Chapter 63
Amicus certus in re incerta
"A sure friend in an unsure matter"
"Some women have a pulsing energy
almost too sharp and salty to endure
and when they are in pain
their pain is ferocious
and shatters all over the place."
—Mink River
The rain started the moment they stepped into the small cave. It was a slight drizzle at first, mostly mist, but Miroku quickly dragged Shippo out to find wood for a fire.
"She needs to wash up," Inuyasha commented. "There's a stream not far from here."
"Uh," Sango started, looking at Kagome, as if asking for permission. "Sure." She grabbed her backpack and followed them out.
The stream really wasn't that far from where they were, but even so, Kagome noted that she still couldn't have found her way back if she tried.
Useless.
He set her down on the bank, and she clutched at his shirt as he started to pull away.
"No!" She shouted.
"Kagome," he chided, his voice soft.
"No! You can't go!" Panic skimmed just under the surface, and she struggled to keep herself from bawling.
"Stop," he said, sliding his fingers under hers to break her grip on his clothes.
"You can't go!" Her hands scrabbled to find something else of his to hold onto, but he held her by her wrists as she fought him on it. Tears streamed down her face and she hiccuped a sob.
He couldn't go.
She'd just gotten him back!
He couldn't leave her here!
"I'm not going anywhere." His grip loosened when she stopped trying to fight him on holding onto his clothes. "I'll be right back."
"He needs to rinse himself off too," Sango reminded her. A quick glance at his hands reminded her of the oni's blood.
Right, he needed to clean himself up too.
She nodded, and he lowered her hands to her lap, squeezing them slightly before releasing them completely.
"I'll be back," he told her before looking at Sango. "Clean her up."
And with that, he stood, making a face for a blip of a second, and then he practically stomped away from them, heading downstream.
Sango sighed next to her before pulling Inuyasha's haori off her shoulders.
"Inuyasha doesn't like the way I smell," Kagome whispered as Sango continued to pull her shirt off as gently as she could, trying to avoid aggravating the wound on her shoulder.
"What makes you think that?" Fingers gently pressed the skin around her shoulder, examining her once again.
"He always made a face when the wind moved or he leaned too close."
"He's probably upset," Sango added, and she gave a short nod. "How do you feel?"
"Why would he be upset?" Kagome asked, taking a sharp breath as Sango carefully wiped the wound clean with a rag.
"He—he transformed, Kagome," Sango explained, keeping her voice low. "You know that, right?"
Kagome nodded, wincing as Sango began spraying it with disinfectant.
"Sorry," she apologized, turning to rummage through her medical kit. "Do you have those little bug bandages?"
"Bug bandages?"
"Yeah, the ones you used on Miroku when he got cut by that bandit that one time. They were really thin. You used them instead of stitching him up."
"Oh, butterfly bandages," Kagome answered.
"Yeah, those," Sango said, before letting out a quick 'aha!' as she pulled the box up.
"Inuyasha said I would need stitches."
"I think you've had enough trauma today," she mused, unwrapping the first bandage and applying it carefully to her skin. "Do you want to talk about anything?"
Kagome focused her gaze down at the fire rat under her legs, because she did.
She also didn't.
She didn't want to tell them about how she nearly fried Kouga to a crisp. Or how she'd left him alone in the woods because she was afraid that if she lingered, he'd try again. She'd done that to a friend.
Some part of her knew that she shouldn't feel too guilty about it, but she did. Because he was her friend, and she'd abandoned him in his time of need, and what type of friend does that?
A hand rested on her uninjured shoulder, drawing her gaze up to meet Sango's.
"Whatever you're thinking, it's not your fault."
"You don't know that," she replied.
"No," Sango mused, "but I do know you." Sango pressed another bandage onto her wound, pulling the skin together as she worked.
She moved quietly onto her arms, wiping them clean of blood. She didn't speak or ask any more questions while she worked to wrap her arms.
"Are you injured anywhere else?"
"Inuyasha said there was a cut on my head," Kagome motioned to the back of her head where he'd been poking around.
Sango dipped a cloth in the stream handing it to her, before finishing pressing a large bandage over her shoulder to seal the lacerations on her shoulder.
"While I'm looking at it, go ahead and wipe yourself off, okay? It'll keep your mind busy."
Kagome ran the rag over her skin, making sure to wipe herself down as best she could. The water was cold and crisp against her skin, making goosebumps appear across her flesh where she touched it with the rag.
She'd need to change her clothes. The shirt was a lost cause. She looked down at her jeans, noting the slices into the material, almost matching the thin scratches across her hip and stomach.
Her eyes watered as she smeared blood with her wet cloth. She sniffled, wiping her eyes with the back of her hand as she tried to hide her tears from Sango.
"Kagome?" Sango asked, as she pressed a cool wet rag to the back of her head. "Is this hurting you?"
"Oi, Sango! Why is Kagome crying?" Inuyasha barked, and the sound of him thrashing through the trees drifted towards them.
"You stay there! She's not dressed yet!"
The thrashing stopped, and he growled out in frustration.
"You didn't answer the question!"
"You have to give us more than two minutes to finish up!"
"Still not an answer!"
"I—I'm okay," Kagome answered, clearing her throat partway through her statement. Her eyes continued to water, even though she knew that he could smell it, he at least couldn't see her. He always seemed to know when she wasn't being truthful.
It was becoming harder and harder to keep things from him.
There was silence from Inuyasha.
"Yell when you're decent," was the soft reply.
"We will, I promise," Sango answered for her, with a gentle hand on her good shoulder. "It won't be much longer."
Kagome started to pull her jeans down her hips to wipe off her stomach as much as she could. When Sango paused, she rolled a bit side to side, working her jeans down her legs and then off completely. Sango rinsed her rag quickly in the stream before handing it back to her.
Her ankle was swollen and turning various colors of black and blue.
"Does your ankle hurt?" Sango asked, wiping her scalp.
"Only when I put pressure on it," she answered with a shrug, looking to the side at the small, narrow stream beside them.
It was mostly clear. Their water would need to be boiled first, especially with all the rain, but it was clear enough to see the stones at the bottom, and any small fish within. It wasn't deep enough to hold anything that would make them a decent meal, but she could still see the dark shapes flitting about in the moving water.
The wind blew across her skin, making her shudder. With all the rain and wind, she'd felt cold for ages now. And now that she was sitting still, the exhaustion was creeping in on her, slowly pulling her spirit and motivation away in small licking tendrils.
Kouga told her to find the stream so she could get away and hide from him, and she'd failed. Failed on all fronts, and then she'd just burned him like that.
He'd been alive when she left. Was he still? Was anyone going to help him? What if another youkai or a human found him? What if he was too weak to defend himself? If he died, and it was her fault—
"There," Sango said, flipping the lid closed on the medical kit. "I put some cream on it. I'm going to wipe your back off a little. There's some—dirt here."
A cool rag pressed against her skin as Sango worked to remove what Kagome assumed was dried blood on her skin. She doubted that it was actually dirt.
"I'll see if we can find a hot spring, maybe let your ankle soak a bit and make sure that your hair is clean. You'll probably be sore in the morning."
Kagome didn't know how to break it to her, but with all the trembling in the crisp air, she was already sore.
Sango dug out a button up pajama shirt for her to slide on, helping her with her injured shoulder. Kagome worked shaking fingers over each button, sliding the plastic discs into the appropriate holes as Sango dug around behind her.
"Okay," she said, shifting around in front of her. "Underwear and pants that stretch," she held up the matching bottoms to the shirt and a fresh pair of underwear. It took a bit more effort, but she managed to shimmy off her current pair, and managed to slide on the pants and underwear up to her knees.
"Oh, I missed you hand," Sango said with a frown. "I'll clean it up when we get back to camp, okay?" At this, Kagome could only nod. "Here," Sango said, looping her good arm around her neck. "I'll get you up, so you don't get them wet from his haori." Sango hauled her to her feet, way too easily and smoothly in Kagome's opinion, before helping steady her so she could balance and pull her clothes up the rest of the way. "Inuyasha!"
It wasn't a moment later, that he was there beside them, knocking Sango's hands away as he scooped her up off the ground.
"You shouldn't be on that foot."
"I wasn't," she argued.
He huffed a little, but ultimately ignored her.
"Miroku and Shippo are starting the fire."
"Go on before it really starts raining," Sango said, with a slight wave of her hand. "I'll get everything put away and rinse your coat."
"It smells like it's going to pour any second," Inuyasha told her, looking up at the sky.
"I won't be long," Sango reassured him. "Go get her next to the fire. She needs to warm up."
"Keh," he muttered, before turning and walking away, taking the easier path that involved less branches and brambles. She let her head rest against his shoulder, reaching her fingers up to curl around the beads hanging within her grasp, and turning her face into his neck, hiding herself away.
"Sango?" Miroku asked, and Inuyasha nodded his head slightly.
"At the stream, she's comin'," he answered.
"I'll go see if she needs help," Miroku said, moving quickly out of the small cave and back into the misting woods.
Inuyasha settled down against the cave wall, on top of her sleeping bag, and slid her shoes off her feet. Shippo took them, silently, and set them down next to her sleeping bag before quietly returning to nuzzle up against her calf.
"Are you okay?" She whispered, as his arm wrapped back around her middle, holding her close.
"I'm fine," he answered. "You're the one that's hurt."
"I'm okay," she retorted, and he snorted his disbelief at that statement. "I'll be okay," she amended, and he dragged her closer. "Do I smell better?"
"What do you mean?" He asked, and she felt his nose bury into her hair as he sniffed. "Is something wrong?"
"No, you just kept making a face earlier, and I thought—" She let her sentence drift off, and Inuyasha's arms tightened around her, pressing her against him as he leaned over her slightly, almost as though he were wrapping himself around her like a blanket.
Like she'd ever leave.
Not with his arms wrapped around her back, and his body heat permeating the soft material of her pajamas. She'd never leave if it meant staying like this with him.
"It wasn't you," he mumbled after a long moment, and slowly her hand slid up his chest until she wrapped it around his neck.
He shuddered as her nails scratched along the nape of his neck, a long shiver that ended with him taking a long breath and exhaling slowly.
"So," Miroku said rather loudly, and Kagome felt her face flame a little, but Inuyasha only raised his head slightly to look up at the monk. A loud smack sounded like Sango had just slapped him.
"What?" Inuyasha snapped out, and Kagome shifted her head just enough to be able to see Miroku and Sango on the edges of her vision.
"Nothing. Nothing at all." Miroku held up his hands and gave a sheepish grin.
Sango let out an annoyed sigh before thrusting the pot at Miroku.
"Go get some water before it pours," she told him, and he quickly left the cave, calling for Shippo to follow him. Shippo patted Kagome's leg before darting out of the cave and after Miroku. "Everything okay?" She asked, and Inuyasha situated himself, so he was sitting upright but still holding her close to him.
The humidity in the air had become almost stifling in the small cave, and while still chilled, she wished for a small breeze to stir the air up a bit.
"Keh," he scoffed, and Sango's gaze flitted to her.
"I'm okay," she spoke softly, but Sango nodded, turning away as she pulled out the medical kit to take care of her hand.
"Let's take care of your hand," Sango said, bringing the kit over beside her.
"I'll do it," Inuyasha said, holding a his hand out for the supplies.
"I can—"
"I said, I'll do it," he snapped, and Sango gave a quick glance to Kagome before pulling the disinfectant and bandages out before returning to her backpack to dig out some ramen.
The slow sprinkling sound of rain drifted through the trees, and the steadily growing drum of water hitting the ground and the branches and the leaves made her limbs tired and sluggish.
Inuyasha carefully wiped her scratched hand, before placing the thin piece of gauze over it and wrapping it, keeping the material taut but not tight. His face was focused. He was being so careful, and she let her head rest fully against his shoulder.
She felt safe here.
"It's fine, Shippo." Miroku's voice drifted in from the edge of the trees. "You are not drying me off with your foxfire."
"But why not?"
"I do not wish to be set on fire—again."
"It was one time!"
"It was the only time!" Miroku hissed as he stepped foot into the cave. His shoulders were wet with rain.
"But how am I supposed to get better if I don't try?"
"Try on Inuyasha. His robes are fireproof."
"But he's holding Kagome!"
Miroku set the pot of water on the fire to heat.
"No, Shippo," Miroku insisted.
"You really have no faith in me."
"Not without good reason, I assure you."
Shippo huffed before moving to curl back up against her legs.
Kagome held her arm out to him in invitation to crawl up into her lap, and Shippo took it without reservation. He crawled carefully onto her, curling up against her abdomen as she wrapped her arms around him, holding him close. His little arms wrapped around her as far as he could reach, and she let her fingers drift through his hair in slow repetitive strokes, the same way that Inuyasha's claws carefully drew small shapes against her thigh.
As the rain grew heavier outside, the water began to boil, and Sango quickly began filling up the familiar cups of noodles with the hot water, covering them to let them steep.
She shouldn't be this calm.
She knew that something was wrong, but she couldn't place her finger on the why behind it.
After everything, she shouldn't be this okay with all of it.
It felt like there was a fuse that had been lit, and the little spark just kept creeping closer and closer towards the inevitable explosion.
She felt strangely numb.
"How long has it been?" She asked, staring at the wall of water outside. It seemed as though a bucket was emptied over the opening, and it just kept coming.
She stared at it, fingers softly moving through Shippo's tail.
"We've been looking for you both for almost three days now," Miroku answered.
She hummed an answer quietly, giving her head a slight nod to show that she'd heard them.
"It was quite a distance that Kouga—" At the sound of the name of their friend, Inuyasha let out a low growl, and Miroku cleared his throat, "that he covered in a very short span of time."
"And then the rain last night made it even harder to find either of you."
"We were worried that Inuyasha might've taken off in a different direction," Miroku explained as he took a cup of noodles from the ground as Sango picked up two to hand off to the both of them.
Kagome and Shippo took theirs, and Sango held up another for Inuyasha, who merely looked at it.
"In a moment," he said, and Kagome leaned back to look at his face, which was set in its usual frowning scowl.
She placed a cool hand against his cheek and forehead.
"Are you okay?" She asked, and he glared at her.
"I'm fine. Eat your dinner."
Miroku let out a snort, which he quickly tried to cover with a cough.
"What?" He snapped out, and Miroku quickly shook his head.
"I ate too quickly," he lied, returning to eating his meal.
"You're sure?" Kagome asked him, staring at his face, her cool hand pressed against his warm skin.
"I'm fine, Kagome. Now eat. I know wolf-shit didn't feed you."
She felt her eyes water as she stirred her noodles with her chopsticks.
It shouldn't bother her. It shouldn't, but she was trying so hard to not cry about it.
"Shit," Inuyasha muttered as she took a small bite, attempting to keep her tears at bay with her resolve failing more and more at each passing moment. "Shippo, down."
The kit quickly scampered off her lap, taking his dinner with him.
"Kagome?" Sango asked as Inuyasha pulled her ramen away, setting it off to the side somewhere.
Both of his arms gripped her solidly, holding her close, as the air became thin, and she found herself gulping air down to try to satisfy the burn in her lungs. Her hands shook so hard that it felt almost like convulsions.
There was something wrong.
The cave was too small. Too long. Too narrow.
It was too dark and not dark enough.
The sound of claws on stone.
She needed out. She needed to be anywhere else but here—not the small damp and dark space.
She pushed away from Inuyasha, twisting, and scrambling to her feet. The opening to the outside was just there.
She needed out. The air was too thin and the space too small to sustain her. Her steps fell heavily against the stone floor and she just needed to be outside, where the snarls couldn't chase her, echoing around the cavern, and the smell of her own blood wouldn't haunt the inside of her nostrils.
It was the warm wall of cream and red and the firm grip of arms around her waist that stopped her momentum.
"I need to go," she whispered, still trying to push past him, but finding it near impossible to do so.
He was a wall of warm stone between her and escape.
"I need to go," she repeated, chanting it to herself as she pushed at him, only steps away from the cave opening where water poured off the stones, splattering the ground beneath. Her ankle burned and sparked the longer she put pressure on it.
"Kagome," he breathed, pulling her closer to him, "stop."
No, if she stopped, then it would all catch up to her. It would wrap around her, clutching to her skin like a rash, digging deeper and deeper into her head and heart, and she just needed a reprieve. Just for a moment, but she had to keep moving.
If she kept moving, the pain would ease and fall behind, taking familiar slow steps but always moving towards her. She just had to run from it. Put enough distance and time between them so that it always stayed just out of reach of her.
But now, she could feel the dull edges of its fingers sliding across her skin, sinking into her body and mind.
Didn't he understand that? Out of everyone, why didn't he understand that desperate need to just move?
And so, when faced with an immovable object that refused to let her go, she felt her carefully balanced set of emotions, the ones that she'd buried so far down that they'd become pressurized like a soda can, and, when dropped, exploded on impact.
Her sobs were low and loud, even when she muffled them into his kosode and his chest. She wailed right into the heart of him, hoping that his strength would keep her standing, even as her legs gave way underneath the sheer weight of existing.
He sank to the ground with her, arms wrapped around her waist and back as she clung to him like an anchor meant to ground her while the tempest raged around them.
He would never let her go, and she clung to him, the too small space suddenly too large and cavernous, and Kagome unable to relate the feelings of being both lost and found to the singular person who kept her from disappearing into the waves and swells that threatened to swallow her whole.
A/N: I hope that everything's been going well for you guys. Look, I remembered to post earlier than 8pm! (This is mostly because I finally just started keying in update days to my phone so that I would remember.
Have a wonderful week and let me know what you think!
