Chapter 42
A solis ortu usque ad occasum
"From where the sun rises to where it sets."


"The best way of keeping a secret
is to pretend there isn't one."
The Blind Assassin


Kagome's mother had asked to speak with him after Kagome had gone to sleep. She'd pulled him aside as he was walking back up, tugging his sleeve and whispering conspiratorially into his ear.

He knew that she was going to corner him, but he had no reason to deny meeting with her, especially after being allowed to stay inside at night and feeding him so much.

And so, this was why Inuyasha was now loathingly pulling himself away from the warmth of Kagome's body, dragging his leg slowly and gently away from her grip, lowering her head back down onto the pillow. He waited a moment, watching her as her brow furrowed, nose scrunching up in her sleep slightly. She dragged her arms up against her chest, and he reached out to brush some of her hair away from her face.

He watched her face relax, a sign of her slipping back into a deeper sleep. He pulled his hand away from her. He would be back.

He wondered briefly how many times that he would be able to do—whatever this was with her when they returned.

He liked having her so close, so vulnerable, so dependent on him for protection. He probably liked it a little too much.

He stood.

Her mother was waiting, and the sooner that he spoke with her the sooner he could return to her.

He edged the door open, making sure she didn't wake and slipped out, heading down to the kitchen.

Her mother sat at the table staring at her cup of tea, glancing up and motioning to the seat across from her.

Every instinct was telling him this was a trap, and it made his hackles raise and he fought back a low growl. It was just her mother.

"She's asleep?"

He gave a slow nod, eyes darting up towards the stairs before resettling back on the woman across from her.

"Kagome—I noticed that—she's been having some troubles lately." Her mother didn't look up from her tea cup. "I know that you've noticed."

His ears folded back at the insinuation that he'd been keeping secrets. He gave her a slow nod.

"Please, don't misunderstand, I'm so—" she wiped her eyes with the tip of her fingers, and he cringed at the sight of her weeping, "I'm so grateful to you for everything. You've taken such obvious good care of her."

She took a deep breath, seemingly steadying her own nerves.

"I know that something happened while we were away. When we got back, the shed was in disarray, and there were things strewn about in her room." He stared at the table, ears firmly planted back against his skull.

"There was—" he started, hesitating, knowing that it gave him away, and he hoped that she wouldn't call him down on it. "There was an emergency, and we had to leave. It was important, I promise."

The sight of her, still and pale, haunted him sometimes when he couldn't see her, and she'd moved out of his reach. He saw her like that in his sleep. Nightmares of things that could have been and could still be.

Kagome had begged him, made him promise, to not say anything to her mother about what had happened. She'd said that she'd speak of it when she was ready, but she could hardly stand to say or hear the word herself, much less speak about it.

"Inuyasha," her mother started, and he dared a look up at her face, "what happened to my baby?"

He flinched. She knew that something had happened, like it wasn't fucking obvious. Kagome wasn't acting like herself, no matter how much she pretended like she was.

He'd sworn that he wouldn't say a word to her. He swore that he wouldn't mention this to anyone. He knew that if he did, she'd never forgive him.

Staring at the table, he turned his mind over, trying to figure out what to say to appease her mother and not betray Kagome's confidences.

"She hurt her leg," he started, glancing over at the stairs.

"We both know that this all stems from more than just a hurt leg." She cleared her throat, shifting the tea cup slightly in its saucer. "Was it—" she mulled over the sentence for a moment, frowning slightly before looking back up at him. "Was it bad?"

He gave a hesitant nod before answering.

"It—" He swallowed. "It scared all of us."

She didn't say a word, and he risked a glance up at her; she stared at him, as if trying to judge his veracity.

"She's—she's gotten better," he added quickly, trying to fix the situation as best he could. "It's—I—She's healing."

He steeled himself, preparing himself for yelling. She was going to send him out. Bar him from ever returning and seeing her. He bit back a whine at the mere thought of not touching her again.

"Inuyasha."

He cringed inwardly. His ears hadn't lifted at all during this entire conversation, and he could barely stand to meet her eyes for more than a few moments at a time.

Her hand extended towards him, palm up, across the table.

"Please," she said, wiggling her fingers. She wanted his hand. He gingerly rested his hand over hers, as she wrapped her thin little fingers around his own. "All that I will ask of you is all that any mother would ask," she added her other hand on top of his. "Keep her safe. Take care of her. Please?"

He nodded, and she pulled her hands away before standing. She circled the table to stand beside him, leaning over slightly to draw him into a hug.

"I know that she must've made you promise not to tell, and I thank you for keeping her trust." She lightly kissed the top of his head. "You're a good man, Inuyasha. I couldn't ask for anyone better." His hand came up to grasp the arm that wrapped around his neck. "Promise me that you'll do your best. That's all I ask."

He nodded, and she held onto him for just a moment longer before pulling away, wiping her eyes with the edge of her hand.

"Alright, now go to sleep." She patted him on the shoulder, and nudged him towards the stairs.

"You're okay?" He asked as delicately as he could.

She gave him a genuine smile, sniffling a little, as she reached up to squeeze his shoulder.

"I'll be fine. I promise. Now go," she urged, and he took the dismissal for what it was, heading up the stairs and back to Kagome.

He slipped back into the room, closing the door behind him softly.

She slept quietly, undisturbed by his absence, and he knelt down in front of her, watching her, exhaling slowly through his nose.

He felt pretty sure that her mother knew or at least had an idea.

So what was he supposed to do? How did he make this better?

She wasn't well. She wasn't herself.

So how did he fix that?

Everyone kept saying time and patience, but how long was too long? How long before they acknowledged it was a problem?

She hadn't spoken about any of it. Fuck, she couldn't even say the word.

Rape.

Just thinking about it made his skin crawl. To be fair, he hadn't given it much thought either. He was just trying to make it through everything else that had happened between her disappearances and near deaths.

But to think that she would be so irrevocably damaged—changed—he just—he needed a moment.

He needed her.

That was all he really ever needed.

He loved her.

He loved her.

It became a mantra as he stared at her sleeping face, the awe and majesty of realizing, of knowing that he'd never find anyone else. He'd never want anyone else.

He just wanted her. In whatever aspect she was willing to give him.

He hesitated for just a moment, hand reaching out to grasp hers.

She made a strangled noise, nose scrunching up, as her eyes cracked open.

"Im-asha?" She mumbled, shifting slightly. She blinked a few times and took a long, deep breath as she started to sit upright. "What's up?"

"Nothing," he said, letting go of her hand, and moving to climb back onto the bed. "Don't worry about it."

She scooted back, giving him room.

"Oi, I don't need that much room," he grumbled, situating himself so that she could rest her head on his thigh like she'd done before.

She made a noise in the back of her throat, throwing her arm around his leg and pulling herself close. He ran his fingers through her hair as she settled back into sleep before moving to rest his hand on her shoulder.

"I love you," he murmured to her, watching as she remained still and unable to hear his confession. One day, he would say it to her when she was awake and listening, but not now, not yet.


"Come on, Inuyasha!" Kagome called from her bedroom, clearly exasperated with his lack of effort in hurrying.

"I don't see what the rush is," he complained, taking a seat at her desk.

She huffed, irritated.

"The others will be waiting," she explained, shoving the medical box back into her backpack and struggling.

"They already told you to take your time." He frowned. "They specifically said not to rush, remember?"

"I'm not rushing!" She snapped, eyes quickly turning to face him. He raised a brow at her statement and then snapped her mouth shut before turning back to her backpack. He tapped on her desk with his claws. "I'm not!" She repeated.

He stared at her, knowing that it was a full-on lie.

"I'm not," she protested, albeit weaker this time. "I'm not rushing anything." Her voice was barely louder than a whisper, and she absolutely refused to even look at him. She fiddled with the sleeve of a shirt as she folded it. Setting it aside as she moved onto another one, starting the process over again.

"Kagome," he started, feeling like a panic attack was on the horizon.

"You said that we could go back after I went to school, and I did."

"I know," he answered, standing, as he watched her begin to tremble, first at the fingers and then at the arms.

"Please," she answered. "You said we could go back."

"Kagome," he moved so that they were standing side by side and she turned away from him, her entire body quaking. He could see the tension in her body as her knuckles turned white from the grip on her clothes. "I never said that we couldn't go back," he gently grabbed her elbow, drawing her close to him.

"But—"

"Fucking hell, woman, would you just let me finish?" Her back went ramrod straight, and he brought her against him right as a sob broke out of her.

"I'm sorry!" She whimpered against his chest as the tension bled out of her body.

What the shit? She was fine a minute ago!

His arms slid around her, and she wept against him, clutching like he could up and walk away from her. Her knees buckled, and he slowly lowered the both of them to the ground

"Kagome," he said, trying to get her attention, but she just continued to cry. "Kagome, you gotta stop." His hand shifted to the back of her head, attempting to comfort her as he stroked the length of her spine. Her own grip shifted, twisting her slightly to wrap her arms around his waist as her legs curled up to the side.

What the fuck did he do?

And if her mother came up now—

Had she been this way the entire time?

Had he been wrong telling her to go to school?

He thought—he thought that he'd been helping—encouraging her to do things. That's what they'd said. Encourage her. Be supportive. Fuck him, he should've known that it would all backfire.

"Kagome, we can go back. We can go, I swear, just please stop." He buried his nose into her hair, seeking comfort from her and to comfort her.

Everyone had lectured him excessively on patience and to not push and let her do things on her own and make her own decisions, and he knew that he'd obviously fucked up royally somewhere, but he didn't know where. It didn't make sense; she was fucking fine, all smiles and shit about leaving, so what the fuck did he do wrong?

The manic sobbing slowed, digressing into a lot of sniffling and periodic sobs. He remained still except for the hand that ran up and down her back, as she took a handful of stuttering inhales.

"Kagome?" He asked again, and this time she buried her face into his shoulder with a low groan, like she couldn't even stand to look at him now.

"I'm okay," she mumbled into his haori, and this time, he scoffed. Right, like he'd believe that bullshit. He felt her mouth opening and closing, but she didn't say anything. "I'm sorry. I—I just—I'll do better, okay?"

Alright, that made about zero fucking sense.

"Do better at what?"

"Being better—being normal again."

"Since when have you ever been normal?"

She pulled one of her arms away and punched him in the bicep.

"Jerk! I'm plenty normal!"

The arm didn't return to his waist, which he was mildly upset about as she reached up to wipe her cheeks.

"Keh," he responded, feeling her arm return to its grip around his torso. He bit back a sigh as she shifted again, bringing herself closer against him.

There were a few beats of silence as Kagome sniffled out the end of her bawling, and he was itching to say something, anything to break the silence, but he refrained, nearly literally biting his tongue to do prevent himself from doing so.

"I really am sorry. I know how much you hate crying."

Well, she was right, but admitting that out loud at the moment somehow seemed like the wrong thing to do.

"It's fine," he mumbled, relishing the feel of her pressed against him, seeking out his comfort and solace. "Better?"

"A little. Can we just sit here for a minute?"

They could sit there all fucking day if she wanted.

"Sure," was all he answered as her head nestled in just underneath his chin, and his fingers continued their slow trek up and down her back as she leaned against him.


Her grandfather was out sweeping, and Inuyasha held onto the straps of her backpack, now filled with every conceivable outfit from her closet, none of which were her school uniforms, much to his dismay. He'd always thought that they were the most dysfunctional choice of clothing that she could opt to wear, but it had become so—Kagome—that he didn't know how to see her without them.

When she'd worn her school clothes yesterday, it had been like—like—reliving a memory. This is what Kagome looked like, this was how she acted, this is who she was, and now, looking at her in a pair of loose fitting pants and shirt, it felt more and more like she was trying to hide herself.

She led the way down the stairs as her mother was wiping down the counters.

"We're going to head back now, Mama," Kagome said, and her mother turned back towards them with a frown on her face.

"You're sure?" She asked, opening her arms for a hug, which Kagome eagerly returned. "You just got back." At this, her mother sent him a fleeting glance. To which, Inuyasha could only look away. He didn't think that they should be leaving either, but Kagome was insistent in more ways than one. "Are you sure that you don't want to rest up a few more days?"

"I'd love to, but we have a lot of work to do. It's not fair to keep the others waiting on us while I'm over here relaxing." Kagome glanced over her shoulder at him, as if checking to see if he was disagreeable in any sense, before looking back at her mother. "I did get all my school work, and I promise that I won't be gone as long this time."

Her mother stared at her daughter for a beat longer than normal, and Inuyasha recognized the move. She was observing, gauging, making decisions. It was the same face that Kagome wore right before she either did something incredibly stupid or was about to sit him unmercifully into the ground.

"I don't think you should leave just yet," her mother stated again, and Kagome sent a glance his way, barely suppressing her fear.

"Mama, this is really important. We have to go."

He hoped that her mother put up a fight and demanded that she stay and rest and fucking eat something other than the half-nibbles that she'd been taking, but her mother said nothing, and Inuyasha's ears flattened as her look shifted to him for just an instant. She wasn't happy and obviously had the same thoughts on the matter as he did.

She should still be resting, but Kagome was adamant that they leave, even though Miroku and Sango said that they might go to her village. But if there was one thing that he'd learned, Kagome did not negotiate when it was something that she wanted.

"Be safe, Kagome," she said, drawing the girl in for another hug.

"Always," she said with a smile, returning the hug eagerly.

"I'll walk you both out. Make sure you say goodbye to your grandfather."

Inuyasha followed behind them as they went out onto the grounds to find the old man. Her mother stepped back to him while Kagome said her goodbyes.

"Please look after her Inuyasha."

He nodded, and she reached up to rest a hand on his shoulder.

"Make sure she talks to someone about this."

"I'm—We're trying, I swear."

"That's all I can ask," she said, giving his shoulder a squeeze. "You'll come back soon?"

"As soon as I can make her."

She gave him a wide smile and a gentle hug before releasing him. He felt guilty.

"You're a sweet boy, you know that? Don't let anyone tell you differently."

His face heated up, and he had to look away from her. He hadn't been called that in a while, a very long while it seemed.

Kagome strode back up to them, in her new clothes that covered her completely, hiding everything away from the world and him.

"Ready?" Kagome asked, reaching for his hand and tugging him towards the well house with a smile on her face. He followed, glancing over his shoulder at her mother who only stared, giving a soft wave when Kagome stopped at the doorway to wave goodbye.

He stepped up onto the well, holding his hands out to her, which she eagerly took and let him pull her up onto the lip of the well. She didn't say a word as he wrapped his arms around her and stepped into the time slip, allowing it to draw them back into the past.


They landed softly on the other side, sunlight streaming down inside the well. He shifted his grip as she wrapped her arms around his neck, and then jumped up out of the well onto the grass. Kagome didn't let go of him, holding onto him tightly.

"Thank you," she mumbled, leaning back slightly to smile at him. She grinned, "Ready to go find some shards?"

Those were words that he'd always been eager to hear from her, except now he wasn't. The grin stayed on her face as she started to drag him towards the village.

Suddenly, he doesn't want to go shard hunting with her. He doesn't want her to leave the safety of the village. He doesn't want her to go anywhere.

There were too many dangers, too many unknowns, and he didn't know how to protect her from all of them. He'd failed so many times, and gotten so lucky that he hadn't lost her yet.

But how long until that luck ran out and Kagome paid the price?

He stopped moving, jerking her to a stop almost roughly.

"No," he stated, and she tilts her head at his answer. "I don't—I don't think that you should go."

Kagome frowned, letting her fingers slide through his until they were free of his grip.

"Wha—Why not?" Her hands curled against her chest, and he realized the motion for what it was.

"No, just wait," he started, grabbing her shoulders to stop her from running away. He knew what she was going to do; he could see her muscles bunching, preparing to twist her around and run. Probably for Sango.

He dragged her against him, even as she pushed against his chest.

"Don't run away, okay?" He asked and after a moment, she stopped fighting him on his affection. "I'm just—I'm worried. A—about you."

Her arms slowly wrapped around him.

"I just want to go back to normal," she whispered. "I want things to be like before."

"I know," he said, tucking her in closer.

"I'm sorry," she whispered. "I'm sorry I'm such a mess."

"You're not a mess, Kagome." He punctuated his statement with a squeeze of his arms, and she laughed.

"Liar," she mumbled as she pressed her face into his shoulder. "Why don't you want to go? I thought that would make you happy."

Make him happy? Why would the idea of her suffering through shard hunting make him happy? He wanted her to be happy. He wanted her to be comfortable in her own skin again.

"I—It would, but—" He struggled to find the words that would explain everything that was trying to run through his head at the moment, which was a lot and most of them were feelings and that was just a lost cause there.

"But what?"

Why couldn't he just say the words? Why couldn't he speak without ruining things?

"Inuyasha?" She asked, arms tightening around him ever so slightly. "Are you scared about going back out?"

"Keh," he scoffed. But it was the truth. He was afraid. He was terrified at losing her. He was terrified that she was going to be taken away again.

"I'm scared too," she admitted, "but I want to try."

He buried his face into her shoulder, and she raised a hand, running it through his hair.

There had to be something, anything that they could come to an agreement on. He strained through all his ideas, trying to piece something together; a compromise.

"We'll go when you can make a barrier."

"A what?"

He huffed.

"A barrier," he repeated. "You should be able to now since you can pull your reiki easier, right?"

If she could make a barrier, it would keep her safe long enough for him to get there. Youkai wouldn't be able to hurt her, and if she made it strong enough, she could keep humans out too. It would keep her safe.

Not that he was planning on letting her out of his sight anyway. This was a just in case.

"Yeah, I guess," she answered quietly.

"We should go talk to the lecher," he mumbled, raising his head up slightly. "And the hag."

She hummed an affirmative but didn't move to let go or free herself.

He had his own questions that needed answering. Like his sudden immunity to her reiki. Was it just hers or was it all reiki? Not that he wanted to be purified if that wasn't the case.

He'd wait until she let go first. For now, he just buried his face into her shoulder as she did the same to his.


A/N: Guys. The semester is over tomorrow, and I am so done. Like there are not words for my level of exhaustion. Generally speaking the day after semester's end, I sleep for about fourteen hours. So in short, I think I'm going to take a break over, well, break. There's a lot of stuff that's happening, and I don't want to rush out the next few chapters, because they're kind of pivotal in transitioning the group for the next big arc. Some of them have a few of my favorite scenes, and I'm really hoping that you guys love them as much as I do.

But I am going to post the next chapter of "Ghost" this weekend, and the new modern day AU that I promised (because "Ghost" was supposed to be done by now, but we see how well that's working out). So look for those and then a little bit of radio silence from me until the new year.

So if I don't see you before then: Merry Christmas (or whatever holiday you celebrate, the feeling and sentiment is the same) and may you have a blessed New Year.