Chapter 112
Nulla falsa doctrina est, quæ non permisceat aliquid veritatis
"There is no false doctrine which contains not a mixture of truth"
"She wasn't doing a thing
that I could see, except standing there
leaning on the balcony railing,
holding the universe together."
—A Girl I Knew
Inuyasha stared at Sango, who, in return, stared back at him with the same amount of ferocity.
Well, like hell was he giving this up. Kagome was sprawled across his chest, and she was wrapped in his haori, and she was gonna smell like him so much.
She was his. His!
No one would be able to take her away now.
Not the wolf. Not the dumb little human boy who was always trying to steal her away.
Kagome was all his.
Inuyasha had shifted back a little, allowing Kagome to slump over a bit more, and he shifted her leg so that she wasn't sitting on her ankle and could stretch out. So she could be comfortable.
Sango walked over to where he was lounging and stood there staring at him.
"What?" He hissed as she put her hands on her hips. He was not going to wake Kagome. She needed to sleep.
"You didn't tell her," Sango pointed out. "She has a right to know."
"And I'll fucking tell her when she's not fucking exhausted!" Inuyasha motioned to the sleeping girl sprawled across his body. Her head rested on his chest, leaning slightly against his jaw, and he wasn't about to move or put her down. Not until she asked at least.
He hadn't understood when she complained about not being able to get up when the fat cat was laying on her, and she moaned about not being able to move.
He understood that sentiment now.
He'd lay there forever as long as she was sleeping.
If anyone disturbed him and subsequently her, he'd destroy them. Kagome was going to get good sleep if it killed him—or anyone else.
And when she woke up, he was going to feed her—by hand if necessary.
But he knew that she'd fight him on it. She was always fighting on letting him take care of her.
But she was weaker than she'd been in a long time, and that made the dark thing inside him want to hold onto her even tighter.
It was unrealistic to expect that he'd actually be able to do that, but the hope was there nonetheless.
And maybe he coddled that thought a little bit more than necessary. And maybe he didn't. It's not like Sango could read his thoughts, so she didn't know.
The monk would probably be long since dead at this point if she could.
His fingers ran through her hair as she shifted against him just a little. Sighing, he pressed a kiss to her temple, letting his lips rest against her skin just a little bit longer than necessary. His head leaned against the rock wall behind him, and he found himself letting his fingers drift over her back.
She was comfortable with him, and he was thriving in it.
Kagome took a deep breath, and she rubbed her cheek and nose against his chest.
Adorable.
And she was his forever.
His and his alone. No one else could lay a claim to her.
He'd stolen Sango's blanket and draped it over her and, by consequence, him, tucking it in around her form to ensure she was warm.
Maybe that was why Sango was being such a bitch.
She had blanket envy.
Clearly, this was the source of her anger and resentment.
"You don't get to keep this a secret from her!"
"I'm not going to keep this a secret from her!" He hissed out at Sango. "You want me to wake her up and freak her out!"
"Ha!" Sango said, jabbing a finger in his face. "You know that it's going to freak her out, so you don't want to tell her!"
"Sango, love of my life, please, stop antagonizing our dear friend."
Sango's head snapped to glare at the monk.
"Listen to your future husband," Inuyasha said with a grin.
A long sigh came from near the fire.
"Please don't murder Inuyasha. We finally just got him trained the way we like."
Inuyasha growled, glaring at the monk, who gently scratched Kirara behind the ears.
Kagome made a noise against his shoulder, fingers clenching into his shirt, and he shifted his gaze away from the other idiots and back onto her.
He gently rubbed her back, avoiding the bandage on her shoulder blade. She relaxed back into him, her body going limp and lax, and he exhaled long and slow.
She was okay, and she felt warmer to him.
"Kagome deserves to know," Sango said, and he shifted up to glare at her.
"And I will tell her."
Sango's eyes narrowed at that.
"Sango, my love, please come here, I desire your company."
Miroku held up his hand to Sango, who looked at it for a beat, before glaring at Inuyasha and then limping over towards Miroku, where she flopped down on the ground next to him.
"Finally," Inuyasha muttered, reaching his hand up to hold onto Kagome's as she slept on him.
He shifted his head to rest his cheek on the top of her head as he stared at the cave ceiling.
She was his, and he felt a smile break out across his face. He had everything he'd ever wanted.
He never wanted to let her go, and if he had his choice, he'd never have to.
"I love you," he whispered, speaking barely above a breath, burying his nose in her hair with glee. "I'll love you forever."
Kagome didn't respond, but that was fine. She needed the sleep, and this was just practice. Just practice so he could say it when she woke up. Maybe he'd say it so often when she couldn't hear it that he wouldn't freak out when she was awake again.
Maybe it would all sink in while she was sleeping.
"Dinner is almost ready," Miroku stated, coming towards him, but stopping a ways. "I thought I would give you some time to wake her up gently."
Inuyasha stared at the monk who flashed a cheeky grin and then sauntered off back towards the fire.
"Bastard," Inuyasha stated at no one in particular.
She did need to eat, even if she seemed warmer than before.
Eating would probably help her more than sleep at this point.
Even though he didn't want to give her up.
"Kagome," he said softly, hand firmly rubbing her back as he shifted just a bit. She made a soft noise but did nothing more than that. He sighed at her through his nose. "Kagome, it's time for dinner."
This time, she grunted, an annoyed sound that she usually made when she didn't want to be awake at all.
"Kagome," he sang, pressing a kiss to her forehead as he leaned up just a bit more, and she buried her face into his throat and chest, and he let out a laugh. "Come on, Kagome, you can go back to sleep after you eat."
"Five more minutes," she mumbled into his clothes.
"Eat first, then you can go back to sleep."
Another noise, this one sounded more displeased than anything at his compromise.
Her head shifted a little towards the opening of the cave, and he could feel her blinking rapidly as she tried to clear her vision. Leaning back a little, he looked at her, watching the lines appear on her forehead as she is clearly trying to piece something together.
And then she slumped, her entire weight against his chest as he brought up an arm to steady her.
"Ugh," she groaned, "why is it so cold?" She grumbled under her breath, and Inuyasha's ears pricked forward as she shifted her weight.
His arm snapped around her middle as he felt her try to crawl out of his lap. She started, clutching the blanket closed and turning to look up at him.
He wanted to lean down and smother her with himself. Press himself so deeply against her that he lost sight of where the two of them began. He'd give up this life and the next if she asked him for it. He'd give up his time for hers and all the things he didn't know; he'd sacrifice everything just to have her completely.
"Inuyasha?" Her voice rattled through every desirous thought he had, jerking him back to the present and her.
He grunted, dragging her back to him as he rose to his feet with her in his arms.
"Are you sure you're okay?" She asked.
"I'm fine," he snapped out. "Worry about yourself."
"But then who's going to worry about you?" She asked, and Inuyasha paused, staring down at Kagome, who gave him a tentative smile that faltered at the edges a little.
He blinked.
She would always worry about him, wouldn't she? He never had to worry about himself anymore—not that he really ever did since Kagome came into his life—but the fact that she'd worry about him still made his chest tight and fluttery.
"Fine," he muttered, taking a breath, and Kagome's smile grew stronger.
"Okay," she whispered quietly as he marched them over to the fire and settled down as close as he dared.
"How are you feeling?" Miroku asked, as Inuyasha kept his arms around her middle and close to him. Just so she could leech whatever warmth she needed from him.
"Me?" Kagome asked, looking over at Miroku, who nodded. "Oh, uh, I'm okay. Just a little cold."
"I can make the fire bigger—"
"No!" Miroku shouted, jabbing a finger in Shippo's direction. "The fire is big enough."
Shippo huffed and crossed his arms at Miroku's stern glare.
"I do not have the energy to put out a forest fire," Miroku told him as Shippo kicked a rock in irritation.
"Whatever," he mumbled. "Kagome wouldn't be cold with a bigger fire."
"Thank you for offering, Shippo," Kagome said, slumping against Inuyasha's chest just a bit as she offered him a tired smile.
"You okay?" Inuyasha asked her, nudging her temple with his nose.
"Yeah, just tired is all."
"Eat something and then you can nap," Inuyasha told her.
"I've been napping all day," she whined as Sango handed her a cup of ramen.
"Doesn't matter," he said, lightly nudging the cup in her hands. "Eat, then you can sleep all you want."
She made a noise as she took a bite of her noodles.
"Aren't you going to eat?" Kagome asked.
"In a minute," he said quietly, shifting his gaze to look out towards the trees, eyes scanning for threats, for anything that could hurt him. Anything that could hurt her.
He took a deep breath, and looked back down at Kagome, who wasn't eating because she was staring up at him.
"You need to eat," she said, digging around in her noodle cup.
"I'll eat later."
Kagome narrowed her eyes at him, before grabbing a bunch of noodles in her cup and holding them up towards his mouth. His eyes darted down, looking at the noodles being held up towards him, and she made a little gesture for him to eat them.
"You need to eat," he said, turning his head away from the noodles slightly. Just enough that he would give the message that he wanted her to eat.
"And I'm willing to share," she insisted, fingers trembling as she struggled to grasp onto her chopsticks. "Please?"
"I'll eat, just you eat first," he said, pulling away from the tantalizing smell of noodle and broth.
"But you look tired," She insisted, and Sango cleared her throat. His eyes darted up to see her staring at him intently.
"What of it?" He snapped out, turning back towards Kagome, who only stared at him with wide eyes, and he sighed already knowing that he was completely defeated. "If I eat, you'll eat?" He asked, and she nodded, picking a mouthful of noodles up and holding it out to him.
He took the bite gingerly, slurping up the dangling noodles as Kagome took a much smaller bite.
"Oi," he grumbled. "You ain't feeding me half the noodles in one go and eating shit yourself."
"I wasn't!" He just stared at her and the obviously smaller bite of noodles.
"Kagome can't help it if your mouth is bigger," Shippo snarked from across the campfire.
"What was that?" Inuyasha growled, watching the kit's tail flick anxiously. Shippo knew that he was pressing his luck, and he knew that Inuyasha wasn't about to let go of Kagome.
See? This was the problem with friends. They knew things about you and then used it all against you.
Not that he really considered Shippo a friend.
A pest.
A leech.
Something akin to a tick, sucking the life blood out of him.
Inuyasha tucked Kagome tighter against him.
The only good thing here was Kagome—that Kagome was his. That deep dark thing inside of him that lurked in the recesses of his mind and soul, always tempting him with violence, curled about the back of his head in happiness.
Kagome took another small bite, and Inuyasha tucked her in a little closer to him as she ate.
She leaned her head against his shoulder as she swirled her noodles around, eating a grand total of five noodles, but at least she was eating without him prompting.
It made that deep dark thing practically purr in contentment.
He nuzzled her hair, smiling as she leaned into him a bit more.
A quick glance up at the group made him realize that they were all watching him. Miroku grinned, slurping up his noodles, and Inuyasha glared.
"Sango," Miroku called, scooping out some noodles and holding them up towards Sango, who leaned away from the random noodles being pressed into her face.
"What are you doing?" She asked, leaned farther and farther away from Miroku's mass of noodles.
"I did not want you to feel neglected. After all, feeding each other is what couples do. Isn't that right, Inuyasha?"
Kagome went completely stiff in his arms at Miroku's comment, and if Inuyasha possessed the ability to murder anyone with thought and glare alone, the monk wouldn't have to worry about having a child, because he'd be set ablaze and subsequently into nothing.
Sango's slap to the back of Miroku's head sent the noodles flying from his chopsticks and onto the ground.
The look of fear on Kagome's face made his stomach sink, and he watched her curl in on herself.
The exact opposite of what he'd been aiming for.
"Don't listen to him, Kagome. He's clearly an idiot," Sango said, and Kagome quickly looked down at her partially eaten cup of noodles.
"I—uh—can I go lay down now?" She asked. "I'm not feeling well." Her voice was quiet and soft and wobbly. Like she was on the verge of tears.
"You're not done," Inuyasha pointed out.
"Please, I just want to lay down now."
Inuyasha shot a glare at the monk, who at least had the decency to look sheepish, but it didn't solve his current conundrum.
"Don't listen to that idiot," Inuyasha told her, even as she continued to curl into herself both literally and figuratively.
"It's not—I just want to go lay down. Please."
He sighed, a long exhale that felt like it was flattening his chest and his own spirit before he scooped her up and carried her towards the little space that they'd cornered off as their own.
Kagome quickly shuffled away from him, curling up into a ball, and it reminded him more of the time she spent in that room than he would like.
"Kagome," he started, and she tensed, curling up into a tighter ball than before.
"I'm just tired," she almost snapped out at him, and he rested a hand on her shoulder for just a minute.
"Kagome," he started again, and she shook her head.
"Go eat something."
He didn't want to eat anything if she wasn't going to eat anything and this felt more and more like the time that she spent in that little curtained off room at Kaede's. The one that kept her from him.
He didn't like it, and he wasn't going to let her sink back down into that dark place that he didn't think he'd ever get her to climb out of.
And like fuck was anyone telling him to stay away from her for any reason. No one got to tell him to back off or stay away. No one could tell him what to do anymore, and not when it came to her. He'd do what he thought best and fuck anyone who told him to stay away from her.
But he wasn't going to let her shoo him away either. She didn't get to tell him to leave. Not before he got to explain things to her. He'd already met her halfway and put her down in those blankets after barely eating anything.
"Kagome," he started and she tucked herself in tighter.
"I'll be fine," she interrupted and he could feel his patience growing thin.
She was hurt, and tired, and probably hungry, and she wasn't letting him take care of her, and he could! He could take care of her!
He'd take such good care of her if she would just let him.
"You're not fine," he told her, hand gently tugging her onto her back so she would just look at him.
"I am fine!" She said, resisting the gentlest of touches and pries to get her to look at him. She was resisting, trying to avoid him again.
"You are not fine!"
"You don't have to remind me!"
"Then stop fighting me when I'm taking care of you!" He snapped back, fingers flexing against her shoulder in an urge to just force her onto her back. He could get his way using brute strength, but that's not what he wanted and not how he wanted to do it.
He didn't want to force her to do anything. He wanted her to come to him, like she had been doing. She'd come to him for comfort and for safety, and he wanted that always.
There was nothing more fulfilling than being a source of safety for her—like she was for him.
"You don't have to take care of me," she said, her voice low and quiet. "I think—I think you should go check on Kikyo."
Inuyasha snarled at that—he couldn't help it. Of all the stupid ass comments.
"You—! You—idiot," was the nicest thing that he could manage to snarl out at her, and Kagome flinched at the anger in his voice.
Didn't she get it by now?
He didn't just coddle anyone!
Hell, he wasn't over here snuggling up to Miroku to make him feel better.
In fact, that exact idea made him throw up in his mouth a little.
He let her touch all his soft spots, sleep next to him. He fought and provided for her so she didn't have to. What part of all that wasn't she getting?
"I'm okay, so you don't have to stay if you don't want to, and—"
"I'm staying here, and that's not changing!"
"But you don't have to and—"
"How are you this fucking dumb?" He growled out, placing a hand on either side of her head and making her flinch as his palm slapped against the stone.
"Inuyasha!" Sango shouted at him, and he shot her a look that clearly said 'stay the fuck out of it'.
"I'm not dumb," Kagome whined out, curling farther and farther into the blankets.
"Yes, you are!"
The sniffles came loud and clear through the blankets, and he knew that he had to keep pushing. She needed to understand what all this meant—what she meant to him—what she'd always meant to him.
"Please, stop," she whispered out, and he wanted to. No part of him ever wanted to be a source of tears, but here they were, and he was not about to let Kikyo be a fucking misunderstanding between them again.
He was going to make it fucking clear as day, so she couldn't fucking overthink his feelings ever again.
Because they were pretty fucking clear and obvious from where he was sitting.
"No, because you're being fucking dumb again."
"Inuyasha," she whined with a voice that was thick and heavy with tears, but this was too important to let go, even if it felt like his chest was going to crack right down the middle from the weight of her sorrow alone.
"No!' He snapped out at her, impatient and trying to get his point across, even if it wasn't as gently as it should probably be.
He could feel her trying to pull away from him. The way she refused to look at him, to see if he was still there or if he had left her—the way that she continued to hide herself away from him, like he didn't want to see her. It was that stupid fucking curtained room again, but this time, he wasn't going to let her hide away from him. She got him fully and completely now, whether she wanted it or not.
"What part of 'I'd rather have you,' didn't you get the first time?" He barked out, leaning over her in her blankets.
A sob escaped her, and the whole mass of blankets convulsed with it.
"None of that has changed."
"But Kikyo—"
Inuyasha grabbed a fistful of blanket and tore them away from her. If she was cold, she could have him instead.
"Fuck Kikyo!" Inuyasha shouted back at her, and she stared up wide-eyed at him. "I'm not going anywhere, and I'm sure as fuck not going anywhere without you, so get the fuck over it and let me fucking take care of you."
Kagome stared up at him wide-eyed and mouth slightly agape. Big fat tears ran over the side of her face, and he huffed, lifting a hand to wipe them away.
"Idiot," he muttered, wiping face with his knuckle as more tears fell. "Stop crying."
"Sorry," she mumbled through wet tears.
"Don't apologize, just stop doing it," he told her, still lightly wiping her face of tears. "And stop being dumb while you're at it."
"I'm not dumb," she muttered.
"Sure," Inuyasha said as Kagome sniffled loudly, letting go of the blanket and turning to look at him.
"I'm not," she said, and he gave her a soft smile.
"I know, just stop weeping already," he told her, carefully wiping under her eyes.
"I'm not," she sniffled, and he leaned away just a little.
"Sure," he answered, and she pouted up at him. "You ready to eat something? You can stay in your blankets." He drew them up and dropped them over her chest, where she gripped them.
"No, you can eat something," she said, drawing the blankets up a little and starting to roll onto her side.
"Well, then move over." He shifted and started to lay down next to her.
"What are you doing?" She asked.
"Laying down?"
"You haven't eaten anything!" She said, twisting a little to push him away.
"Yeah, well, I don't eat if you don't."
"But—" She floundered for an excuse but couldn't come up with anything other than syllables. "But you haven't eaten all day!"
"Keh," he scoffed. "I've been way hungrier before."
"That's not the point! You need to go eat!"
"Well, I'm not eating unless you do, so I guess we'll both starve then."
"Go eat something, Inuyasha! You don't have to be hungry!"
"And neither do you, so if you're not going to eat then neither am I." He shrugged, shifting to rest his arms behind his head.
He took a deep breath, and let it out slowly.
"Please," Kagome insisted, pushing at his shoulder a bit. "Go eat."
"Nope, not until you do," he said, cracking an eye open to look at her. "We could share another ramen."
Kagome's eyes darted up to where Sango was still giving Miroku a quiet but menacing tongue lashing.
"Come on, I know that you're hungry," he pushed, watching the range of emotions pass over her face. She was hungry, even if only a little bit.
"I don't think I can eat a whole one," she said eventually, and he leaned up on his elbows.
"Since when have I ever let ramen go to waste?"
Kagome gave him a small smile from where she was curled up in the blankets.
"You stay there," he said, lightly patting her hip as he sat up all the way. "I'll bring you some ramen, okay?"
She nodded, and he pushed himself up to his feet, feeling himself smile at the sight of her tugging the blankets up to her nose.
They would be okay.
She was willing to eat, and she was taking comfort and listening to him.
They would be okay.
A/N: Happy Thursday!
I'm sorry this is so late, but that's because I signed my official contract with my new district. This means I'm free. Well, I'll be free after Memorial Day.
I hope that this chapter was satisfying enough, since we're at a transitional point in the story. As always, let me know what you think!
