Chapter 79
Memores acti prudentes futuri
"Mindful of what has been done, aware of what will be"


"Peace has a bitter taste.
And the future is foreboding."
Sarah's Key


"Take it the fuck off, Miroku!"

"Inuyasha, I really don't think—"

"Yeah, I know you're not thinkin' because if you were, you'd take it fucking off already!"

"I'd really like for you to reconsider—"

"Either you take it off, Miroku, or I do. Remember the last time? When I burnt my fingers black trying to get it off? Think how bad that would be as a human," Inuyasha countered, watching the monk's patience wear thinner than it was already strung.

Miroku stared at the wall, then the ceiling, and Inuyasha knew that he had him.

Maybe he should've felt bad, but Inuyasha wanted to be himself already. He'd spent the better part of however-many-fucking-days its been as a human, and he was ready to feel the familiar strength.

It was probably because he was currently human that he was having such a hard time as it was. He'd probably already be healed if he was hanyou.

"Fine," Miroku answered, "but you show any signs of relapsing then the ofuda goes right back where it was, understand? I will not lose you both."

"You're not fucking losing anyone, monk," Inuyasha growled out as Miroku moved to his side, kneeling down, fingers slipping under the edge of the paper. Inuyasha felt the pull of the paper as it left his skin. And then the subtle tug as it pulled free completely.

His youki returned almost instantly, his fangs and claws returning, his ears shifting to the top of his head. He could hear again. See details his human eyes blurred over, and then smell—the smell made him nearly recoil.

Sickness and infection and the overwhelmingly strong scent of medicine ran rampant in the small room.

He doubled over, covering his nose as his strength supported him.

"Inuyasha?" Miroku asked.

"Don't you fucking dare!" Inuyasha snarled behind his own palm. "I'm fucking fine!"

"Well, you don't look fine!"

He knew that Miroku was looking for any reason to slap that damn ofuda on his back again, and he wasn't going to let him seal him away. Not when his senses might help, if they would just settle the fuck down for a fucking moment and let him fucking cope with everything.

He pushed himself up so that he was at least upright. The shakiness of his limbs had lessened enough that he didn't need help doing that much at least.

Standing on his own still felt a little questionable.

But fresh air would probably help.

"Outside," Inuyasha mumbled behind his hand, trying to push himself up.

"Because you're going to vomit?"

"Because I can't fucking breathe in here, you asshole!"

Miroku had already ducked down, dragging an arm around his neck, and helping Inuyasha stand to his feet. He still felt shaky, but the strength in his legs was returning, and he only staggered once.

He grabbed onto the doorway as Miroku helped guide him out into the fresh afternoon air.

Once he was out of the mire of scents and smells, his head cleared a little and the vertigo was fading.

Miroku helped him sit on the edge of the porch where he flopped down catching his breath.

Why was he struggling so much? Shouldn't his youkai blood have fixed all this by now? Why was it taking so long?

Inuyasha took a few deep breaths, wiping his face.

"How are you feeling?"

"Like a monk is hovering."

"Good to see that you're feeling minutely better then."

Inuyasha scoffed, but it set loose a flurry of coughing, breaking up something deep in his lungs.

"That sounded unpleasant." Miroku patted his back as Inuyasha coughed.

Inuyasha wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, grimacing at the stain of bright green smeared across his skin.

"When can I go in to see her?" He asked, and Miroku sighed.

"The healer said that she'd come by early this morning."

"It's way past that," he pointed out.

"I know." Miroku leaned his head forward, rubbing his face with his hands.

"I—I'll sit with her. I can take care of her."

"Inuyasha, she's injured—"

"You think I don't know that?!" He shouted back at the monk. "You think I didn't see what she looked like?!" Inuyasha felt his breath heaving as he felt the need to snap something half again and again until it was nothing but dust.

But he couldn't even snap off a piece of the porch underneath him.

"Inuyasha," Miroku whispered, "you have no idea how bad it was."

"Then fucking tell me!" He snarled. "You two keep fucking pussyfooting around it whenever I ask! Just fucking tell me!"

Miroku glanced at the doorway for just a moment before giving a slow nod.

"There was a barrier. You ran past me and right through the barrier. You two were the only ones that could get through for three days. But neither of you came back out."

"You said there was an explosion."

Miroku nodded.

"There was." He cleared his throat. "The barrier fell, and we were finally able to get inside. It was—" Miroku took a shaky breath. "It looked like—" He shook his head. "There were youkai everywhere. You had a barrier around you, and there were a handful purifying themselves trying to dig through it." Miroku wiped his face with his hand. "I've never seen youkai do that before. Another set were hovering over Kagome. We just barely managed to get to her before—but she—"

Inuyasha wanted to jump down his throat, but he waited, claws digging into his fist.

"She was still—smoking, and her skin—and then you—" Miroku ran his hand under his nose quickly as his voice turned watery. "You looked dead. We thought you were when we first got to you." Another wipe of his nose. "The youkai weren't even difficult to defeat, but there were so many, and they had—" The monk stopped himself from speaking, and Inuyasha waited as long as he possibly could.

"They had what?"

Miroku cleared his throat again.

"I need you to remember that I'm only relaying facts that Sango and I saw."

Inuyasha's fisted his hands into his hakama waiting for him to continue.

"What's your point?"

"I just need you to remember that I'm only making assumptions with the information that I have."

"Would you just get to it already?"

"There were ofuda, and when you said Kikyo had been there," Miroku let the statement fall off.

"You think that Kikyo was behind this?"

She couldn't—she wouldn't—yeah, sure, she and Kagome had it out a few times, but Kagome had never said that she'd hurt her. He'd asked! She'd said no!

She'd said that Kikyo hadn't tried to hurt her, and even when he'd pushed her about it later, she'd still said no.

"All I'm saying is that nothing else got in or out of that barrier. And who else would put ofuda up?"

"So what? She trapped a bunch of youkai inside a barrier to do what exactly?"

"I don't know. I was hoping that you would have more information about it so we could figure out who or what was behind it!"

"This doesn't make any sense Miroku! Why would Kikyo do that? Why would anyone do that?" He shook his head, trying to dispel the rising headache before it came to fruition. "We didn't even know that we were coming here. How could anyone else expect us to?"

"I don't know either, but when we brought Kagome back here, we noticed some other things."

Inuyasha was almost hesitant to know what else there could possibly be, but Miroku pressed on.

"There were—It looked like she'd been shot with an arrow."

Inuyasha's chest grew tight.

"More than once."

His mouth grew too dry to speak, and he felt his nose begin to run.

"I think it might be easier to show you," Miroku said, rising to his feet and walking inside the room. Inuyasha quickly wiped his nose with the back of his hand, seeing a bright red smear of blood across his face. He sniffed, roughly rubbing the drying blood off his hand as he kept checking his face for more.

But it seemed the nose bleed had stopped.

It didn't take Miroku long to find whatever he was looking for, because he reappeared, the dark and bloodied arrow heads staring at him as Miroku sank back down on the porch.

His stomach was already twisting in on itself, and he could feel the rising wave of nausea.

"We were hoping that you might be able to tell us who made these or get a scent off of them."

He didn't need to because he knew exactly who those arrows belonged to. He'd spent hours draped over tree branches watching her make arrows. It was the last thing he remembered seeing when he'd been pinned to the Goshinboku.

Her arrows had always been things of beauty, and he remembered noting that the fletching on that one was vibrantly white. Like it had been made just for him.

But why?

She should be angry at Naraku or at least him. Kagome had literally nothing to do with anything that happened fifty years ago.

So why?

Why would Kikyo shoot her with an arrow? Much less two arrows.

It didn't—none of it made sense.

This wasn't like the Kikyo that he knew. Kikyo wouldn't just hurt someone to hurt someone, and Kagome wouldn't attack her unnecessarily.

Something had to be wrong.

That was the only answer. There had to be something wrong here. Maybe it was Naraku disguised as Kikyo?

Wouldn't be the first time the asshole tried that charade.

But then how did he get not just one but two of Kikyo's arrows?

Had something happened to Kikyo?

Had Naraku done something?

She'd always said that she'd take him on alone, that she didn't need any help, but maybe Naraku had surprised her, and she was hurt somewhere.

Did his promise of protection count if she refused it? His ears twisted back as the urge to vomit rose up in his throat.

He couldn't leave, even if he wanted to, but he didn't want to. Not with Kagome as delicate as she was. He didn't want to leave her.

She needed him more than Kikyo ever did.

He'd—He'd loved Kikyo—as much as he thought that he could love a person at that time, he loved her. But Kagome—Kagome was something else entirely.

"Inuyasha?" Miroku asked, and Inuyasha dragged his eyes away from the arrows to the monk's face. "You know who made these?"

He gave a short nod.

There was a long pause, and Miroku's gaze drifted down to the blood covered arrows too.

"I see." He tightened his grip on them. "I'm sure there was a reason."

His stomach lurched, and Inuyasha barely leaned over in time, fingers wrapping around the wooden edge of the porch as his vomited bile and broth into the grass below.

His stomach settled into dry heaving, even though Inuyasha was sure that he still felt like he could throw up more.

"Have some water," Miroku said, kneeling down beside him.

Wiping his face with the back of his hand, Inuyasha pushed himself up, taking the cup in shaking fingers. He threw his head back, rinsing his mouth and swallowing the water, taste and all.

"Are you alright?" Miroku asked, his covered hand resting on Inuyasha's bare shoulder.

Another short nod.

"Let me sit by her," he asked again, but this time the question lacked all the bluster and anger that it held before. Now, it sounded more like a dying man's request.

And Inuyasha felt like dying.

"Alright," Miroku said after a long silence, and Inuyasha used the leverage of the column and his friend to get him standing once more.


He thought that seeing her might've made things easier—released that tightness in his chest that refused to abate. Inuyasha leaned back against the wall, watching Sango wipe her down with a damp cloth and give her more medicine or antidote or whatever the fuck it was.

Small leaves stuck out from under the bandages on her arms and chest.

The entire place smelled of medicine and salves and other things that weren't Kagome.

Miroku had left quickly after depositing him against the wall. He took Kirara and Shippo with him wherever he went.

But Inuyasha wished that he left the fire cat behind. He could use some company, but he was too afraid to ask Sango any questions.

She looked tired as hell too.

Probably looked worse than when they first found her, and she was riding out her injuries on the shard in her back.

Kagome wheezed on the floor in front of him, and his ears craned farther back into his hair in an attempt to hide from the noise.

The day or so that he'd been conscious felt like it had been years since he'd seen and held her.

Her skin was both pale and flushed; she looked like she was in pain. Her face crinkled as she struggled to breathe.

"Your haori and kosode were the easiest things to change her in and out of," Sango said quietly. The sound of her voice almost made him jump a little. "I'm just trying to keep her cool."

"It's fine," he mumbled, and he really didn't care. If she needed them more, then he was happy to give them up.

Everyone else could starve and freeze, but not her.

Her hand on this side was heavily bandaged all the way down to her fingers.

He wanted to hold it—hold her—feel the weight of her in his hand.

Her lips were chapped and raw in places.

He could just barely smell blood under all the other things hovering in the room.

He didn't want to think that Kikyo would be capable of hurting Kagome like that. There had to be a reason. There had to be. It just didn't make sense.

"I can watch her," he said, and Sango looked up at him. "I'll watch her."

"No, you're still recovering," she said with a shake of her head.

"I'm better," he argued. "Just let me watch her."

Sango started to argue, but then she stopped herself just staring at him. She slid the bucket closer, and her fingers gripped the edge of it.

"You'll call if something happens?" Sango asked.

"Yeah," he said with a nod, shifting forward just a bit.

"You're going to need to wipe down her face if she starts sweating too much." She motioned to another bucket on the other side of him. "That's the drinking water. We have to keep giving her fluid because she's sweating so much."

"Got it," he said, shifting away from the wall.

"Her skin is damaged where the bandages are, so—"

"I'll be careful."

Sango took a deep breath and then stood.

"Okay, I'm going to go lay down for a bit."

She stood, hesitating just a moment before turning away and walking towards another set of privacy screens.

Inuyasha looked down at Kagome, shifting towards her head a bit more. He tugged the bucket towards him, settling in next to her. He pushed the damp strands of hair from her forehead, noting how hot her skin was to the touch. Wincing, he grabbed the cloth out of the bucket, wringing it out slowly before taking it and wiping her forehead from where the sweat was starting to bead up on her pale skin.

"It's me," he said softly. He didn't want her to be afraid in case she could hear him. "I'm here," he continued, keeping his voice low enough that she'd be able to hear him, but it wouldn't disturb Sango. Tossing the rag back into the bucket, he took the ladle and dipped it into the water, carefully lifting her head to trickle the water into her mouth.

Her lips were so chapped they were starting to split and bleed. Even though she was sweating and damp, her skin felt dry.

He took great care to make sure that she didn't choke on the water that he was giving her. He still felt like shit, and his body felt way too heavy to be normal. But he wasn't about to let that stop him from caring for her.

If there was one person that he would gladly suffer for in this world, it was her.

"I don't know what happened, but I'm going to fix it. You're going to be fine, Kagome." He ran his fingers along her cheek, leaning down to press his forehead to hers. "I'll find you whatever you need, whatever it takes." There was the burning in his eyes again. "I won't let anything happen to you."

There was a soft rasping noise from her throat, and he leaned back a little to watch her.

He wanted to hold her, press her close against him so that he could feel her heart beat as close to his as he could get.

But she was hurt, and he couldn't do that, so he'd have to make do with what he had.

He made sure that his fingers never left her skin the entire time that he sat with her. She was warm and tangible and that was more than he had before.


The door slid open, and Inuyasha looked up to see Miroku stepping inside with Shippo and Kirara in tow.

The kit made a beeline for Inuyasha's lap, burrowing into the small space. Inuyasha could only look up at the monk, who sighed before looking around the room for the only other missing person from their group.

"She's laying down. I said I'd watch her."

"Ah," Miroku lowered himself down next to Inuyasha, "we should let her rest then."

"Something happen?" Inuyasha asked, running his fingers through the kit's tail, and motioning to the kit currently balled up in his lap.

"Yes, I think there might have still been some uh—residual smell in the clearing when we visited it." Inuyasha caught the monk's motion to Kagome's still form. "He didn't go very close to the center of it."

That made sense. The idea of smelling burnt flesh—hers in particular—made the bile rise in his throat.

"Have you had anything to eat?"

Inuyasha shook his head.

"Then I will go request a meal for us. Do you think you'll be able to handle some solid food today?"

"I'm not a fucking invalid."

"Ah yes, which is why you can climb to your own two feet currently."

Inuyasha growled and glared, reaching over to the bucket to squeeze the excess water from the rag and then wiping her face again. He lifted her head, wiping the back of her neck and shoulder.

Miroku rose to his feet and walked out towards the front of the inn.

"You good?" He asked Shippo, who whined, and curled into a tighter ball.

No, of course not. It wasn't like he was doing so great himself.

It was so quiet in the room with the exception of her raspy breathing.

"Heard you been helping out." Inuyasha glanced down at Shippo before shifting his gaze back to Kagome, as he continued wiping her face off with the damp rag.

"Yeah," came the sniffled and muffled reply. "I went out and found an herb that Sango needed. And I washed a bunch of rags."

Inuyasha swallowed, feeling the lump slink down the back of his throat.

"I'm sure she'll appreciate it when she wakes up."

"It smelled so bad," Shippo whined, huffing against Inuyasha's thigh a few times, like he was trying to get the smell out of his nose by sheer force. "I could smell you and Kagome, except it smelled like it was all burnt."

Inuyasha turned his gaze to Kagome and all the bandages wrapped around her arms and her chest.

She coughed there was a small trickle of stuff out of the corner of her mouth, and Inuyasha quietly wiped it away with his rag before tossing it back into the bucket.

"She's gonna be fine," Inuyasha told him.

"She doesn't sound like it," Shippo mumbled, and he remembered that Shippo hadn't been there for the last time. He hadn't seen her struggle.

"Kagome's tough. She survived last time, didn't she?"

Shippo nodded, sniffling.

"She'll be okay. Kagome wouldn't leave us behind, right?"

"She leaves us behind to go to her world all the time."

He tugged the kit's ear just a bit.

"She does that because she has to. You know that. We both know that she doesn't like taking those tests."

"Yeah," Shippo mumbled, the tenseness in his little body alleviating bit by bit.

"She wouldn't leave us permanently."

"She likes you too much," Shippo mumbled, and Inuyasha stared at the little kit lounging across his lap now.

He managed to sputter out a soft "keh!" in response.

The door slid open, and Inuyasha glanced over his shoulder to see Miroku returning.

"I'll go wake up Sango," he said, walking over to where Sango had disappeared.

"Do you think that Kagome will wake up soon?"

Inuyasha wanted to say 'yes' or 'of course' but he knew that the kit could smell the same things that he did. The kit may not have known what he was smelling, but he would instinctively know that they weren't good scents. That there was something inherently wrong with her.

Sango and Miroku reappeared, with Sango wiping her face with her sleeve. She slumped down next to Kagome.

"Everything went okay?" She asked, looking at her carefully.

"She coughed up a bit of that stuff earlier," Shippo answered.

"That's it?" She asked, looking almost surprised.

"What? Were you expecting bad news?"

"At the rate we've been going, yes." She gently held Kagome's hand. "Maybe this is a good sign?" Sango asked, looking over at Miroku, who gave her a smile.

"We can certainly hope so."

"I need to change her bandages," Sango said, setting her hand down and getting up to get to her supplies.

"Lunch is coming soon," Miroku stated.

"Then after lunch," she said, still taking out the medicines and salves, and bringing them to Kagome's side. Shippo crawled out of Inuyasha's lap and picked up the small bucket of water.

"I'll go get some fresh water!" Picking up the bucket, he waddled off outside to dump it.

Inuyasha watched him carry the bucket to the middle of the grassy field, dumping it out. He noted that there was a dark patch of grass out near the trees.

"What's that?" Inuyasha asked, nodding towards the spot as Shippo moved out of sight.

"Hmm?" Miroku asked, turning to follow his gaze.

"That dark spot out there. It wasn't like that before."

"Oh," Miroku said, turning back to face him. "That's where we rinsed out your clothes and Kagome's."

A knock interrupted anything that Inuyasha thought about saying, and Miroku rose to answer it, allowing the women to bring in four trays of food.

"We brought the broth like you requested on this tray here," one of them said before giving a sad look to Kagome before bowing. "We will continue to hope for the priestess's recovery," she added, turning away and leaving.

"Thank you," Miroku says after them, and tugs a tray over for himself and one for Shippo.

Sango shifted the tray over beside him, and he looked down at it.

His stomach gurgled, but he looked back at Kagome.

"We've been feeding her broth," Sango said. "We can feed her after you eat, but please, eat something solid."

He looked at Kagome's face before withdrawing his hand and turning towards his own tray, feeling immense guilt over the fact that he was eating, and she was not.

He took a few bites, feeling the small morsels drop into his gut like boat anchors. Just sitting there and rotting deep down in him.

He knew deep down that he needed to eat that if—when—she woke up, she would need him, and she would need him at full strength. He would need to be at full-strength to kill whomever was behind all this.

He didn't want to think that Kikyo would just outright try to kill Kagome. They'd—they'd been on peaceable terms lately. He'd gone when she called him, answered her questions, but she hadn't said anything or made any hint that she'd decided to take her vengeance early.

This Kikyo wasn't his Kikyo. It was a piece of her, and she knew him and things about their lives, but it wasn't her. Kikyo had always been—kinder. People liked Kikyo—still liked Kikyo even. But the way she acted towards him and everyone else in his group, she always made him feel guilty, like he hadn't done enough, even though he'd gotten trapped right alongside her.

He just hadn't hurt anyone in the process of dying.

Shippo reappeared with the bucket of water and eagerly set about stuffing his face with food.

He ate slower than any other time in his life, trying to force his body to take the food and not retch it up later.

Taking a deep breath, he pushed the tray to the side, not completely eaten.

"Let him be," Miroku said quietly as Inuyasha returned to gently wiping Kagome's face with a clean rag.

The others sat and ate, allowing him to remain in silence.


After dinner, Sango opted to help Shippo with washing rags and making sure that his kosode was dry.

"We need to change her bandages," Sango said after she brought in another handful of cloth wraps.

"I'll help," Inuyasha said, fingers grazing along Kagome's jaw. She was so hot to the touch, like she was about to incinerate and turn to dust the moment that he looked away.

"Are you sure that you're feeling up to it?" Sango asked him, and he nodded. "Don't push yourself."

"I'm not," he said, glancing up just for a second to look at her, before turning back to Kagome.

"How about I sit with her for a bit, and you go lay down and rest?"

"I'm fine," he answered.

He really did feel like he was about to crash and burn, but he'd pull an all nighter if she needed him too. He didn't want to leave her, even if she was with Sango.

"She hasn't been coughing as much," he told her, as if trying to prove that he was worthy of watching her, like he was making a contribution.

"Any nose bleeds?" Sango asked, and he shook his head. Sango's eyes widened as she turned back towards Kagome. "Well, that's an improvement." Sango took a breath, and he avoided telling her that he'd been the one having nosebleeds. It wasn't important. "Inuyasha, would you lay down if you were next to Kagome?"

Inuyasha cut a glare towards her, but she didn't look like she was making fun of him.

"I'll bring your blanket over," she said, rising to her feet.

He didn't need it, but he didn't want to argue with her either and risk his time with her. Because he did want to nap a bit. His body was craving sleep, but he didn't want to take the risk that she wouldn't be here when he woke up. That he would miss something important.

Sango returned with the blanket from his makeshift bed, draping it around his shoulders.

He clutched it around himself, and she seemed to wait for him to do something, before sighing and coming back.

"Okay, while you're getting settled, I'm going to go collect the laundry off the lines."

She stepped back out the doorway, and Inuyasha's gaze drifted back to Kagome. He needed to sleep; he could already feel his consciousness wavering. If he didn't go to sleep, then his body would forcefully make him do it.

Wrapping the unneeded blanket firmly around himself, he pillowed his head on his arm, watching her breathe until his eyes drifted closed of their own accord.


A/N: Happy Thursday!

Thank you so much for dealing with my hiatus while I worked on bingo and moving. (Don't ask me how I did both. I don't know.) The move went fairly smoothly, but it literally took all week to get me moved in and unpacked, but good news is that I'm unpacked! There's just a few small things that need dealing with, but other than that, I'm pretty much done dealing with boxes in my house. Now it's just finding everything a new home in my house. My cat is enjoying exploring the house, and finding new places to hide.

I hope that you're all doing well, and I hope that you enjoyed the chapter after the long wait. I hope that you all had a wonderful holiday and celebrated with friends and family! I'll see you all again next week! 😁