Chapter 71
Si vis amari, ama
"If you wish to be loved, love"


"If you want to keep a secret, you must also hide it from yourself."
1984


Inuyasha didn't like the idea. He didn't like it at all.

Yeah, he might actually be able to get the job done sooner—okay, yeah, he definitely could have this thing done and over with by this afternoon—but Miroku and Sango used to hunt youkai on their own.

For a living.

They should be able to handle a few bugs.

Fact was he didn't want to go. He didn't want to leave.

And Sango's over here edging into his 'alone with Kagome' time.

He didn't like it.

He didn't like the idea of leaving her so vulnerable and alone. And he could tell. She didn't like the idea either.

But she'd told him to go, and it wasn't like he had anything to argue against her points.

Which was why he was currently picking Kagome up and migrating her out to the porch just outside their room.

The sun would probably do her some amount of good. It would at least keep her warm while he was away. He held her while Sango folded up her sleeping bag to act as a cushion. When she left, he moved forward, settling her back against the column.

"You okay?" He asked, squatting next to her.

"Yeah," she answered, giving him a smile that trembled at the edges.

She looked away to pick at her nails, and his fingers closed around hers as a reflex. She took a deep breath, looking back up at him.

"I'll be okay." She exhaled softly. "I can't be scared forever, right?" He watched her for a long moment, waiting for her to continue, but she didn't.

"I'll stay," he blurted out in a whisper. "I'll stay, if you want."

She shook her head; her other hand came to rest on his that was still clutching her fingers.

He'd never wanted her to tell him to stay behind more than right now. If she said the word, he'd stay and tell Miroku and Sango to fucking figure it out on their own.

Kagome first, the rest of the stupid village after everything else.

But she was being quiet.

She was being Kagome though.

He loved her compassion. Hell, that was probably the only reason that she was even willing to deal with him for this long.

She deserved someone who could offer her a life worth living.

Someone who could give her a home.

He had nothing to offer her really.

He only loved her, and that wasn't enough.

"They need our help," she said softly. "You can help them and make sure no one gets hurt."

His thumb ran over her knuckles.

"Sango will be with me," she said.

"You talking to me or someone else?" He asked, unsure if she was trying to reassure him or herself.

"Both?"

"You both ready?" Miroku asked, stepping out onto the veranda.

No. He wasn't ready. He didn't want to go.

He didn't want to leave.

All she had to do was say something, anything to give him an out. Give him even the smallest of reasons.

He still had a grip on her fingers, and he swallowed once before slowly pulling them away. He felt hers twitch as he slid away, but she made no effort to stop him and so he didn't.

He rose to her feet as Sango brought over her backpack and sat down at the edge of the porch, letting her feet dangle off into the grass.

"We'll be back as soon as we can," Miroku said, patting his shoulder and guiding him away. The statement felt like a consolation towards him than an announcement for the girls. Her fingers were tracing her nails, and he clenched his hands into fists to stop himself from going back.

Sango was with her. They were in a village. She'd be safe.

Kirara wouldn't let anything happen.

She would be safe.

And he'd kill these fucking bugs, and then he could go back to her.

Or best case scenario, he could point Miroku in the right direction and tell him to go fetch and flee back to the inn.

Miroku could probably handle it.

If Sango was worried, she could go after him. She could even take Shippo.

And then he could have more alone time with Kagome.

He felt like a plan was really starting to come together.

He followed Miroku's lead through the village, not that he couldn't have found the trail himself, but it was faster to just let the monk lead him through.

It also helped him avoid some of the stares.

The closer they got to the edge of the village, the more that Inuyasha could pick up on the traces of the insects.

He moved ahead of Miroku easily finding the tracks that he'd mentioned several strides from the edge of the village.

"See what I mean? They just circle the village."

Inuyasha squatted next to them, sniffing the air. He looked at the tracks, but he could agree that everything seemed fucking weird.

There were two different types of tracks, but they were overlaid on each other. Something dragged against the earth, but there were two sizes of other tracks here too.

But the size of these steps had to mean that these things were probably the height of a five or six men.

So where were these things sneaking off too?

"There's an offshoot not too far from here where the tracks just disappeared," Miroku said, motioning him to follow as he started down the trail.

Inuyasha stood, dusting off his hands, and followed the monk.

They'd cleared the trees away from the edge of the village, so there was a nice few paces between the tree line and the outermost buildings.

They'd come this way, but the tracks were obscured by the amount of times they must've circled this place.

So why?

Why circle a village and not do something?

They were right, because something else was at play here.

And he didn't like it, because he didn't know what it was.

Maybe there was a shard after all. Maybe he should've brought Kagome.

Then again, it didn't matter if the one with the shard left. Kagome could only sense the shards when they were in proximity, not the trails of where they'd gone or been.

He sniffed the air, but there was nothing out of place. Literally, there was nothing out of the ordinary except for the massive trails here.

Miroku stopped at a small pathway where the sets of tracks deviated off into the trees.

No broken branches littered the ground, and the trees weren't scraped like he'd expected. But sure enough, the trail led off into the woods and then just stopped the moment they reached a clearing.

"We thought that they might've flown off," Miroku said. "But every single trail just ends even if there's not an opening in the branches like there is here."

Inuyasha narrowed his eyes, alternating between staring at the ground and then at the opening in the trees.

"Show me the others."

"This way," Miroku said, starting back out towards the main trail.

Inuyasha followed noting that the trace scent of insects wasn't nearly as strong as he'd thought it would be.

"And you saw nothing last night?"

"We didn't see anything or hear anything. And from the reports of the villagers, there was no attack last night either."

"And they've been coming almost every night."

Miroku nodded, rings jingling as they walked.

"Their attacks are consistent. They've been coming more and more frequently. According to the headman, they were due to be attacked last night."

"But they weren't."

"Correct."

Inuyasha shoved his hands into his sleeves.

'Too convenient' kept repeating in his head.

Everything felt like it was falling into place too well and too easily. Nothing ever worked out for him like this and he doubted that his luck was about to change this suddenly.

Something was off.

And the fact that Kagome was so injured and equally unable to defend herself made his hair stand on end. They reached the next offshoot and followed it a few paces into the trees where it simply ended. No clearing, no evidence that they flew off, nothing that said they turned around and went back, everything just stopped.

"See what I mean?" Miroku said.

Inuyasha leaned down, sniffing the ground to try and grasp something close to a scent, but here it seemed like there was even less of a scent trail here. More like whatever had come this way hadn't been through here in days, maybe a week.

"Everything just ends. There's literally no trail, and they're all like this." Miroku watched him as he crept forward beyond the edge of the trail and into the undisturbed earth.

But that proved to be even more of a dead end, because the trail literally just ended. Like the creatures just vanished mid-step.

How was this shit getting weirder?

Pushing himself up to his feet, he stared at the trail and then the undisturbed earth beside it.

"Did you find anything?"

"Something's weird," Inuyasha muttered.

"Well, yes, that's been the consensus as of late. Glad to see you agree."

Inuyasha glared at him, and he sighed.

"Any ideas on what might be happening?"

"The trail just ends," Inuyasha stated, squatting back next to the trail again. "But so does the scent."

"And that's not something that happens?"

"Smells aren't exact. They get stronger and weaker as you follow them, but this just—stops. And it shouldn't." He stood up again.

"The next one isn't too far from this one if I remember correctly."

"We gonna look at all of them?" Inuyasha said, following Miroku as he led the way towards another portion of the trail. It didn't make sense if these things were all alike.

"We'll go through it just the once, and see what pops up in the daytime."

Inuyasha made a face at the idea, and Miroku sighed.

"I realize that you really don't want to be here, but you're our best bet in gathering information to solve this problem. I promise we will return once we've gathered all the facts, alright?"

Inuyasha made another face, but he continued walking behind the monk.

Fine. He could do a circuit and then call it quits.

He didn't exactly see the point of all of it. It was clear that whatever this was, it wasn't just youkai that were the problem. There was something more in depth happening here.

He snapped off a low hanging branch fiddling with it between his fingers as he walked with Miroku.

"It would seem as though Kagome is doing somewhat better—all things considered."

Inuyasha flicked the branch off to the side.

She hadn't collapsed like he'd expected her to after Kouga. She'd managed to keep herself together and lean on him.

He gave a small grunt, looking out into the trees.

Something was off, and he knew it was right there, but he couldn't put his finger on it.

"Here's another one," Miroku said, starting down another path. Inuyasha followed. Another handful of paces into the trees and then the tracks stopped again. No surprise there.

He squatted down near the tracks, staring at them. These looked no different from the others he'd looked at earlier.

So what was the fucking point if he wasn't going to get anything out of it?

He could be spending this time with Kagome.

Especially since there was some weird shit happening, and he didn't like being this far away from her. Sure, Sango was with her, but it wasn't the same.

He sighed, flicking his claws a bit in frustration because he just couldn't put his finger on what is so weird about all this.

Sniffing the air only gave him traces of insect. Nothing much to go on.

Wait.

Leaning down into the dirt, he sniffed the tracks again.

"What?" Miroku asked. "Did you find something?"

Inuyasha ignored him as he moved onto the edges of the tracks.

"Inuyasha?"

The smell of insect faded the closer he got to the edges of the main track. In fact, he could barely smell anything at all where the legs had come down into the soft soil.

"Are you just going to ignore me?"

He moved out to the main trail, sniffing again.

"Seriously? Can you please tell me what you've found?"

Inuyasha crouched down on all fours, crawling around the main trail as he took quick sniffs of the dirt.

"Look, I'm sorry I made you come along with me, but I didn't think that you'd like it if Kagome—"

"Would you shut it already and let me work?"

Inuyasha took a few careful sniffs of the prints around the edges, and sure enough it was the same thing. Barely any scent at all.

"And?" Miroku pressed as Inuyasha leaned back on his haunches.

"Smell's wrong," Inuyasha answered, pointing to the tracks.

"Ah, yes, I should clarify. Can you explain that for my dull human senses?"

He huffed, glaring at the monk before turning back to the tracks.

"Everything has a scent."

"I'm not that dumb, Inuyasha."

Another huff.

"You gonna let me finish or bitch about it?"

There was a lingering pause before Miroku motioned for him to continue.

"Everything has a scent. You smell human, so does Sango, and Kagome. But you each smell different from each other but still human." He pointed to Miroku's feet. "When people move through the woods, they leave more than just a trail with their feet."

"Right, we brush up against things and leave more of a trail than what's on the ground."

Inuyasha gave a nod, pointing back at the insects trail.

"That's not what's happened with these. The smell is only on the ground. No where else. And it's really only here." He gestured to the drag marks. "When it should be here too." He pointed to the areas where the feet would've sunk into the earth.

"Ah, so it smells wrong."

Inuyasha nodded, rising to his feet, and patting his own back at explaining something youkai to Miroku.

And now he could go and—

"So what does that mean?" Miroku asked, and Inuyasha inwardly groaned.

"Dunno. Something came through here and it smelled like an insect, but it wasn't an insect."

"Interesting," Miroku said, rubbing his chin.

Not really. Well, it was, but it wasn't what Inuyasha was interested in right now.

"We good?" He asked, rising to his feet, eager to leave.

Miroku sighed.

"We need to finish the circuit, just to make sure that you don't sense something else."

Inuyasha groaned.

"Finish the loop with me," Miroku added quickly as Inuyasha prepared to leap away, "and then you can go back to Kagome."

Inuyasha turned over his shoulder to glare at the monk.

How dare he say it so simply!

Those were his thoughts! No one else should know that!

"Don't give me that look," Miroku said, moving up beside him. "We all know that you want to go back and snuggle with Kagome."

"I don't snuggle!" Inuyasha snapped as they walked.

"Cuddle, fondle, nuzzle, whatever you want to call it."

Inuyasha swiped out towards the monk, who laughed and ducked out of the way of his claws.

"Honestly, I don't know what you're so upset about. It's not like your feelings are a secret."

"Do you have any idea what it would do to her?" Inuyasha hissed. "You have no fucking clue what being with a half-breed would mean for her!"

"Don't use that term. You know we all hate it," Miroku chided, giving him a half-hearted glare.

"Doesn't matter. It's everyone else that'll make her life impossible. She deserves better."

Miroku let out a frustrated groan.

"You're the most asinine person I know." He rubbed the bridge of his nose with his fingers. "Do you really think that Kagome cares about any of that?"

"Kagome likes people." Inuyasha made a sweeping gesture to the village. "And in case you haven't noticed, people tend to not like what I am."

"Kagome does like people, but from what I know, she'd pick you over them every time."

"She shouldn't have to choose!"

"But it should still be her choice, shouldn't it?"

Inuyasha bristled, clenching his hands into fists.

Fucking Miroku saying smart shit.

He turned back towards the trail moving quicker to put some distance between himself and the monk, whom he wanted to deck just for saying something like that so easily.

He didn't get it.

He didn't understand.

He'd always been welcomed until people realized he was a con artist.

Which should prove that he's a shitty con artist if people figured it out.

But Inuyasha—Inuyasha was never warmly welcomed anywhere. Even Kaede's village didn't accept him right away, though that might have partially been his own making there. He had trashed a few buildings in the village because he was mad at Kikyo. He grimaced. The fact that they were still mad at him fifty years later said something.

At least he knew how to make an impact.

"You're just making this harder on yourself," Miroku said behind him.

"Fuck off." Inuyasha crossed his arms in front of his chest as he walked.

He didn't want to be here anymore. He didn't want to talk about shit anymore.

And for once, the monk seemed to take the hint and kept his mouth shut the rest of the time.


By the time they reached the end of the circle, Inuyasha looked back at Miroku.

"Anything?"

"Nothing new," Inuyasha said, tapping his foot eager to start off for the inn.

"Well, I suppose that's more than we had last night."

Miroku started off down the trail leading back to the village, and Inuyasha followed for a few steps before leaping up to the roof and bounded off for the inn and Kagome.

He landed in the grass in front of the porch, seeing Kagome exactly where he'd left her.

"Inuyasha!" She cheered, setting her book aside and holding her arms up to him. He moved towards her, kneeling down in front of her so that she had easy access to him. She hummed quietly as she drew him into a tight hug.

After a moment, she let him go, and he settled in on the small space left on the porch next to her.

"Did you abandon Miroku?" Sango asked.

"Can't help that I move faster than him," Inuyasha answered as Kagome leaned onto his shoulder.

"Well, did you at least find anything else about about the marks out there?"

"Yeah," he said, turning his head towards Kagome. "How're you doing?"

"We're good. I worked on some homework, and Sango did some mending and repairs."

"Are you going to elaborate on that 'yeah' at all?"

"Ask the monk when he gets here," he said, catching the wad of fabric that Sango threw at his face, and he threw it back at her.

"It makes more sense to talk it all out when Miroku's here with us," Kagome answered.

"You should probably go make sure that he didn't get lost," Inuyasha added on, trying to get the slayer to take the hint and fucking leave.

Huffing, Sango rose to her feet, dusting off her skirt and walked past him.

A harsh flick to his ear made him yelp.

"You're a bitch, Sango!" He shouted, reaching up to gently rub some of the sting out.

"You two," Kagome hummed.

"It ain't like I did shit!" He said, looking down at her. She shifted her head so her chin rested on his shoulder.

"Honestly. You two antagonize each other like you're siblings."

"I do not!" He huffed, starting to cross his arms but realizing that would jostle Kagome's grip on him, so he just stared at the other column with as much venom as he could physically muster.

She giggled at him—and he knew that it was at him—but it didn't bother him as much as he thought it would.

She wrapped her arms around his, and he let out a long slow exhale.

"You're okay though?" He asked.

"Yeah, I'm better than I thought I'd be."

That—that was good, right? Standing on her own? Not needing him at every hour of the day? That was a good thing.

Even if it felt like he was chipping off pieces of himself to say such a thing.

She smiled up at him, and he returned it with every bit of his heart that was left to return it.


A/N: Yep, something definitely doesn't sound right about this place. Wonder what it could be? Ah well, anywhoo, I hope everything has been going well for you guys.

I'm just over here struggle bussing my way through life and adamantly not packing anything until I absolutely have to.

I hope you all enjoyed the chapter, because it's about to go down.

Let me know what you think!