Thank you for all the lovely reviews for the first part!
The Love Retrieval Chronicles
Tale Two – 'The Bachelor Party Corrosion'
Part 2 of 4
Amy
Sheldon's half-hearted apology seemed to have been enough to stroke those police officers' fragile male egos, and so, before long, Amy found herself inside of her car again.
And while driving to Mexico with Penny and her intrusive questions had been awkward and annoying, she would have given everything to trade it in for her current situation.
What was she thinking, letting Penny coax her into this? What had she even expected? That Sheldon would jump for joy when he saw her? That he would fall on his knees and apologize for insulting her? That this whole endeavor would end like a sappy movie with them riding into the sunset together while the credits rolled, and a feel-good pop-song was playing in the background?
How could she have believed that this would be anything but awkward and painful?
First, seeing Sheldon like that… locked into a tiny, dirty cell. His hair disheveled and his clothes torn and burned. It had made her heart ache for him.
But then, there was his expression. It was so… empty. He had looked defeated. Maybe because of the circumstances… or maybe because it was her who had picked him up?
Sheldon hadn't even thanked her for driving all the way.
It was a painful reminder of the last time she had been on the road for hours to pick him up.
And just like that time in Arizona, it was crystal clear he would have preferred to be picked up by one of his friends.
By anyone but her.
Her stomach constricted painfully.
Well, that made two of them, because right at that moment, Amy really wanted to be anywhere but here as well.
In the car.
With her ex-boyfriend who had barely said a word to her.
Why was this so hard?
Amy kept her eyes straight forward, trying not to think about the passenger next to her.
She pondered if she should just put on some music and sing along to distract herself.
Who cared if Sheldon would hate it? She could just pretend that he wasn't here. That she was alone on a strange road trip.
But of course, she wasn't alone. And no matter how much she tried to pretend, she couldn't deny Sheldon's presence.
The smell of baby powder, thinly veiled by the smell of ash and soot. The slight tapping of his foot, that only occurred when he was very upset.
And most of all… the tension in the air. So thick you could almost cut it with a knife.
And then, on top of it all, there was the silence.
Of course, that was not really new. She and Sheldon had always been able to spend time together in absolute silence. Usually, the silence between them was even comforting.
Sadness crept up her spine as she remembered how they had never needed words to know they enjoyed each other's company. In fact, it had been nice, after a lifetime of loneliness, to have someone next to her while she did research or read a book or knitted a new sweater.
Never before had the silence between them been awkward.
But right now, she was painfully aware of how long they had been riding together without saying a word.
The silence, it seemed to be stretching. It was getting more uncomfortable by the second, and she could barely stand it anymore.
Amy shook her head.
This was ridiculous. Pasadena was still hours away. She had to do something about this.
"So… uhm… did you have a nice bachelor party?", she forced herself to ask, swallowing down her pride.
Sheldon was silent for a while, and Amy wondered if he hadn't heard her. Or maybe he was just giving her the silent treatment?
"It was… okay, I guess.", he finally answered stoically. "Apart from the… end."
"Hm…", she said, lacking a more elaborate answer.
"We… uh…", he said, clearing his throat. "We rented Feynman's van."
Amy already knew that much. But she was desperate to keep the conversation going. To keep the silence away.
"That's cool.", she said. "Riding in the van of one of your heroes. I know he's one of the people you would choose to have at a dinner party could you pick any person you wanted, dead or alive."
"Well, yes.", he agreed. "Although, I don't know if he would accept, considering the fact that I am partly responsible for burning down his beloved van."
Amy chuckled dryly.
"Fair point. So, you were going to drive around in Feynman's van and then…"
"And then we were going to spend the weekend at Feynman's vacation home. Apparently, he bought it with the money he got from winning the Nobel Prize."
Amy snorted.
"What a way to waste one's Nobel Prize money."
"Thank you.", Sheldon nodded in agreement. "Of all the things one could buy, a vacation home at the beach of all places does seem like a waste."
Amy side-glanced at him.
It felt nice to be in agreement. Even if it was only such a small thing. It took her back to… well to a lot of things she had not wanted to think about lately.
"Let me guess, you'd invest it in rare comic books.", she said teasingly.
"Possibly.", he confirmed. "But I also had my eye on an equally rare model train that's currently being sold on eBay."
"A model train.", Amy deadpanned. "Of course. What else."
"Don't act so smug.", Sheldon said, flashing her a grin. "As if you wouldn't spend it on something crazy like… a human skeleton."
Amy grinned back.
"I always wanted one of those."
"I know.", he said, playfully imitating her voice. "But they're so pricey."
Amy bit her lip.
This was starting to feel familiar. It was a glimpse into something that she had thought was lost.
And only now did she realize how much she had missed this. This banter and… understanding.
She should stop this. It was so cruel to herself to indulge in this moment, when she knew it would all be gone in just a few hours.
But it felt too nice to stop now.
"This is fun.", Sheldon said next to her. "What else will you buy when you get your Nobel Prize?"
When. Not if.
Another thing she had been missing dearly.
Sheldon had always believed in her abilities. He still did. More than anyone she had ever met.
"Uhm…", she croaked. "I don't know. A few smaller things, you know. New laptop. Maybe tickets for Neil Diamond. I would put part of it into a retirement fund of course. And also… maybe I'd look for a new place. A nice apartment somewhere."
"An apartment?", Sheldon sounded surprised. "What's wrong with your apartment?"
Amy swallowed dryly.
"Nothing's wrong…", she said. "But I've been pondering looking for something nicer for a while. I could afford it by now."
"I had no idea you were thinking of moving."
Now he sounded upset. Alarmed even.
Why? Because this was change?
But it was not like this change would concern him in any way, she thought stubbornly.
And he certainly did not have to know that the only reason she hadn't moved to a nicer place yet was because she had wanted to stay close to him.
So, she chose to shake off the weird feeling in her stomach and ignore his statement.
"It would be nice to own instead of rent.", she explained. "The Nobel Prize money would give me the opportunity to do so. Maybe a small apartment on the ground floor with a yard. I always wanted to do some gardening…"
"Huh…", Sheldon said thoughtfully. It seemed he had calmed down again, now that the topic had shifted back from reality to a hypothetical Nobel Prize. "I guess it wouldn't be crazy, wanting to own a place someday. Something big enough to display all my collectibles. I wouldn't necessarily need a yard. God knows I wouldn't want to get my hands dirty.", he scrunched up his nose. "But an office space for all my whiteboards… and maybe a garage to set up my model trains. A guest room so my mother won't have to sleep on the couch when she comes to visit."
"I always dreamed of a sewing room.", Amy added dreamingly as she started picturing it.
"A laundry room where I don't have to worry about anyone disturbing laundry night."
"And a foosball table so the kids can always have friends over to play.", Amy said, smiling to herself.
She froze as soon she said it, but her eyes widened at Sheldon's answer.
"A room full of science equipment would be better, we don't want to attract the wrong kind of crowd."
Amy gripped the steering wheel, trying to avoid crashing her car as her heart was pounding in her chest.
WE?
What were they doing?
Planning a future where they bought a house with their Nobel Prize money? For their children?
This was… crazy. Completely insane.
And cruel. So cruel to her soul to think about all the things that were no longer possible to dream of.
"Sheldon…", she heard herself whisper. "I…"
She looked at him. His face was pale, and he seemed frozen in his seat. Apparently, he had realized what they were doing as well.
He cleared his throat audibly.
"Do you want to… play a car game?", he asked then, his voice sounding much softer than before.
Amy breathed out relieved, thankful to him for trying to make things less awkward.
"Sure."
Amy wasn't able to fully focus on the game, but still she won four of nine rounds. So maybe Sheldon wasn't focused either.
Her stomach hurt and she had a hard time not bursting into tears.
What had just happened between them? And why, even when broken up and not being on speaking terms was it so easy to forget the world around her and open up to Sheldon?
She was hit by a wave of sadness.
Would she ever find this kind of connection with someone else? Someone who was able to prioritize her and give her the assurance and affection she so craved?
From more than thirty years of experience, that answer was a definite no.
And more and more, she realized that, maybe, she had thrown away the best thing that had ever happened in her life.
"I'm hungry.", Sheldon mentioned after the next round that he won easily.
His stomach grumbled as if to make a point.
"I'm sorry, I didn't pack any snacks.", Amy said distractedly. "Do you want to stop somewhere?"
"In Mexico? I hardly think so.", Sheldon snorted. "Hey what's in that box there? It smells like cookies."
Sheldon
"Box? What box?"
Amy turned her head to the backseat where his nose had led him to a discovery.
He had no idea why her eyes widened like they did, as he reached for the box.
"Oh God, I forgot I brought them with me. Sheldon, stop, these are not for…"
But he had grabbed the box and removed the tin foil before she could finish her sentence.
He was so hungry, he didn't even ask himself why Amy had cookies on her backseat. Or why she had forgotten about them. Or why she sounded so alarmed, as if she did not want him to have them.
Okay, yes, she had broken up with him. Maybe that meant he wasn't entitled to anything she made anymore. But he was hungry and this box full of delicious treats was just sitting there, so he really didn't see the harm.
"Amy, they smell deliciously…", he said, his mouth watering at the thought of it. "Do you mind if I… oh dear Lord what's that?"
His cheeks reddened as he stared at the cookie in his hand.
The… penis-shaped cookie.
What fresh hell was that?
Was this a prank? It must be. Maybe that's why Amy hadn't known they were there. Some pervert had put them into her car.
But they did smell exactly like Amy's cookies. He thought about tasting them, but then he realized that there was no way he could ever put this into his mouth.
In fact – he dropped the cookie back into the box – he was uncomfortable even touching it.
"Amy, don't panic.", he all but shrieked. "Someone soiled your car with pornography."
"Sheldon, relax. Those are just...", she coughed. "Cookies that I baked today. For the girls."
What… why… this made no sense.
"W… why would you bake cookies in the shape of male genitalia?", he asked incredulously.
"Because…", Amy sighed. "I was at a bachelorette party tonight, Sheldon. It's… common practice."
"I was at a bachelor party today, and no one made me eat vagina cookies."
Sheldon shook as he thought of it. Maybe he had been wrong. Maybe the party could have been much, much worse.
"Vulva cookies.", Amy mumbled.
"Huh?"
"It is called vulva.", Amy clarified. "The vagina is on the inside. Lots of people make this mistake, but the fact is, no one would bake cookies shaped like a vagina. Just like no one would bake them in the form of the male prostate."
Sheldon rolled his eyes. Yes, of course, he knew the correct terminology. But who cared about that right now? And how could she even speak like this? As if… this… was normal?
"Well, I would argue no one should be baking cookies in the shape of any genitalia. Interior or exterior. Male or female."
The fact he even had to say this was… astounding.
"Well, it is what it is.", Amy said defiantly.
He stared at her for a second.
Who was this woman?
"I just don't get why you of all people were tasked to bake them.", he muttered.
Really, he would have expected this from Penny or Bernadette. But then again, they had always liked to corrupt Amy, so what did he know.
"I am a biologist, Sheldon. Believe it or not, I know what a dick looks like.", she snapped.
He looked at her. For some reason, she seemed testy.
'I know what a dick looks like.'
She knew he hated it when she used crude language like this.
Had he insulted her in some way? Did he think, he was mocking her for her inexperience with male genitalia?
This was the last thing he wanted. In fact, he had always admired her for it. Because it meant that she was just like him. A homo novus above all those other people who had nothing but genitalia on their minds.
"I did not mean it like that.", he said quickly. "I know you are an expert in... uhm... anatomy. In fact, your cookies look very realistic. Kudos on the gummy worms by the way, but… uhm…"
This was awkward. He felt it was appropriate to compliment her so she would stop being angry but… how was he supposed to compliment Amy on her expertise in shaping anatomically correct penises?
He was glad she interrupted him before he could ask her how she came up with the measurements.
"Bernadette's been busy, and I will absolutely not be eating anything Penny bakes. Now either eat a cookie or leave it."
"I… I…", Sheldon stammered, taking another peek inside the box. "I will definitely not be eating any of those."
"Okay."
Amy breathed out a sigh of relief and Sheldon leaned back in his seat.
Thank God this topic was resolved. Now if only he could remove the image of these cookies from his mind.
"So, you're hungry. And we'll be crossing the border soon", Amy pointed out, brushing her right hand through her hair. "Do you want me to stop somewhere to…"
Sheldon wanted to nod, but then Amy tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ears and his heart nearly stopped at what he saw.
"What have you done?", he screeched.
"What…"
Amy's eyes widened as her hand brushed against the golden piece of jewelry that she had apparently used to mutilate her body.
"Oh, right, I forgot about that.", she whispered more to herself.
"You pierced your ears?", he asked, getting more upset by the minute. "When did that happen?"
"Tonight.", she said simply. "I had been thinking about it for a while and Penny offered…"
"You let that woman use her Nebraskan paws to manhandle your earlobes?"
That was it. Penny was getting a strike. No. Two strikes. A hundred seemed appropriate.
"Sheldon, please.", Amy rolled her eyes. "It's no big deal. Everyone wears earrings. I think it's… pretty."
"But why…", he started.
"It was time for a change, Sheldon.", Amy said stubbornly.
Time for a change.
Instantly, his anger dissipated. It was replaced with resignation.
Because despite leaving his cell, he remembered that he was still imprisoned. Destined to watch from afar how Amy was changing. How she wanted to change. Into someone with no association to him.
And there was nothing he could do about it anymore.
"I hate this.", he muttered.
Amy did not reply at first, but he could hear her suck in her breath.
"Wow, do you have to be so mean about this?", she finally whispered.
"Mean?", he wondered "What…"
"It's not like I expected a compliment, but…", she shook her head as realization dawned on him. Again, she had completely misunderstood his words.
"Well, Sheldon…", she continued, the tone of her voice changing completely. She sounded more distant than ever. "My appearance does not concern you anymore. So… just be glad you don't have to be there to see it."
Sheldon sighed exasperatedly. Why did he keep screwing this up?
She reached to her ear to cover it with her hair again, but Sheldon took her arms mid-air and stopped her.
"That's not what I meant.", he told her softly. "I was not talking about your… appearance at all."
His hand seemed to burn where he was holding her arm, and she pulled it away to grasp the steering wheel again.
"Then what did you mean?", she asked without looking at him.
Sheldon's hand was still up in the air, and he yearned to touch her arm again, but then he slowly lowered it and folded his hands on his lap.
Maybe he should just be silent. Let her be angry at him. Let her hate him. He deserved it. For not being the man she needed. For ruining the best five years of his life.
But he couldn't remain silent anymore. Not after tonight.
He had burned down a van today. And he had spent hours in a Mexican prison. But nothing about that experience hurt him the way this situation hurt.
And all he really wanted was to go back to their conversation from before. About the Nobel Prize money. About planning their future.
For a second, he had felt normal again, happy even. And after that beautiful second, he had been tossed back into this sad reality.
It was enough. He could not contain his emotions anymore.
But he also could not stop his voice from trembling with emotion as he spoke.
"I hate that… everything is changing. I hate that I don't know what's going on in your life. That I don't know when you are thinking of moving and… changing your appearance. That you did not tell me about the cookies and… that I couldn't call you and tell you about Feynman's van."
"Sheldon…", Amy gasped. It seemed tears were assembling in her eyes and the way she looked at him gave him the courage to continue.
"I hate that we aren't talking Amy. I hate that we aren't sharing our lives anymore and that there is this distance between us. I hate thinking about all the other things that will be changing in your life without me ever knowing. I just… feel so powerless and lost. We are drifting apart and there is nothing I can do to stop it."
There. He had said it. He had opened his heart for her and let her see inside.
Now she could either crush it or… tell him something to ease his pain.
Amy opened her mouth, but it took a long time for her to speak.
"I…", she croaked as the first tear ran down her cheek. "I…", she sobbed. "I hate it too."
"You do?", Sheldon asked softly. "But you were the one who…"
"I hate it.", she cut him off. "Because before all this mess… before our troubles and even before we started really dating… you were my best friend. You were the first person I could really talk to. Before you, I had no one. And I…", her voice broke.
It seemed to be too much for her. Too painful.
And even if it was painful for him as well, he felt the need to continue.
"I feel lost without you in my life, Amy.", Sheldon admitted. "Everything is… empty. It's awful, not being able to talk to you or call you whenever I want. There were so many things that I wanted you to know. So many jokes only you would have understood or… lectures only you would have wanted to attend with me."
"I was at the zoo last week.", Amy whispered. "And I left after fifteen minutes because… it felt so dull without our discussions and…"
"I don't even want to look at koalas anymore.", Sheldon confessed. "Because they only remind me of you. Just like everything reminds me of you."
"I feel the same way.", she sobbed. "And I have no idea how to make it stop."
Their eyes met and pain shot through his veins. The way she looked at him. So sad. So vulnerable.
What were they doing to themselves? Why did they even talk about this? Why did they put each other through this unnecessary pain?
He didn't know what to say anymore. Every word just seemed to make him want to cry more. In the end, it did not change anything. Not unless Amy took back breaking up with him.
She missed his company. The friendship they once had.
But did she still want him?
He had no idea and that hurt like nothing before.
He was afraid to ask her, so, he remained silent for the rest of their drive, and she did the same, which made him think that no, she did not want him anymore. At least not enough to end this nightmare.
Finally, it was almost morning already, they arrived at his apartment building and Amy was able to pull into a free parking space.
She turned off the car engine and removed her hands from the steering wheel, stretching out her fingers.
Did they feel as clammy and sweaty as his?
She took a deep breath, most likely readying herself to say goodbye to him.
But the thing was… he did not want to say goodbye. Even if there was no point in anything, he dreaded the moment in his apartment when he wasn't with her anymore. When he was back in his prison with no hope of ever seeing the light of day again.
Even if she did not want him anymore… it had been comforting today, pretending for a while that not everything had to change.
"I don't want to leave.", he mumbled.
"You… but…", she started, but then just looked at him open-mouthed, her eyes shining with unshed tears. At least she wasn't dismissing him right away.
"I'll leave if you tell me to", he promised. "But… I really don't want to leave you like this. And go up to my apartment, pretending that I'm okay with moving on."
"I don't want you to do that either.", she confessed. "But… I don't… This is…"
Crazy.
That was what she was about to say.
But to him, it felt much crazier to leave her than to stay.
So, he turned to her.
"I am not asking you to take back what you did.", he said. "I know that tonight does not mean you changed your mind about us. I just…", he sighed deeply. "Amy, can you please just take me to your place?"
"To… my…"
"I'm not…", Sheldon's lip quivered. "I'm not asking for... Amy, can we just talk a little bit longer? Can we pretend, just for tonight, that we are still us?"
A small part of him wished she would reject him. At least then he could stop being confused about this situation.
This night had already torn open the gigantic wound on his soul that, although still far from even beginning to heal properly, had just stopped throbbing and bleeding with every second, making it impossible for him to focus on anything but the excruciating pain.
He should leave and try to forget about the conversation that had happened. Try to tell himself that she would never change her mind and that he would feel better again. With time.
But the thing was… his hands were tied on the matter. Before his brain could finish rationalizing and finding a way to make his voice obey, to tell her it had been a mistake to ask and that he would return to his apartment and leave her alone for good, she gave him an answer.
"Okay.", she whispered as she restarted the engine.
So… I am sorry to stop right here. Starting with the next chapter, this story will be M-rated. But – I am sorry to say this – it will probably be a while before I get to post it.
I am going on vacation for a week, starting next Thursday. Part of me hopes that I will at least get to post the third part before we leave (it's almost ready anyway), but the truth is I still have a lot of things to organize, and I cannot promise anything.
Also, I have decided not to bring any electronics with me on vacation, so I will definitely not be posting from there. The past year has been so stressful for my family, we are all exhausted and we really need a break to breathe through and focus on ourselves. We're not even going to visit any cultural sites or anything, we will be staying at a family resort directly at the beach in Bulgaria, and I am not planning on doing anything but let my kids bury my feet in the sand while I'm sipping on Pina Coladas. Once I'm back, it might take one or two days to make the final edits to the next chapter.
So, in conclusion, if there is no chapter by next Wednesday evening, that means I will be posting part three in a bit more than two weeks. Thank you for understanding!
