Chapter 54
Veni, vidi, vici
"I came, I saw, I conquered"
"All the history of human life
has been a struggle between
wisdom and stupidity."
—His Dark Materials
He paced impatiently outside the hut while he waited for them to return.
It wasn't like he thought that they were completely unarmed, but it wasn't him, and that bothered him more than it should have. Sango was fierce in her own right, but she didn't have demonic senses or Kagome's reiki to help her sense demons.
Kirara was with them.
They were going to be fine.
They'd be fine.
Fine.
Unless they weren't.
Shit—fuck!
He should've gone with them. He should've—Kirara's roar sounded overhead, and he saw them all, watching keenly as they landed a little ways from the hut.
Kagome slid of Kirara's back, and he was there, waiting.
"There weren't any issues, Inuyasha," Sango pointed out, standing next to them.
He stopped his assessment of her, noting that she looked fine and seemed happy. No one looked overly pissed actually.
Definitely good news.
That means Sango hadn't ratted him out over being an asshole. Not that he deserved it or anything, but he had been. And he hadn't exactly apologized for any of it, not that he necessarily planned on it, but it didn't hurt to plan on trying to not being an asshole.
"Inuyasha?"
His eyes flicked back to Kagome, and he realized that he'd completely zoned out after hyperfocusing on her for a solid moment.
Shit.
"What?" He asked, not as gently as he'd hoped it'd come out, but whatever.
"Nothing, you were just really quiet there for a minute."
"It's nothin'." He took a painful step back, and she didn't follow him. Instead, she stared at him, blinking, and he felt his ears lowering to his hair the longer she looked at him without saying a word.
"Okay, if you're sure," she said, and he gave a pathetic nod, before glancing up to look at Sango, who rolled her eyes at him before heading into the hut.
He looked at Kagome, who was picking at her nails again, and he reached out, grabbing her fingers to stop. She looked down at their hands before giving him a sheepish smile.
"Sorry," she mumbled, pulling it back from his. "Uh, so Sango told me something."
Oh shit.
Fuck.
His life was over.
No more touching.
No more touching!
"Y—yeah?" He managed to fumble out, fingers already itching to hug her once more, one last time before she withdrew from him completely.
"My barrier—it purified the snake, right?" She asked looking up at him as his heart started beating again.
"Wha—What?" His higher brain function finally returned. "Oh, yeah. It did."
A smile beamed across her face, and he reveled in the glory and magnificence of it.
"You're sure? You're positive?"
He nodded dumbly, as one does when one does not know shit all about what the fuck is happening.
Inuyasha didn't read rooms. Inuyasha didn't really read. Not that he couldn't. It was just a choice, because youkai aren't going to ask to write a fucking essay on how they plan to kill you and your escape, so Inuyasha didn't read. He reacted.
But in a casual glance, it didn't feel like he was going to be sat into oblivion. She didn't really seem mad at all.
If anything she seemed—happy?
Kagome launched herself at him, throwing her arms around his neck with a squeal of glee that didn't hurt his ears at all. Even with his youkai reflexes, he'd barely managed to catch them both from falling down. His arms locked around her waist, holding her up, suspended from the ground. Her arms were around his neck, and she laughed as he held her up.
"I did it!"
Oh, right, the barrier.
She leaned back enough to look at him, feet currently dangling off the ground by him. Should he put her down? Probably. Did he want to? Fuck no, he did not.
"Why didn't you tell me?"
"I didn't?" He asked, and she shook her head. He tried to think back, but all he'd been focused on was the crying and making it stop and not being pissed off and not making things worse.
"And you're sure that it was me and not you?"
"Positive. Can't rip the fucker to shreds if it's dust."
Another squeal, and she hugged him fiercely, squeezing him as much as her little human arms could.
"I did it!" She whispered to him. He delicately leaned his head against hers, applying the lightest amount of pressure he could. "I can't believe I did it! I purified a youkai on my own!"
"You've been doing that for months. Why is this a surprise?"
She pulled away to lean back and glare at him.
"Yeah, with arrows. Not a barrier!" She threw her arms out to the side, as if mimicking creating one herself.
"They're practically the same thing!"
"No, they're not!" She glowered at him, even though some of the fierceness was lost as she dangled a few inches from the ground, kicking her feet slightly.
It was—She was—his heart stuttered a bit as he stared at her, trying to figure out a way that he could live with himself and his love of her.
Co-existence of the two seemed impossible at the moment.
"I know that you're still mad—"
"I'm not mad at you," he countered.
"Right," she said, completely ignoring him, and it was becoming increasingly difficult to think straight at all with her so blindingly close to him and his face.
"I'm not," he insisted, and he really wasn't. He'd only been upset that she'd gotten hurt and that she was keeping secrets from him.
Secrets had been what'd gotten them into this mess to begin with, and it felt like they'd only just gotten back to where they were before—before she'd—
"Inuyasha?" She asked, and his focus snapped back to attention when her hands rested on his shoulders, squeezing slightly. "Are you okay?"
No, he wasn't okay.
And he just realized he was still holding her so close to him that his reflex was to immediately drop her to the ground and flee, but he also wanted to curl them up together and see how much closer gravity would let him get.
"Fine," he retorted, and he lowered her back on the ground, letting her feet hit the ground before he released her.
"You don't look fine," she pressed, and he avoided staring at her face, where he knew he would see glances and looks that he wasn't prepared for.
"Let it go, Kagome," he said, turning towards the hut, waiting for her to follow.
She should've retorted, like she'd always done in the past, but this time, she didn't. He glanced at her, watching her fingers pick at themselves, and before he could stop himself, he'd encompassed her fingers in his own, dragging them away from the damage they were inflicting on each other.
"Are you two done yet?" Sango shouted from inside the hut, and he felt the skin on his face flare up hot and blistering.
"Shut up!" He snarled back at her, feeling Kagome's fingers wrap around his wrist as she pulled herself closer to him.
"You sure that you're okay?"
"I'm fine."
"You promise?" She asked, looking up at him, and honestly? How could he ever resist that face? And she dared to tell him he had puppy dog eyes.
"Promise."
She gave him a small smile, guiding him into the hut with a slight tug on his hand. He followed without a second thought as his fingers looped over her own.
It was during dinner, that he'd caught and cleaned, mostly for her, but that was besides the point, that he realized that he'd put himself into probably the worst position ever created by a living creature.
He'd just blurted the words out and now, as a man of honor, he was expected to abide by them.
It had just seemed so—so—so simple at the time. Like a failsafe.
He'd thought it would've taken longer, to be honest. She was so untrained, and she just didn't know anything about anything here, so he'd thought—foolishly, mind you—that she'd take much longer to get to the entire barrier-making stage.
Not that he wasn't proud of her.
The opposite actually.
She was smart.
He should've taken that into consideration.
But he was an idiot and didn't.
And now here they were, or at least he was, dying internally at the thought that he was going to have to hold up his end of the deal he'd so idiotically struck with her.
And he would.
He'd just regret it at every opportunity.
Because as much as he liked to believe that it was Kagome who need more to time to, you know, cope, he was the one really struggling with the idea that they were going to have to leave the relative safety of the village and just go back out there. Like nothing had changed and nothing was different.
Because everything was different and new, and while he'd known that Kagome was important and he'd always risk his life to keep her safe, he hadn't realized just how vital Kagome was to his entire existence.
If she wasn't alive, he didn't want to be either.
And the thought of going through what they'd already been through again—it made his blood feel rancid in his veins.
Taking a deep breath, he watched her stir the pot, helping Sango pass out the bowls to each of them, before taking her seat on the cushion next to him.
His hands were steady as he took the bowl from her, masking the growing pit of anxiety in his gut.
She lowered herself down next to him, and it was in that first bite of food that the thought struck him. She'd held up her end of the deal, and now, he was going to have to hold up his own.
He reached down, sliding the cushion close enough that his knee touched her thigh. Kagome looked at him before letting loose a smile that made him stare solely at his bowl for fear of burning up like the sun at the sight of it.
Shippo plopped down on her empty side with a full bowl, and Kagome reached over to pat his head as he ate.
Kagome looked back at him, tilting her head slightly as she looked at him.
"You okay?"
"Fi—!" His voice squeaked, and he cleared his throat before daring to speak again. "Fine!" He repeated, digging back into his bowl.
"Right," she drawled, returning to her own bowl. "So when are we planning on heading out?"
Everyone stilled just for a moment, eyes glancing to Inuyasha.
"What?"
"You want to head out so soon?" Sango asked her, and he could tell by the way that her spine straightened that she'd become uncomfortable at the question and the attention.
"It's been a while," she mumbled with a shrug, chopsticks pushing the food around in her bowl. He knew what was coming next.
She'd put the bowl down, claim that she was full, and disappear.
And fuck that.
"In a day or two," he answered, cutting off any further discussion. He looked at them, glaring at them to keep their questions to themselves. "Your arm should be fine by then."
He glanced at her, and it looked like she wanted to ask more questions, but pressed her lips together and turned back to her bowl, taking a bite.
Well, at least she was eating still. He turned his gaze back to Sango, who gave him a look that was half-questioning and half-concern. He continued to eat, ignoring her pleading looks.
Like he'd talk to her in front of all of them. She deserved some peace and quiet, and he was going to make sure she got it.
"Well, on that note, Sango and I will make sure that we're ready whenever you are," Miroku said, easing them back into conversation. Kagome's shoulders relaxed and she continued eating slowly.
Inuyasha's own shoulders relaxed, and he returned to eating. It was difficult enough to make sure that she was eating enough as it was, and he didn't want to risk her eating even less.
She at least looked to be in decent spirits, and that was something more than a few moments ago, but she wasn't joining into conversation readily.
"I will make sure that ye have some food to take with ye."
"Thank you, Kaede," Sango said, eyes darting towards Kagome. "Do you think that you'll need to go home for anything?" She asked, and at that mention, Kagome's head darted back up and shook almost violently.
"No! I'm already ready to go!" She started to say something else, but then flashed everyone a smile instead and returned to her food, though she was shuffling more than she was actually consuming it. He wanted to reach over, put his hand on her—knee—or shoulder—shoulders were neutral territory and couldn't be misconstrued to mean something else—even if he wanted it to mean something else—to reassure her that he was there, and he was there—would always be there—for her. That she didn't have to be afraid.
Instead, he took the cowards way out, shifting his leg a little, so that when he gripped the edge of her cushion and slowly dragged her closer to him, her leg rested firmly against his own. His eyes flicked to hers, and he saw the edges of her mouth curl upwards as she took a full bite of food from her bowl.
Her leg bumped his lightly but with purpose, and he turned back to his own food as the others talked amongst themselves.
She'd sighed for the seventeenth time since he'd been counting as she prepared for bed. He'd taken up his usual post by the doorway, and mentally prepared himself for another night of little to no sleep.
A glance confirmed that she was sitting in bed, staring at him.
Looking away, she finally stretched out under her blankets.
And then the twisting and turning started.
This time, he sighed in irritation because she was going to be exhausted tomorrow, and while he had no qualms about carrying her around while she slept, this wasn't good for her, and he needed to figure out what it was that she needed.
Rising to his feet, he padded over to her, keeping his footfalls as quiet as he could on the wooden floorboards.
She was on her stomach, her head turned towards the wall and away from him.
He knelt down beside her, one hand reaching out and gently touching her shoulder, so she'd know it was him. She still started under his touch, jerking slightly before she lifted her head to look at him.
"You okay?"
She huffed before turning away from him and staring at the wall.
"What do you care?"
Okay, yeah, he was like a solid 100% sure he hadn't done anything to deserve that.
But he was not going to yell, because he loved her, and he didn't want half the village waking up when the yelling match started. Mostly it was the second part that made him restrain himself.
What he didn't need was a monk, slayer, and a kit fucking around in his business.
"Why aren't you sleeping?"
"I already told you!" She hissed back at him. "We talked about it!"
Okay, maybe she had, but he didn't remember what it was. Only that it had to do with him, and—oh.
She was on her feet and partway out of the room before his head caught back up with reality.
"Fuck me," he whispered to himself, snagging her wrist before she could get any farther from him. "Where do you think you're going?" He hissed, tugging her back down onto the blankets.
She 'oofed' as she fell back onto them.
"You are not seriously thinking I'm letting you go outside after yesterday!"
"I was just going to get some fresh air." She pointed to the doorway. "Literally right outside the door. I wasn't going to go far!" Her voice was quiet, but he knew a shout when he heard one. Even if it was whispered.
"Like shit you're leaving by yourself at all! Did the snake knock something loose in there?"
Oh shit, what if it had? She'd taken a lot of blows to the head in the last few weeks, what if something really was wrong and he hadn't noticed?
Oh fuck.
Fuck!
His hands came up to cradle her face, fingers gingerly feeling for any signs of fractures or breaks in her head and neck. Her own hands tugged his away as she glared at him.
"What are you doing?"
"I—" His voice broke, and he cleared his throat to mask it.
"I'm fine, Inuyasha," she told him, the edge to her voice hadn't disappeared completely though. "Look, I'll just lay here—quietly—and you can just go sit over there—like always—and then you don't have to worry."
"Wench, I always fucking worry!"
He was suddenly glad that she couldn't see in the dark like he could, because his face had to be the same color as his clothes. But the silence seemed to echo in the small space.
"You do?" She whispered, and he resisted the urge to smack his face with his hand. Especially since she was still holding onto his hands in hers.
"What the fuck?! Of course I do!" He hissed.
She stared at his face, eyes darting around his features.
"So why aren't you sleeping?"
This time, instead of the rebuttal he'd been expecting, she looked down at their hands, avoiding his gaze.
"Kagome," he whispered, pressing her for an answer.
"You said I didn't have to ask," she whispered back, fingers running over the tips of his claws. He grabbed her hand, squeezing her fingers gently.
He was a fucking idiot of the highest degree. It was a miracle that he wasn't off somewhere flinging shit at a wall like a fucking monkey.
Exhaling in a long sigh, he stared at the wall just over her head.
So dumb, and they'd both been suffering because of it.
"I did, didn't I?" He told her after a long minute. "Stay here," he said, pulling his hand away from hers to grab the edge of her bedding and dragged it towards the wall. She squeaked when the bed moved, rocking a little when it stopped suddenly, head whipping in his direction as she squinted a little to look at him.
"Scooch over," he said with a small wave of his hand.
"What?" She whispered. "Why?"
Guess he wasn't the only dumb one here, after all.
"Just move over, would ya?"
Kagome did as he asked, still looking at him.
He settled in on the bedding, extending the leg next to her fully.
A small blush spread across her cheeks as she slowly looked down and then back up at his face. And suddenly he wasn't so sure of himself as he'd been a few minutes ago.
This—this was what she'd wanted, right?
He'd thought that this was what she'd wanted, but now, panic loomed that he'd been too forward and pressed her into doing something she clearly wasn't ready for and now she was uncomfortable, and—
Oh, fuck yessss.
His mental self-depreciating tirade died off and he almost let out a small hiss of pleasure as she settled down next to him, head resting on his thigh, arm curling around his knee. His hand moved on its own, tugging the blanket up to her chin, before resting on her shoulder.
She let out a soft sigh, and so did he as his head leaned back against the wall and his eyes drifted closed.
Fuck everyone and their opinions.
He wasn't giving this up for anything. They'd figure it out—he'd figure it out.
At the end of the day, she needed him, and who was he to deny her anything?
A/N: Y'all, I am so excited for the upcoming chapters, because there's so much that's happening, and I am both terrified and thrilled to have you all read them. I hoped that you guys enjoyed this chapter, because this one was brutal to edit. Inuyasha just sounded so manic when I initially wrote it, but I think it worked for him at the moment. You guys have no idea how much I enjoy reading your comments. I don't think that I say it enough, but thank you to everyone who leaves one.
