Chapter 57
Asumpit tuas responsabilitates
"Take charge"
"What do we live for, if not to make
life less difficult to each other?"
—Middlemarch
Kagome was so smart. So smart. Like she was one of the smartest people that he knew.
And yet, she somehow managed to be the dumbest person on the planet.
Like he couldn't tell that she was practically limping with every step.
The only reason he hadn't called her out on it was Sango telling him not to. She'd only told him so that he could be kept in the loop, not so that he'd act on it.
But it wasn't like he could let her continue to walk around like that!
She obviously thought that he hadn't noticed. Like he was that unobservant!
Well, he was, but it wasn't that bad.
And it wasn't like he was going to make her pick up her things when she could barely stand to move without pain.
Why didn't the idiot just tell him that her body was tired? Hadn't they had a talk about not pushing herself too hard? They'd barely been out a day, and she was already hurting.
She nibbled at her breakfast, almost carefully, like she was waiting for someone to take it from her. He watched her out of the corner of his eye, as he picked the bone out from between his teeth. He barely tasted the fish as he ate, watching her to make sure she wouldn't pass out while they were traveling.
They would move slower today, rest more. He wouldn't let her hurt herself or overdo like she did yesterday.
Kagome picked at her breakfast, but she did eat most of it. More than she'd eaten in a while, and that made the tightness in his chest dissipate a bit.
It didn't take them long to clean up their camp, and he watched Kagome struggle to get to her feet without grimacing and wincing.
He watched as she struggled so much and failed so magnificently that he felt obligated to step in and stop her from hurting herself anymore.
"Kagome," he said as she started towards her bag. She paused, glancing over her shoulder at him, looking almost sheepish. "Sango's going to take your bag."
"She is?" Kagome asked, head tilting adorably to the side.
"I am?" Sango asked, as she tied her pack around her shoulders.
"Keh, Kagome doesn't need to carry it today."
"I can carr—" Kagome started, and he snapped his head towards her, growling.
"I said, Sango can carry it!"
"But if we're walking—"
"We're not walking!"
Inuyasha's face started to heat, because he realized that he hadn't explained that he hadn't intended on walking to the village.
He'd wanted to run.
With Kagome.
On his back.
Except what if she didn't want to be that close to him? What if she didn't want to ride on his back anymore?
He barely muffled the low whine that nearly escaped him.
"Oh," was all Kagome said on the matter, which did not help any of the things rampaging around in his head. "So I'm with—?"
Right, he was supposed to be normal.
"Keh, you're with me, idiot."
She blinked at him, and he immediately regretted every word that he'd spoken to her. He was frozen in place, and incapable of any coherent thought as he stared at her face.
"You want me to—" She spoke quietly, and he shook himself of all his reservations, and moved in front of her, kneeling down and turning his back to her, waiting.
Didn't she know that he didn't do this for just anyone?
Didn't she realize that showing his back was a weakness? One that he showed her willingly time and time again?
Didn't she realize that youkai didn't do this normally?
Even the wolf hadn't carried her like this, because she wasn't part of his stupid ass pack. Because he didn't trust her enough to be that vulnerable.
Kirara transformed, and Sango and Miroku were already waiting on them.
What if she didn't want to ride on his back?
Touching was one thing, but this was a thing he'd always viewed as somewhat intimate.
He liked having her on his back. He liked feeling the weight of her against him, knowing that she had full trust and faith in him not to drop her or let her come to harm. He liked showing her what his body could do and how it could protect her above all else and better than anything and anyone.
A hand landed on his shoulder, followed by another, and the soft weight as she situated herself behind him. He let her move at whatever speed she wanted and was comfortable to her. He wouldn't rush her.
"I—uh—I don't know if—" She stumbled over her words, and he worked to keep the sudden tension from appearing under her fingers on his shoulders. "I don't know if I'm strong enough—you know, to hold myself up—like before."
Oh.
That was it? That was all?
Her weight meant everything and nothing to him.
"Keh, that's nothing. Get on," he said with a shake of his head.
Her arms looped around his neck as her chest pressed against his back, and she jumped a little to bring her legs up to his waist. His hands slid under her thighs to hitch her up to a more comfortable level.
"You good?" He asked her, and she nodded beside him.
"Yeah, sorry."
"Everything okay?" Sango asked, drawing both of their attention.
"We're fine. Let's go and drop off the hag's package already."
He bunched his legs and leapt through the trees and into the air, keeping Kagome's weight carefully supported against his back.
It had been such a long time, too long in his opinion, since he'd held her like this. As they soared, he felt her arms tighten around his neck.
"You okay?" He asked, turning his head as much as he could to look at her.
"I missed this," she told him, and he grinned, fangs flashing as he landed on a branch, leaping off again as Kirara soared overhead.
The sunlight splashed over them, radiant and warm, as he ran and leapt, lighter than they'd felt in weeks.
The village wasn't hard to find, and they'd made good time since Kagome agreed that she didn't have to prove herself.
Landing just on the outskirts, he let Kagome down gently from his back.
"How're your feet?" He asked as she stood.
He'd made them stop for lunch and to let her rest.
To which she'd protested like she'd even had a say in the matter.
"I'm fine," she answered, and he glared at her answer, knowing full well that she wasn't fine. "I can walk," she amended, and he supposed that was good enough.
Sango and Miroku walked ahead of them, Shippo riding on Miroku's shoulder as they strode into the small village.
"Stay close," he told her, hand brushing along hers.
"Do you sense something?" She asked, a finger looping around one of his.
"No, but—"
How did he tell her that everything felt like a risk? Everything was dangerous. Anything and everything had the potential to take her away from him, and a world without Kagome was not one he wanted to live in.
But he couldn't hide her away forever.
Kagome liked people. For whatever fucking reason, she liked being around them. And they liked her too.
Not that he could blame them.
How could anyone not love her?
He just had to be better than everyone else, show her—he mentally shook himself. There was no guarantee that she felt the same way. He was her friend, first and foremost, and if that was all he got, then he'd be happy with it.
"Kaede said this village didn't have a priestess. Or a priest."
"Not all villages do," he answered as they followed a few paces behind Sango and Miroku. "Kaede's been trading herbs and medicines with this village for a while. They have plants that don't grow well near her village."
"Oh, that makes sense. Have you been here before?"
"Sometimes she makes me bring deliveries for her when you're doing your exams."
"Are the people nice?"
He shrugged. He hadn't really given it any thought.
"Nice enough, I guess. Bastards haven't given me shit for being hanyou."
"That's good. They shouldn't. There's nothing wrong with being anything."
Maybe there was and maybe there wasn't, but he'd only ever heard the one answer, and there was no denying that life would've been a hell of a lot easier if he'd been one or the other instead of a measly half and half.
"We're looking for Kunitame," Miroku asked a villager, who looked at their group, eying all of them but lingering on Inuyasha mostly, before pointing to a hut off to the right.
"Kunitame lives there," he said.
"Thank you," Miroku said with a slight bow. The villager reciprocated and continued on his way, passing by the both of them. Kagome's hand snapped around his, squeezing it tightly as the man passed paying them no attention whatsoever. He glanced down at her, but her face remained staunchly focused straight ahead.
Curling his fingers around hers, he kept their hands from sight under his sleeve. No sense in attracting any bad attention.
Sure, they hadn't exactly hated him for being what he was, but that didn't mean they'd be okay with someone, a miko specifically, showing him this sort of affection.
Hanyou were meant to be unloved. It was the way of things.
Miroku knocked on the jamb and took a step away from the door.
"Hello?"
A middle aged man pushed the screen off to the side, stepping out.
"We've brought a delivery from Lady Kaede."
"Oh," the man smiled brightly, taking the wrapped package from Miroku. "I didn't think we'd see this for a few weeks more. Thank you so much for getting this to us. We wanted to be prepared for winter this time around. We ran out of medicine last winter."
"Ah, well, we hope you have more medicine than you need then," Miroku said with a slight bow.
"A much needed sentiment, thank you." He glanced around to each of them. "You must be the grandchildren Kaede tells me so much about when I visit." He smiled at them. "You must be the kitsune, Shippo. Kaede tells me you are quite the trickster!"
"I am!" Shippo's tail flicked at the praise. "But I only use them for good things and to play tricks on Inuyasha!"
Kunitame laughed at that, and Inuyasha scowled at the brat sitting on Miroku's shoulder. If it hadn't been for Kagome's grip on his hand, he'd have pelted the little fucker.
"You must be Miroku. Kaede speaks highly of your spiritual knowledge." He turned to Sango, "and judging from your weapon, you must be Sango. Kaede tells me that you're a demon slayer. You must be very strong to wield such a weapon."
"Oh, thank you," Sango said with a slight bow.
"You two are engaged, are you not?" He asked.
"Yes," Miroku answered. "However, we have a few things that must be seen to first."
Kunitame nodded solemnly before turning his gaze to Kagome, who squeaked at a nearly inaudible volume and shifted behind Inuyasha's shoulder slightly.
"You must be Kagome. Kaede speaks so highly of your good nature and your education." He smiled broadly. "She always said that wherever you were, Inuyasha would not be far behind."
Kagome's hand trembled in his as she feigned a smile.
"And Inuyasha, it's good to see Kaede's little brother in such good spirits."
"Little brother!" He shouted, half in shock that Kaede would claim him so familiarly and half in outrage that she would classify him as younger than her.
Kagome's free hand came up to grip his bicep, and he felt the trembling in her frame against his own.
The man laughed.
"She specifically requested I tell you that. She said that your reaction would be worth it."
"Fucking hag. See if I sharpen her knives anymore."
He squeezed Kagome's hand in reassurance.
"Would you like to take a rest? I'm more than happy to prepare tea for Kaede's family." He motioned to the doorway behind him. "Please, I insist."
"That is very kind of you to offer," Miroku stated, turning his head to look at Kagome.
"Do you want to have some tea?" He asked her, and she looked to everyone before turning back to him.
"Sure!" She nearly yelped.
He caught Sango's frown, as she watched Kagome.
"Well, then it's settled. I'll prepare the kettle," Kunitame said, grinning as he slipped into the hut, holding the mat aside for them to enter.
"You're sure?" Inuyasha asked her, and she managed a short nod.
Sango hesitated at the doorway, but Inuyasha motioned her to go on with a short jerk of his head.
"Come on," Kagome said, dragging him forward towards the hut, but he held his ground, jerking her back slightly.
"We don't have to stay."
"It'd be rude not to."
"Fuck 'em." He squeezed her hand lightly. "What do you want to do?"
She licked her lips, and his eyes darted down to them, it would be so easy, and how many times in the past week had he forced himself from doing what he really wanted?
He was teetering on a precipice, and he wanted so very badly to just let himself fall once and for all, consequences be damned.
"I—" She took a short breath. "Let's go in."
She tugged lightly at his hand, and he followed, hating that she let go the moment she stepped inside the hut. Sango and Miroku were seated at a low table, leaving the two spots closest to the door open for them to take. She'd frozen up, stepping inside the hut, and Inuyasha placed a hand at her lower back, guiding her to the table.
She lowered herself down haphazardly, nearly falling onto her cushion. Sango and Miroku both met his gaze before returning to Kagome, who stared at the tabletop as her fingers began to pick at the edges of her nails. Shippo very quietly crept into Kagome's lap under the table, placing himself between her hands, doing what Inuyasha could not, what he wasn't allowed to do.
"Kagome?" He whispered, patting her stomach to draw her attention to him.
"I'm fine," she answered quickly, a phrase that had been becoming more and more automatic and meaning less and less that she was actually fine. Kagome bushed her fingers through his hair, eyes flickering across the table at everyone.
"Do you visit Lady Kaede often?" Miroku asked as Kunitame set out a series of cups for their tea.
"Not as often as I used to. I used to come every couple of months, but now, it's more like every other season. Mostly it's to pick up medicine that our healer can't make. She's young." He shrugged as if that explained everything. "Inexperienced really. She does what she can, and usually it's enough, but she's still learning. The last time I visited, Kaede offered to train her a bit on some of her remedies."
"Is she going to go?" Miroku asked, and Inuyasha drifted away from the conversation, shifting slightly to watch Kagome as she lightly scratched Shippo's head with her fingernails.
She stared at the table top, jolting as Kunitame pushed a teacup in front of her.
"Thank you," she said, reaching out and taking a small sip as he passed cups out to the rest of them.
The man glanced at her, a small downturn of his mouth the only evidence of his upset as his eyes flicked to Inuyasha as if looking for some sort of clarity on what was happening.
Kagome wasn't acting like herself, and even a complete stranger could tell that.
Inuyasha sipped at his own cup, as Kagome continued to pet Shippo. After a moment, he reached over, picking up the cup for Shippo and handing it to him. Shippo took the cup eagerly, sipping at the hot beverage as the others made conversation with their host.
Inuyasha's hand rested on Kagome's knee, keeping the contact hidden under the table, and she stared at it for a beat before looking up across the table and giving everyone a flimsy smile, but it was better than the internalized panic he'd witnessed a few minutes ago.
He'd met the man twice, talked to him once and that had only been out of necessity to get what he owed Kaede.
"Are you enjoying your tea?" Kunitame asked Kagome.
"Oh yes, thank you," she said with an eager nod and a smile that didn't quite make her eyes.
"Good," Kunitame said with a smile.
"So I have to ask," Miroku started, dragging his attention away from Kagome as the monk asked him a long series of questions.
They stayed a hell of a lot longer than he'd wanted, but eventually Miroku announced that they should take their leave and start back out on the road. Shippo jumped out of her lap, as Inuyasha stood, holding his hands out to her.
She took them, and he pulled her to her feet with ease, making sure she was steady before letting go.
"It has been a pleasure meeting a friend of Kaede's," Miroku said, holding his hand out to the man.
"The pleasure has been all mine," Kunitame said, shaking his hand. He smiled at them, placing a hand on Kagome's shoulder. "The same could be said of you all. It's nice to put a face to the names of my dear friend's family."
Inuyasha didn't miss the way that she froze, eyes wide, completely frozen in place. Kunitame removed his hand after only a moment, oblivious to the look of sheer fear on her face as he thanked Sango as well. Inuyasha stepped behind her, placing a hand gently on her back, and feeling her jolt under his touch. She twisted away before realizing that it was him.
The relief on her face was nearly palpable. She stepped next to him, an arm wrapped around his, face buried in his shoulder, hiding herself away.
"I believe it is time that we parted ways," Miroku said. "I hope that we may see you soon."
"You're always welcome here, if you need a place to rest during your travels."
Inuyasha shifted his arm to guide Kagome out of the village, and she followed silently and obediently, as he listened to Sango and Miroku attract Kunitame's attention while they headed for the northern road out of the village.
"Thank you. Your generosity is much appreciated."
Their voices drifted off as he left them behind.
A few people stared at them, but his glares made them quiet their retorts and their stares. He didn't care what they said about him, but fuck them if they thought that they were going talk about her.
Thankfully, it wasn't a long walk and when they were clear of the town and the many prying eyes of its villagers. Her grip tightened on his as he came to a stop in the middle of the path before tugging her towards the trees.
"Here," he said, and waited for her to do something, give him some sort of guidance.
He'd asked Kaede before they left how to tell if Kagome was getting worse. It was a concern he'd had since she'd been so eager to leave. She kept saying that she wanted things to go back to normal, but he didn't really think that it was possible. Instead, it seemed like she was striving for something impossible to obtain.
So he'd asked Kaede how to know, if there was a tell, that she wasn't getting better, that she was in danger of slipping away again. She was already hiding away so much more than before, and he just wanted to bring her back out into the sunlight again, where she belonged—instead of watching her stare at it from afar.
Kaede said that the only thing he could do was make sure that the good days outnumbered the bad days, and as long as he did that, she would get better, that she was already so much better than what she had been.
And then she'd done something that he hadn't expected. She'd said that she'd been wrong to dictate what Kagome had needed, wanted, she didn't know what was best for her, and that everything had been a guess. Maybe it would be better to allow Kagome to voice what she wanted; maybe they should have listened to what she was saying—and not saying—before they made a decision for her.
It wasn't like he could've fucking told them that ages ago or anything.
Kagome didn't say anything, drawing her hands away from him, and leaning against the tree, arms crossed in front of her. She didn't look at him, opting to stare at the ground around her feet.
"You okay?" He asked, already knowing the answer was a firm and emphatic 'no.'
"Yeah," she answered after a moment and with a shrug, still not looking at him.
"Liar," he snapped back, and she jumped. "Why didn't you say anything?"
"It's rude," she whispered.
"Fuck them, fuck everyone else, why didn't you say anything?"
"It—I—It's rude."
This time, Inuyasha grabbed her arms, holding her tightly and dragging her close so she had no opportunity to look at anything other than himself.
"No." His tone was plain and clear and much more aggressive than he intended on it being. "No, you listen." Her eyes stared at his, staring as her hands grabbed onto his coat to steady herself. Not that he'd let her fall. "You feel uncomfortable for whatever fucking reason, you tell me and we leave. Got it?"
She stared at him for a beat before giving him a quick nod, and he let go of her arms before dragging her in for a hug, and she slumped against him with a long exhale.
Ah fuck. He knew it! He knew that this was too much for her this early. But she'd wanted to go, and she didn't want to turn back. He knew Kagome. She'd want to keep going forward; she'd never want to go back, and she'd fight him every step of the way.
Kagome's arms wrapped around his middle, and he exhaled through his nose as he rested his chin on top of her head.
Well, that was that then.
He'd protect her from whatever bothered her or made her feel uncomfortable.
Even if that meant protecting her from herself and her dumbass decisions.
A/N: Happy Thursday! I hope that your week has been decent! We have 19 days left of school, and it's always a weird time of year, because I'm really excited to be done, but like I'm going to miss my seniors. They've been really amazing this year, and I'm just not ready to let them go yet. (Also speak to me in a couple weeks, that opinion might change.) Anyway, I hope you guys liked the chapter, and let me know what you think.
