Chapter 108
Ex gratia
"From kindness (Refers to someone voluntarily performing an act purely from kindness, as opposed to for personal gain or from being compelled to do it)"
"Do not kill him even now.
For he has not hurt me.
And in any case I do not wish him
to be slain in this evil mood.
He was great once, of a noble kind
that we should not dare to raise our hands against.
He is fallen, and his cure is beyond us;
but I would still spare him,
in the hope that he may find it."
—The Lord of the Rings: Return of the King
Shifting her efforts, Kagome pushed the knife away from her body as it sank down
The blade cut into her neck slightly as it pierced into the earth, knocking Kikyo off-balance just enough that the hand left her throat in order to catch herself.
Kagome gasped in a breath that didn't feel quite big enough. It was a sharp breath, as Kikyo wrenched the knife out of ground beside her jaw.
It came up again, and Kagome knew that she'd never be able to fight her and hold her off. She was at a disadvantage on the ground—and in general to be honest, and instead of blocking the blade or diverting it, Kagome put a hand to Kikyo's chest, and tried to purify the shard there.
Kikyo shrieked, slicing through the air and catching Kagome's arm. The resulting blast from her reiki surprise sent Kikyo flying and Kagome rolling back a few feet. And not in the direction of Inuyasha.
Not helpful to say the least.
Kagome pushed herself up.
"You insignificant brat!" Kikyo spat, holding onto her chest.
"Not so insignificant," Kagome mumbled a bit as she rose to her side, pushing herself up to a sitting position.
"You selfish whore! You have been given everything you ever wanted and more!" Kikyo was already shifting her weight to stand, as Kagome tried to gather what little was left of her wits and spirits from where she'd scattered them previously.
"I haven't taken anything from you, Kikyo! And I haven't been given anything either."
"You took him!" She jabbed a finger at Inuyasha, who was still sprawled onto the ground. "You took my powers! That is my reiki!"
"You wanted to be a normal woman, remember!" Kagome pointed out. "You didn't want to be special anymore! Well, guess what? You finally got your wish!"
"Do not pretend to know what I wanted!"
"You told everyone you wanted to be a normal human woman. You wanted Inuyasha to give up everything that made him different and special! You wanted him to become human for you, but you didn't want to give up anything that made you special! That's not love, Kikyo! That's manipulation!"
Kikyo stood to her feet, finger pointing at Inuyasha.
"He owes me his life!"
"He owes you nothing!" Kagome spat out with every bit of righteous indignation on his behalf. "He did nothing wrong! He didn't hurt you! He's never hurt you! He's never hurt anyone!"
"It's his fault—!" Kikyo argued, but Kagome wasn't about to hear the same story over again. It was time to change the disc in the dumb CD player.
"You were the one that kept Onigumo a secret! If anyone is at fault, it's you! Inuyasha was willing to give up everything, because he loved you! He still loves you!"
Kikyo's eyes narrowed as she picked up the knife, her fingers gripping the handle until they looked about ready to crack under the pressure.
Kagome chanced a look over at Inuyasha, who had light purple stripes rolling over his cheeks and his hand was trembling maybe an inch off the ground.
"Inuyasha," she whispered with a desperate amount of concern.
Why was he transforming? He never transformed unless it was something overly serious. He had to be so afraid for that to happen.
Was the ofuda doing something to him?
Was he dying? His youki was violently flaring about, and if it wasn't so familiar to her, Kagome would be afraid.
It didn't make any sense.
Kagome turned away from Inuyasha to look back at the real threat at hand. If Inuyasha transformed, then Kikyo would never see him as anything but a threat ever again. And that would break his heart.
And to see him so broken would break hers too.
Kikyo lunged at her, blade rising up into the air, and Kagome just put her hands out towards the shard as the blade came down right as her reiki exploded from her hands and straight into Kikyo's chest.
Kagome grimaced as Kikyo shrieked and flailed.
Kagome grabbed a fistful of Kikyo's shirt and kept pushing her reiki into Kikyo's chest.
She'd save her if this was the last thing that she did.
The knife fell from Kikyo's hands as she tried to break Kagome's grip on her shirt, but Kagome wasn't going to let her go. Not until she'd purged whatever was making the shard turn black like that. Not until Kagome had freed Kikyo from whatever was tainting her so spectacularly.
If it was the last thing Kagome ever did, it would be to give Inuyasha back the Kikyo that he'd loved and remembered.
He'd have the one thing that he wanted most in this world.
Gritting her teeth, she felt Kikyo's nails dig into her arms as she tried to pull herself free, scouring deep dark lines into her flesh.
"I'm—unh!—just trying—ngh!—to help!"
Kikyo's nails left long red welts that bubbled up red as she pressed even more reiki into the shard, trying to reach her fingers into Kikyo's chest. If she could pull it out, then she'd be able to stop whatever was driving Kikyo to do this. She knew that she could fix it if she could just get the shard out and break contact.
She could save Kikyo, but whatever this was held strong. It didn't want to leave or let itself be purified, or maybe Kikyo didn't want to let it go.
Whatever it was, Kagome could feel herself wavering as Kikyo tried to fight her off.
But the dark streak was wavering, faltering under her power, and Kagome pressed harder.
Kagome knew that she was strong but untrained, and even Miroku had proved to her that skill sometimes beat raw and untrained power.
A small rock could keep a boulder from moving.
But she could feel it wavering, breaking down under the sheer brute force of her reiki. If she tore herself to pieces saving Kikyo, it would be worth it in the end. That's what she kept telling herself. If she could save Kikyo, everything would be worth it.
Miroku had also warned her of the dangers of pushing her reiki too far and too fast. A river does more damage than a waterfall, he'd said, but Kagome didn't have time for a river. She had to pull the dam free and just let out whatever she could push through the small space of her hand.
Gritting her teeth, she felt her muscles burn under the strain of keeping Kikyo close enough. The shard was right there just under her fingers. She only had to break it down the darkness surrounding it just a bit more in order to grab it and pull it free.
The power from Kikyo pulsed, almost feeling like a hard shove—a push back against Kagome's help and assistance.
"Stop—uhh!—Stop fighting it!" Kagome shouted at Kikyo, who only pushed back harder. Her nails left long bright red welts that bubbled up with blood as Kikyo tried to pull her off and away. But she was too close now, and Kikyo would ensure that she'd never get this close ever again if she failed.
This was her only chance. Her one and singular opportunity to save Kikyo from herself and whatever had corrupted her.
Because if she failed Kikyo, she'd fail Inuyasha too.
And that definitely wasn't an option.
Both of them and their powers were fighting it out, just waiting to see who could outlast the other. Kagome could already feel herself running out of all that steam and fury as the weariness started to seep in. It was cool and soothing and begged Kagome to stop.
She felt like the sun in the great vastness of space. A star that burned too bright and too fast and then just—poof—and it was gone, cooled instantly by the unrelenting vacuum of space.
Her fingers pressed against Kikyo's clay shell, and her fingers sank into unnaturally cool flesh just enough that Kagome found that small reserve of everything to keep pushing forward. She was right there! So close!
Kikyo's salvation was metaphorically and literally within her grasp, and all she had to do was push just a little more. Just give a fraction of herself more. The ends would justify the means.
She was so close, not even an inch—less than that—away from pulling the tainted shard out of Kikyo's chest.
Her fingers slipped in just a bit further, and her power flared at the touch of it.
Whatever had been allowing Kikyo to use something akin to reiki flared back into the barrier so hard that it pushed Kagome back into the ground as if trying to shove her away from Kikyo too.
But Kagome kept a firm grip on the cloth of Kikyo's clothes, drawing her down too.
"No!" Kagome shouted, reaching farther and feeling something in her shoulder snap at the tension and she felt her fingers close around Kikyo's singular shard. Ripping her hand back, it felt like she was tearing a piece of cloth, a rigidity and a tension she'd never felt when pulling a shard free of anyone or anything.
It had always just let go, released, like all the strings holding it in were cut and it just popped free. Like it wanted to be with her. Like it wanted to be purified.
The darkness that pervaded the shard—the only word that she could think to describe it was panicked, but even then that wasn't quite the right word. It felt sentient, like it knew what was coming and it was going to fight back.
Kagome closed her hand around the shard, feeling her reiki bolster to overpower the evil within it. It fought, roiling and bucking back against Kagome's reiki. It didn't want to lose, but neither did Kagome.
And then it was like the evil just gave up, and she felt her power purify the shard.
Except, right before whatever it was dissipated, she felt the power snap like a rubber band.
And Kagome realized a moment too late that it hadn't dissipated. It hadn't given up at all.
It hadn't been overcome at all. It chose to give up and allow her this small, small win.
But in the instants that Kagome realized all of this, it was far too late to do anything. She had to time to throw the shard away, as if that would do anything to help at all anyway.
Because all that power just paused and there was a brief half-moment of quiet before it recoiled and there was a bright flash of light that felt like—like—like—she didn't even know a word for it. Greek fire was something mortal, but the sentiment was the same. It was a burning that not even water could put out.
And the sheer force of it sent both her and Kikyo flying in opposite directions.
The concussive force knocked all the wind out of her sails, and she felt every hard hit and tumble across the roots and rocks as her chest landed against a tree with enough momentum that she felt her body wrap around it.
Hacking as she tried to inhale, her eyes watered.
Her shoulder burned as she laid there, body worn down to a nub.
Kagome pushed herself up on shaking and trembling limbs that threatened to give out under her at the slightest effort.
She had to move. She had to take the barrier down if their friends were going to get in and help. She was the only one that could do it, since she couldn't trust that Kikyo would free Inuyasha without harming him first.
He'd never been in a position to choose between them like this. She felt worn down to nothing, like the last vestiges of her energy were fading so quickly that she'd disappear into vapor if the wind blew hard enough. It was sheer force of will that held her together at this point, and once Inuyasha was free or the barrier was down—it didn't matter which was first—she didn't know if she'd have the strength to hold herself together anymore.
Kagome didn't want—she didn't think that she could handle seeing him run to Kikyo first. She wouldn't blame him. She could never do such a thing. Inuyasha loved who he loved, and while she knew that he cared for her, it was another thing entirely to see him coddle her previous incarnation when she intimately knew the history between the two of them.
She knew it would happen, but she seeing it was another matter entirely.
A matter that she felt would utterly destroy her.
Putting her hands under her, she pushed herself up on hands and knees, searching for any sign of the ofuda that was keeping this barrier up. It had to be visible if Kikyo managed to get it up that quickly.
And it would be near the center.
The first step made her body throb and ache, and—honestly?—if it hadn't been for Inuyasha, then Kagome would've just let herself fall down and sleep.
But Inuyasha needed her, and for once, she could be useful.
He'd need to be bandaged, the arrow carefully removed from his chest, and—
Her elbow gave out as she found a small hole in the dirt. It wasn't even that deep, barely deep enough to even consider twisting an ankle or other critical joint. Honestly, she'd probably never even notice it was there normally.
Her arms wobbled under her weight and her legs dragged in the dirt, scraping against the hard roots. Rocks dug into her skin, some breaking, some just digging in and taking up residence. Sweat dripped down her face as her shirt stuck to her back. The sound of her breathing felt like it echoed in the quiet trees.
She couldn't tell where she was. She couldn't see the barrier, no sign of it existed aside from where her friends couldn't get inside. They'd never make it inside if she didn't let them in. The only way out would be if Inuyasha overcame the arrow in his chest or the barrier came down on its own.
Neither of which would happen quickly.
She was suddenly so tired, like all the energy had been a facade that immediately dropped once the danger was over and done with.
Deep breaths didn't even seem to help the racing of her heart, and she pushed on, trying to find the little insignificant piece of paper that threatened all of them.
No wait, the barrier would've gone up from where Kikyo had shot at Inuyasha. It was the only way that she could've gotten the shot and the barrier up in such a small amount of time.
It was ultimately up to her and her alone, but she had so little left to give anyone. She shifted the direction of her search anyway, because if there was one person who deserved that last grains of her ability to move and think and care, it was Inuyasha.
Pulling herself through the trees, she saw Inuyasha still there, almost vibrating, the jagged purple marks more visible on his cheeks.
His claws were long and sharp and deadly. His fangs were already piercing his lip with the strain that he was putting his body under. Whether it was holding the demon back or fighting the ofuda, she didn't know, but she did know that she'd have to move quickly to stop him from transforming completely.
She didn't know why it was happening—and she really didn't want to contemplate that it was Kikyo causing it—she only knew that getting the barrier down would be the first step towards stopping it.
Looking up at the trees, she saw the little strip of paper, moving with a barely perceptible wave. But it was so high up. She would have to stand in order to reach it, which normally wasn't such a big deal, even with an injured ankle. She could stand on her own, walking was questionable, but she could at least stand.
But now? It took all her willpower and strength to just get her to the base of it.
Leaning her shoulder against it, she took a breath, trying to find the wherewithal to even attempt it.
She could close her eyes just for a moment. Just a little bit of rest to alleviate the ache and the tiredness, but there was that annoying little part of her that said she could rest later. Just take care of this now and then she could sleep for however long she wanted.
She could sleep forever, if she was so inclined.
She'd never have to wake up if she didn't want to, but this?—this had to be taken care of now.
It wasn't fair to make them wait.
Whimpering, as she shifted her weight a bit more, she tried to get into a position to stand. She knew it was going to hurt—how much was a mystery, but it was going to hurt. Taking a deep breath, she dug her fingers into the tree bark to get her knees under her to push her up. Shifting her knee, she took another breath before attempting to haul herself up just enough to reach the stupid arrow and the stupid ofuda.
Bark and splinters dug into her fingers and pieces gouged into her nail bed as it tried to crumble underneath the weight of herself. Her fingers slipped and she fought her way up the tree, and her ankle reminded her that it had never had the chance to heal.
Her body faltered, muscles quaking under the strain and stress and utter exhaustion that draped over her like a shroud. She knew that she'd never make another lunge up.
It was now or literally never.
Darkness edged into her vision, and she just needed a bit more.
Her fingers dug into the tree bark, making almost vain efforts in pulling her up just enough. She had to be enough just this once. Just this one time, she needed to not fall short.
Letting out a whine as she stretched her arm up, feeling the muscles strain to stretch out as far as they could, her fingers brushed the bottom of the paper, and it was that moment—that cut of the edge against her fingertips that provoked what little bit of vim and vigor remained in her body.
And then, it was in her grasp as her body surged against the defeat and the world and gravity, and it was all there inside her palm.
All of it, the paper, the arrow, and with a hard snap and tear, it was free and the oppressive, smothering feel of something dark and sinister finally fell away. She fell back to the earth, body sliding down against the tree.
It was a relief. All of it.
If she'd had the ability, she would've cried, but all she felt was a gaping emptiness, a pit of nothing that grew and gathered her inside, protecting her from the hurt and all the pain to come.
It was a void, and Kagome leaned forward, falling into it willingly.
Her vision wavered, and she let go of all of it. The arrow, the ofuda, even Inuyasha.
A hard shout of his name and then hers as she fell towards the earth, the warmth on her lips barely registering as she let it all go.
A/N: Happy Thursday!
I hope that you enjoyed the second part of this chapter.
I'm keeping my fingers crossed that any of the applications that I've put in for jobs (both educational and non) will let me know that they want an interview at least. So keep me in your prayers.
I hope the winter has been kind to you (and the summer cools down for you southern friends).
As I said, I hope that this chapter cuts the mustard with Kikyo and all of it, and I'll see you all in a couple of weeks.
