Chapter 64
In nocte consilium
"Tomorrow is a new day"
"Even if she be not harmed,
her heart may fail her in so much
and so many horrors;
and hereafter she may suffer—
both in waking, from her nerves,
and in sleep, from her dreams."
—Dracula
It took ages, but she finally relinquished and fell asleep. Though it was probably more accurate that her body literally gave out on her and she passed out. But sleep was sleep at this point. He'd managed to corral her into her sleeping bag, drawing the flap over her as she kept a death grip on his clothes. It wasn't a few minutes later that she'd completely passed out, completely unaware of anything around her.
But that was okay. He was here. Even though he was starting to feel the adrenaline wear off and the call of rest became stronger than before. He'd shifted back against the rock wall, letting Kagome shift so that she slept between his legs, curled around his thigh and waist like he'd threatened to leave her.
"Here," Sango said, handing him a steaming cup of noodles. "I figured you might be hungry."
He was, but he wasn't going to say anything with Kagome there. Instead, he opted to just wait it out. It wasn't like he hadn't been hungry before. He could deal with it.
Taking the warm cup from her, he stirred the noodles with his chopsticks, before taking a bite. It was heavenly on his tongue, and he hadn't realized just how hungry he'd been.
He was glad that his demon self hadn't stopped to eat anything. The idea of what he could and would eat in that state was unpleasant to think about to say the least. Honestly, he really didn't want to know.
Kagome shifted a little, curling up a little more between his legs, with her head now firmly resting on his thigh. He finished off the cup of noodles, and Sango traded him for another full one.
"I thought that might not be enough," she answered, and he eagerly dove into the second cup. "What do you think happened?"
"Kagome was more upset than I've seen her in quite some time," Miroku said, leaned back against a rock, running his fingers through Shippo's tail as he curled against Miroku's chest.
"She smelled like Kouga," Inuyasha answered. "But it didn't smell like he—she didn't smell like before." He caught his fingers playing with her hair as he thought about everything. "And blood." He paused, remembering the faint taste of something sweet and metallic in his mouth before he came to completely. But he hadn't done anything to her. She'd said so. She wouldn't lie about that. She wouldn't lie to his face to make him feel better, right?
And then the sinking feeling started.
Because he knew.
She would. She'd fucking lie right to his face if she thought that it would make things better or easier on him. Because this was Kagome they were talking about.
"Do you know anything else about what happened?" Sango asked, stoking the fire, even though it didn't need it. Logs split in the flames, sending up little sparks. His fingers returned to her hair, stroking it softly.
He stared at the girl sleeping on his leg, trying to decide if this merited sharing her personal information with them. She'd told him, hadn't she?
Did she trust him more than the others?
That thought made some deep thing inside him crow and preen a little at the notion. She trusted him above all else. That was a good feeling indeed.
"Not much," he answered. "She said the wolf knocked her around a bit."
"How did she manage to escape?" Miroku asked, staring at the fire before shifting his gaze to Inuyasha. "We both know if Kouga didn't want her to escape, she wouldn't."
"She didn't explain everything. She just said that she hurt him."
"But how could Kag—" Sango started and then her eyes widened. "Oh."
"Did something happen with Kouga?"
He fought back the growl that swelled in his chest, threatening to rumble free of him.
The words were clear in his head as the moment she'd spoken them. He'd tried.
And she'd hurt him back.
"Something like that," he answered.
"What was wrong with him, I wonder," Miroku mused as his fingers slipped through the kit's tail.
"Let's hope it kills him," Inuyasha muttered, looping his finger around one of hers, as he continued to slide a strand between his fingers, feeling the damp slickness of her hair.
"There was something off about him though," Miroku continued. "You could tell just by looking at him."
"She said it was his shards," he answered, knowing that they would just continue to talk about it if he didn't give them some sort of information. Pests.
"There was something wrong with his jewel shards?" Sango asked, tossing the stick in the fire as she now listened with rapt attention. "Like what?"
"Dunno. She said it felt like they were corrupted or some shit."
"Corrupted?" Miroku asked. "Like Tsubaki's curse?"
Now, there was a name that he could do without hearing again. That damn witch had nearly killed Kagome. If she hadn't been so damn strong-willed, he might have lost her. She might have killed him too, but that had been the goal all along, hadn't it?
But she hadn't. She'd fought the curse so hard that it'd worn her out for a few days.
"I already told you, I don't know."
"But this is important," Miroku argued, "if there is someone corrupting the shards, I don't want to risk Kagome's health in the process."
"And who do you suggest we give them too?"
"I'm not saying that we give them to anyone, but perhaps it would be wise to keep an eye on them—and her—just in case."
Well, the monk wasn't wrong.
He just might not have known that Inuyasha fully intended on carrying the stupid girl around wherever she wanted, because—
A. Touching—touching Kagome was a close second to ramen, in fact, it might actually tie ramen for first place.
And B. No one was going to steal her away again. If he was carrying her, it was going to be a hell of a lot harder to take her from him.
She was his, and he was hers.
That's how these things worked, you know.
"Do you think we should head back to the village?" Sango asked, and while his first instinct was to ask if she had half a fucking brain, he also knew that it might set Kagome back a little if they said they were going back already.
It had been like watching his fucking nightmare come to life. It was the exact thing that he was afraid of, and he'd just let it happen. He didn't want her here, out in the wild; he wanted her somewhere safe, someplace that he could protect and ensure her safety.
He was so afraid that something would happen to her again, that something would steal her away and he would simply have no recourse but to follow.
At the same time, he wanted her to be free. He wanted her to feel like herself, and it was with perhaps his greatest reluctance that he realized what the answer to that question was.
"We should ask her," Inuyasha answered, fingers still playing with a lock of hair.
"But—"
"It's her choice," he interrupted. "If she wants to go back, we'll go. But if she wants to go on, we go on. I'm—I'm not going to make the decision for her."
Miroku looked as though he had some comment to make about that, but opted to shut his trap. Turns out the lecher wasn't dumb as shit after all.
"How did you change back?" Miroku asked after a long silence—just long enough that Inuyasha thought he'd escaped further conversation.
"What're you talking about—I had Tets—" The word froze on his tongue, because he didn't have Tetsusaiga. He hadn't had Tetsusaiga when he'd changed back.
He looked down at Kagome, because the danger that she'd been in hadn't occurred to him until that exact moment.
Holy shit.
Fuck!
What had she been thinking?
She'd been holding him like he was the one who was injured!
It was like she had a death wish on top of everything else!
"Inuyasha?" Miroku asked again, and he could only glance up at him for a moment because he didn't know how he'd regained himself this time. By all accounts, he shouldn't have. He should still be the bloodthirsty asshole he became as a full-demon.
He should've killed her.
"I don't know," he answered softly. His claws feeling too long and dangerous to be anywhere near her fragile human skin.
But the notion of pushing her away made his chest burn. She still held onto his hand like it was a lifeline in her sleep, and the idea that she wasn't afraid of him gave him some relief and trepidation, because he was dangerous and she should be afraid of him. They should all be afraid of him.
"I think a hot spring might help her ankle some," Sango said shifting the subject after a moment. "Have you seen one nearby?"
"Wasn't really paying attention to that when we were moving," he said, feeling her fingers clench around his. He looked down as her face scrunched up for a moment before she relaxed.
"Well, I'm sure that there's one in an area like this. We'll look for it as we travel."
Sango's gaze lingered on Kagome before she sighed through her nose and pushed herself up to her feet.
"I think I'm going to bed. It's been a long few days, and I'm exhausted." She carefully spread out their blankets before settling into them. "We can talk more about this in the morning. Maybe Kagome will have some insights for us."
"You'll wake us if you need a break?" Miroku asked, and Inuyasha waved them off.
"I don't need to sleep like you humans do."
"No, but you still need some."
"I'm fine."
"I'll check the wards, just to be sure."
Miroku stood, handing the kitsune off to Sango, who tucked him under her blanket, before he checked the ofuda he'd placed against the walls to keep everything else out.
Inuyasha watched him as he went back to his bedding, to his own set of blankets, and it wasn't long before the two humans and the kit were sound asleep. Kirara had been lightly snoring the entire time they'd been talking, the subtle high-pitched little wheeze was barely audible, but he'd heard it often enough to know it was her.
The backs of his fingers brushed her skin, following the shape of her hairline, and he felt the oppressive urge to tell her everything and anything. All of his secrets. Things that no one had a right to know. His thoughts, what he dreamed about with her—always with her, because there was no future he wanted to endure without her in it—he wanted to tell her that he loved her.
But it was too soon, he could feel it.
The right moment was slowly becoming more and more elusive and more and more complicated to discern. It felt like the more he wanted to tell her, the more things went wrong, making him feel almost guilty for telling what he felt for her. He didn't want it to be a burden. He didn't want her to feel obligated, but he wanted her to know at least.
That he was here.
That he would always be here.
And how nothing she did or he did could ever change that.
I love you, he whispered in his own head. Too afraid of sleeping ears hearing him.
She should be the first to know, the first to hear it from his mouth, and maybe one day, he'd have the balls to say it to her with others listening.
But for now, he would content himself with the knowledge that he loved her, wholly and completely.
It felt like the one solid thing he had a grasp on in this world.
And with that, Inuyasha shifted slightly against the stone, and let his eyes fall closed.
It was a small sound that woke him. He'd been so focused on anything that she did that it shouldn't have surprised him that he would wake at the instant she moved or did anything. Her hand fisted in his pant leg, and her face scrunched up in something that didn't seem like a pleasant look at all.
He blinked a couple times before he brought his hand up to start stroking her hair again, letting his claws card through her tresses, brushing up against her scalp. His other hand lightly rubbed the back of hers, and he frowned at the coldness of her flesh. She was still chilled, and he didn't like it. But he really didn't have anything to cover her up with aside from his haori and that was hanging up on a stick that Sango had propped up near the fire.
It was too far for him to reach though. Not without getting up, and that might disturb her sleep. They'd struggled so much just to get her to lie down; he didn't want to chance that he would wake her up.
But she was chilled.
She could really use an extra blanket.
He glared at the rain that kept falling outside the small cave. The temperature had fallen significantly, and it didn't seem as though it was going to let up anytime soon.
He should really get his haori.
Kagome shivered a little, and he took that as a sign that he should take the risk and bring it to her.
He wasn't going to be able to sleep until he did.
Inuyasha had never moved so carefully in his entire life. Supporting her head, he slowly withdrew his leg and then lowered her down to the sleeping bag beneath her. He rose awkwardly to his feet, trying to make as little noise as possible and trying to avoid touching her for the moment.
He stepped over to the fire, carefully adding in a couple small logs to help build it up a little more, and maybe that would help with the chill that had settled into the small space. He grabbed his haori off the stick, and after a half moment of thought, he snapped the stick and tossed it in the flames for good measure.
It was still warm to the touch, and he looked over at Kagome, who was shifting an awful lot in her sleep.
Should he wake her?
She needed to rest, but nightmares weren't going to help her do that any.
He moved beside her, hand resting on her shoulder to wake her gently, when she bolted upright, shivering. Her eyes darted frantically around the small space, and it wasn't until her gaze landed on him that the panic on her face dissipated.
Holding her arms out to him, he wordlessly leaned over, dropping his fire-warmed haori into her lap as he wrapped his free arm around her back in a hug, supporting himself with the other. Her arms shook against his shoulders, and she buried her face into the side of his neck.
She wasn't afraid of him.
His presence was comforting to her, and he let out a soft sigh at that realization.
She took a deep breath, fingers clenching into his shirt.
"You're safe," he whispered, and she nodded against him.
She sought comfort from him, and while, the fact that she needed it to begin with bothered him, the fact that she found that comfort in him, that made him feel worthwhile.
After a moment, he pulled away slightly, but she clung to him.
"You need rest," he whispered, hand stroking up and down her spine to comfort her—and him—but mostly her.
"Stay," she breathed against his neck, and she tugged him towards her, but it was weak, and he easily stood his ground. "You need rest too," she grumbled.
"I'll be right here," he countered, reaching up to pull her arm away.
"No, stay. Drown it out," she mumbled, holding onto him even tighter.
"Drown what out?"
"Everything. All of it," she whispered, and he sighed out a long breath into her hair.
"What do you want?"
She shifted slightly, tugging him down as she started to lay back down into her sleeping bag.
His face flamed, and he could feel the red seeping through his skin, and he hoped that her human vision was too weak to see it. She scooted to the very edge of her sleeping bag, still tugging him down.
"Just until you go to sleep," he argued, and she nodded, tugging him down again. He glanced at the ofuda. Miroku said that nothing could get in, and it felt like the barrier was holding, so maybe there wasn't a reason to worry.
His friends were still sleeping soundly, and he would hear them if they woke.
And it was just so she could get some sleep.
He would keep her warmer with his body heat anyway.
Something in his brain was ecstatic about the idea of laying next to her, and he had to remind himself that it really didn't mean anything—because it meant everything—and that she just needed some amount of comforting, because she had just been through a highly traumatic event. He was lucky that she hadn't completely reverted back to the way she'd been before.
At least she was letting him touch her now.
He stretched out on her sleeping bag, and Kagome moved in quickly, tucking herself under his chin and still holding onto his shirt. Leaning up on his elbow a little, he grabbed the haori, draping it over the both of them.
Kagome sighed, a small happy sound, and his own arm looped around her back to help support her—and simultaneously keep her close. His other arm pillowed his head some, and her body lost its tenseness and slowly relaxed against him.
This had been a mistake, he realized belatedly.
This had been a grave, grave mistake.
Because this was something that he could definitely get used to. This was something that he wouldn't mind doing.
Right now, the smell of Kagome, even with faint traces of wolf in her hair, made his entire body lax and heavy.
What if they could do this on her bed back in her era?
He already liked sleeping on her bed, because it smelled like her, but doing this?
Her nose pressed lightly against his chest, and his fingers absentmindedly and gently traced a design of something into the back of her shirt.
The steady white noise of the rain, the quiet breathing of his friends, the warmth of Kagome pressed against him. Everyone was safe and content, and that meant he was too.
It was a bad idea to close his eyes. His brain knew that. His brain was practically shouting it from the mountaintops that he should definitely not fall asleep, but this made everything feel weightless.
So how was he supposed to say no to that?
How was everything too bright and too dark all at the same time?
Letting out a low mumbling groan, he squeezed his eyes closed to block out the light that was interrupting his sleep.
He hadn't slept that hard in a while, and his brain felt like it was slowly crawling back to life. He hadn't realized that he'd been that tired.
He could smell Kagome though, and that was nice.
It made him want to nestle his head back down and just slide right back into sleep. He was warm and close enough to Kagome that her scent filled his nostrils, and all he wanted to do was nap. Breakfast could wait. He wasn't that hungry yet. The only thing that would make this better was if they were in her room. He liked her room. It smelled like her so much, and it was so comfortable and safe.
Something shifted nearby, a soft rustle of material, and he cracked an eye open to glare at the offender.
Miroku had sat up, stretching his arms over his head, a soft cracking sound issuing from his joints, before he surveyed the room, eyes landing on where Inuyasha had decided to doze for the night.
Fuck.
Fuckfuckfuck.
Inuyasha suddenly remembered why this was a problem.
He started to rise, but there was no way to get up quickly without waking her.
"You wake her up, and I'll fucking murder you," Inuyasha hissed.
Miroku held up his hands as if he'd thought about doing no such thing. Inuyasha slowly—and regretfully—pulled himself away from her, ears pressed back as he pried her fingers off his beads and the edge of his kosode, extracting himself from the little cocoon of warmth under his haori. She would be warm still, even if he left.
He would murder the monk. Like murder-murder. Like murder him so hard that they would never stop finding his body. So Sango would be a widow . . . or a pre-widow. He wasn't really sure what the terminology would be for someone who wasn't married yet, but he'd let her have those bars that tasted like dirt that Miroku loved so much as a momento.
He tucked the fire rat cloth around her form, before he rose to his feet. He must've looked every bit the murder he felt like committing, because Miroku was already scooting back towards Sango.
"Inuyasha, frien—!" He whispered, the word ending in a strange high-pitched gasp, as Inuyasha grabbed the front of his robes, dragging him up to his knees.
"You say a word about anything," Inuyasha flexed his fingers as he let the threat hang unspoken in the air between them, "got it?"
"Yep! Of course!" Miroku whispered, waving his hands in front of him. "I will take it with me to my grave!"
He let him go, and Miroku flopped back onto the ground.
"I'm going to go find something for breakfast," he said, moving towards the cave entrance. He paused, looking over his shoulder. "Miroku," he growled, watching with a perverse glee as the monk's head snapped up, as Inuyasha pointed to the ofuda at the entrance.
"Oh right," Miroku whispered, scrambling up to the entrance, and pulling the ofuda down, and Inuyasha felt the rush of reiki disperse into the air. He sniffed the air, saturated with rain and wet, ears pricking forward to listen to the woods. It was still and silent. "Everything okay?"
"Put it back up and don't take it down 'til I get back."
"Do you sense something?" Miroku asked, staring at the same trees he was.
The rain had paused, though the air still felt heavy with it. Like it could start up at any moment. Hunting was going to be difficult.
"Dunno," he answered, giving Miroku a glance before stepping out into the woods. Inuyasha waited a moment, feeling Miroku's reiki surge back over the opening, locking him out and them inside.
Kagome had slept through the entire exchange. That was good. She needed sleep, rest, food. And he wanted to give her all those things, but there were others present.
He huffed quietly before turning away, trying to not sulk in front of Miroku.
He needed breakfast and more wood for the fire. They weren't traveling anywhere—or at least anywhere fast—with her ankle fucked up like that. Inuyasha leapt up into the trees. Wood would be the easy thing to find first.
He found a couple downed trees from the storm, but he needed something older. New wood would smoke too much, and the sap would snap and crackle and stink up the cave for a good while.
But then he found a tree whose branches were bare and easily broken. It only took a good swipe of his claws to make it so that he could carry it back to the cave. Heaving it onto his shoulder he headed back towards the cave, stopping a little ways away to break it into different pieces. He didn't want to disturb her if she was still asleep. A few good swipes of his claws made quick work of the wood and then it was only a matter of ripping it to pieces to make good sized chunks of wood for them to use. The tree would be enough to last them a couple days at least. He moved quickly, grabbing large armfuls and carefully depositing them near the cave entrance to retrieve when he returned.
Now, it was time for food.
And he was starving. A couple quail flew across his path, and he wasted no time in snatching them around the necks, snapping the fragile bones beneath his fingers.
It wasn't enough though.
However, nature wasn't exactly cooperating with him because everything seemed to still be in hiding from all the rain.
It was testing his patience to say the least. Inuyasha narrowed his eyes at the ground beneath him, eyes trying to spot some sort of movement before he gave up and headed back in with his measly catch.
But then, he caught the barest shift of color and shadow. A small doe tentatively stepped out from its shelter into the trees. The thing was probably barely old enough to not be considered a fawn. He'd heard the villagers call them something, but the name escaped him at the moment.
Didn't matter.
What mattered was that thing was meat.
And it would feed his little group for today and probably tomorrow too.
Setting the quail on the branch beside him, he shifted his weight slowly and carefully on the branch beneath him. He couldn't risk jumping down, he'd have to land the blow in a single leap from the branch. So long as the thing didn't see him, it should be easy enough.
Coiling his muscles, Inuyasha waited for a moment longer, before leaping out, arms and claws reaching out towards his target.
Inuyasha returned with not only breakfast, already cleaned and spitted for the fire, but also before the rain started. The doe was small, leaving behind less than he would've thought, but it would be enough until he could hunt again without fear of torrential downpours.
Miroku and Shippo helped him stack the wood against the far wall of the cave, using a large void in the stone to hold the wood in place.
Sango had risen at some point after he'd left, but Kagome had remained asleep. Kirara had curled up with her under his haori.
The air grew heavy as they walked in, carrying the last of the wood before the sky overhead rumbled threateningly.
It was going to rain more, and he watched the trees, that oppressive feeling creeping up his spine but giving him nothing else to go on.
He didn't like it.
He also didn't have a choice. Kagome needed to rest her ankle before she did some real damage to it.
Moving back beside Kagome, he resumed his spot against the wall, staring out at the woods as the sky grew darker and darker.
A/N: Hey guys! I hope you've had a better week than I have! It's been a rough few days (another reaction to new thyroid meds and also what we're pretty sure is a possible kidney infection), and with late next week being my brother's birthday (which will mark year 9 since his passing), I'm going to take next week off from posting for this story. It's nothing serious, but the fatigue is hitting me hard, and I know that his birthday is going to be emotionally draining no matter what I do.
I guess the good news is that I finally finished a new story and will be posting a new story early next week. It's an InuKag Space AU, and if you'd like to be tagged in updates for it on Tumblr, let me know here or message me on Tumblr (same username).
But anyway, I hope that you enjoyed Inuyasha's cuddling, and as always, let me know what you think. I always enjoy hearing from you all.
