Chapter 19
Factis ut credam facis
"No need of words, trust deeds"


"It is not violence that best overcomes hate—
nor vengeance that most certainly heals injury. "
Jane Eyre


He'd been sitting outside the hut, listening, watching, waiting for some sign that she needed him or that she was awake.

His ears flattened at the sound of her tears and wailing sobs. A low whine broke out of his throat as he listened. He'd dropped her at Kaede's in the early morning, leg giving out as he stepped into the hut. But the old woman had been awake and took her eagerly. He told her everything he knew. He stumbled over some parts, and Kaede's hands shook, pausing briefly as she stared at the sleeping girl, before continuing to work.

And once Miroku and Sango arrived, he left to hide out in the tree within listening distance of the small hut. Kaede fussed over her, and Sango was practically glued at her side again. He understood that need, wanted to be there again.

Wind blew through the village, swirling through the branches, catching his hair and clothes, and the little bits of bark that he'd picked off his branch. In the hours of waiting and watching, he'd nicked the branch clean where he sat. Claws sliding against the bark, he picked at the branch, carving his nails underneath the protective coating until the smooth wood underneath was revealed. But he sat. Waited for some sign that he could—that he could do something for her.

She didn't want to see him, hadn't wanted to see him and now, she's in there crying and he couldn't do fuck all about it. He wanted to go in there, and just exist beside her because that felt normal. Silent support was his best gift to anyone, but fuck if her avoidance wasn't damaging in more ways than one. He was used to rejection. So why did this hurt so badly? He'd whined more in the last week than in his entire life and all because of her. And she didn't even want him around? Even now, something grated at him to go inside the hut and be smothered in her presence. But he wouldn't, not if she didn't want him.

He wouldn't force her to do anything.

The tears died off, and he could hear soft female voices speaking.

He should go hunt—something—for her. Prove that he was—what exactly? Useful? Worthy of being her friend or at least someone worth looking in the eye again?

Instead, Sango emerged from the hut, eyes searching for something, alighting when they landed on him. He leaned forward, but she gave a subtle shake of the head, halting his movements. She brought Kagome outside, helping her onto Kirara.

No? He wasn't allowed? That both guilted and infuriated him. Like hell he was staying away! Just—out of sight for a bit. That's all. She wouldn't know. He watched, snarling quietly to himself, at not being the one to help. They started off towards the edge of town, and he followed, leaping from tree to tree, struggling against himself. He kept to the shadows, watching, guarding.


"Inuyasha, we all know that you're there," Miroku commented. "You might as well come down." He growled, leaping down in front of them. Of course, Miroku knew he was there. Who else would've been able to get to Kaede's and back that quickly with what she needed?

He'd always provide whatever she needed or wanted.

He dropped down in front of the sleeping girl.

"What are you doing?" Inuyasha hissed. "You're just going to let her sleep out here? It's fucking cold. And she'll get fucking sick!"

"I assure you, we have no intention of letting Kagome fall ill," Miroku reassured him.

"The sun is good for her," Sango answered, running her fingers through Kagome's hair.

"What's wrong with Kagome?" Shippo asked, and all faces turned to the kit who had snuggled in between her arms, resting against her chest. "She smells weird." He crinkled his nose at the mention it. "Kagome doesn't smell like herself." He shifted in her hold to look at them.

"Shippo," Sango started.

"She was hurt, right? So when is she going to get better?" He glanced between them all, clearly looking for some sort of answer, which he didn't have.

"She needs time to heal, Shippo. You'll have to be patient," Sango finally answered, still stroking the crown of her head.

"Maybe it would be best if she went home. Her time has better medicine than here. It might do her some good to be away," Miroku suggested.

"But she just got back," Shippo whined, snuggling in tighter against her. "She can't go away now."

"We have to do what's best for Kagome, Shippo. I don't like it either, but if it helps her, then we have to do it." Sango's words echoed in his head.

He didn't want her to go anywhere. She belonged here, where he could see her and watch her, make sure she was eating enough. Make sure she stayed healthy and safe. He was the only one that could ensure that she was safe and protected. They don't even know who took her. She needed to stay within his sight so he could take care of her. If she went through the well—he didn't know her world well enough to protect her there. She was safer here. With him. It was the only reason he hadn't left to hunt down the bastards that did this to her. She needed him, and he was going to be here to supply whatever she needed. Whether she knew it or not. Whether she wanted it or not.

"Inuyasha," Miroku's voice brought him back to the present. "We all know that you're going to be in earshot no matter what. Just think about it."

"Keh," he scoffed. "It's her choice, ain't it?" He squatted down, pulling Shippo out of her arms and dumping him in the monk's lap. Shippo yelped his displeasure with being removed, but Miroku held onto him as Inuyasha picked Kagome up from the ground, still wrapped in the blanket. "I'm taking her back before she gets sick."

"Inuyasha, there's really no need—" Sango started.

"Don't argue. It ain't happening." His tone brokered no argument, and the two humans merely sighed before following him shortly after he left the meadow.

He carried her back down the path, making sure that he moved smoothly and quietly to allow the girl to sleep. It was good for her. This wasn't an unnatural sleep. She was just tired. He carefully watched her, waiting for any sign that something was wrong. Holding her made him feel a little better, but seeing her awake dispelled the anxiety he felt.

A cold breeze washed over them, and he felt her turn towards him, as if seeking his warmth. He rubbed his thumb along her blanket covered thigh, relishing the weight of her in his arms.

He missed her.

He missed her more than he'd ever missed anyone.

But she didn't want him there.

So he'd take whatever contact he could get. Relish it, savor it, remember it when there was no more.

The walk took longer than it should have, but he was purposeful. He'd claim that she was sleeping lightly, and he didn't want to disturb her, and that was true, but he wanted to be selfish. Enjoy the feel of her against him for as long as he could.

But the walk had to end sooner or later, and he sighed as the hut came into view. He glanced down at the girl. She cowered at everything, and the thought of her being so subdued, broke something in him, made him want to whine and grovel, anything to make her feel better, like herself.

Taking her inside of Kaede's hut, he glanced over at the old woman, who merely stared at him. He sniffed, turning away, and moving her inside the small storage room attached to the side of her house.

They'd added onto her hut a few months ago. It gave her more room, especially since they were staying so frequently. It had taken a couple of weeks, but Kagome had a round of tests to complete, so they decided to do the work then. Her roof needed some new thatching as it was. Some of the villagers helped or donated materials, but they'd added on a couple of rooms for her, so they weren't quite as cramped as before.

He settled her on the futon and dragged the blanket up to her chin. She made a soft noise in her throat and he froze, waiting. But she snuggled further into her blankets, and stilled. A clawed finger brushed some of her hair away from her face.

They shouldn't have taken her outside like that. Not without something to keep her warm. They should have known better.

He stood and walked out of the room.

"She's asleep?" Kaede asked.

"Yeah," he mumbled, glancing back at the doorway. He started for the reed mat.

"Inuyasha, ye can stay," she insisted.

"No, I can't," he walked out the door and leapt onto the roof. He saw the others walking up the hut.

"Is she asleep still?" Sango asked and Inuyasha nodded. She went in, but Miroku hesitated just outside the hut.

He opened his mouth to speak.

"Don't. Just don't."

Miroku let out a sigh and disappeared into the hut.


"Would you please come down here?" Miroku sounded exasperated.

Inuyasha didn't bother answering, just a quick cut of the eyes. A glance and then look away. It was an obvious 'no.'

"Inuyasha, please. We both know that you're hungry."

Inuyasha growled as his own stomach betrayed him; he was hungry, famished actually, but he didn't want to upset her anymore than she already was. He grimaced at the thought.

"Please, we need to talk about Kagome," Miroku insisted.

His body moved without thought.

"What? What is it? What's wrong with her?"

Miroku sighed long and deep.

"Inside," he gestured to the mat covering the doorway. "If I knew that it was that easy—oof!" Inuyasha scowled and let the mat knock him in the face as he went inside.

"Ah, Inuyasha, have a seat," Kaede commanded and he scowled. Miroku passed him taking a seat along the far wall. His ear flicked towards the storage room, listening for any sounds of distress or discomfort from the girl inside. Sango was in there. Shippo, however, crawled into Miroku's lap, staring forlornly at the doorway.

Kaede cleared her throat to drag his focus back to her.

"As I said, have a seat over there." She motioned to a cushion near Miroku. He started to make a remark, but she stopped him. "It was not a request, Inuyasha."

Glowering at the old woman, he moved to the assigned cushion and plopped down on top of it, arms crossed and making his unhappiness clear to everyone in the room. She continued stirring the pot.

"Well, you gonna say something or not?"

"After dinner, and once Kagome is asleep."

"Then why the fuck—ow!" Miroku cuffed him, hard, against his ear.

"Stop taking your irritation out on us! We're all worried about her too. So stop the pity party and do something that is actually helpful!"
Miroku didn't get it. None of the humans actually understood what it was like.

She was hurt. She was hurt, and there was fucking nothing he could do about it, except make it worse by existing in her presence.

He missed—he missed everything—he missed her—he missed the way she laughed—and the thought that she'd never be the same Kagome again rattled him more than he wanted to admit.

Shippo broke his thoughts when he climbed into his lap, curling into a small ball, brushing his own tail in a form of self-comfort. Probably something his mother used to do when she was alive. There was a low whine coming from him, and Inuyasha glanced back at the room before dragging his own claws through the kit's fur. The whine paused, and Shippo relaxed back against his leg.

He looked away from the door, turning back to Kaede who seemed mildly relieved.

"So that's what he wanted," Miroku murmured, clearly impressed that Inuyasha had figured it out.

"No different than human brats," he grumbled.

"No, it would seem not," Kaede agreed. "Sango," she called, "would ye wake Kagome? Dinner is ready."

"She's asleep, hag," he growled.

"Yes, and she can sleep again once she's had some nourishment."

"Is that why you've got that shit caked with vegetables?"

Kaede only glared at him, a piercing look with her one good eye.

Sango's voice was soft, but the sudden, sharp gasp and loud rustle of material told him that Kagome was awake and terrified about it.

"Shh, it's just me," Sango whispered as Kagome took a long, shuddering breath.

"Yeah, no, I know, sorry—" Kagome rambled.

"Dinner's ready. Here, let me help you." Sango always spoke softly to her, and he heard an equally soft grunt as she pushed herself to her feet, shuffling out towards the main room.

He stared at the doorway, waiting for her to appear, and when she did, still leaning heavily on Sango, he exhaled the breath he'd been holding.

She was pale, thin, sickly looking.

Kaede was right, she did need to eat.

That looming need to provide reared up, and he squashed it down with distraction from Shippo, whose tail fluffed and swished as he saw her too, knocking against his hand in his own eagerness at seeing her up and about and not fucking crying for once.

Sango brought her towards the fire, and Kagome looked at him. Looked at him. She started to say something, and he nearly leaned forward, almost crawling to his knees, waiting for her to speak to him. Forgive him for failing her, for leaving her to the wilds, for just—everything.

But her mouth snapped shut and she grimaced at the effort of lowering herself down onto the cushion.

"That seems to be less painful today," Kaede added.

"Yeah, still hurts though."

He couldn't stop his ears from lowering or the soft, near silent whine that came from him. Shippo tilted his head back to look at him, a placating look on his face, and he softly patted the wrist in front of him. They were both upset about it, and both were restricted from doing anything about it.

Kagome took a bowl of stew from Kaede and sipped from it gingerly. Her hands shook slightly as she held it.

He watched her intently, eyes focused on everything her body did, ears flickering at each and every noise she made. Every movement, every noise was magnified in the unshakable quiet that smothered the small hut.

Shippo stayed seated in his lap, happily accepting the bowl from Sango in his little claws and gripping the chopsticks carefully. Kagome ate in abject silence, face never lifting from the bowl.

But he caught a look flashing between the other three. They know something he doesn't and that—that secret keeping—that bothers him more than it should. He has every right to know every aspect of her care, her recovery, what she needs, what she wants—

His inner rampage stalls at that realization. What she wants is clear—not him. His ears flatten against his head, and he feels Shippo's little hand pat his thigh, breaking his spiraling focus.

Kagome set her bowl on the floor, and instantly, like a switch had been flipped, he focused back on her.

"Would you like some more, child?" Kaede asked.

"Oh, no, thank you. I'm really full." She took a sip of tea, and Inuyasha practically salivated at the sound of her voice so close to him. Still soft, muted compared to before, but it was still her. It was still Kagome.

She flashed a quick and brief smile, no longer than a heart beat, at them before attempting to push herself up to her own feet. Sango wordlessly helped her up and into the storage room, asking if she needed anything before going to bed. A quiet moment and Sango reappeared, reclaiming her seat again. No one spoke, but he listened to the soft sounds of her breathing as he waited.


Kaede stood up with a long sigh. One that spoke of an unpleasant conversation to follow.

"Inuyasha, Miroku." It was a simple statement of their names, but it was an obvious request for them to follow.

"Shippo and I will take care of the dishes—" Shippo opened his mouth to protest, "Won't we?" He glowered at Sango, tail twitching behind him. "Someone has to help me watch over Kagome. Do you want me to pick someone else?"

"Fine," he grumbled, crossing his arms and clearly pouting.

Inuyasha stepped out of the hut, feeling defensive and anxious at the foreboding tension in the air.

In the stillness of the evening, he could hear Shippo complaining to Sango about being treated like a kid and that he had a right to know what was wrong with Kagome too. Inuyasha focused his attention back onto the two people in front of him, who were now moving towards the far side of the hut.

But the longer they stayed quiet, the more anxiousness built up in his chest. He needed to know what was wrong. If it was something simple, they wouldn't need to speak with him in a place where they were less likely to be overheard.

Kaede paused, stopping and turning to face him. Miroku stood beside her, looking equally grim-faced.

"Well?" He snapped at the two of them.

"Inuyasha, you need to calm yourself—" Miroku started.

"What the fuck do you need to tell me all the way out fucking here?" His voice raised in volume the longer he spoke.

"Inuyasha, I asked ye to wait in an effort to not disturb Kagome, so kindly lower your voice," Kaede's tone was firm and even. Crossing his arms, he huffed, looking off towards the woods. The anxiousness made him want to run, but that wouldn't solve anything now, would it? And he needed to prove to them that he was capable. Though the 'why' behind it he was still racking his brain to figure out. He didn't have to prove himself to anyone.

"Fine." His voice was low, but still loud enough to be clearly heard. "What is it?"

"Have you noticed anything different about Kagome?" Miroku asked after a moment.

"What kind of fucking question is that? Everything is fucking different!" He hissed the words out, making a clear effort to keep it down to a reasonable volume.
Kaede cleared her throat.

"Have ye sensed anything amiss with her reiki?" She clarified.

"Her reiki?" He tried to think back, but it wasn't something that he'd paid attention to as of late. There had been slightly more pressing matters to attend to. "What are you two getting at? Spit it out, would ya?"

"Kagome's reiki—" Miroku paused, glancing at Kaede as if looking for guidance.

"—it's gone." She finished. Inuyasha stood, the words cycling through his head.

"What do you mean 'gone'?" He asked. "How—I thought—" He fumbled for the words as he organized his rapidly scattering thoughts, that only grew more and more so the more he tried to organize them.

"It's gone, Inuyasha. Just vanished."

"But reiki doesn't do that, right?" His gaze flickered between the two of them. "When did it—?"

"I noticed it first," Kaede said. "I asked Miroku to confirm."

"I couldn't sense anything either. Not like it was before she went missing."

"But why—" And then it clicked. Shrine maidens were always maidens. His chest tightened; his fault—it was his fault. He'd cost her something invaluable. He'd taken something from her. No wonder she couldn't stand being around him. "It's permanent?"

"We—we're not sure," Miroku stated, hands flexing on his staff. "I assumed that it had diminished because she'd been so—injured."

"There have always been stories about priestesses who lost their powers after taking lovers. There's a reason priestesses remain unmarried."

He flinched.

"So how do we get it back? Her reiki? How do we get it back?"

Kaede sighed and shook her head.

"That's not how it works, Inuyasha." She glanced at Miroku. "I've never heard tale of anyone having their reiki return once it's vanished."

He swallowed, a lump in his throat threatening to choke him.

Kaede seemed to be taking some sympathy on his plight, and he broke away from her knowing stare to look at the trees again.

There had to be something. How many times had he—they—gone against the impossible and not only survived but succeeded at what they wanted to do? There—there had to be another way. There had to be something that he could do!

"What's going to happen to her?" He asked, voice quiet, restrained.

"She will be as any other woman who never had reiki."

"It won't hurt her? To have it disappear like that?"

"She—" Kaede hesitated. "You understand that she will no longer be able to sense youki or the shards."

His head snapped to face her, gaze narrowing. Miroku cleared his throat, as if trying to alleviate the tension.

How dare she? Did she really think so little of him?

He glanced at Miroku, who looked about ready to ask the same question.

Did they all think so little of him? He felt the rage building at the insinuation that he valued her less than the jewel. He hadn't even thought about that stupid thing since she disappeared the first fucking time.

He snarled at the thought before turning to Kaede, who to her merit, didn't shy away from him.

"I don't give a fuck about the shards! Do you think I'm really fucking concerned about finding the fucking jewel shards right now?" He raged. "Fuck, Kaede! Just fucking fix her already!"

She sighed.

"Inuyasha, there's nothing to fix," Miroku stated calmly.

"There's everything to fix!" He pointed to the storage room where she slept. "That ain't Kagome! So make her Kagome again! Make her—" He stopped himself short. "Just—Just make her better."

"Inuyasha, these things take time for to heal. She will get better, but it will take time," Kaede stated.

He growled, baring his fangs at her.

"Just fucking fix her, hag. I'm not asking again." He leapt away to avoid any more questions and assumptions.

Kaede sighed again.

"I'm afraid, Miroku, that disaster looms on the horizon."

"He will understand." Miroku stepped closer to Kaede, resting a hand on her shoulder. "It will take time and what little patience he has, but he will come through for her. He always does."

"Aye, I fear he's hurting just as much as she is." She exhaled through her nose. "Come let us go inside. The night is a little cool for these old bones."
He watched them enter the tiny little hut and moved to the roof to listen, keep better watch over its occupants.

They couldn't seriously think that he'd put her health and safety at risk for the shards. Maybe at the very beginning, but even then, he didn't want her to die. Even at his angriest with Kikyo, he never wanted to kill her. He was just angry, hurt, betrayed, for fuck's sake.

Now, he listened to her breathing, listened to her sleep. Sango was in the room with her, but Shippo slept outside with Miroku. He could hear the whimpering and Miroku consoling him with barely audible murmurs. He couldn't hear what he was saying, only that he was speaking.

How had everything gone to shit this quickly?

He sighed, laying back against the roof and staring at the crescent moon above him. It was almost time again.

He wanted Kagome back.

No, that wasn't right.

He had Kagome back.

He just wanted his Kagome back.


A/N: Thank you so much for all the comments. I hope you guys enjoy the chapter this week. See you next week!