Disclaimer: All familiar characters belong to Janet Evanovich. I am not making any money from this.
Spoiler alert for more Internet memes that I tried to fit together - some assembly required. Adult topic warning.
My Train of Thought Has Left the Station by Debra8652
Steph's POV
Carlos and I are enjoying a fabulous dinner at Rossini's after a grueling work week where we only met each other coming and going for the majority of the week. I have greatly modified my eating habits since becoming a full-time Rangeman employee and no longer suffer the drops in energy as I did with my former junk food-based diet. I am having a grilled chicken breast with vegetables and a side of spaghetti as my carbohydrate - hey, I'm half Italian. Carlos ordered grilled salmon, brown rice, and vegetables. As I sprinkled a scant spoonful of Parmesan Cheese on my spaghetti, I couldn't help but ask Carlos, "Why do you think the inventor of Parmesan Cheese failed to name it Spaghetti Confetti?" My brave soldier/expert bounty hunter, who could make instantaneous decisions on the battlefield or in the midst of a takedown, stopped with a forkful of salmon halfway to his mouth. I think he was grateful that I plunged forward onto a completely different topic rather than wait for his answer. Let's see if he can keep up with my train of thought.
In addition to my improved diet I have also been trained in weapons usage and self-defense by my MM, which has done wonders for my self-confidence. I mentioned it to Carlos and added that the next time I got kidnapped by some lunatic I would demand to sit in the front seat! Gotcha, Batman - I saw what you just did there. You were looking for our waiter to pay our check and leave. Too bad we're only halfway through dinner.
Being in a romantic restaurant setting prompted me to ask, "Carlos, do you know why I love you so much and why you are so perfect for me? Because Dickie and Morelli treated me like free salsa. You treat me like guacamole. I. AM. GUACAMOLE." He tossed back the rest of his wine and poured himself a second glass. He'd probably feel a lot better right now if he had my low tolerance for alcohol. Just sayin'.
Ranger's POV
I don't know if it's even physically possible to get whiplash while seated in a plush restaurant chair but Babe's train of thought is either traveling at an unsafe speed or going completely off the rails. I almost wish I had her low tolerance for alcohol and could feel the effects of my second glass of wine. No such luck.
Vince is our undercover bodyguard inside the restaurant and is posing as a traveling businessman who is working on his iPad and enjoying dinner at a secluded table behind a potted plant with a view of all the doors, our table, and the hall leading to the restrooms. Occasionally, I see him send a text - probably to Woody who is watching the parking lot for signs of danger. From Vince's angle, he raised one eyebrow at me - it must look to him as if I have vertigo or swimmer's ear. I gave a nod to Vince that I was going to the restroom and to keep an eye on Steph. After using the restroom I sent a text to Santos asking him to text Steph and have her stop by his apartment on the way back to Haywood. I'll need to decompress for a few minutes - I feel as if I've gone through the car wash minus the car.
Steph surprised me again and ordered Greek yogurt and fresh fruit parfaits and black coffee for our dessert. She has disciplined herself to have only one piece of Tiramisu or one piece of pineapple upside down cake per month. I let my defenses down prematurely and was caught off guard when she suggested the idea of there being drive-thru bakeries that only served cake - not even any inside seating - just pick up your cake and drive away. The lighting in here is subdued enough that she shouldn't notice my eye twitch but Vince looked my way again. He probably thinks I'm having a slight stroke by now. I'm not so sure that he's wrong.
While we were waiting for our desserts and coffee, Steph used the ladies' room with Vince watching the back hallway from his table. Upon returning she informed me that the mirrors in Rossini's restroom were very flattering to her well-earned laugh lines, but the mirrors didn't do much for the lines between her eyebrows - she calls them her "WTF" lines and claims those things are deep.
After we finished, Vince picked up Woody's to-go order and led us out of Rossini's, scanning the area for danger before joining Woody in their SUV. As Steph and I were leaving the parking lot in the Cayenne, Steph's phone dinged with a message in Santos' tone. He asked her to stop by his apartment on our way back to see something Grandma Mazur asked him to make for her friend's upcoming 80th birthday. Gracias, Santos.
I waited with Babe for Santos to open his apartment door before I headed to fifth floor to check in. I'd barely taken two steps when I heard Steph shriek, "Holy Mother of God, what is that?" I decided she can tell me about it later as I sprinted up the stairs to fifth floor.
I checked in with the Control Room before I sat down in my office chair and tried to clear my mind with some breathing exercises. Babe found me there 15 minutes later - she was still blushing. Grandma Mazur had asked Lester to be part of a "naughty" cookie decorating group for her friend Stella's 80th birthday party later this fall. Somehow, Santos found a website with a picture of a gingerbread man decorated in full BDSM attire complete with a ball gag. Happy birthday to you and many more, Stella!
A/N All are Internet memes - spaghetti confetti, sitting in the front seat when kidnapped, don't let anyone treat you like free salsa - you are guacamole, drive-thru cake stores, laugh lines and WTF wrinkles, and why I'm no longer allowed to make gingerbread men for the church bake sales. Your reviews are appreciated, especially those that contain "Poor Ranger!"
