. Kelsi sank into the plush seat, appreciating the reprieve from the day's chaos.
"How was your day today, Kels?" he asked, although she couldn't reply as their server came up promptly to offer them drinks to start.
"It was good, even though work was a bit of a shit show," she grumbled as she looked over the menu. Jason looked up from his own menu. Surprised at her tone, but he sensed her frustration.
"What happened?"
"Well I'm just not the best at sales, I have a really hard time with that. I'm great at the lesson part, but I can't seem to convince people to buy stuff."
"Are we ready to order folks?" The server reappeared and placed their drinks on the table. They each placed their orders and turned back to their conversation.
"That must be pretty stressful," Jason said, "anything I can do to help?"
Kelsi sat back in her seat with a huff. "It's alright," she said with a soft smile. "How about you? How was the shop today?"
"It was okay," he replied, "not a lot of challenges, mostly routine stuff, but hey, that's all gotta be done too. These ten hour days are kicking my ass though, I'm so tired by the time I get home, most nights I have to drag myself to the gym and basketball. Hope I've been an alright date for you as well."
"Uh oh," she said with a sarcastic sigh, "what would we do without the basketball?"
Jason chuckled with her, his history as a lead on the basketball team at East High gave her the pass to tease him. He couldn't help it, it was still good fun and kept him active so why give it up? "We all have our things, how many extra hours a day do you spend on the keys?" he asked with a teasing raise of his eyebrow.
"Touché," she replied, "guess an hour basketball game doesn't really compare with the three or four I usually spend at the keys a day."
"In one sitting?!" Jason asked, "when do you sleep?"
"When I can, with you," she replied, bringing a nod and chuckle from Jason, "not usually in one sitting, but I'd say that's about how many extra hours a day I practice."
Jason shook his head as their meals were set out and the waiter asked if they needed anything else. They each settled into their first few bites, but Jason still wondered why Kelsi felt the need to break her fingers over the piano all day. "Why such an intense practice regime?" he asked, "I mean, you're already amazing."
"Well I guess it's not about being good, it's about keeping my mind open to new things to discover, music is like that. Let me ask you, can you be sure that you could score a point from anywhere on the court?"
"Well no, not that the space to shoot from is the whole court, but I see your point," he replied with a slightly confused smile, "I think."
"What I'm saying is until you've practiced enough to be able to say you've at least taken a shot from every possible point on the court, you can't know if it's even a possibility that you need to work on. I won't know what I can do with my music until I try anything and everything and then explore it further."
"That's deep," he said before taking a sip of his drink, "any chance you'll apply that when you hop in bed with me?"
She laughed at his sneaky smile, but it faltered a bit, her mind dwelling on how much she would miss that smile when she wasn't seeing it nearly every day anymore. Her eyes drifted out the window again, it was as though a dark cloud of unspoken hurt had suddenly passed over her.
Jason searched her face, looking for what she wasn't saying. "Kelsi, are you alright, honey?" he asked. She glanced back at him then down at her plate, her eyes becoming glassy with emotion. "Come on, you can tell me anything," he probed again.
She heaved a heavy sigh and took a shaky sip of her drink, tears welling up in her eyes now, threatening to spill over. "Jason, I don't know if we should stay together." she said finally, her voice barely a whisper.
The words hit Jason's chest like a gunshot. He stared at her, his heart pounding, anxiously waiting for her to say something more.
"I know we've got the whole summer, but I might not make it back for Christmas. Even if I do, it'll be hard, the long distance I mean, when I go back to school."
"Whoa, that's a big jump there, Kels," he said, his voice tight with a mixture of surprise and hurt. "Why wouldn't we stay together just because we've got to be apart for a bit?"
She sunk back in the plush seat, the weight of her insecurities pressing down on her chest as she tried to breathe. "Well, I probably won't hold your attention very long when this summer fling ends."
"Alright, time out, Kelsi, that's not fair. Is that what you think? That I'm only here for the physical stuff?"
"Aren't you?" she whispered.
"Geez, Kels, no! What about all those late-night walks and talks? The way we laughed until our sides ached at that terrible drive-in movie, the hot dancing you do with me, the fun we've had meeting each others families… Sure, the physical stuff is amazing, and I won't lie about that, but it's not the only thing that keeps me coming back to you. Can't you see that I'm in love with you?" he said, fighting a surge of emotion as he let that word pass his lips. He pursed them tightly, realizing how much he truly meant it when the words left his mouth. Even as relief washed over him that what he felt had finally been said, a dread crept into his heart as he waited for her reply.
"I... I didn't know you felt that way," Kelsi's voice was small, as if she were afraid to believe it. Her eyes, wide with surprise, searched his face, looking for any sign of hesitation. The weight of the moment settled between them, thick and heavy.
Jason's heart pounded in his ears. He hadn't meant to say it so bluntly, but the words had spilled out in a true confession of his heart. And now, looking into Kelsi's eyes, he realized just how much those three words needed to be said. "I know it hasn't been long, and we have some things to figure out still, but one thing is for sure. I love you, Kelsi."
She shook her head. "I believe you, Jason, but I still don't think I can do it."
"Babe, don't toss all this away because of a little distance, we can still—"
"A little distance?!" she cut him off. "Jason, it's practically the whole country!" Her tears spilled over and she quickly dabbed her eyes with her napkin. "I'm sorry but I can't… I can't do this anymore."
"Do what? Have an amazing time with me? Have someone who loves you no matter where you are?"
"I can't let myself fall more in love with you. It'll just hurt too much when you move on. Face it, Jason. Long-distance is hard. It hardly lasts. The late-night calls that turn into missed calls, the growing silence between texts. You're such a great guy, it won't take you long to meet someone new, someone closer and I don't want you hung up on me when you could have better."
His eyes went wide and he scoffed, shaking his head in disbelief, but she continued. "And what about me? Will I be able to focus on school with my heart thousands of miles away?" She took a deep breath, trying to compose herself. "I care about you so much, and that's exactly why I have to let go now, before it hurts even more later."
"Kelsi, please look at me." He reached across the table and gently took her hand. "I understand your fears, I really do. But don't underestimate us. This is real, what we have, it's more than just sex and you know that. And I'm not going anywhere. When you come home, I'll be here, no matter what. I'm willing to fight for this, to put in the effort, to make sure we stay connected even when we're miles apart. I'll plan visits, make virtual date nights, keep the line open whenever you need me... We'll find ways."
Kelsi let go of his hand and stabbed at the last bites of her dinner, her heart breaking as her next words came out like chewed up glass. "I can't, Jason."
"Fine. If that's the way you feel, I don't know what else I can say to convince you that no one is going to replace you, Kels."
Silence fell over the table, heavy and suffocating. Jason's gaze lingered on Kelsi, searching for a flicker of hope, a change of heart. But her eyes remained downcast, her expression resolute. With a sigh, he reached for his wallet, sensing the evening was at an end, but his his fingers brushed against a familiar piece of paper tucked away. He pulled it out, revealing that movie ticket stub. The edges were starting to fray, the colours slowly fading, but the memory it held was vivid.
He held it out to her, his voice barely above a whisper. "Remember this?"
Kelsi's eyes widened as she took the ticket, her fingers tracing the fading lettering. A small smile tugged at the corners of her lips, a bittersweet echo of the laughter they had shared that night.
"Yeah, I do," she murmured with a soft smile. "That was the worst movie ever..."
"But it was the best night," Jason finished for her, his own voice catching in his throat. "Just like all the other nights with you." He paused, his gaze locking with hers. "You keep that, Kels," he said, his voice soft and kind. "So even when we're apart, you'll remember..."
Kelsi nodded, a single tear escaping and rolling down her cheek. She clutched the ticket stub tightly in her hand, even though it hurt to hold onto it, she would do it for him.
Jason waved the server down for the bill, his movements stiff and mechanical. He paid quickly, avoiding Kelsi's eyes as he did. They walked out of the restaurant in silence, the weight of the decision hanging heavy in the air. At their cars, they paused, facing each other.
"I guess I'll see you around," Kelsi said, her voice barely a whisper.
"Yeah," Jason replied, his voice equally subdued. "See you around."
They exchanged a final, lingering look, a mixture of sadness and misery over what couldn't be. Then, with heavy hearts, they turned and walked away, each carrying the weight of a brief romance that had been snuffed out… again.
So much for a nice evening out. Jason lay staring at the ceiling, tossing and turning for an hour, his thoughts running rampant over all that Kelsi had said. When he realized it was no use trying to sleep, he got dressed and sought out a familiar sound, one that he hoped would help. Soon the rhythmic draws of his breaths echoed through the near-empty gym as he grunted with each press.
Is this really the way it has to be? The thought echoed through Jason's mind as he strained against the weight, each rep a futile attempt to push away the knot of frustration in his chest. Kelsi's words hung heavy in the air, a dark cloud that had eclipsed the bright summer they were having.
A summer fling, she'd called it, but this had been so much more than that. He could still feel the warmth of her hand in his, the soft press of her lips against his, all flooding his senses with a bittersweet ache.
He remembered the first time they'd kissed, the hesitant exploration that landed him in her bed that night and happily late for work the next morning. The taste of her lips, the scent of her coconut perfume, the sounds of her desperate voice - it was all seared into his memory, a symphony of sensations that haunted him even now.
Why isn't it enough? he wondered, the weight on the bar suddenly feeling unbearable. He pictured her face, the way her eyes sparkled when she was happy, the way her brow furrowed in concentration when she was deep in thought. They'd bared their souls to each other in so short a time, shared secrets and dreams that no one else had ever heard. The thought of losing that intimacy, that unspoken understanding, made his stomach clench. He couldn't fathom letting it go, not when there was still so much unexplored territory between them.
But doubt gnawed at the edges of his resolve. Kelsi's fears were valid; long-distance relationships were notoriously difficult. He needed a way to convince her, to prove that their connection was strong enough to beat the distance, to remind her of the fire they'd rekindled together. Suddenly a familiar voice approached, starling Jason as he returned the bar to the rack.
"Dude, you trying to lift the whole place?" Chad's voice broke through Jason's thoughts, snapping him back to reality.
"Just blowing off steam, couldn't sleep," he admitted, wiping his brow. Chad raised an eyebrow, then gestured to the bench press.
"Mind a spotter?" Jason nodded and settled back down under the bar.
Chad raised an eyebrow. "Kelsi trouble?"
Jason nodded. "She decided she doesn't want to be official since she's going back to New York after the summer and dumped me."
Chad's eyes widened in surprise. "Damn, that's lousy man. Taylor felt the same way when she left for Yale," Chad began to confess, but he snapped his hands under the bar lightning fast when Jason's arms began to shake, helping him return the bar to the rack. "Come on, dude, take a break, you're gonna hurt yourself."
Jason stood and slumped against the closest wall, falling to a crouch as he sipped back some water. "I don't get it, man," he lamented as he caught his breath, "we were having such a great summer."
Chad leaned up against a nearby weight rack. "It's more than just a fling then, huh?" Jason's jaw tightened, but he didn't answer. "Look, Jase, I know you've had your share of hookups and brief romances. They've never bothered you before. What makes Kelsi so different? Not so easy to break up with a girl you've known longer than a week?"
Jason hesitated, then met Chad's gaze. "It's been way more than a fling, man. I love her." He looked down at his hands, flexing his fingers. "It's everything about her. She's smart, driven, passionate... and she's beautiful, inside and out. I won't lie, she's dynamite in bed too, but she's more than that to me. Only she won't see that. I told her I love her and she still broke up with me."
"She's probably confused and trying to make the best choice," Chad mused, "of course she's worried, overthinking it. It's what girls do."
They shared a chuckle before Jason took a deep breath. "I get it she's scared," he answered, "but I want to try and make it work. She's not even willing to give us a shot."
Chad heaved a heavy sigh, thinking of his own experience. "Taylor and me made it work somehow," he said with a soft smile. "It was tough, don't get me wrong, that first year was brutal. We argued, we missed each other like crazy, but we talked. Every night. About everything. It wasn't perfect, but we made it work because we knew we were worth it to each other."
Jason looked at Chad, the defeat still in his eyes. "So what? I want to try, but it doesn't mean anything if she won't try."
"Well then don't let her give up," Chad said firmly. "If Kelsi's the real deal, fight for her. Keep trying to show her you're in this for the long haul. Distance can be tough, but it doesn't have to break you. It can actually make you stronger if you put in the effort." Chad watched Jason's face and noticed the hard lines etching into his brow as the wheels of his mind turned at full speed. "What are you thinking, Jase?" he asked.
A shy smile spread across Jason's face. "I think she's the best thing that's ever happened to me, and I can't lose her again."
Chad nodded slowly. "Sounds like the real deal then."
At that moment, Jason's phone buzzed. His heart beat rapidly as he read the message and he jumped to his feet.
"I have to go. Thanks, Chad, for listening and for the pep talk."
Chad laughed as Jason quickly gathered his things, "I was gonna ask what the hell you were still doing here."
Kelsi shivered as she stared at the ceiling, the events of the evening replaying behind her eyelids. Tears, unwelcome but undeniable, had traced a damp path down her cheeks. It wasn't how she'd envisioned the night unfolding, but the knot of worry over the future had tightened to the point of choking her. Now, the silence of her room pressed in on her, heavy and suffocating. Sleep seemed miles away. She had called Martha and poured her heart out about the whole thing, trusting in her friend's conviction that she wasn't being ridiculous.
"He told me he loves me, Martha, but I don't know if I can love him if I'm missing him so much," she cried into the phone.
"It would be really hard Kelsi, I know it all too well with Dan," she had said and Kelsi concluded that she wasn't crazy. But then Martha added, "But honey, I'm still with Dan because I love him more than the distance between us. You don't have to be hanging off each other to be in love."
Kelsi's heart ached over the memories she and Jason had already made. He was right, their relationship had been more than just sex, their intimacy had become deeper with the many different ways they spent enjoying each other's company. Whether shooting pool with friends, cruising in his Mustang, or cooking up a storm together, she loved every moment.
Kelsi's mind drifted to the sensual notes of their relationship. The way his rough hands managed to glide over her skin, how he knew every place that made her moan, the way he whispered her name when he was finished making love to her, each thought bringing a warm flutter and an accompanying pain that there might not be any more of them. But there could be more of them, even if there were longer gaps between them. The choice was hers.
As her mind still floundered, she made her way downstairs and found her dad in the living room, the faint echo of the football game drifting into the dark hallway. She nestled in beside him, the weight of her decision pressing heavy on her heart.
"Everything okay, sweetheart?" he asked, not taking his eyes off the screen. The gentle rumble of his voice was a soothing balm to her frayed nerves.
She let out a sigh, the sound heavy with emotion. "I think I just made a mistake."
He muted the game, turning to her with furrowed brows. Concern etched lines across his forehead, a stark contrast to the easygoing expression he usually wore. "What's that mean?"
"Well, it's about Jason... We've been hanging out a lot, it's been great." A wistful smile played on her lips, a fleeting memory of sun-drenched days and passionate nights. "But he asked me to be his girlfriend even though I go back to school at the end of the summer, and the long-distance... I don't know, it just seems impossible." The smile faded, replaced by a shadow of doubt.
Her dad nodded, a knowing glint in his eyes. "Ah, love is always complicated, isn't it?" He reached over, squeezing her hand reassuringly.
She gave a weak smile. "Yeah, something like that."
He leaned back, his gaze thoughtful. "Honey, sometimes life throws you a curveball, and you gotta decide whether to swing for the fences or play it safe. Long-distance is tough, no doubt about it. But if this guy's worth it, maybe it's a risk worth taking. You don't want to look back one day and wonder 'what if?'"
Her heart felt a bit lighter, his words helping clear the fog in her mind. "Thanks, Dad."
He added, "Look, I'm not gonna tell you what to do. You're smart, you'll figure it out. But I've seen the way you two look at each other. Jason's a good guy. If you think it's worth a shot, go for it. Don't let fear hold you back from something that could be great."
A sudden determination filled her eyes, replacing the earlier uncertainty. "Dad I know it's late but… can I borrow the truck tonight?"
"Of course, K, bring it back in one piece alright?" He said with a wink and a smile.
When Kelsi pulled up in front of Jason's house, his Jeep was gone, but the porch light was on. Taking a deep breath she eased the truck door open, slipping out into the night to make her way up to his porch steps. She pulled out her phone and sent him a text.
Can you come home, baby?
Exhaustion mingled with urgency as Jason sped home from the gym. When he pulled in, his headlights fell on a lone figure seated on his front steps, bathed in the soft glow of the porch light. It was her. His pulse quickened. He parked the Jeep and approached her, each step a mix of trepidation and hope. "Kelsi?" he asked, his voice hushed in the stillness of the night.
She looked up, her eyes shimmering with unshed tears. "Hey, Jason."
He sat beside her, their knees brushing. "What brings you here?"
"I couldn't stop thinking about what you said," she confessed, her voice a fragile whisper. "About us."
"And?" Jason asked, his heart pounding in his chest.
Kelsi took a deep breath, her gaze unwavering. "And I realized… I don't want to let fear get in the way of something that could be amazing. I want to give us a chance. I'd like to be your girlfriend, Jason."
Relief washed over Jason like a tidal wave. "Really?"
A shy smile bloomed on Kelsi's face. "Yeah, really."
He leaned in, cupping her face in his hands to pull her close. Their kiss was slow and tender at first, a gentle exploration of their newfound commitment. But as their lips moved in sync, a deeper longing ignited, a spark of passion that had held on. Kelsi's fingers tangled in his hair, pulling him closer. His hands roamed her back, tracing the curve of her spine. When they finally broke apart, they were breathless, their cheeks flushed.
"Come inside," Jason murmured, his voice husky. "Let's talk." He stood and pulled her to her feet with him. He fumbled his keys out of his pocket, barely managing to get the door open and make their way inside as her hands snaked around his waist. Kelsi slammed the door behind them.
"I need you first," she said as she ripped her shirt over her head, "then we'll talk." Her heart and body had been aching for him ever since she left the restaurant. Now they were together, and she was desperate. He promptly stripped his own shirt off, sweaty as it was from his rushed exit from the gym, and backed her against the wall.
"Mind if I shower after?" he asked in between kisses.
She nodded and replied, "okay, just take me to bed, Jason. I want you."
After their couple months together, she had made him a condom in the wallet kind of guy, and he was ready to answer her request, albeit sooner than she expected. Quickly retrieving it, he handed it to her and unzipped. In one swift movement, he also made her yoga pants and underwear hit the floor.
"Jason! What are you doing?!" she exclaimed.
"You said you need me, so get that on already. Can't waste time taking you upstairs, I'll have you right here."
Kelsi trembled at the thought of what he planned to do, fumbling with the condom until she finally rolled it into place. "Okay, you're ready," she announced, snaking her arms around his neck.
"You're damn right I'm ready." He grasped the underside of her knee, caressing her soft skin for a moment. With one hand braced on the wall beside her head, he lifted her leg over his hip, probed for the right place and pushed inside, groaning deeply with satisfaction.
Kelsi nearly fell apart right then and there, pinned against the wall by their desperate longing for each other. As he surged into her over and over, she felt her head beginning to spin at the force he carried on with. If he wasn't holding her in his strong embrace, she'd have crumpled to the floor by now. It was so raw, so primal, yet emotional. There was more to say, but for now the only sounds that filled the hall were her pants of delight and him swearing under his breath.
"Kels, you feel so damn good," he gasped, "come for me, baby, let go." At his instruction, she surrendered, not once, but twice as he kept pressing hard into her.
"Jason, I'm done," she gasped, clawing frantically at his back to keep standing. "Finish this, babe!"
The workout had left him with hardly any energy for this, but he gathered all the strength he had left and poured it into her trembling body. He came too and came hard, completely worn out. After a long day at work, then their stressful date, followed by his gruelling workout, he had to fight hard to keep upright. His head dropped to her shoulder as hers fell back against the wall, both utterly spent and unable to form any words yet.
Finally, Kelsi spoke. "Jason, I have to tell you something."
He lifted his head to press his forehead into hers. As their breaths regulated, Kelsi shifted her body and eased him out gently.
"Why don't I deal with this, then we'll head upstairs and… talk some more?" he replied with a kiss on her nose and quickly ducked into the downstairs bathroom.
"I'll meet you upstairs," Kelsi said softly. Grabbing her clothes, she retreated up the stairs, neglecting to put them on. Jason took a quick shower and met Kelsi in his bed, their bodies entwining, molding together seamlessly.
"Kels, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to upset you. I just really want us to be together, more than anything," he murmured in her ear.
"I'm sorry too Jason, you were right all along," she relented. "This is more than either of us expected and I just got scared of losing it. What we have is too special to me."
He breathed deep as he caressed her face, the soft green of her eyes signalling him to go, and go all in. "Kels, I may not know exactly what the future has in store, but I know one thing: I won't lose you again," he said before planting a soft kiss on her lips. "I'll do whatever it takes to be in your life."
Tears welled up in Kelsi's eyes, but not the mournful tears she'd already cried that night. These were happy tears, filled with relief that this didn't have to end, that she could go on dreaming about their uncertain future together, because it would surely be together. "Can I stay?" she asked, laying her cheek against his shoulder.
Jason fought to stay awake as she traced her fingers gently across his chest. Before he let himself drift off, he shook his head to rouse his senses once more. "You know you can," he murmured.
"One more thing," she whispered, turning his face towards hers. His eyes fluttered open and settled on hers. "I love you, too, Jason. So much."
