Everyone finally talks with each other… or… yells… at each other. Shizuo's pissed, Shinra's exasperated and Izaya's just plain freaked out.
Chapter 22
Shinra had been tending to Izaya in the other room for about an hour. Shizuo upon arrival had been told, with a rather exasperated sigh, to place the unconscious man down on the bed and was then promptly shooed from the room. He was told to sit quietly and wait in the main room while the underground doctor tended to the ravens injuries.
It had been pretty obvious by the disappointed stare Shizuo had received, that Shinra was not pleased that he had to provide Izaya medical attention only hours after releasing the raven form his care.
He blonde's foot tapped away at the hard flooring, impatiently waiting for his friend to return with news. Shizuo's not even sure when he started the impatient action, only that he couldn't seem to stop as worried thoughts ran freely through his addled mind. Had he hurt Izaya more then he thought? Something cracked right, but what? Did the flea breathe in any water before Shizuo had managed to pull him out of the ground? Shinra said something about brain damage. He'd wake up again right?
He hadn't deserved that. He really didn't deserve any of it. Izaya really didn't do anything this time. For once in the pest's life he did nothing wrong and Shizuo probably just up and traumatized the idiot just for trying to talk… as irritating as Izaya's form of 'talking' was, it didn't warrant being buried in a hole. Whatever he'd come to talk about didn't matter, anything the man said wouldn't have justified how Shizuo reacted, because at the end of the day they were just words and the pest hadn't done shit, besides run his dumb mouth.
Shizuo looked up sharply as Shinra reemerged, clicking the door to the spare room shut as he exited.
"How is he? I didn't cause any serious damage did I?" Shizuo pressed. He needed answers now, either a confirmation of his worries or the preferred relief that he hadn't caused Izaya any more unnecessary damage.
Pulling off a pair of rubber gloved, Shinra gave him a rather scolding look, before answering tiredly. "A few fractures to his ribs, but from what I could see he should be fine. It doesn't look like he acquired any brain damage from air deprivation, but we'll know that for sure once he wakes and I have do a more comprehensive test. You'd be amazed how effective just asking 'are you brain damaged' can be. I'll count it as a good sign if he can remember who he is and can move all his limbs as intended." Shinra said and he waved the last part off. He was partially joking, though his voice was more neutral then amused.
Crossing the room, Shinra sat down across from the blonde before adjusting his glassed on his nose. "So Shizuo, what exactly did Orihara say that made you think the appropriate response was to beat him and bury him alive in a nice scenic part of a park?"
Shizuo grit his teeth. He'd really have liked to skip this part. He knew he fucked up and honestly really didn't need Shinra to tell him just how badly.
"He said some vague shit and I ended up jumping to conclusions. I thought he had something to do with my kitten's passing…" Shizuo found himself automatically looking away in shame. "I didn't see your text until later… The bastard wasn't even awake when Flea passed and I just- fuck, I was really cruel to him. I already know that. So can we skip the part where tell me how stupid I am and how fucked up that was?"
"I see." Shinra nodded in thought. "I mean technically he is the reason the kitten stopped moving, just not in the way you think."
"The heck's that s'posed to mean?" Shizuo growled. Was this idiot trying to piss him off? Izaya couldn't have done shit, the brat was freakin' comatose.
Shinra raised his hands in a placating gesture. The last thing he wanted was to piss the blonde off and have his apartment trashed. "Right, right, sorry. No need to get worked up, I can explain. Honestly it's probably better I explain, I'm sure Izaya will just end up making you misunderstand even more. I swear stirring up shit is so innately apart of his personality he'll do it without even meaning to and honestly the whole thing is just-"
"Shinn-raaa… Shut the fuck up and explain."
"Had to do both but ok, I'll make this short than. You see, when my kind darling Celty with her benevolent and caring nature saw what you'd done and could clearly tell that Izaya wasn't likely to make the trip here, she decided to try using some of her powers on him. Now without her head I'm afraid she only vaguely understood what she was doing and just so you know neither of us had any clue until after you brought your little kitten by to get cleaned up. But-"
"Shinra! Get. To. The. Point…" Shizuo had very little patience left and Shinra didn't seem to know how to define 'short', he seemed to like the sound of his own voice just as much as Izaya.
Shinra chuckled a little nervous little sound before he went on. "Yes well… My lovely Celty bound Izaya's soul the living plain, which we assumed would leave him comatose as his body worked to heal what should have been life ending injuries. Turns out she bound his souls to the closest 'empty' body. His soul was inadvertently trapped inside a nearby kitten… a dead one. The same one you later picked up and brought home, a zombie kitten if you will. So when he was finally pulled back to his healed body, said kitten simply went back to its original state. Since the kitten's soul had long since left, there was nothing to keep it moving. Thus technically-"
The arm of the sofa tore and cracked under Shizuo's fingers. This wasn't something you just don't tell someone.
"… my sofa…" He heard Shinra mumble sadly. He really couldn't care less about the brunet's furniture right now and that really shouldn't be the idiot doctor's main concern right now.
"You do know how fucked up it is that you didn't tell me about this right?" He hissed out at the brunet.
Shinra shrugged. "Honestly I figured it would be good for you both, some forced bonding and all. Besides what would you have done if I'd said anything? Would you have even believed me? And then what? Would you have abandoned the kitten? I didn't know how safe it would have been to keep him close to his body with it in such a state so having him live with you seemed safer."
Forced bonding? Safer? Shizuo felt his eye twitch in irritation. "Doesn't matter! I had the right to know! To know I was living with my long time enemy! The guy I nearly killed! That I thought I did kill!"
At some point during his yelling Shizuo had gotten both hands flat on the surface of the coffee table that separated them, as he leaned across into Shinra's personal space. "I had the right to know that the kitten I had grown so attached to was going to just randomly die on me!" And with that he slammed both fists through the poor table, shattering the damn thing that dared to act as a barrier when Shizuo was so pissed at Shinra.
Shinra flinched slightly at the impact and now stared mournfully at his poor destroyed table.
With narrowed eyes and a last huff Shizuo allowed his tense body to fall back onto the sofa. His head in his hands, fingers threaded angrily through blonde locks as he tried to breathe himself back into a calm state.
He was still pissed about being kept in the dark, but right now Izaya's state was more important. He was actually less pissed at Izaya about this then he was with Shinra and Celty. Izaya had been a cat after all, it's not like he could have said anything to Shizuo himself. Hell he had probably said plenty over the course of his stay, but to Shizuo it all just sounded like the senseless meowing of a talkative pet.
"Brocken ribs, ok. But did I make any of his previous injuries worse… or…"
"Physically he'll be just as fine as he was before your fun little evening together. I don't think he was unconscious for long. You did however break a few of his ribs, nothing he hasn't dealt with before. I don't think you've made anything worse than it was. We will have to wait till he is up to see if his mobility has gotten worse, but from what I could tell there wasn't any signs of excessive strain to his spine and he was healed enough that nothing reopened so I can assure you all his insides are still inside this time."
Shizuo found himself cringing at the reminder of Izaya's guts hanging out. That was something that had given him nightmares for months and he was sure it was not something either of them would like to re-experience.
"That's not the part I'm worried about honestly-" Shinra seemed to think for a moment, like he wasn't sure if it was his place to say the next part.
"His body will heal, I'm afraid his heart is much more fragile than his bones, so I'm not sure how he's going to try to cope with such a stronger rejection. If that's even what he interrupted from being buried alive after trying to talk with you, which logically any sane person would, but Izaya and sane have never been synonymous soooo-"
"Yeah? Well the pest's bones are pretty fucking breakable if you ask me. What is that even supposed to mean anyway? He's never been effected by what others say about him. Even if that flea has a heart it's definitely not fragile, pretty solid ice block I'd say."
Shinra sighed, shaking he's head exasperated. "He has trouble dealing with strong human emotion. I don't know if there's a reason, certainly nothing he's ever wanted to tell me. He doesn't even let his own sisters get to close. That's a bit harder since he basically raised them, he clearly cares but he pretends not to so others won't try to use them against him and so they themselves don't try to use him. Izaya doesn't even trust family love, much less affection from those that have no biological reason to care for him. I'm not trying to say he's a good person, he's most definitely not. But in the end he is human and thus has a heart under all those pretenses and walls he's put up."
"If he wasn't always stirring up shit and messing with others lives then maybe people would actually have reasons to like him. He did it to himself…" Shizuo huffed out. He wasn't going to feel bad for him and his lack of real connection with people. Izaya made his own choices, he chose to be disliked. Unfortunately he had a feeling he knew why Shinra was saying all this. Izaya was trying to make a connection, one with Shizuo and Shizuo still wasn't sure if he wanted anything to do with it.
Shinra laughs a little "True, but I'm sure he craves connections just as much as anyone else, he's human after all. But if he opens his heart he doesn't take rejection well. So it seems he's chosen to watch others from afar, to just try to feel those emotions second hand, something more diluted that he can handle and be detached from. He keeps others at arm's length, no matter how they treat him, if they turn on him or reject him it won't matter if he's never actually trusted them or let them get close to him in the first place. That's just what I think anyway, only he knows for certain and I doubt he'll ever open up and tell me or anyone else so I can only guess from what I've observed over the years as his only friend."
Shizuo tilted his head back, resting it on the back of his seat as he stared vacantly at the ceiling of Shinra's apartment. "The flea's just a coward…"
"I won't say he's not. I feel the more he observes people the more removed he has become and the more afraid he becomes to try to connect. He trusts relationship less and less as he's gotten older. Perhaps because the people he observes most are the worst examples of our society, those on the edge of or part of the underground. Plenty of those people will betray others without a second thought; even if they are close they will easily end up stabbing each other in the back with the right motivation. He tends to test that, provide that motivation and people usually meet his expectations."
Shinra's voice took on a slightly more chipper tone, one Shizuo found annoying and unfitting for this conversation. "It seems that this experience has had unexpected consequences for him. Unintentionally he ended up letting you in passed those barriers he set up. You always do break his expectations after all. However he probably chose the worst person to let himself get emotionally attached to, given your history together."
Shizuo was getting tired of listening, but apparently Shinra wasn't done.
"What I'm saying is, where normally I'm sure Izaya would adamantly reject these feelings and do everything in his power to push you away, for some reason he wants to reach out even if he gets burned. I think he's well aware he's only going to get hurt, yet he's unable to let go without at least trying. Perhaps he needs to prove himself right, to let that little piece of hope he accidently let grow get crushed for even trying, so he can give up and shut the doors on his heart again. None the less I'll ask that you try not to be too cruel with your rejection."
Shizuo felt a twist in his chest. He tilts his head back down so he could stare the grinning brunet down with narrowed eyes. "So you automatically think I'm going to just tell him to fuck off?"
That seemed a little too cruel and Shinra said all that knowing it would make doing just that so much harder for Shizuo. He couldn't look at Izaya attempt open up, to be vulnerable and just kick him while he was down just for trying. The thought was like a blade in his chest, twisting as some sort of warning not to do something so callous.
"Wont you?" That annoying little smile that crept wider on to the underground doctor's face made Shizuo want nothing more than to punch him. He stood up with glare. He'd refrain… for now. That however doesn't mean Shinra's face will be safe later.
"Shizuo I want to make this clear." Shinra said seriously. "No matter what you choose to do from here, things can't go back to how they were. The damage that was done to his body all those months ago was extensive. He woke up and that's great, he can even walk and that's a miracle in its self. But he will never run like he used to, and honestly I haven't discussed that with him yet, but he will start to realize as he heals that a lot of his mobility issues will remain. He won't be able to out run you or dodge objects as precisely as he once did and parkour is completely off the table. If you two go back to that cat and mouse game of yours, it won't last long… you'll just end up with a very dead mouse. My dear Celty managed to give you two another chance, it's not likely to happen a second time so don't waste it."
Shizuo pressed his mouth into a thin line. His feet had become so much more interesting all of a sudden. He really didn't want things to end with Izaya bleeding out in the streets again, he was sure of that much. Going back to how they were wasn't something Shizuo wanted, and from what Shinra was saying neither did Izaya. But trusting and getting along with the guy was another matter, something Shizuo's not sure he can do.
When met with the blonde's silence, Shinra resumed speaking in his usual far too cheery tone.
"Well then I'll leave you to it, try not to burn that foolish little moth ~. Even if he wants to talk I can't say if he'll lash out, he tends to be self sabotaging at times." Shinra stood up from his seat. "So try not to fight. I have a house call I have to make, I'm actually pretty late. You're actually really lucky I was still home when you called." He picked up his briefcase filled with medical supplies and was out the door with a happy little wave in less than a minute.
Shizuo clicked his tongue. He didn't need to be told that. There was no way he was going to fight with an injured flea that probably couldn't even stand yet, let alone fight back.
Shizuo made his way to the door to Izaya's room. His hand hovering over the knob for a few seconds in contemplation, before he quietly creaked the door opened. Slipping into the silent space and trying to shut it just as quietly behind him.
He spotted Izaya tucked securely under the sheets of the bed. It was a familiar sight that left a bitter taste in his mouth. His chest was steadily moving up and down as he breathed calmly in his sleep, the man looked much more alive this time, a little bruised but no tube shoved down his throat to breathe for him, this time he was able to do so on his own and that was a relief. He was just asleep and he's wake up soon, for now Shizuo would just sit and wait for Izaya to regain consciousness.
Shinra's trying to help, hopefully that will keep their talk civil~
I split this chapter in half since it ended up 5.6k long and I wasn't going to finish editing today. But I still wanted to post something this weekend and I'm busy tomorrow. Second half should be up Tuesday or Wednesday.
