Chapter 37
Etiam sanato vulnere cicatrix manet
"Though the wound is healed, a scar remains"
"Just because I made it here
doesn't mean it was easy.
And just because I don't seem overwhelmed
doesn't mean I'm not."
—Queens of Geek
"Big Brother!" Souta shouted, throwing her door open.
Inuyasha leapt over her, claws extended, standing in front of her as her brother grinned up at his idol.
"Souta!" Kagome chastised, pushing herself up to her feet. "Don't just come in shouting like that!"
"Whatever, sis! Come on, Inuyasha," he darted forward to snag the hanyou's hand, dragging him out the door.
"Hey!" Kagome shouted, hurrying after them. She started down the stairs, but the first few steps made a sharp pain rocket up the front of her knee, and she hissed. Inuyasha was immediately in front of her, hands out.
"What? Are you hurt?" His hands rested on her waist.
"I'm fine. I think I just took the stairs too fast."
"Dummy," he mumbled, "why'd you do that?"
"Dunno," she answered, taking a tentative step down before he seemed to relax, removing his hands from her. "I think that it's fine as long as I don't rush."
"We can ask the hag about it when we go back." He kept pace with her, making sure that she wasn't about to slip and throw herself down the stairs.
"I'm okay, Inuyasha," she told him quietly. He scoffed, and she patted his shoulder, smiling as they moved to sit down at the table.
"Everything okay?" Her mother asked, eyebrow raised at their arrival.
"Yeah, you ran back up really fast," Souta added.
"Oh, it was nothing," Kagome said with a wave her hand.
Her mother didn't reply but started passing around bowls so that they could begin spooning food onto their plates. The first few minutes were silent except for the occasional murmuring for them to pass things around the table.
"So Kagome, what took you away for so long?" Her mother asked.
"Oh, um, we just got waylaid in a town that was a little far from the village."
"Was there a problem?" She asked. "Why were you stuck there?"
"I—uh—hurt my leg in a fight, and we decided to wait until it was better."
Her mother looked at her, staring and Kagome could feel the scrutinizing looks she was getting. The scratches on her neck were small and it was mostly just slightly pink patches on her skin, even the weird burn on her chest was mostly healed over and peeling now.
Kagome met her mother's gaze, though the hand not holding her chopsticks had gripped onto Inuyasha's pant leg, holding a fistful of fabric in her fingers. He didn't say a word as he set his chopsticks down and grabbed her hand, running his thumb over her knuckles as he chewed. Her fingers released their death grip on his pants, but not fully letting him go, and he picked up his chopsticks and kept eating.
"And you're alright?" Her mother asked, and Kagome panicked. What was she supposed to say?
"She's fine. Just needed a bit of time to recover," Inuyasha answered. "Had Sango acting like a mother hen the entire time."
Her mother blinked once before smiling at Inuyasha's answer.
"It's good to hear that you have people taking care of you on the other side of the well too."
Inuyasha scoffed, and Kagome just stared at him.
Had he really just answered her mother's question when she didn't?
"Souta, tell me how your history test was today," her mother asked, turning her attention away from Kagome and onto her brother.
"Eat," he murmured, nudging her hand as it still clutched at his leg. "Your food is getting cold."
She looked back at her plate; her chopsticks wavered as she tried to focus on taking a small bite of something, anything. Inuyasha had picked up his chopsticks again, his other hand stretched across his lap and wrapped over her fist, soothing her anxiety.
A quick breath and she took another bite of food, releasing the death grip on his pants.
She could do this. It was only dinner.
And it was Saturday tomorrow! It was just a couple days at home. She could handle this. It wasn't like she had to go to school.
Besides Inuyasha was here. Nothing could hurt her. Nothing would get to her like that again; he'd make sure of it.
"Is your leg still hurting?" Her mother asked, and Kagome only caught the flinch half a second before it happened.
"Uh, a little. It's not bad, really!" She tried to cover. "Just if I try to run on it."
Inuyasha didn't make a remark, but she knew that he was filing that information away for future use and reference.
"Hmm, maybe we should take you to see a doctor while you're here," she mused.
"Oh, no, I don't think that's necessary, besides, we'll need to be heading back soon as it is." She took another bite of her food, looking over at Inuyasha whose ears were flicking ever so slightly. He didn't say a word, but she knew that his mind was racing through questions and comments; he was just opting to not speak at the moment.
"But you just got back, Kagome. Surely you and Inuyasha can stick around for a few days. Resting is an important part of recovery, you know."
"You have to take good care of your joints, Kagome, or else you'll wind up a crackling old man like me."
"Grandpa, she'd have to have a sex change to wind up an old man like you," Souta commented, earning a smack to the back of his head courtesy of Grandpa, and Inuyasha choked on his food.
Kagome patted his back, reaching over to hand him his glass of water, as he coughed and hacked.
He took the glass and practically chugged the entire thing before.
"I mean, I guess it wouldn't hurt to stay a little longer, right?" Kagome asked him, and he shook his head. She turned towards her mother, "we'll figure out when we need to get back later, okay?"
Her mother smiled and conversation continued pleasantly until the end of dinner, when her mother sent her upstairs to rest and relax. Inuyasha followed her as she started towards the stairs.
"Oh, Inuyasha, would you wait for a moment?" She called after him, and Kagome turned to look at him, wide-eyed and afraid.
"Go," he said with a gentle hand on her hip. "I'll be up right after you." She stared for a moment before nodding, and taking a slow step up the stairs. He waited until she was at the top before walking back into the kitchen.
She reached her room, closing the door, and pacing the small distance between her bed and her desk. Why had her mother kept him after? What did she want?
Did her mother know? Had she figured it out?
Maybe she was telling him that they were going to disown her.
Maybe she should get her stuff together and start packing. Just in case.
But no one had said anything.
What if he was telling her now? What if he was telling her entire family right now?
No, he wouldn't do that. He wouldn't tell them without consulting her first.
He wouldn't betray her like that.
Her door opened, and she spun on her heels as he walked in, closing the door behind him.
"What did she want? What did you talk about? What took you so long?"
His eyes widened before narrowing as he stared at her for a moment as she crossed the scant distance and gripped the sleeves of his haori.
"She just asked if I would help move some stuff for the old man."
Oh.
That was it?
"Kagome," he interrupted her thoughts. "Why were you so worried?"
"I wasn't!" She countered, sincerely hoping that he would believe her, but honestly doubting her own ability to convince him or anyone else.
Well, she was certainly right on one count.
He definitely did not believe her.
Crossing his arms, he stared at her, obviously waiting for her to answer his question, which, honestly? She really didn't want to.
She hadn't really wanted to come back; it didn't felt like a relief to be home, instead it felt more like an obligation. She didn't think that she could've done it if he'd opted to stay in the past either.
Staring at the floor seemed like the best alternative, though it didn't change the weight of his stare at all.
Sighing loudly, really it was more of an annoyed huff, he stepped closer and wrapped his arms around her, drawing her in close to him. She returned the embrace eagerly, using him as her own grounding rod.
Inuyasha was safe. And if he was here, then it was safe.
"I'm okay," she whispered, feeling the anxiousness seep from her body, which meant that the exhaustion started to creep in, filling the void that it left.
"You're okay," he repeated, almost confirming her previous statement. "We can go back now if you'd rather have Sango."
"No, I can stay." She pulled away a little to look up at him.
"You're sure?" He stared at her face, raising an eyebrow as he surveyed her face and her sincerity.
"Yeah, I mean, I have to be stronger than this, right? I have my powers and everything and that's what really matters, right?"
He tilted his head at her as a scowl started to form on his face, but she turned away from him to sit at her desk and work. She knew he was going to say something about it, and the idea of having that conversation right now felt like a terrible plan. Rummaging through her bag, she pulled out whatever textbook she found first and set it on her desk.
Math, of course.
She started to open it, and Inuyasha's hand settled firmly over the cover, keeping it closed.
"You're supposed to be resting."
She turned her head to look at him. One hand rested on the back of her chair, so he was partially leaning over her shoulder, hair cascading behind him. He looked—ephemeral. Dream-like and untouchable by something so taintedly mortal as her.
"This is resting. I'm not doing anything physical. Just schoolwork."
"Not the same thing, Kagome."
"I can rest tomorrow. I really need to do some of this work."
He waited a moment, clearly trying to decide if the argument was worth it, but opted not to and pulled his hand away allowing her to work.
She heard him sit on her bed, the familiar click and knock of Tetsusaiga against her nightstand as she tried to wrap her brain around everything in her math book. Math was already difficult for her, but now, it felt like her brain was trying to drag itself through a mixture of mud and molasses—uphill nonetheless. Kagome tried working through her practice problems.
Part of her didn't even want to know how much and how far she'd fallen behind in her classes, because it had to be so, so much.
And no telling how many tests she had missed.
Maybe she could call someone tomorrow and just survey the damage a little?
The girls would know, and they would help her.
But she wouldn't tell them. They weren't like Sango. They—they wouldn't understand. Kagome would only become yet another piece of gossip, and this—this thing that had happened to her, she wanted to keep to herself as much as possible.
She got through the first page of problems, checking her answers, and finding herself mostly correct, she felt a little bit more confident in her abilities. Smothering a yawn with the back of her hand, she pressed on, emboldened by her 85% accuracy.
Inuyasha cleared his throat, and she waved her hand at him, dismissing his semi-vocal call for her to go bed. She knew what he wanted, but not yet, not while she felt more like old Kagome.
Old Kagome felt like she was closer than she had been in weeks, and if she pressed just a little bit further then maybe, just maybe—
Trying to stifle yet another yawn that had been building in the back of her mouth, Inuyasha sighed, clambering off her bed, and tugging the chair back from her desk as she continued to write.
"Come on, go to bed." He took the pencil out of her hand and lifted her to her feet by her armpits.
"No, I have work to do," she whined, reaching back towards her desk.
"It can wait, Kagome." He guided her back to the bed with a hand at her lower back, urging her towards the bed. She was tired, but she didn't want to go to sleep yet.
"Are you going to stay awake tonight?" She asked.
"Do you want me to?" He asked as he flipped back her sheets, holding them up for her to climb under.
"No! I just—" Suddenly, the request seemed silly. Dumb. Childish. She didn't want him to think that she wasn't able to take care of herself. Or sleep on her own, but—
"What?" He pressed, lowering the blankets as she slid herself nearly back against the wall of her bedroom.
"Can you sit up here? If you were going to sit up?" She felt the blush staining her face. "You don't have to though! Don't feel like you do!" She started to sit up, but he pressed a hand to her shoulder to keep her back on the bed.
"Where do you want me?" He asked, looking genuine.
"Can you sit next to me here?" She patted the open spot next to her head, tugging the pillow so that it was more on her side and not in his way. "Only if you want to though."
"Keh, move over." He made a shooing motion with his hand before sitting down, his back resting against the headboard as he let Tetsusaiga continue to rest against her nightstand and not against his shoulder like he usually did. "Good?" He asked her, and she merely nodded.
Touching him had become nearly an obsession, and she didn't know why, but as long as she was touching him in some fashion, the fear and anxiety felt—less somehow. She knew that it probably wasn't healthy and that she probably should be concerned about it, but at the moment, she was willing to take whatever relief life was willing to offer at this point. Anything to muffle the raging fear in her head that threatened to swallow her whole at any given moment.
And Inuyasha, for whatever reason, was the volume control.
He settled down with his back against the headboard, legs extended, and she looked up at him.
"Good?" He asked, and she nodded, curling up slightly against his leg, just enough so that her forehead was touching his thigh.
His hand timidly rested on her shoulder, barely touching her before jerking away, and, when she said nothing against it, the palm of his hand rested firmly against her shoulder and stayed there.
She rolled over; the dark blinding her almost completely. It was impossible to see anything at all, which was unusual. The moon almost always let her see basic shapes. Lifting her head from her pillow, she noted that Inuyasha wasn't next to her. Strange, but nothing to be concerned about.
Pushing herself up, she shifted so that she could stand and put her feet on the floor.
"Oh good, you're up," came her mother's voice from the doorway.
"Mama?"
"You see dear. I found this letter in your bag." Her mother's voice never drifted any closer than the doorway. "It's from your friends. It says some pretty damning things, Kagome."
Her throat tightened, constricting her airway.
"Like—like what?"
"Well, like what really happened through the well. Why you were really gone so long. You should have told us, Kagome."
"I—I know, Mama, I just—it's hard."
"You have to go, Kagome."
"Wh—What?"
"It's too much. It's bad enough that you disgrace us with your grades in school—"
"But Mama, you know how hard I try!"
"Grades are grades, Kagome. Time in the Feudal Era won't count for colleges, you know." She let out a small click of her tongue. "But to find out that you're not pure? It's too much." Her mother shook her head in disappointment.
"Mama, you have to understand."
"Too little and too late, Kagome. You should have tried harder."
"But Mama—!"
"It's time to go, Kagome. No one wants you now."
"Mama, please!"
"Don't you understand, Kagome? No one will ever want you now."
"Kagome!" Inuyasha hissed, and she snapped up to a sitting position, hands fisted in whatever they were touching at the time. Pretty sure it was her sheets. "Kagome?"
She brought a hand up to touch her face, feeling the wetness of her cheeks underneath her fingertips.
The bed shifted and his hand touched her shoulder.
"Kagome?"
She tried valiantly to pull him closer, but she only managed to drag herself through the mass of blankets to him as she began to cry.
"Shit, are you hurt?"
She shook her head as her arms wrapped around his waist, keeping him close.
It had been a dream. All of it.
Her mother would never reject her. She wasn't disappointed. Kagome knew this like the back of her own hand. She knew it, but that didn't make it that small, minuscule voice remind her that it was always a possibility. Statistically, it had potential. It was always a possibility.
"Do you want me to get your mother?"
She shook her head, trying to compose herself enough to speak.
"Please, don't go."
He sighed, and she felt the tip of his claws as he swiped his hand through her hair, down her back, and started over.
"I'm right here, Kagome." His other arm wrapped around her back. He waited a while, letting her calm down some. "Bad dream?"
She nodded.
"Wanna talk about it?"
She shook her head, burying it into his shoulder.
He sighed again, almost in irritation, but his head leaned against hers, and he kept stroking her hair and the small of her back.
"You know I won't let anything happen to you, right?"
Nodding, she let her body slump fully against his. The repetitive motion of his hands soothing and calming, lulling her back into sleep.
Inuyasha woke her the next morning. The subtle shifting drawing her out of a dreamless sleep. It was too early, and she was too tired to be awake. She groaned, burying her head into something much harder and firmer than her pillow.
"Come on," he urged. "Your mother is almost done with breakfast."
"I'm not hungry," she mumbled. "You go."
"Uh," the sound of his voice vibrated underneath her ear. "Not an option unless you move?"
Huffing loudly and with displeasure, she lifted her head to glare at him. But that only served to remind her that she wasn't laying in her bed, but rather she'd curled up against his chest, using the poor boy as a pillow.
"Sorry," she mumbled, pushing herself away and wiping her face with her hands. "I didn't mean to fall asleep like that."
"Didn't hurt," he said with a shrug of his shoulders, letting her pull away, even though she'd wished somewhere deep down that he'd stopped her.
But that was a dream for another day.
Shifting to the edge of the bed, he stood first, offering her his hand as he helped her stand.
"I'm going to go to the bathroom first. I'll be down in a minute," she said, heading towards her door and slipping into the bathroom. She just needed to collect her thoughts and splash some water on her face. She just needed a moment; that's all.
She flushed the toilet after using it, washing her hands in the sink and then splashing some water on her face before gently toweling it dry.
They needed to go shopping today. That would help her focus on something else for a bit. A little almost-retail-therapy. That's what normal girls did.
She could do this. Just a couple days and then they could go back and pretend like everything was normal.
She looked at her reflection, which looked normal enough. Her cheeks weren't as plump as she remembered, and her lips were chapped. She was pretty sure it was her imagination, but the barest of shadows of bruises were splattered across her face.
She was still herself though. That's what Inuyasha had told her. Kagome is Kagome.
And Inuyasha didn't lie.
Opening the door, she jumped a little at the sight of him waiting for her.
"Why didn't you go down?" She asked him, and he shrugged, letting her start down the stairs first, following a step behind.
Hesitating at the entrance to the kitchen, she froze at the sight of her mother's back, and it was only Inuyasha's hands urging her forward that propelled her back into motion towards the table.
"Good morning, you two!" She smiled at them over her shoulder.
"Morning, Mama," Kagome greeted, plastering a smile on her face.
"Did you sleep well?" She asked, as she began putting food onto plates.
"Yeah," Kagome answered, feeling Inuyasha's stare onto the back of her head. She ignored him. "Did you?"
"I did," her mother answered. "Inuyasha, would you mind letting Souta and father know that breakfast is almost ready?"
With a short nod, he stood and disappeared up the steps in a single bound.
"Do you have any plans today?" She asked.
"Inuyasha and I were going to go resupply my backpack since we were gone for so long this time."
Inuyasha reappeared in the kitchen, leaving out the back door this time. Both of them watched him go before continuing their conversation.
"That you were. Any plans on heading back to school yet?" She asked.
"It hadn't come up yet. I'd thought I'd call the girls and see what I'd missed and what was coming up."
"That is a good idea. I would like to see you go a couple days though."
Inuyasha stepped through the back door.
"They're coming."
"Thank you, dear."
He reclaimed his seat next to her, and she marveled at the way his ears swiveled towards her, focusing on her. That was somewhat of a comfort. Her brother stampeded down the steps as her grandfather entered into the kitchen. Her mother sat out the plates of food, pouring everyone a cup of tea as she sat down to her own meal.
"Big Brother!" Souta dragged Inuyasha's attention away from her, and she nibbled at her food under her mother's watchful gaze.
Her mother had made eggs, bacon, and pancakes.
Thankfully, between Souta talking non-stop at Inuyasha and her grandfather making announcements while reading the paper, the silence was filled quickly and easily, and it no longer felt like everyone's eyes were on her.
Which was good.
It was good.
It made her less self-conscious.
It made the food palatable and feel less like rocks in her stomach.
She caught her mother staring at her, and she plastered on a quick smile, before turning back to her food.
If she pretended like nothing was wrong, there simply couldn't be.
A/N: So no real new updates. Puppy gets her stitches out next week, which will make all of us very happy since she's already busted four trying to do things she's not supposed to.
Comments and kudos are love as always. Thank you guys so much for your support these past few weeks.
