Chapter 44
Astra inclinant, sed non obligant
"The stars incline us, they do not bind us."


"But in a solitary life,
there are rare moments when
another soul dips near yours,
as stars once a year brush the earth.
Such a constellation was he to me."
Circe


Kagome and Sango flew back, landing near Kaede's hut. Kagome already felt the agitation in Inuyasha's youki as he landed next to them.

"Have fun?" He snipped as she slipped down from Kirara's back.

She looked at him, really watched him as he pointedly refused to make any sort of eye contact with her. Arms crossed. But his ears were pointed towards her, both of them.

And she waited, a slight smile on her face.

Maybe Sango was right, and she really wasn't taking advantage of him.

She rested a hand on one of his forearms, as Kirara transformed behind her.

"I'm going inside. Come in when you're ready," Sango called.

Kagome heard her mumble something else, and Inuyasha clearly heard it, judging from the way he glared at where she'd been.

"Hey," Kagome spoke softly, and he looked down at her. "Thanks for letting us go. It made me feel better."

He exhaled sharply through his nose, and his eyes shifted away from her, looking just off to the side. His shoulders relaxed a little too.

"Good," he said, though the harshness of his tone had diminished. "They're finishing dinner. You need to eat."

"You sound like my mother," she said, as he placed a hand on her shoulder, guiding her back towards the hut.

"Yeah, well, someone needs to," he grumbled, hand moving to the small of her back to usher her into the small building.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Means I'll get off your ass if you actually eat an entire meal."

"I eat plenty," Kagome argued as they stepped inside. "Just because I don't eat as much as you do doesn't mean that there's something wrong."

"Keh," was all he said in response.

Kagome huffed back at him, turning to find her seat in the hut. She took a seat next to Sango, and Shippo jumped onto the cushion next to hers.

"Did you have a nice bath?" He asked, and she nodded.

"It was, thank you."

"You should've let me come with you!" He whined.

"I'm sorry, Shippo. It was kinda spur of the moment."

"Move, runt," Inuyasha ordered, and Shippo looked up at him and stuck his tongue out.

There was a short growl, and then Inuyasha's foot sent Shippo and his cushion a couple feet away as Inuyasha flopped down next to her, shifting slightly so that he was reclined next to the wall.

"Hey! I was sitting there!"

"I told you to move," Inuyasha said casually.

"Inuyasha, that was rude," Kagome chided, though she made no move to force him away.

"He knows what he's supposed to do," Inuyasha said, cracking an eye open to look at her. Shippo didn't protest it, pouting on the cushion next to him.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Keh," he said, shifting against his position on the wall slightly.

She did note that he'd moved so that his knee brushed against her thigh.

Maybe he—Did he like it when they were touching too?

The thought sent a red hot flush across her cheeks, and she mentally shook herself at the thought.

She shouldn't think of him like that. She shouldn't be thinking that at all.

Not with everything that's happened.

Today was just a semi-good day in a long list of bad ones, and she's jumping the gun because she feels good right now. That'll all change tomorrow. It always changes tomorrow.

"Miroku says that you've been making progress in summoning your reiki," Kaede said as she began to prepare the bowls of food.

"I still can't make it form anything, but I can make my hands glow, so I guess that's something." She gave a small shrug.

"Aye, it is a fine skill that takes some patience. Barriers can be difficult at first. But once ye figure out the first one, the others are not so difficult to create." She handed a bowl to Shippo. "Maintaining them is another story, but creating them becomes much easier once ye discover the method behind it."

"Yeah, well, the mechanics of it seems to be the problem. But if I can't figure it out, I guess I can always become a walking-talking flashlight."

Kaede handed a bowl to Inuyasha, who promptly nudged her with his knee, holding the bowl out to her.

"What?" She asked, looking at the bowl and then at him. With a growl, he grabbed her hand, twisting it and placing the bowl in it. "Inuyasha—"

"Just eat, would ya?"

"I can wait two minutes," she argued and he growled, nudging her with his knee again. "Ugh, fine." She took a quick bite, shoving food into her mouth. "Happy?"

He didn't say anything, finally accepting another bowl from Kaede.

What was his problem?

She looked over at Sango, who looked like she was about to burst into giggles. Miroku was looking equally amused.

"What?" Kagome finally asked, and both them exchanged a look before moving to eat from their own bowls.

"Nothing," Miroku said with a shake of his head as Kaede settled onto her own cushion.

"Leave Inuyasha be," Kaede chided. "So what seems to be the issue in creating the barrier?"

"I don't know. I can't get it to move past my hands. No matter what I try, it just stays there instead of forming something even remotely barrier-like."

"Ah, that is the heart of it. Have ye tried meditation to open up the pathways?"

"We did that today," Kagome answered, trying to hide the wince of how she'd failed at that too.

"We both had some trouble focusing today, so perhaps a good night's sleep will help clear our minds," Miroku added, taking another bite of food.

"Yes, that is always helpful. Especially when ye have had a trying time already. A good night's sleep may be the remedy to the problem." Kaede gave her a smile as she continued to eat, and Kagome returned it. Her fingers rubbed the side of the bowl, feeling the smoothness of it under her fingertips.

And if a good night's sleep wasn't enough?

If she failed tomorrow too?

Sango's words, about being taught the right things but the wrong way, lingered in her head. It was only day two, technically, right? She still had time.

But the image of a familiar priestess who effortlessly created barriers that covered acreage of forests came to mind, and she roughly swallowed the bite that she'd already taken.

"Kagome," Shippo said, hand's pressing against her calf as his tail wagged eagerly behind him. "Can I tell you what I did today?"

"Sure, Shippo," she said, moving to set her bowl aside, except Shippo moved to stop her, little hands reaching up to push the bowl back towards her. "Eat!" He encouraged, before sitting in front of her, but patting her legs as he began to animatedly talk about what games he had played and where he'd found a field of flowers that he wanted to show her later. After she'd eaten dinner.

She ate slowly, each bite feeling like rocks and stones she willfully sank into her gut. After managing to eat only half of the bowl, she felt that she'd appeased Shippo enough, despite his encouraging during his story telling.

She set the bowl to the side, to focus on Shippo, who paused, looking at the bowl, frowning and then turning towards Inuyasha, who was already glowering at her half-empty bowl.

"What?"

"You should eat more, Kagome," Shippo stated, picking up the bowl and handing it back to her.

"I've eaten plenty, Shippo, it's fine." She smiled at him, but it seemed to make little difference.

"No, eat more," he said, pushing the bowl back towards her.

"Really, Shippo, I'm fine. If I eat any more then I'll be sick," she said, setting the bowl back to the side. "Finish telling me about your day," she said, running her fingers casually through his hair.

But he made a short whine, tail swishing against the ground as he stared at the bowl, then looked to her, and then looked at Inuyasha for confirmation of something.

"What is it?" Kagome asked, looking up at Inuyasha as well. He just huffed and looked away from her.

"Nothing," he mumbled, but she doubted that.

"It doesn't seem like nothing," she countered, and he shrugged. Kagome turned back towards the little kitsune who looked torn between the bowl and herself.

"You're sure?" He asked, and she frowned.

"Of course, I'm sure," she said and he made a face, "Really, Shippo, I'm sure. Come on, finish your story," she said, running her fingers through his hair.

He whined, before climbing into her lap, and continuing his story. He grabbed her hand, holding onto her fingers as he played with them as he continued to speak.

Kagome listened intently, as Sango and Miroku had their own conversations, and Inuyasha sat behind her, probably moping about being left behind today.

Honestly thought, she only went to bathe with Sango. It wasn't like something that they hadn't done before, so she really wasn't sure what the issue was with him.

But Sango's words played over in her head. Did he really not mind her touching him like she did?

To be honest, she was relishing all the closeness he was letting her have at the moment. It made her feel like something more than what they were.

But she needed to remember that this was all temporary. This was all temporary. Eventually, it would all end when the truth would come out.

Inuyasha had dropped her bag back into the storage room, and she was sure that he'd put it there on purpose, though she really wasn't quite sure why. She didn't really need to be in a room on her own anymore.

Kaede had asked her something, but Kagome's brain was too occupied to listen at the moment.

She blinked, looking down as Shippo eagerly climbed out of her lap.

"I can do it!" He said suddenly, grabbing her bowl, and stacking it into Kaede's pile before carrying all of them outside the hut.

"Since when does he volunteer to do dishes?" Kagome asked, looking over her shoulder at Inuyasha.

He snorted.

"Since Kaede asked if you wanted to help her," he said, as if that explained everything.

It didn't, and it felt like the world had gotten much more complicated in the process.


Kaede poured the salve she'd been preparing into a small crock, and set it over the coals.

"Here, let me stir that," Kagome said, moving to sit next to the fire.

"I can do it, Kagome!" Shippo said, hurrying to take her spot.

"It's okay, Shippo. Go color. I can do this." She held the wooden spoon, stirring the mixture.

"But—" He started, holding his hands out for the spoon. He looked at Inuyasha, who still sat beside her, one leg extended out.

"Runt," Inuyasha growled out in warning, and Shippo flashed her a look and then looked back at Inuyasha, before whining. "She's fine."

Shippo hopped off her lap, casting a glance at Inuyasha before returning to his crayons.

Kagome continued to stir the salve, watching as Shippo colored quietly next to Sango and Kirara. After a few minutes, Kaede leaned over her shoulder checking the consistency of the salve.

"Ah, that is turning out nicely. Keep stirring for a just a bit longer." She turned back to the small jars that she was setting out to transfer the salve into. She set them out on the floor and pulled her small ladle off the hook on the wall.

Taking one of the small jars in hand, she began to ladle the salve into the jars.

"Keep stirring," she told her, setting one full jar aside and starting on the next.

Kagome kept working until Kaede could no longer scoop anything out. Using a rag, she grabbed the handles and poured the last of it into the the final jar.

Kagome shifted to lean back against the wall next to Inuyasha, taking his hand and running her fingers over his knuckles. He didn't make a move to drag his hand away or shift her hold by any means. A glance at his face didn't even show that he was minding her at all. Instead, he was focused on what Shippo was doing, though one ear pointed towards her.

She smiled, watching as everyone worked or mended something in the evening.

The right things but the wrong way.

The words slipped through her mind as she wondered what the right way might be.

The only clue she had that Miroku might even be wrong was that she wasn't able to create a barrier, even though she'd never been able to create one before.

Maybe the problem was her after all.

But everyone else seemed to be able to do it, so she should be able to do it too, right? So the reality was that she knew nothing about what she needed to do or how she needed to do it. She didn't even know what the 'wrong way' was, only that what they were currently doing wasn't working.

Exhaling sharply through her nose, she stared at her legging clad legs. Her feet were bare, extended out next to Inuyasha's. His foot, even without the claws, dwarfed hers. His hand dwarfed hers too now that she thought about it. She dropped the fingers she'd been fondling, pushing herself up and moving to slip on her shoes.

"Where're you going?" Inuyasha asked, and she looked up at him.

"It's nice out," she said simply, pushing the mat aside. "I'm going to watch the sunset."

She walked out; her invitation there and waiting. She hadn't specifically stated that she wanted to be alone, and secretly she hoped that he would follow. The mat shifted behind her again, and a quick glance behind her revealed Inuyasha following her out.

"Are you coming too?"

"Keh, you're going to fall asleep out there and catch a cold."

She smiled, as he walked beside her towards the hill that overlooked the village.

She intertwined her fingers loosely with his, starting when he wrapped his fingers around hers, gripping her gently, and his thumb running across the back of her hand.

They reached the hill, settling down on the soft grass. He hadn't let go of her hand either. In the fading sunlight, it was like she was seeing him for the first time all over again.

He was majestic. Ethereal. Beautiful. He was warm in so many different ways, inside and out. She loved him. She loved him so much and in such a way that she knew no one else would ever hold a candle to him.

She loved him, and she'd love him forever.

Turning her head towards the sunset, she felt the breeze across her face, stray hairs tickling her cheeks and nose.

It was a perfect evening really.

As the sun sank below the horizon, she found herself staring at the village proper below as the shadows lengthened, eventually encompassing the land entirely.

"Thank you," she mumbled, hearing and feeling him turning towards her. "I don't think that I've said it to you. But thank you for everything that you've done for me."

"You don't have to thank me, dummy."

"Maybe not, but it doesn't change that I am thankful for what you do for us." She flashed a smile at him, watching a blush spread across his nose in the fading light. "So even if we don't say it, thank you."

"Would you stop already," he whined.

She knew that she was probably embarrassing him, but he was adorable when he blushed like that. The wind blew again, fall making itself known.

She looked back up to the sky as the stars started to break through the night sky, flickering more and more the longer she sat with Inuyasha. There were so many of them here. So many stars that she couldn't even start to name all the constellations. She'd tried multiple times, and found a few, but she was always distracted by other things.

But the stars drew her in every night.

They were packed so close together, almost so densely that it looked like another star would never be able to fit up there.

But Kagome knew the truth.

It might look like they were so tightly packed and there were so many stars out there, but the reality was that they were so far apart that the closeness, the intimacy, was only an illusion. On the surface level, they looked close and near to each other, but when viewed through the lens of space, they were so far apart there was no hope of them touching. They spent their entire lives alone and wanting, waiting for the inevitable collapse and subsequent explosion that decimate everything around them. Or worse, become some black pit that wouldn't even let the light of day escape.

Some days that's how she felt with everything. So close that it seemed like she was touching anything and everything, but in reality there was a divide so great and vast that it was near insurmountable.

"Kagome?" He asked, and she turned to look at him. The moonlight drifting over his frame, illuminating his hair and his cheekbones. His thumb ran across her knuckles, a silent question. She must've started doing something weird.

They were sitting so close and yet, she still felt so far away from him.

"I'm okay," she whispered, "promise."

This seemed to appease him, and they returned to staring at the stars, so close and yet, so far apart.


A/N: Okay, so I'm sloooowly getting better. Still have a cough, but it's taking its sweet time in leaving me alone. Thank you for all the well wishes!

Hope you enjoyed the chapter!